I used to think that I was very useful for his slightly commanding domineering, but now I only think it is ironic. （ .l.)

I tried to grin and pull out a seemingly painless smile, I chuckled and said, "What, Yu Minghui, you can't afford to play so much? ”

I don't blame myself for speaking harshly to him at this moment.

Because I'm afraid.

I have to take the initiative, I have to say these cruel words first, and don't spread all the cruel truths with him, to make sure that the man in front of me who has warmed me for a while has never loved me Lin Sisi at all.

I know I'm pathetic.

Even at this moment, I still hope that all the kindness he has done to me is not from salvation, but from true love.

As long as I survive this moment of self-deception, self-anesthesia, and self-hypnosis, in the future, when I need to crawl alone and walk lonely and haunted, when I recall everything in Zhanjiang, when I recall this man named Yu Minghui, I will not think that I have nothing.

And Yu Minghui, how could he be so cruel.

I thought that he would coax me like he had coaxed me countless times before to create an illusion that he loved me sincerely and loved me, but he didn't have it this time.

His eyes became more and more cold, he looked at me coldly like this, he was almost word by word, he once kissed me, but then kissed Cao Jiaying's lips one by one, so indifferent, he said: "Lin Sisi, don't be too proud, I have never loved you, not for a second." ”

He said it seriously, and so did his expression, and I suddenly felt that even the barren night behind him seemed extremely serious.

Well, well, he doesn't love me.

He really doesn't love me.

He loves Cao Jiaying.

Think about Cao Jiaying at the beginning when she sprinkled the yellow pieces of my schoolbag on the ground, and he apologized to me on her behalf. Think about how many girls he has dumped for Cao Jiaying, think about the endless regret and concern for her in his eyes on the night Cao Jiaying was drunk, think about his lips so distracted against hers, think about the confusion and intoxication in his eyes, they should not only be friends but lovers, they should become each other's true love, and it can be regarded as eliminating harm for the people. It's just that he Yu Minghui feels that he owes me Lin Sisi, he owes me, he wants to compensate me for redeeming me, he wants to be the savior guiding light of my Lin Sisi's down-and-out life, he wants to use his life as a price to drag me, a pathetic and poor woman, out of the quagmire, and he wants to spend his life on atonement and delivery.

However, I didn't need his salvation and compensation, what I needed was his wholeheartedness, just like my Lin Sisi, a fool, wholeheartedly.

But it turns out that in the world of love, the most pitiful, saddest and most chilling thing is not that I love him but can't be with him, but that I love him, he doesn't love me, he gives me charity, he pretends that he loves me very much, I used to devote myself to enjoyment without distraction, I thought I met the simplest hand in my life because of love, and woke up to find that it was just a dream.

It turns out that the truth that he doesn't love me makes me feel a thousand times more cruel than he once ruined me, and it makes me feel unbearable and unforgivable.

It was as if it was raining in my heart, but I gritted my teeth, and I forced myself not to shed a single tear of weakness in front of him.

Pretending to be nothing, I raised the phone in my hand at him, and I said, "Give your broken phone back to you." ”

With that, I let go of the light-colored phone that I had cherished so much, and it plummeted down at a very fast speed, and it quickly slammed into the floor and fell apart, just like the ending between me and Yu Minghui.

It was really at the right time, and as soon as the sound of the phone falling down calmed down, the car began to start.

Yu Minghui's face first blurred in front of my eyes, and then disappeared completely.

I thought I could hold back my tears, but in my patience, my tears kept pouring like a flood that burst its banks.

I didn't dare to cry, so I reached out and covered my mouth.

In the end, I was biting my palms and letting the pain continue to erode me, so that I could control myself from crying in such a public place.

At that moment, the man sitting in front of me suddenly handed me a pack of tissues.

I was stunned for a moment, desperately trying to hold back my sobs, and I said intermittently, "No, thank you." ”

The kind man didn't insist anymore, he took the tissue back and sat there quietly, all I could see was the black back of his head.

I was afraid that it would affect this kind man, so I couldn't help but clench my fists and grit my teeth, and never let myself sob.

Fortunately, this man's Guandu toll booth got off. He got out of the car with his back to me, I couldn't see his face, and he quickly got into a car that came to pick him up and left.

And I don't know why, after he got off the bus, there were suddenly more than 30 passengers in the originally deserted car.

