【Academy Instructor】Comments from the Ancient Ship Monks:

Previous Chapter

Main plot combing:

Lin Yu was ordered to marry Liu Ziqing at Aolin Villa, and met the first killer of the rivers and lakes on the way, Leng Ye, killed him, and when Aolin Mountain was alone with Liu Ziqing, he met the peach blossom thief, and then went to the south of the Yangtze River, and was targeted by the Western Regions Demon Sect, asking to join, but did not obey and fled. Then I learned that when the happy event of Aolin Villa invited the heroes of the rivers and lakes, the heroes of the rivers and lakes were all swept away, and then went to the first village in the world.

Main issues and recommendations:

Masterstroke. The main line of this work is not clear, and it is almost impossible for people to see the author's line of thought, and everything is passive. What the reader wants to see is what the protagonist takes the initiative to do, what the protagonist's goal is, and then follows the protagonist's perspective to achieve the protagonist's goal. The protagonist was inexplicably targeted by the first killer at the beginning, and then by the flower thief, and then by the Demon Sect, but the protagonist just talked about the matter, killed the killer and the flower thief, and escaped from the minions of the Demon Sect, without any idea of "what am I going to do". It is recommended to establish the goal of the main character, so that it is easy to highlight the main story line.

Plot jumps. When I met the Peach Blossom Thief, I was still in Aurin Villa, and suddenly I was in Jiangnan, and a month has passed since I escaped from the pursuit of the Demon Sect, and I haven't seen the plot of the two getting married, that is to say, the lonely man and widow wander the rivers and lakes, which is not very reasonable to look at. It is recommended that the author make an outline, analyze its feasibility in detail, and then conceive a small plot and finally write.

The style of writing is unstable. The style of the work is a little mixed, just at the beginning of the fine, there is a feeling of antiquity, and the third chapter "old, old, not as energetic as you young people, can only be fine, taste tea, read books or something" "must be like Senior Brother Qi, the person must be handsome, and the martial arts must be very high" This modern feeling is mixed in the ancient style and feels quite disobedient, and it is recommended to unify the style.

Emotional setting. Grievances and hatred are important elements on the rivers and lakes, love is one of them, just at the beginning, the protagonist showed his infatuation with Meng'er, and after a few chapters, he magically lived an almost husband and wife life with Liu Ziqing. Liu Ziqing is the same, as soon as he appeared on the stage, he said that he wanted to marry a handsome guy, not wood, but also became well-behaved after a few chapters. Love is an important element of martial arts, and I hope the author will not be so perfunctory, but should increase the intensity of description.

Small details. At this time, Lin Yu thought of the Song Dynasty poet, Yan Jidao, and Partridge Heaven. "It's a grammatical error," reveals a less obvious flaw. This is an addition, and it would be good to "show a flaw". It is advisable for the author to pay attention to it when writing.

Packaging and other analysis:

Title and brief description of the work. The title of the book is quite decent, and the introduction is full of literary style, but the second half of the introduction is meaningless, at least this is not very relevant to the story, and the author is advised to revise it.

The writing is still smooth, and the ancient style feels good, so it is recommended that the author continue to maintain it.

Summary and Recommendations:

This essay is written smoothly and full of ancient style, but the main line is not clear, the plot jumps greatly, the style is not very stable, the emotional description is slightly insufficient, and some other small details. The author can go to read some novels by Gu Long and Master Jin Yong, and learn some of them, I believe it will be greatly improved.

Tips:

Insisting on stable updates is the first step to success, multi-code, more manuscripts, more communication with readers, and more reading of the same type of works on this website when you have time. If you want to learn to see the advantages in other people's works, there must be a reason why your works can achieve good results, and constantly enrich yourself, write more and read more, which will definitely help your writing. 2. If you don't understand the content of the review or have other ideas about the work, you can leave a message in the book review area or go to the follow-up post of the review instructor in the youth academy section of the forum to communicate with the review instructor, and the instructor will reply within 24 hours. 3. If you are not satisfied with the content of the review and follow-up or the instructor's review and follow-up has exceeded 24 hours, you can make a complaint. Complaints**: 2273318965 above is only a personal opinion and is for the author's reference only. Success depends on persistence, and it takes more effort to code words. ------------ [Youth Training Instructor] Ancient Boat Monks2013-9-15