The air in the room was unusually quiet, and I just sat on the floor with my back against the wall, staring at Lele in the photo, forgetting the time and everything around me. Little by little, the candles burned out in front of me, turning into two shapeless pools of wax on the ground, and the faint candlelight became darker and darker, and finally gradually extinguished, and the whole room fell into darkness again.

Exhausted, I got up and walked out of the room, and for a moment I didn't know what to do. Walking aimlessly around the campus, I unknowingly came to the rostrum of the school stadium.

I don't forget, just that night just a few months ago, I also brought Lele here:

"Unfortunately, it's cloudy today and you can't see the stars. ”

"But I saw something better than the stars. ”

"What is it?"

"Stupid, that's you. ”

"Okay, you, dare to call me stupid?

……

The conversation at that time is still vivid, but my world has long been a sea of vicissitudes. I slowly walked down the steps next to the podium, sat down in a corner, and looked up at the night sky.

The sky is full of stars, Lele, which one do you say is you?

I let out a long sigh, then pulled out a pack of cigarettes I had just bought at Student Street from my trouser pocket and awkwardly unpacked it. I still remember when I was young and frivolous, although I didn't know how to smoke, I would sometimes take a cigarette from a friend and take two puffs casually to play. Until one day, Lele angrily snatched the cigarette from my hand in front of his friend, threw it on the ground and made up for it: "Beizi pig, I don't like the way you smoke." ”

Although I couldn't hold my face at the time and had a big fight with Lele, I never touched a cigarette since.

I heard the old people say that burning incense is the only channel for mortals to communicate with the heavens, and through the wisps of green smoke after the incense is lit, the people in heaven can know what the people below are thinking.

Lele, you are in such a hurry, I have a lot of words that I haven't had time to tell you, let me make an exception today, replace incense with cigarettes, and chat with you!

I shivered and lit a cigarette, and took a hard puff close to my mouth, and the thick smell of smoke instantly choked me for a long time. I then lit two more cigarettes, because I had the impression that incense sticks were usually burned in three.

Carefully put the three lit cigarettes side by side in front of him, and then silently watched the tobacco leaves burn slowly, the three points of fire, in the dark night it seemed so dazzling.

"You're alright. At that moment, a familiar voice suddenly came from behind me.

I knew it was Fanzi who was coming, and I texted Fanzi half an hour ago asking him to come and sit with me. I didn't look back, I just moved my body to the side, making room for someone to sit.

Fan Zi then sat down next to me, and I handed the pack of cigarettes to Fan Zi, who hesitated for a moment, then reached out and took out a cigarette from it, took the lighter and lit it.

"I love her......" I repeated over and over again those vows I had made with Lele, and Fanzi buried his head in a cigarette without saying a word, as if listening carefully.

"You love her, but after all, she is gone, even if it is for her, you must be strong! live bravely!"

I can't forget the emotion when I hold my hand, the warmth when I snuggle together, and the ups and downs that I have walked through together. The past is like smoke, and every fragment of memory has now become a freeze frame of life.

The Buddha said: "Fate belongs to heaven, it is artificial, and in the sky of fate, you are destined to have no fate in this life." ”

I muttered to myself, "Whether it's deep or not, I voluntarily turn into the sycamore at the intersection of reincarnation, waiting for your return forever and forever......"

The three cigarettes had burned out, and the light of the fire gradually dimmed in front of me: "I know all this, but I just can't forget her." "I slapped my head so hard that I wanted to cry but I couldn't shed a single tear.

Forgetting, can you really forget? These days, I have tried desperately to forget, but every time I forget, I remember it, accompanied by more heart-rending pain. Maybe after the years, one day I will really be able to wash away my memories, and gradually forget, forget to the point that I don't know who she is or whether she has ever been to my world. Only the looming figure in the night remained, so hazy, so vague......

"Why do you have to forget, wouldn't it be better to remember her forever?" Fanzi took a hard puff of his cigarette, then threw it on the ground and stomped on it.

But that would be tiring...... "I don't think I have the courage to do that."

"Try it, how do you know if you don't try?" Fan Zi let out a long sigh, then folded his arms behind him and tilted his head half-seated and half-lying down.

None of us spoke again, just sat quietly, the starry sky was still beautiful, but the romance belonged to two people.

I looked blankly at the sky, maybe Fanzi was right, I had forgotten the world for too long, and would rather lock myself in the cage of memories than face anything. Forget the time, forget the thinking, and forget the sunshine.

A breeze blew by, soft, with a hint of warmth: "If there is really an afterlife, I would like to be free as a breeze and ...... as the wind" I remember Lele once said to me.

Honey, is that gust of wind you?—I couldn't help but reach out and try to keep the wind away, but it mischievously slipped down my fingers and disappeared. I can't keep the wind, just as I can't keep the love that has faded.

"Fanzi, thank you tonight, it's too late, let's go back. I rubbed my slightly numb thighs, struggled to stand up, and gently patted Fanzi's shoulder.

"Do you want to go back to the dormitory at night?" Fan Zi shook off the dust on his body and stood up.

"Well, no, I'm used to sleeping outside. I smiled awkwardly at Fanzi.

"Okay, remember to go back to the dormitory more often when you have time, I'll go back first, see you tomorrow." "The dormitory is far away from the student street, and Fanzi made a cheering gesture at me, then turned around and went back to the dormitory.

It wasn't until Fanzi's figure disappeared completely that I walked slowly towards the student street by myself, and as I passed by the garbage bin, I crumpled the unfinished pack of cigarettes in my pocket and threw it in.

Maybe I really want to open it......

(2010.10.11 This chapter has been revised)