Matthew walked out of the restaurant with his front foot, and Jiang Zimu switched the call from video to voice with his back foot.

"What, you don't want me to see you moved to tears?"

Jiang Zimu felt that Xiao Lizao's words were incomprehensible, "Why do you want to cry?"

"I, Xiao Lizao, not only did I not hold you accountable for stealing my girlfriend's identity, but I also took out my super high acting skills to bring the little golden man home to accompany you. "Can't you have a grateful heart?

"After I admit that I am your boyfriend, Mary from the next village can be cried on the spot, okay?"

"So, are you hin?"

"Hehe, if you continue this topic, can I hit you until you don't dare to believe it or not?" Jiang Zimu, who originally wanted to sincerely apologize for violating Xiao Lizao's portrait rights and express his heartfelt gratitude for his help, now just heard Xiao Da Idol's unstoppable voice and wanted to reward him with a slap in the face.

"Tsk, it's really cheap and good as always. ”

"Tsk, it's really a narcissistic personality disorder that is similar to the age-old symptom of a dog's attachment to. ”

Xiao Lizao choked in his throat, swallowed his saliva, and disassembled Jiang Zimu's sentence according to the subject-verb-object-definite composition, relying on a more cumbersome procedure than eating crabs, and finally analyzed a triple kill.

"Dogs like" = "I like myself", I am both a dog and, and I can't change my dog to eat, this goddess actually scolded me three times in one sentence?!

Where can the absolute crushing in this ordinary conversation be reasonable?

After being silent for a while, Xiao Lizao wrote a sentence "FXXK THE SHIT" in his head, and he already recognized the reality in his heart, and then turned his face, full of Swag who was "not afraid at all", and muttered in a low voice and began to provoke Jiang Zimu again, "Isn't it all such a plot in Mary Suba's dramas? Why can't I get to you? Should you go to the hospital and get your hormones checked?"

Jiang Zimu's shoulders trembled, and the corners of his mouth drooped in disgust: "Before I go for a physical examination, why don't I give you a brain teaser first?"

Xiao Lizao: Why does this goddess always not play according to the routine?

"Ask, if Mary from the next village died Sue, then how did the greedy Jack die next door to the next village?"

Xiao Li blinked his innocent fawn eyes, and began four operations within ten digits in his heart: Jack Su corresponds to Mary Sue, since Mary Sue is dead, then Jack must also be Su dead. deliberately emphasized gluttony, to make me think that he was dying, hehe, I will be fooled?

"How else can you die, Jack Su, Jack Sue, must also be Sue's death. ”

Jiang Zimu sighed, his white eyes were like the eternal sun on duty twenty-four hours a day.

"Jack, he's frozen to death. ”

"Huh? Why?"

"Because he died for 'Shredded Meat' Jack. ”

Xiao Lizao: Hua Cha, how many years have passed, and you, the goddess, are still talking about the Titanic?

Jiang Zimu cleared his throat and shrugged helplessly, "Now you know why I'm indifferent to the male protagonist who is stepping on colorful auspicious clouds, right? ”

Hehe, compare me with the heroine of Mary Sue Xiaobaiwen, are you showing off? The male is mainly replaced with a pedal colorful Xiang appearance, maybe it can bring me enough shock.

"Yes, yes, I know that you are a top student, and I know that you have a high IQ. Why are you so smart that you have to take my picture to block the peach blossoms? Didn't you say that you had already arranged your suitor clearly? Don't you still want me to clean up the mess for you?"

As soon as these words came out, Jiang Zimu was really speechless. I'm just joking, and haven't I been beaten up by the harsh reality?

"I ...... How did I know that your Xiao Lizao is so famous, that you can cross mountains and oceans to South America, where birds don't?"

Internet father, please take advantage of the seventh half of July to hold the tablet of the father of the computer to go to Xiao Da Idol to apologize.

Xiao Lizao: It's not the speed and scope of information dissemination, but the ...... Ye is originally so powerful.

"That pony classmate, I think it's pretty good, people are both handsome and simple, you refuse like this, don't rely on me if you regret it in the future. ”

"Others are so good, and you appreciate them so much, otherwise you two will develop and develop? Maybe you can still make a whole story that crosses regions and races and breaks through ethics and worldliness to be widely spread. ”

When Xiao Li heard this, his face turned green, "I thank you in advance, brother is not good at that." ”

"But...... A few days ago, I also casually mentioned Matthew's matter, and you are quite attentive and have been remembering it until now. ”

Xiao Lizao: The radar detects the danger and turns on the passive transfer of the topic function.

