"What's the matter, Lao Qin, I see that you haven't been drinking much lately! What's the situation? Why is the alcohol addiction so big?" Ding Chen pushed the door and walked into the office, saw Qin Yan holding a sterling silver wine bottle and said, "Old Qin, this is not like you! Are you the kind of person who relies on alcohol to numb your nerves?"

Qin Yan looked at him and said with a wry smile: "Which one of you who has studied psychology these years doesn't have any psychological problems? As a doctor, you can heal others but can't cure yourself, and this is especially true for psychiatrists." Ordinary doctors, seeing a doctor to see the symptoms, prescribing the right medicine, and treating the symptoms, will still be effective for themselves. But what about us? We heal the hearts of others, and the tools we use are our language, our ability to persuade others, hypnosis, and listening. But what about ourselves? Obviously, we who know the trick won't eat it. It seems that there is no other way than neurological drug treatment. Speaking of which, if I had known this, I would not have opened Freud's book, would not have studied personality analysis, and would not have chosen to become a counselor or a psychiatrist. As he spoke, Qin Yan picked up his wine bottle with his trembling hand and took a sip of whiskey.

"Lao Qin, your hand。。。。。。 Ding Chen looked at Qin Yan very worriedly: "Your hand。。。。。。 There won't be any problems, right?"

"Do you remember when I was in college, I would take one day off every month, do you know what I was doing?" Qin Yan asked seemingly calmly.

"yes, I'm still wondering, why do you always ask for leave? Could it be that there are some secret activities outside?" Ding Chen said.

"Actually, I went to the hospital for a check-up, a heart check-up. Qin Yan said very calmly: "I found out 6 years ago that I have second-degree type 2 atrioventricular block, which can easily develop into symptoms such as heart rate arrest and heart rate stalling, and may also cause Ass syndrome, in short, it is a very dangerous cardiac nerve transmission disorder, which is congenital and there is no clear treatment for the time being." ”

"So what?" Ding Chen was still puzzled: "What does this have to do with your emotions?"

"So next, I'm going to tell you a story, a story about my past. Qin Yan smiled, slowly recounted his past, and took a sip of wine from time to time, as natural as drinking water to moisten his throat:

That year, Qin Yan was 21 years old, a student at a key university in City B, and he had a girl he had liked for a long time, a girl who had been together but separated-even if they broke up, Qin Yan had always hoped to get back together, and later, the girl said a sentence that made him feel empowered: "What point can I be worthy of you!" To put it bluntly, this girl felt that Qin Yan was just a useless and thrifty male dick at that time. What she likes is the kind of person who is rich, a little scumbag, but can see through her mind and is around her all the time. As for Qin Yan, he was in a different place from her at that time, more than three hundred kilometers apart, and it had become commonplace that there was no way to meet normally, and he was not by her side when she needed him the most.

Qin Yan knew that he was not the boy that the girl liked, he had already studied psychology, he knew what the girl was thinking, these were just the girl's excuses. He knew that the girl's ex was very good to her, and no matter what he did, he couldn't replace her ex's place in her heart. Qin Yan knew that this relationship was just an unrequited love in the end, but Qin Yan had a little resentment in his heart: "Why didn't you completely reject me on the first day I confessed to you?" - Qin Yan was a complete science and engineering man at that time, and he was just staying in a stage of formulaic understanding of psychology. He knew that it was time for him to draw an end, so he returned to his hometown, asked the girl out, and said: "I know that there is no way I can change your mind, and I will not change your mind, I will not like you anymore, my liking for you will end here, and I apologize for the distress caused to you by my previous actions." But please let me know when you get married, and I'll have a relatively good amount of money ready. The girl listened to his words, but felt that she had gone a little too far, and said, "I'm sorry, Qin Yan, thank you." ”

Qin Yan smiled, turned around and left the girl's sight, and bought a ticket back to City B, this time he didn't care about it. In the days that followed, he adjusted, but he couldn't help but think about her—she had become his habit. Every time he opens his WeChat, he subconsciously wants to click on her circle of friends, and every time he opens QQ, it's like looking at her spatial dynamics, in the past for a long time, these have become his habits, and have become her brand in his heart.

Qin Yan cried for the first time, crying very happily, for a long time, he focused all kinds of pressure on himself, and he was about to collapse. At this time, he suddenly found that his heart began to beat very hard, and there was a strong feeling of colic. So he went to the hospital, and the doctors at the hospital found that he had hereditary second-degree type 2 atrioventricular block, which is basically a congenital heart nerve conduction disorder, and there is no way to treat it, but to inhibit its development. Those days were his darkest days, and he didn't even have the courage to face life. At this moment, a QQ came to his mobile phone.

"Xiao Qin Qin, how are you doing?" the person who sent the text message was her。。。。。。

"So, that QQ, she sent it?" Ding Chen suddenly seemed to know something.

"That's right, it's her. Qin Yan smiled.

"I kind of know why you can't let her go until now. Ding Chen said: "Do you still have any wine, bring me some, I will hang up the suspension sign in a while, let's take a rest." ”

"It's time to take a break. Qin Yan sighed and said, "Tomorrow I should visit my teacher." Lao Ding, let's close tomorrow too, I'll go visit my teacher. ”

"Actually, you should have gone a long time ago。。。。。。 ”