Before the solo excursion, my body was unconsciously carrying out a command from the depths of my heart. Every time I get close to nature, it's more like reading a wordless book, and when I go to some places where I think I have good scenery, I will be silently sad and experience the incompleteness of happiness. What are my friends, my relatives doing at the moment, what do my parents want me to do now? I called to say hello and realized that those worries were unnecessary, and when I talked to my mother, she couldn't talk about my single life. I seem to realize that I am only one step away from happiness, two people are in love, it's as simple as that, I just didn't cross over, she said that she prayed at home every day that this kind of good thing would come to me, and said that the youngest son of a certain family in the village had just met a woman and brought her to the house in less than a month, and he was very satisfied, "You have to learn to talk more, isn't the work very tight?" I really can't answer, I think that when I went to school in a foreign country, I didn't think about avoiding marriage, and now what I have done has confirmed it, and the happiness of me, a bachelor, has become a cruelty to my mother, and my parents can't get out of that village, and every time they want to pull my mind into prison.

It is great and sacred enough for a person to have a sincere thought, and what we need is a rich inner world, and only in this way can we enjoy it in peace. Under my bed, there was a lockbox, which I had brought with me when I first left home, and a thick notebook with several important dates, no more than three months apart. But now there has been a hiatus of more than five years, and there are sentences about ideals, about love, or excerpts, or about one's own feelings, and there is a Schopenhauer's aphorism, "In order to understand how short life is, one must walk a long road of life." "I came out when I wanted to get rid of a lonely life, I can't say that I am bored and tired all these years, there is nothing that must be done, I am a mixed day, I feel a lot of emotion when I go to bed every night, and the next day I repeat what I did yesterday, if I don't do anything in the process of waiting, then the result is reasonable. Is it true that if you have a dream, you have to lose the good things of adolescence? Hope and worry are useless, but I don't want to learn from other people, Wang Meng or Gong Zong, plus Chaohui and Weili.

I went to the Forbidden City when I was in Beijing, and I went over the Qinling Mountains when I went to Guizhou, so now I feel like I was in the sea. Other small hills, such as Shandong Taishan, Jiangxi Lushan, most of the famous mountains are due to the low terrain in East China. Now I can't be interested in tourism, the famous mountains and rivers are like that, and the feeling of crowding people is crowded. However, this is also to comfort myself, others ask me how much money I make, this question is really meaningless, who to tell my experience, more gains are in addition to money. When I was in middle school, I saw tired words like that, when you travel alone, between the mountains and rivers, feel the birds and flowers, this is not loneliness, a person to a lively and strange place, no relatives and friends, no one to talk to, this is a kind of loneliness. However, this is a bit of a high-mindedness. I'm not so stubborn now that knowing girls is a thing that doesn't cost me, yes, it will take my time, but what about my loneliness? Before I knew it, I was incomplete, I was isolated and unsociable, especially of the opposite sex. The perfect love in my heart is naturally delusional, these years of single life make me happy, I have been in contact with women, Pingshui meets, people are just friendly and not indifferent, but it is impossible to develop with me, do not blame the girl for her appearance, it is my speech and behavior that is inappropriate, can not attract attention, can not win the heart.

Life is not just about love, I am now directly facing work. I don't go to work every day, but part-time work is like this, to put it mildly, I am a slave of capitalists, I don't have many friends in a foreign land, and the accumulated feelings are not rich, and my inner emotions cannot be told to others, even if I do, it is useless. For example, I also want to rent a big house and let my parents come and live for a while, I mentioned this twice, and they didn't agree, this is because their audience and Wang Meng's family have different concepts. Wang Meng is optimistic and positive, daring to act, while I seem to be in the golden mean, and my sincerity is insufficient. If it weren't for Mr. Gong's recommendation at that time, I wouldn't even have that little ambition. But this noble man was leaving, and one Monday after the summary meeting, he said that he might not be with everyone for a long time, and he wanted to go home and do something with a friend, and he had already talked to the boss a few days ago. We have all shown reluctance, resignation is a normal thing, without whom the company still operates, development depends on hard work.

Gong is leaving, at this time there is a driver of the logistics department in the factory has also left, he used to deal with us often, the flow of personnel has become a topic of discussion between me and Wang Meng after lunch, I usually don't like to gossip, but this kid is weird today, he didn't go to his old place to squint for a while, and quietly came to me to gossip.

"The driver quit, I heard that he was fired by the factory, the leader thought he was not efficient, you said that the driver would be disliked if he drove slowly?"

"It is estimated that normally, you start the delivery this morning and can finish in the afternoon, but you prefer to finish until the evening, and besides, it is equally annoying and dangerous to slow down on the road. ”

"What you said is quite reasonable, I can't say for sure, maybe the leader has a different opinion about him, do you know how to drive, why don't you get one?"

"How expensive it is to buy a car, it's a show-off for most people. I don't have to commute to work every day. ”

"Mr. Gong said that he went to start a business, do you believe it?"