"I said, Goddess, I can't be the only XY chromosome in your phone's address book, right?"

Jiang Zimu's eyes closed, and while counting the heads, he spoke, "Sixty-five, one hundred and seventy-two, two hundred and forty-eight......

Xiao Li wanted to hit someone when he heard it: Dear, it is recommended that you buy three or five more mobile phones for backup, otherwise half of the address book will be able to fill up the memory.

"There are many friends, but not all of them are as good as you... Isn't it as convincing as your face? I'm thinking about a king bombing and throwing it out, and Matthew will basically say goodbye to the landlord's high-end club, okay? Who knows if he will recognize your photo? Who knows that he is so silent and finally holds back a big move?"

"Photo?" Xiao Li was possessed by a police dog as early as this moment, and the slightest unusual smell did not escape his nose.

"You found it on the Internet?"

"Am I so stupid?" Jiang Zimu cut and questioned Xiao Li's doubts about himself, "I specially chose a photo that is not very clear in the dark light, and it is at home and not circulating on the Internet, which is the screenshot of our previous video." ”

"Goddess, it's okay, why are you taking my picture?"

Jiang Zimu didn't expect himself to jump, accurate and steady in the middle of Xiao Lizao's trap.

"Uh...... I'm going to say... Town, town house...... Can you believe it?"

"I said I don't believe it, can I return it and reissue it?"

Jiang Zimu scratched his head and began to mouth, "I'll take a screenshot...... Screenshot, for viewing... No, observe, yes, observe your complexion, regularly see if you have any signs such as blackening, I am a conscientious seller, not to mention returns, and those who do not insist on not receiving free shipping cannot be regarded as qualified buyers. ”

Xiao Lizao whispered Jiang Zimu's last sentence, and raised his three fingers, "Your triple denial, can you translate it into human words and say it again?"

"Yes, yes, I will now translate it into Chinese for you, if you still don't understand, I will reluctantly ask you to see what it means to be a 'bridge of world culture'. Jiang Zimu ate too much for breakfast, and now he is starting to feel sleepy again, so he simply gives up struggling, and dies early and lives early.

"You can stand up straight, don't flash your old waist. Jiang Zimu took a deep breath, closed his eyes, and loved it.

"I just think it's good-looking, so the screenshot is saved and ready to look at it twice later, what!!?"

The provocative tone, the speed of the debate, but the core is a simple affirmation, this routine is the same as the backhand giving you a compliment.

Therefore, with just a few words, Xiao Lizao's facial expression on the other end of the phone instantly changed from Water Margin to Dream of Red Mansions mode, holding the forty-meter Qinglong Yanyue Knife unsheathed in his hand, and happily preparing to cut a plate of cool after-dinner fruits for Jiang Zimu, who was thirty-nine meters away.

"It's okay, just be happy. ”

Jiang Zimu waited patiently for half a minute, and found that Xiao Lizao's "It's good if you're happy" was really what he literally meant. After all, the expected poisonous tongue waited for thirty seconds before entering the battlefield, Jiang Zimu felt that it must be his previous swear language teaching that shocked the other party and achieved the goal of surrendering without a fight.

"Besides, people are floating in the rivers and lakes, and sooner or later they will be stabbed. Everyone is responsible for emergency rescue, take precautions, and be prepared, okay?"

True four-character idiom godmother, small language swear word terminator.

Xiao Lizao shook his head, but responded with a smile: "Goddess, the emergency business you provided last time was a paid service. ”

"It's a big deal, the next time we make a deal, I won't take your money. ”

Jiang Zimu: Wait a minute, how can there be a trace of weirdness in what you said? It's like the hot atmosphere of the 520 day, the circle of friends is all about transfer record screenshot contest, and it's like the smell of a tear that doesn't stay in Qiuming Mountain after Wuling Hongguang drifts over the corner.

"Smack!" makes you make pornography and make it so crepe.

"Thank you anyway. Jiang Zimu's voice softened, "Thank you for not letting me get off the stage just now." I swear to God, there will never be a next time for this kind of thing. ”

Xiao Lizao: Obviously ready to develop her as a long-term repeat customer, but the deal came to an end with a hammer?

"By the way, what should we do now?Do you want me to give you Matthew's contact information, you use your connections......" Jiang Zimu made a motion to wipe his neck, and his eyebrows stood up and pretended to be fierce for a long time before he realized that the phone was not in video mode.

Although he couldn't see Jiang Zimu's appearance, listening to her pretended profound tone, Xiao Li could already make up for the hideous facial expressions of the god woman by himself.

