Dr. Qin Huai didn't answer me, he looked at me seriously for a while, as if he wanted to find some answers from my eyes.

I didn't know why, but I didn't ask him.

After a while, Doctor Qin Huai seemed to have found it: "It seems that what you remember is only a part of the memories of the past, and you don't remember that I was Xia Yan's attending physician back then." ”

"Are you...... Are you Xia Yan's attending physician?" I looked at him suspiciously, a little unconvinced.

Although Qin Huai today does look like a serious psychiatrist, his unreliable image has been preconceived.

"Yes. Dr. Qin Huai looked at me, and the determination in his eyes made me believe in him involuntarily.

When I began to try to believe that he was the attending physician of Xia Yan in the past, I began to have a lot of images in my mind of talking to him.

The images were fragmentary, but they were enough to prove that he was not lying.

If Qin Huai was really Xia Yan's attending physician back then, then he must have known my mother as well, so it would not be surprising that he knew about my recovery.

I thought about it and asked him, "Did my mom tell you I regained my memory?"

Doctor Qin Huai nodded, noncommittal.

Xia Yan ...... "I wanted to say and stopped, I wanted to ask about Xia Yan, but I couldn't ask."

"I'm sorry about Xia Yan's matter. Dr. Qin Huai said as he stood up and bowed to me.

I didn't know what to do with his actions, and I stood up with him.

If I am sorry to Xia Yan, I am the one who is most sorry for Xia Yan.

I didn't protect her well, let her protect me with her life, and finally hurt her sister.

As a psychiatrist, Qin Huai is already loyal to his duty to treat diseases and save people, and he shouldn't be sorry to me, the person who should be most sorry.

I opened my mouth to say something, but I bowed to Dr. Qin Huai at a loss of words.

"Come with me, there are some things that I have to show you. After speaking, Dr. Qin Huai walked towards the door, and I followed behind him.

Although I don't know what he wants to take me to see, I think it must have something to do with Xia Yan.

Room 404.

When Dr. Qin Huai opened the door of ward 404 with the key, I was still a little stunned, and the door in front of me and the rusty number plate on the door reminded me of a previous memory.

I began to remember many days ten years ago, when I came here to look for Xia Yan, and every day I hoped that she would be better.

The memories flashed through my mind, resting there.

"Come in. Doctor Qin Huai saw me standing at the door in a daze and didn't go in, thinking that I was reluctant to go in because I saw the spider silk growing in the ward, and explained: "It's just a little more dusty here, this ward is the ward where Xia Yan lived back then, and after she didn't live here, this place was abandoned, 404 is not very lucky after all." ”

"I know this. "I walked into the room and looked around, it was all too familiar to me.

"You remember this. Dr. Qin Huai looked at me and said.

The bed in the middle of the room is where Xia Yan lay back then, and on the cabinet at the head of the bed, there are new flowers I prepared for her every day.

But...... What's the matter with this big brown puddle on the ground? Could it be blood?

I frowned, I didn't see this puddle of brown marks in my memory.

Seeing that my gaze was fixed on the large pool of brown blood on the ground, Dr. Qin Huai spoke: "That was the day Xia Yan committed suicide, the day she shed blood, the day you had a car accident. I was scheduled to visit her ward at 3 o'clock that day, but a temporary patient was delayed, and when the nurse found out, she was bleeding a lot, and it was difficult to get her back. As soon as she woke up, she received the news that you had been in a car accident and urged the nurse to take her to the hospital where you were. ”

It turned out that it was really Xia Yan's blood.

I looked at the big puddle of blood, and my heart throbbed.

What a pain it must be!

Doctor Qin Huai looked at the expression on my face and continued, "It was Xia Yan who asked me to find you, and I brought you here to help her fulfill her wish. I'm not bringing you here today to make you feel guilty or remorseful, but to tell you that it's not because of you that Xia Yan died. You can also see this big pool of blood on the ground, Xia Yan has already had a will to die before, and this will to die cannot be eliminated by the company of family and lovers, even as a doctor. They can only rely on themselves if they want to get out, and when they are completely trapped, every second of their time is torment, but in a sense, death is a relief for them. ”

"What is her wish?" I know that what Dr. Qin Huai said may be right, but I can't accept it for the time being.

I can't accept it, it turns out that a long time ago, Xia Yan was already disgusted with this world to the point that she couldn't live anymore.

"Her wish is that you live well, you don't have to remember her deeply, remember everything you are together, as long as you are happy and healthy. She wants you not to think that your own problems caused her death, she wants to tell you that you have done well, but she is a coward, because some small problems really don't want to live in this world, so she ran away, this is her choice, not that you did not do well. Doctor Qin Huai said, and took me to the window.

He opened the window, pointed to the blood marks on the windowsill outside the window, and said, "These are all left by Xia Yan when she was uncomfortable." ”

The deep blood marks that were picked out by my fingernails stung my eyes, and I took care of Xia Yan for so long and didn't realize that she was using this way to relieve the pain in her heart.

I thought she was getting better day by day, and she was just cooperating with me.

"Sometimes we can't be too ourselves, some people have their own choices, and no matter how hard we try, we can't save them. It's not that we're bad or she's bad, it's just that we don't define liberation quite the same. Maybe in another world, she is also happy. And all we can do is to cherish every day with her, cherish everyone around us, and live up to it and not miss it. Doctor Qin Huai looked at me and said, meaning something.

I knew what Dr. Qin Huai said, and I listened to it.

The blood stains on the side of the window made me realize that I had been desperately hoping that Xia Yan would get better, but it was only to make her more painful.

She pretended to be better for me, but in fact fell into a deeper, darker abyss until destruction.

She ...... Did she say anything else?"

She said, I wish you happiness. Doctor Qin Huai replied: "When you first woke up from the car accident, I wanted to contact you and help Xia Yan fulfill her wishes, but your mother saw that you lost your memory, so she didn't want you to know about Xia Yan, so I didn't look for you at that time." ”