The two stared at each other and remained silent for five minutes.

"Hey, why don't you speak?"

Jiang Zimu's hardcore irritability skills after a tiring day still awakened, "I'm blind and can't speak." ”

"If you're not blind, then listen to me. Xiao Lizao snorted and grinned.

"You are a consumer, you are always in a hurry to stuff money into my pocket, how can I refuse. Jiang Zimu pretended to pick out his ear holes, then held his cheeks, lowered his eyes, and said word by word: "The old rule, brush a rocket in thirty seconds." ”

Hehe, can the old lady listen to you quietly, hear your mouth say bald skin, do you believe it or not? The old lady can be righteous and bright and turn you into a big capitalist fat sheep with a bald head, do you believe it or not? Even if you say it, the old lady will lose if she goes to her heart with one more word.

Xiao Lizao shook his head, looked at Jiang Zimu on the other end of the phone, straightened his chest and closed his chin, with a dignified hand-shaking style, and his mood in his heart turned slightly cloudy.

"Gu's mother issued an official statement, and now I am being scolded by thousands of people on the Internet. ”

"It's not that I direct and act for attention and sympathy, or that I don't bully the disadvantaged...... Hehe, I, Xiao Lizao, will never bully the weak with the big, okay?"

It's not a personal attack, it's a moral kidnapping, I just ask you if you're angry, right?

Jiang Zimu entered the role really quickly, and his face was indignant, although he bit his lower lip and didn't say a word, his subtle body movements and eyes all reflected empathy. Xiao Li glanced at the screen in the morning, and instantly felt that he had been understood, and silently shouted "add chicken legs" in his heart, and the desire to talk became stronger and stronger.

"Yes, I have a lot of small problems, I have long admitted it, but ...... No one is perfect, isn't it?"

As soon as these words came out, Xiao Lizao subconsciously scratched the tip of his nose carefully.

In fact, it was the first time he had clearly and clearly admitted his shortcomings after becoming famous. For so long before, let alone admitting his mistakes, this universe invincible Xiao Lizao almost didn't even want to admit the basic fact that he was a human being.

After all, even if there are reasonable fans, a pair of Xiao Lizao's faces will be mourned for thousands of years, obediently reduced to a face-licking dog, wishful thinking to screen Xiao Lizao from the ranks of human beings, and worship him as a god devoutly.

Since he is a god, how can he be flawed? Even if he knows that big stars can shit and fart, he still has an inexplicable honey confidence in his heart - a top idol like a jujube, a fart, is the taste of first love, and shit, it is also the shape of love.

It is precisely because of the uninterrupted words of these gods online and offline, gradually, Xiao Lizao has long taken it for granted that he does not regard himself as a human being:

There were no guests at the concert, no mistakes, one person held for four hours, and encore sang and danced 40 works - what should I do if I can't bear it? No, I'm Xiao Lizao, a god-like idol, how can I not do it? The final result is that the fans' worth of the ticket price is feasting their ears, and Xiao Lizao's prostration and coma dare not seek medical treatment.

Non-professional background but was named and invited by an international director - what should I do if I am scolded by black fans for the unspoken rules? No, I am Xiao Lizao, a god-like idol, although there is a specialization in the art industry, but everything pays attention to diligence and can make up for clumsiness, right? If you don't know the professional knowledge of the relevant role, then ask the teacher to teach one-on-one, and successfully get a new skill after acting in a play; If you don't have the specific experience of the relevant role, then you can really experience it carefully in the target group for three months, keep a diary every night and write a character biography, and sleep less than three hours a day. The final result is the combination of the role and the actor, the praise of the old drama bones, the proof to the black fans that he Xiao Li is omnipotent, even if the cross-border is the top level, it is to announce to the market that good money can have extraordinary commercial value, it is the investor's abundance and the softness of the international award, and Xiao Li's face that waited for half a year before he came back, and he slept in the dark for five days and four nights after the finale.