"What, you want to kill people?"

"What else should I do, do you know how difficult it is to keep a secret?" Jiang Zimu sighed, "Although Matthew is very good, I haven't known him for a long time, besides, maybe one day he will get drunk and spit out the truth?"

"I seem to think that you, a little-known non-entertainment professional, are more afraid of scandals than a big star like me?"

"Dear, don't say anything else, in case the girl is peeled, I'm afraid that the compass on a certain treasure will be out of stock immediately. ”

"Whoa...... Compass?

Jiang Zimu lowered his chin to his chest, spread his palms and covered his cheeks and snorted, "Because the girls in your jujube forest are going to go to the corner to draw circles and curse me." ”

"When the time comes, you can add a few beautiful characters - what dare to admit love regardless of the world's eyes, what break through the barriers and be fearless; ”

"Fans are always blind anyway. Your prince will always be a prince, and I, either a witch or a wolf grandmother, will only be able to turn from a higher animal to a plant fruit, and become a poisonous apple that only kills people. ”

Hey, toothache~

Xiao Lizao held back his smile and struggled, biting his lower lip tightly, and his shoulders trembled as if he had been electrified.

"There is no evidence, do you think what Matthew said will be believed?" As a senior scandal conductor who has been in the entertainment industry for many years and has been dragged and fried by others, he Xiao Li has long been accustomed to seeing all kinds of big scenes. Even if he retires from the circle now, I'm afraid that he can live a carefree second half of his life by publishing a few best-selling books and selling a few copyrights.

Books that are already in preparation are: "Five Years of Scandals and Three Years of Sippy", "Eighteen Postures for Clarifying Scandals", "Fifty Rules for Denying Love", and "One Hundred and One Possibilities to Pick Yourself Out of the CP Whirlpool".

At present, Matthew, who has no fame and no power and is still 108,000 miles away from the Huaguo Entertainment Storm Center, is as negligible as more than 30 decimal places for Xiao Da Idol.

"You, don't worry about it. If it really doesn't work, you can use your luck change method to give Pony a proper reminder. ”

"Shh~" Jiang Zimu made a silent gesture in shock, looked around, and saw that there was no one, so he lowered his voice and whispered: "Don't always talk about my skills to change my luck, don't you understand?"

"And ah, very arrogant classmate, don't think that if someone provokes me, I will change his fortune without authorization, this kind of big operation is very against the sky, where is it said to change. Can you be kind?"

"Yes, yes, it's not kind for me to let you change your luck, you directly suggested that I kill people and kill my mouth, and you still want to maintain the pure little white lotus character?"

"Cut, I didn't tell you, this girl is not a little white lotus, but a poisonous apple. ”

"Forget it, I won't talk to you. Tell me, when are you going to go back home?"

I sent a pony for you today, who knows if you stay there for a few more days, will you provoke me with some more calves and lambs, Xiao Song, Xu Xiao Brain Axe?

"It's coming, it's coming. ”

"How many days is it coming?"

"Arrived home six days later. ”

OMG, you're just halfway through your vacation?

When Xiao Li heard this, he subconsciously pouted, rolled his eyes, and said uncontrollably, "Hang up first, and I'll call you back." ”

Forty minutes later, Jiang Zimu was bored and meditated on the sofa in his room, and waited until the top of his head was about to grow moldy mushrooms, and finally waited for Xiao Lizao's callback.

"Big brother, what are you making a fuss about?" Jiang Zimu looked at Xiao Lizao in the camera and found that he was fresh and sweet, like wild bamboo shoots in the mountains and forests after the rain...... The pickled tuk is the same! Moreover, he actually changed to a new outfit?!?!

"You always take a bath, pinch your feet, and then come to a set of Thai essential oils?"

Jiang Zimu: Is Xiao Da Idol coming to his uncle? Today's phone call was full of moodiness from beginning to end.

"How's that, doesn't this set look more homely?"

"Huh, so?"

"Why are you stunned?

Looking at Jiang Zimu's face "flattered", Xiao Lizao was complacent, and the corners of his mouth rose wildly, "Friend, are you still worried about how to issue a good person card? Are you still worried about not knowing how to reject suitors? Xiao Lizao's virtual boyfriend output machine will help you stay away from the wild bees and butterflies, and be yourself easily! The first ten viewers who call can add a set of Xiao Lizao's personal photo album for free, it is better to take action than to be excited, a hundred years of being single is not a dream, hurry up and pick up the phone to order!"