"It's not going to be good. I drank the wine from my glass: "I'm not going to look for her." ”

"No, brother, what kind of temper do you play with a man, you are both about to get married, from the perspective of a bystander, it is normal for Yi Xin to have a temper, after all, you don't care about the wedding, man, it will be over if you admit it, you two are really uncompromising because of this anger." Xiao Jun persuaded me, he didn't know why I was abnormally stubborn this time: "I used to be with Xia Yan, but you are not like this, you two quarrel, you are the one who bows your head first." ”

"Chen Ye......" Xiao Jun looked at me, and there was a hint of hesitation in his tone: "You...... Don't you love Ishin?"

"Why do you ask that?" I frowned, a little angry, not because of Xiao Jun's question, but because I suddenly found that in the eyes of the people around me, I didn't seem to love Yixin.

Am I doing so badly in my relationship with Ishin that even my friends don't think I love her.

But I obviously love.

"Who else asked that, Yi Xin?" Xiao Jun quickly speculated that there was someone else who had asked the same question as him.

I nodded and poured myself another glass of wine: "That's what she asked me, she asked me if I loved her or not?"

"But, brother, I love her, and my heart tells me that I love her. I looked at Xiao Jun in a daze, and then drank the glass of wine on the table.

"Then why should you, just admit your mistake, not not, you two are going to get married, if you are stiff like this again, what if Yi Xin's heart is cold and he doesn't want to marry you?" Xiao Jun looked at my expression cautiously and said: "Man, face is actually not very important, the most important thing is to have someone around you who loves you." ”

"But I found out that she knew Xia Yan, she was lying to me, and the people around me were lying to me. ”

"Did she tell you?"

"She didn't tell me, she didn't answer me, but the look on her face had given me an answer, an answer I didn't really want. ”

"She may ...... Maybe it's for your good. Xiao Jun pondered his words and observed my expression.

After another glass of wine, I spoke, my voice a little sour: "For my good, can you do everything that is so-called good for me under the banner of being good for me? Can you arbitrarily erase my past? I really can't go to her as if nothing happened." You know, I've been searching for the truth during this time, but the more I investigated, the more I realized that the people around me who I loved were cheating on me, both Yixin and my mom. Can you understand my feelings?" I stared at Xiao Jun, trying to find some recognition of me in his expression.

"I ......" Xiao Jun hesitated for a while, but the words still didn't come out, thinking that he didn't know how to comfort me.

Also, there is no such thing as empathy in the world, just like I can't understand how he felt when he went abroad at that time, and he can't feel the fear in my heart like Truman's in "Truman's World".

But what scares me even more is the truth behind these deceptions and concealments.

If these deceptions and concealments from me are only the tip of the iceberg, the 99 percent hidden under the iceberg is the most terrifying.

So what kind of truth would make them completely hide my past from me?

"I know you actually don't feel good, but you follow my train of thought and think about it, what kind of things happened to me in the past that made them choose to cover up all my past related to Xia Yan? If it's for my good, isn't it the biggest possibility that I did something not very good in the past, or something that wasn't very good for Xia Yan, so that they want to clear Xia Yan and my past from my life. I poured myself wine as I spoke, I didn't want to find recognition with Xiao Jun, I just wanted to say all these speculations about myself, and then get drunk.

"What you say is not unreasonable. Xiao Jun took a skewer of barbecue and listened to me while eating, which did not stop me from drinking, he knew that I needed a drunken meal at this time.

"I dreamed that I was in a car with Xia Yan and we met a van head-on. If Yi Xin knew Xia Yan and my mother always knew about Xia Yan, then it is very likely that Xia Yan is dead. "When I said the word death, my heart suddenly throbbed, but fortunately it was only for a few seconds.

But even if it's only a few seconds, it's enough for me to feel that kind of pain that pierces my heart, even if so many years have passed, will my heart still hurt for Xia Yan?

"Even her death is likely to be caused by me. "When I say this, I feel like I am pronouncing a sentence to myself, and the moment I say it, I feel that a heavy mountain is pressed on my body, a living life force, and I really can't bear it.

"What nonsense?!Eat barbecue, eat barbecue!" Xiao Jun obviously felt my low mood, and randomly stuffed me with a few skewers of barbecue for me to eat, not wanting to hear the words I guessed from my mouth.

The barbecue on the table was eaten and ordered, and the beer in the cup was empty and full, full and empty.

After all, I fulfilled today's wish, when I walked from the "old place barbecue", it was difficult for me to even walk upright, and finally Xiao Jun sent me back, I drank unconscious, and I didn't know what I said to Xiao Jun later.

The next day I woke up at one o'clock in the middle of the day with some hangover headaches and a night without changing clothes. I looked down and sniffed my clothes, which still smelled of barbecue mixed with the smell of alcohol and sweat.

I went to the bathroom to take a shower, changed my clothes, and decided to go to the psychiatric clinic, anyway, the psychiatrist was more professional to a certain extent.

My mom was cooking when I went downstairs, but I didn't have the heart to eat at home, and when I saw my mom, I remembered that she and Yixin were lying to me.

I said hello to my mom and went out, asking for a bowl of noodles at a nearby noodle restaurant.

After eating, I called a car to go to the psychiatric clinic.

After meeting Dr. Qin Huai, I told him everything about what had happened these days and my own speculations, and asked him to help me think about whether there was any way to let me know the truth about ten years ago.

But he only told me to wait and wait for someone else to find me.

I waited for almost a week, and I waited for Yixin's call.

"Are you still angry with me?" Ishin's tone on the other end of the phone was slightly playful, as if he was deliberately stirring up some cold atmosphere between us.