It was also the first time I took a long-distance bus to Shenzhen in Zhanjiang, although I felt that the Guandu toll station was not a station, and it was very strange for more than 30 passengers to come up at once, but I really didn't have the mood to pursue these at all, so I had to hold my shoulders with both hands and shrink into the corner, giving way to the fat woman who came over and sat next to me.

In this way, on a cool night in early spring, I seemed to have been abandoned by the whole world, like a puppy that had lost its shelter, and more like a peach with a ** wound, embarrassed and wandering, running to Shenzhen that made me extremely unfamiliar in the confusion of the night.

I think my teary eyes must have been half indomitable determination from time to time, and half occasional wishful thinking.

I always think of the awkward goodbye with Yu Minghui, thinking that he didn't create an illusion for me that he loved me very much, and I was extremely tired in the heart-wrenching and heart-rending tug-of-war, and I just blinded my eyes.

I woke up being pushed by the bus driver.

When I opened my eyes, under the wanton pouring of sunlight, I saw many cold but tall buildings under the lonely tracks, and my ears were full of pure and laborious Mandarin.

The middle-aged male driver, but he spoke with a unique Zhanjiang accent, and said to me in Cantonese: "Little sister, get out of the car." The whole car is full of people, and you don't get out of the car. ”

I found myself hopeless.

It was such a familiar accent that dragged my whole soul back to Zhanjiang, and I seemed to hear Yu Minghui shouting my name again with a thick Zhanjiang accent, he said, Lin Sisi, Lin Sisi, Lin Sisi.

His voice kept ringing around my head, and I subconsciously wanted to run away, so I stood up in panic like a madman, pushed the driver away, and rushed out of the car.

When I dragged the old suitcase to the hall of the station, I saw a sign in the center of the ceiling of the hall that read "Luohu Overseas Chinese Community Bus Station", and I suddenly came back to my senses, I had arrived in Shenzhen.

I didn't have a cell phone, I didn't know how to get to my parents' rented place.

What's more, after calming down, I understood that it was no longer my home, and I had to abide by the most basic rules of outsiders, and before I bothered, I had to say it in advance, so that they could be mentally prepared in advance, and let them think of reasons not to hurt my heart in advance if they didn't welcome me.

I had to find a store where I could call and call home.

However, it was probably too early, and I walked for nearly half an hour with my bulky suitcase, but I couldn't find a store where I could make a call.

And the model of Shenzhen welcoming me is also a little difficult for me to accept.

I stood in front of an Internet café called "Tongtianxia" to take shelter from the rain, but the rain seemed to be hostile, and it became heavier and heavier, and it poured at me fiercely across the eaves of the Internet café, and I had no choice but to push open the door of the Internet café.

Thinking that I couldn't go away from this rainstorm, I paid ten yuan to ask for a computer to access the Internet, and I also wanted to try my luck to see if Lin Shanshan would be online.

Who knows, just after logging in to QQ, I received a message from Chen Daowei.

The time to read the message was sent at about three o'clock in the morning.

He sent three hairs in his face.

Lin Sisi, I heard that you left Zhanjiang?

Why is my phone turned off?

Call me anytime you need help and I'm on 24 hours a day. I don't mean anything else, I just think of you as a friend.

I stared at it for a long time, my eyes glazed out.

Eventually, I replied to him with a somewhat stiff finger tapping on the keyboard, and I said, "It's okay, thank you." ”

After replying to Chen Daowei, I moved the mouse to find Lin Shanshan's QQ, and my eyes stayed on Lin Xiaotong's QQ interface for a while.

It's really in vain.

Don't talk about it, how can those who criticize me as a beast of prey point fingers at me and look down on me, so how can I ever look down on myself?

When I resented others for thinking I was unbearable, I also felt unbearable subconsciously!

Now that I think about it, the scum who did it to me is the real unbearable, the real one who deserves to hell!

The hatred in my heart began to become lush again, my fists couldn't help but clench, the anger in my heart became strong again, I thought that as long as I survived this difficult transition period, I would work hard to become stronger and bigger, and I would definitely find an opportunity and opportunity to send Lin Xiaotong and that bullshit Xiao Xiaozhi and his gang, who mainly violated me, back to hell!

At this moment, a message notification dragged me back, and I glanced at it, only to find that it was Chen Daowei who replied to me.

I never thought that someone like Chen Daowei could get up so early to get up and go to QQ.

As soon as he came up, he said, "Lin Sisi, where are you? Send me an address, and I'll go find you?"