"It's also possible to find someone with better treatment, after all, talent is in demand everywhere. ”

"Do you know the realm of Mr. Gong, he once told me that his ideal life is to carry a bag to go around the country and even the world and have fun, and solve the problem. But it's such a person, I thought he lived in a high-end community, but he didn't buy a house here, he still rented a private house. ”

"The houses are spacious, like yours. "I don't know where he got all this gossip from.

"It's another thing to work on the surface, but family is a different story, and I don't like to talk about my ideals with others. Did Mr. Gong's choice be to focus on work? I heard that he is approaching 40 years old and still has no children. ”

"Who can say for sure?"

"Actually, let me tell you, there are contradictions between leaders, like before me, the company's two vice presidents, one focuses on procurement, the other focuses on sales, and the big boss has contradictions, the vice president received a lot of gifts, good cigarettes can't be smoked, good wine can't be drunk. Greed is such a thing that you can't stop when you have a beginning. They go to work just to drink tea, chat, and brag. ”

Mr. Gong's departure did not make personnel adjustments from within the company, and within a few days I noticed that a newcomer came, a middle-aged man, and some people have already talked about this position to replace Mr. Guo, the new leader has strong adaptability, and immediately plays his role, I am still shy, more like a newcomer. I heard that the new leader used to inherit a small factory in his family, but it was not well managed, and he was merged by our company and got a sum of money, and now he has come here to focus on production. The old and new leaders will definitely mention their subordinates when handing over the work, he once was very polite, and talked to a few of our old employees, I have always thought that words can be said on both sides, a few words express their steadfastness and loyalty, I think there is always a sentence that the leader loves to hear. At first, he wanted to establish some prestige, first sparse and then closer, but it was a bit too much, and he didn't twist everyone into a force. Although the company is not large, but from top to bottom, all kinds of relationships are readily available, high-level talents can be drastic, and the experience of old employees is stubborn and old-fashioned. I recently heard that a court drama is very popular, and the interpersonal relationships in the company department are so complicated that it can even be said to be the epitome of a dynasty.

The new leader once told me that he didn't like Wang Meng, saying that this guy was too broken-mouthed and did things more casually, so I asked me to communicate more with him, and I had a bad sign. Wang Meng talks more than me, and thinks of what to say, but he is actually a person who does things. I still think about Mr. Gong, and I don't have a good impression of this new leader, one day there are more things, he asked us to work overtime to complete, and when we left, the lights in the leader's office were still on, and he was still there. I went the same way with Wang Meng and chatted, and he was really complaining, but it was not unreasonable.

"The leader hasn't left yet, shall we leave like this?"

"I feel that this leader is pretending to work overtime, he gets off work late, do we have to accompany him to work overtime? Our recent work is not suitable for today's work, today's work is not suitable for today's work, overtime is extremely inefficient, why is the afternoon very busy, the morning is very free, if not urgent things can be left to the next day. ”

"There's no way, who makes the family the leader. Hey, why did you get this way?"

"I recently rented a small single room here for easy access to work. ”

"Yes, isn't it good to live with your parents, I'm quite envious of that place, in the front yard and behind the door, you can grow some vegetables, which is closer to the pastoral life, which is my ideal. ”

"But it's a bit far away, and it's not convenient to live together. Would you like to go over and have a look?" he pointed to me.

"Yes. "I was a little curious and wanted to make a comparison with where I lived.

Passing by a barbecue roadside stall, Wang Meng chose some and carried two bottles of beer, he rushed to pay the money, I was embarrassed.

When I opened the door, I smelled smelly socks, cigarette butts, and instant noodle bags on the floor.

"I didn't expect your room to be so dirty and messy, and you don't want to clean it up? Don't tell me you don't have time. ”

"There's no need to clean up every day, if a woman comes, I'll clean up in advance. ”

After saying that, he went outside to get half a basin of water, soaked his socks, and sprayed perfume in the air. Maybe I got used to it, and it didn't smell anymore, and we ate and I only drank half a bottle of wine.

"What does your girlfriend do?"

"I don't have a girlfriend!"

"And the one I sang after the last time I came to your house for dinner?"

"Oh, that talked for a few months, and then it broke up. ”

"Then you said you brought other women to this room?"

"Not yet, there may be later. ”

"It's normal, I'm divorced, I guess I won't get married again in the future, it's not interesting, how happy a person is. He was surprised to see me and continued.

"I don't understand you. ”

"I don't understand you either, sometimes I think you're very tired, too honest, you don't smoke or drink, you don't have any hobbies, men, in fact, finding women is also a hobby, have you ever looked for it?"

He stopped me at what he said, and I did look for it, but I couldn't tell.

"Men can't hold it for a long time, it's no good, I don't believe that any man is not lustful. Outside, there are bathrooms, foot washers and whatever, and a few of them are regular. ”

"And you go often?"

"At least once a week to relax, you don't have to have a relationship, it's to release once, to enjoy once, you should understand. ”

Wang Meng also told me some privacy, I think it will be more intimate if men talk about this. He didn't say dirty words, but he regarded me as a friend, and he said that he had had an illness before, and the death of one of his uncles, who had worked diligently almost all his life and had never enjoyed it.

