I am not afraid of loneliness, nor am I afraid of the cold in high places, I just want to climb to the top of the clouds and look down on the fireworks in the world, I think, this is the innate style that the king should have.

But in the eyes of others, I am an emotionless demon.

I still remember someone once said: "You lack feelings, this kind of normal people will have, you don't have it, so you feel that everything around you is very strange, you feel that you can't fit into the world, so you want to become stronger to prove the meaning of your existence." "So I'm really emotionless, really cold-blooded to the point of being out of step with the world around me? I don't think so.

I'm just used to being lonely, used to seeing the good and evil of human nature, and the reincarnation of nature. Because since I can remember, no one has ever done anything for me, no one has ever really cared about me, and all I have encountered are deceit, earthly conspiracies, and bloody killings in the Futu Palace. No one has any consideration for my existence in life and death decisions, and I seem to have always been the one who has been abandoned.

Sometimes, I feel like a lonely boat that has been moored for many years and forgotten by fishermen, and I can only watch the prosperity of others and feel the joys and sorrows of others. Lonely and silent, treading snow without a trace, the world is vast, and all the hustle and bustle of the world seems to have nothing to do with me.

But there will really be some strange people in this world, who will come to warm you for some reason, and then say goodbye to you like a flash in the pan in your life. For example, Xiaoman, such as Ah Li, such as Qianye.

Xiaoman is a demon slave who exists in my fingers, and has been with me day and night for thousands of years. She is a very good woman, the person who has the least hands in the Futu Palace, and she will never disobey me, she will follow me in everything and put me first. And I know that it's all because she thinks I'm a man, the person she likes. But I'm selfish and never point it out. Because Xiaoman is the first person to be good for me wholeheartedly. For a person who has been living in the abyss, such light and warmth are like the dawn in heaven, which is beyond reach. It's because I enjoy being taken care of and don't want to lose this rare sincerity.

I'm not a good person.

But it is undeniable that Xiaoman has an influence on me that cannot be ignored. Her death, although partly due to my use and calculation, was actually unintentional. Back then, I really wanted to save her, but I couldn't do it. So I pulled all the people involved in this incident into the water, and let the road paved with their blood guide Xiaoman home. And I will avenge her, for I am the one who will pay back a hundredfold if you do me harm.

And Ah Li is a person who is so similar to Xiaoman, so similar, that the resemblance often makes me feel in a trance when I see her. She's really a stupid girl. She was stupid and naïve, and she didn't seem to have any thoughts, and it was her simplicity that gave me the opportunity to approach her and use her. This kind of person used to be, in my opinion, stupid. But it is this kind of stupid innocence that is undeniably lightly scratched a wound on my closed heart, although it is not a heart-wrenching pain, but it can gradually seep blood, like a festering wound, with the passage of time, not only will not heal, but become an eternal wound in my heart. But I also know that the reason for all this is not just because Ah Li is good to me. There is a more important point, because she died directly in my hands, in the hands of the frost-like man she and I had moved and trusted, Xing Mufan.

I'm not an emotionless empty dummy, Xiaoman and Ah Li are the unspeakable pain buried in my heart, but I can't express this pain. I have my calculations and purposes, but I also have unfathomable cities and ambitions that burn like a raging fire. So even if I am reluctant to give up on Xiaomanduo, even if Ah Li dies in my hands, I can't say "I have no choice." "Because the outcome is in my interest, even if it comes with pain that no one knows.

I saw Chi Shu's memories at that time, and at that time I thought he was sick, suffering from a disease called loneliness. But when I think about it, I can't be. Sometimes, I seem to be tired of this world, and I feel disappointed and hopeless in this world where I exist countless times. But I am still happy to play with the Bodhi human nature of those vulgar people and thousands of worldly people in the applaudation, and the world is a chess game, one step and three calculations, about that.

I don't want to be a completely unintentional demon like Chi Shu, and I sometimes feel that I am not completely evil, and that I probably shouldn't have to live in the abyss. I had this feeling, probably at the moment when Qianye gave me a prosperous and prosperous world, the bright fireworks of thousands of lights, and I looked up a little stunned, it was probably the moment when Zimo was lying in my arms in the ice and snow of the thousand mountains, and it was probably the moment when I saw the blue blood dripping from Chi Shu's arm.

After staying in the Futu Palace for a long time, I was very indifferent to everything outside, and I never felt sad or depressed about what happened to others, and the uncomfortable feeling in my heart began at that time. I saw the delirious Qianye pressing Yuan Qirong's shoulder in pain, and asked her in a dumb voice if she had found the lock bridge. Somehow, I started to feel guilty. And it is precisely because of this inexplicable guilt that I lost the joy I had before after I succeeded in my calculations.

Everyone once ridiculed me for being cold-blooded and heartless, and I didn't understand the so-called love and hatred in the world, and even Wuxian once asked me, "How many people have you seen? How many joys, sorrows, sorrows, and sorrows have you tasted? How many sorrows have you seen in the world? Have you ever been betrayed? Have you ever shed tears of sadness? Your heart has probably never beaten for others, right?"

I actually wanted to taunt him and sneered and told him that it wasn't right. It's not that I don't understand feelings, I'm just cold and ruthless to people. Because I've seen too much and seen through the hypocrisy of the world's hearts, I'm tired of this kind of back-and-forth feelings. But that doesn't mean I don't understand.

On the contrary, I live soberly and see through. I can understand Qianye's hazy affection for me when I first met, and I can understand his faint liking, but I think it's ridiculous, ridiculous because of his unprovoked liking, between empty and aggrieved conversations and jokes, I secretly mock his naïve and worthless feelings. But at first, I never imagined that such a man who had a short past in my life would cause ripples in my calm heart.