When I first debuted, I was ridiculed for having no knowledge and can only rely on my face, what should I do if the songs I write have no cultural background? I am Xiao Lizao, a god-like idol, in Lao Tzu's dictionary, there is never impossible. The performance and class are not wrong, the compulsory courses that cannot be moved by rain or shine, the successful graduation of college in four years, and then a bachelor's and master's degree are repeated, and the same meticulousness is dual-purpose, and it has to be broken in half for a second. The final result is that the Internet trolls who can only close their eyes and be slapped in the face, the self-ashamed appearance of those celebrities who claim to be highly educated and have been picked up and don't even know what the CNKI digital library is, and the mountains of coffee packaging bags in Xiao Lizao's house and the special medicine for stomach pain that he carries with him with a 100% appearance rate.

......

Jiang Zimu looked at Xiao Li for a long time, and seemed to realize that it was not very similar to him only listening to and not saying that taking money for nothing, licking his lips, and said very heartily, "Who has no shortcomings? Since they are human, how can they be perfect? Besides, I really think it is very suitable for you to put this thing on you." ”

Xiao Li came back to his senses early, and his eyes rolled: I suspect that this goddess scolded me again, but I have no direct evidence.

"My fan of Zaozilin will never be as silent as you. ”

"They're here to give you money, and I'm here to make your money. Can it be the same?"

Jiang Zimu frowned, feeling that something was not right - in the current entertainment industry, Party A and Party B are really upside down and have a magical relationship.

"Knowing that I spent money, you still don't give me a good look?"

"Hehe, the gold lord's father Wanfu Jin'an. Jiang Zimu's eyes flew out, but the corners of his mouth were full of flattering smirks, and the upper and lower half of his face could be described as extremely discordant.

"Your father, the owner of your family, is known as the 'child of God', what does it mean that you dare to roll your eyes at God?"

". Jiang Zimu tilted his head, "From childhood to adulthood, I am still the 'all-round genius' that everyone agrees on, what do you mean by daring to shout at the genius?" As soon as the words fell, Jiang Zimu didn't look very happy, "But I hate it when others say that I got the first place in the test because of my talent." Have you ever read "Hurt Zhongyong"? No matter how good the talent is, it will still be versatile if you don't work hard the day after tomorrow. I feel like those people are praising me to the sky, just to erase all the efforts I have never stopped. ”

Xiao Lizao pursed his lips secretly, turned a corner in his head, and hummed in his heart: Your luck changing skills are always talented, right? You don't know if you are hanging? But after thinking about it again, Xiao Da Idol also deeply agreed.

Indeed, most of the gods favor the gods, but they have not gritted their teeth and boiled up the blood, and fought hard one point at a time? Since he is called "a god pretending to be a human being" by fans, Xiao Li can only fade away from fragility and emotion, and harden himself to become a god.

Are you tired?

But Jiang Zimu on the screen in front of her has never worshiped Xiao Lizao as a statue, not only that, she will blame him for his mistakes, will ridicule his pretense, will fight-for-tat, will gag, and will take into account Xiao Lizao's shortcomings that have not yet been shown in advance, and then say lightly, "People, can never be perfect". The happiest thing is that Jiang Zimu's words and deeds are not deliberately preserved for some purposes, and that kind of relaxed mode of getting along with each other cannot be achieved by any hypocritical pretense.

The idol who has been worshiped is now not only allowed to fold his wings, but also rightfully defined as a flawed and humane foot-picking man, who can finally put on a skewer of grilled chicken wings on the streets on a summer night.

Happy?

Xiao Lizao's eyes were as dizzy as Van Gogh's starry sky, his eyebrows were raised, and he picked up the conversation, "No matter how many problems I have, my conscience is still enough." ”

Before the words were fully spoken, Jiang Zimu had already understood, "So, with your current status in the rivers and lakes, where is it necessary to take the risk of acting any bullshit and bitter tricks?"

As soon as Xiao Li heard this, he cooperated like a nodding doll, "Yes, yes, you say, do you scold those stupid forks that I directed and acted in?"

"There are also those who dislike me for suppressing the disadvantaged groups, and who are unwilling to reconcile if they do not forgive......"

"Really disadvantaged groups will not indiscriminately wear the big hat of 'bullying' to others, let alone deliberately emphasize that they are disadvantaged to bargain for themselves!"

"It's not!" Now Xiao Lizao almost wanted to hug Jiang Zimu through the screen, and then find a place where the peach blossoms bloomed, affectionately, blessings and misfortunes, and unswerving ...... Bye.

"It's come to this, have you discussed it with Sister Gu, how do you want it to end?"

"What else? Didn't I say before, follow the process and follow the laws and regulations. ”

Jiang Zimu snorted, thinking about the thousands of melon-eating people hiding behind the screen, and felt that this matter would not be so smooth.

"If you do this, I'm afraid that netizens around the world will dance in the fields. ”

Xiao Lizao's eyes were cold, he raised his eyebrows and raised his face, stared at the ceiling, and responded with a domineering spirit: "That's right, let the global netizens be a witness, and see how I do this time." ”

Jiang Zimu rolled his eyes very unkindly: Hello Runtu, goodbye Runtu.

"I said Xiao Da idol, the words are all open, are you in a better mood now?"

Xiao Lizao: If I admit that I have a phone call with you, my mood will be so wonderful that it will bloom, and you will not be able to go to heaven as a goddess?

"Talking to you is a little bit better than talking to Siri, and you can expect any qualitative change in my mood?"

"Huh. It may be that the quantity is not enough, and I will talk about two more yuan, and when I add a few more zeros to my WeChat change, it should be enough to achieve a qualitative change. Jiang Zimu sneered angrily in his heart, twisted his face, and smiled harmlessly, "Dear, otherwise, I'll teach you a few more swear words in a small language." If you still can't get along, just shout loudly twice in the room, it's really not good, you can make up a rap and sing it. ”

Xiao Lizao: What kind of manipulation is this goddess full of?

"First of all, it's my professional language, Arabic. Jiang Zimu used his finger to start drawing ghost talismans in the air.

“أنتسافل”

"Read it to Mr. Jiang—shalamuda. ”

Xiao Lizao unabashedly looked disgusted, "What's the sand?

"I seriously doubt that you actually know this word and are familiar with its meaning," Jiang Zimu pursed his mouth and pointed his nostrils at the phone screen, "Otherwise, how can you express the essence of this word so vividly?"

Foreign language experts are scolding people online, the key is to use the mother tongue, and the key is not to use dirty words.

"What does that mean?"

"Oh," Jiang Zimu gouged his nostrils, "the usual greeting equivalent to the five letters that start with B in English." ”

"I ......"

For a moment, Xiao Lizao felt that even if he immediately flew to the Galapagos and dragged Jiang Zimu up from the sofa in the hotel and beat him violently, the balance of justice in the hearts of the world would be tilted to his side without any suspense.

"And then, in Portuguese. ”

“Que merda!”

"Read it again with Mr. Jiang - K wheat clams. This is the Portuguese nickname for the mythical beast alpaca. ”

"Poof......

"Then there is Thai. ”

"Again, it's Russian. ”

......

Xiao Lizao listened silently for about ten minutes, from disdain at the beginning, to disbelief later, a voice in his heart kept repeating in a tone of happiness like the rest of his life after the catastrophe - fortunately, he didn't speak a foreign language with this goddess before, otherwise he would really have to match, and he was afraid that his bones would be gone.

"That...... River... Teacher Jiang, how can you master so many languages at the same time?"

"Oh, it's nothing, just listen more, talk more, practice more. Anyway, I learn everything faster than others - it takes me three or four months at most to master it in a year. ”

Xiao Lizao: This should be regarded as the most low-key show-off.

"Did you start learning every foreign language with swear words?"

Jiang Zimu: I know that this is not something to be proud of, but I still look complacent.

"It's okay. After all, these are commonly used. ”

"Then every one of your foreign languages has been perfected in a fight with a native speaker, right?"

"Nonsense!" Jiang Zimu got a little forgetful, crossed his waist with his hands, and replied with a small face: "Then you have to be diligent first and then quarrel!

"Tut-tut......" Xiao Li had already offered the most pompous praise in his life, "It is worthy of the world's dirty words... No... It's the world culture... What a bridge of culture!" I can't afford to provoke, I slipped away.