When I walked out of Wang Meng's room, I felt that my world had become wider, he was indeed living a chic life, and his remarks were words that I did not dare to say, and I used to associate them with repentance and sin. Part of his month's salary is spent on women, he said that if people want to open, there is no difference between finding a woman and looking for a job, it is quite fresh at the beginning, and after a month, it is just like that, this may be the so-called get and can't get it. In fact, in any case, the process of understanding life is also a person's thing, and the unhappiness of love is just a person seeking troubles, if love is a matter of two people, then it is only reflected in the process of skin blindness. My life is not bad now, and I even longed to live this life before, but when I went to find that woman, I did feel a little at ease, and I deepened that thought--- that I can't waste my youth, what I should look for is still to find, and the only thing I can be loyal to is my body.

I thought that the new leader would fire Wang Meng, but it turned out that I thought too much. The company has entered the off-season, there is no output in the workshop, most of the people are cleaning these days, Wang Meng asked me how long this off-season will last.

"Who knows, the workshop is gossiping, I think the most anxious is the boss. ”

"I heard that if it goes on like this for a month, we will only pay a small salary, the minimum living guarantee. ”

"I guess, what else do you want?"

"If that's the case, I'd rather not go to work for a month, not a penny, and I don't want to spend time here. ”

"That's your idea, the company has a labor system. ”

Wang Meng was a little reluctant to fetch water and mop the floor.

Although not busy, but this quarter's production meeting still has to be held, each team sent at least two people to participate, I pulled Wang Meng to go, usually a few big leaders have spoken, summing up the past, looking forward to the future, but also said that the recent situation is grim, all walks of life are facing difficulties. Later, the employees were encouraged to speak, and after asking around, what they thought of today's discussion, others shook their heads and said nothing. Only Wang Meng, this showy person, said what he thought when he talked to me last time, hoping that the company would do an employee survey and encourage employees to take long vacations, or visit relatives, or go out to travel according to the actual situation. He spoke at a fast pace, and he spoke as he wanted for about ten minutes, and no one was embarrassed to interrupt him, and we finally waited for the leader's comments on him.

"We also had a meeting to discuss your idea, and some people will feel rusty after a long break. Our colleagues in the sales department have not slackened, difficulties are temporary, do not be pessimistic. I know that everyone comes to work to make money, and the company will be anxious, and of course, it is normal to ask for leave,......。 ”

From the tone of the leader, we can conclude that out of voluntariness, taking personal leave and deducting wages can be regarded as saving costs for the company. After the whole company knew, several people asked for leave on the same day, and the company also issued a regulation to limit the number of people and days, and the department leaders knew it in their hearts to avoid turmoil.

Comfortable jobs come, some people go to find part-time jobs, some people spend more time sleeping and eating, each has its own way of living, it depends on how you choose. Wang Meng is divorced, and now I am single, and I am old, if I don't talk about it, no one will inquire about me, I think I'm like most people, my wife and children are at home, and I'm working hard alone. Frustrated, I went to sit in a nearby square a few times, the evening breeze gusted, the coolness hit, and the statues of several scientists stood in the lake, which was strange for this rigorous attitude. I sat on a bench like a statue, and the sky was darkening and the lights were turned on. It's no different from getting lost now, surrounded by strangers, and I don't know if anyone will feel pity for this young man.

Soon after, I found out that I was sick, originally caused by a cold, but I didn't care, and then I ate spicy food, and breathed bad air, and I went to bed for two nights in a row, coughing all the time, it was very uncomfortable, and I couldn't sleep over and over. My throat is uncomfortable, I just want to drink water, and I want to hear if my voice is hoarse. I lay on the bed and did not move, just to rest my legs, I felt as if there were thousands of ants devouring my legs, no one knew what my pain looked like, think about it, when I encountered troublesome things, I only relied on time to heal, and I fell asleep very late, in my dream I was in a wheelchair, and as soon as I lost my freedom of movement, I was stunned, but the integrity of my previous thoughts made me think very little about the body, and if my proud body collapsed, I could only sit or lie down, and become a wasted person. I remembered seeing some old people going up and down the stairs sideways, it was really unforgiving, and the years had given me endless hope and vitality, but now they have been deprived of it. I didn't want to run when I went upstairs, I even thought about holding the railing. When I went back to my room and sat down, I wanted to lie down, and when I went to sleep, I didn't know where to put my hand. I really thought about my future and felt fear, the period of passion had passed, and now only discouragement remained. Looking at the haggard face in the mirror, it is customary to see if the beard should be shaved. Youth, what a beautiful and sacred label, but it can't be attached to this slightly old face. The more I thought about it, the more scared I became, staying up late made my physical fitness come down, I really didn't pay attention to it before, I liked to shower with cold water, and now my hair often falls out, malnutrition, and my legs suffer from rheumatism. People are like this, especially when they are sick, they can realize that they are lonely.

I haven't taken medicine for many years, and this time the disease has not passed for two weeks. When I went to the pharmacy to buy cough medicine, I briefly introduced the symptoms, and by the way, I told the doctor that I felt weak, and said that I wanted to buy some sleeping pills.

"I don't have enough rest, which is not conducive to recovery, and the more I force myself to fall asleep at night, the more I can't sleep, and it has become a vicious circle. ”

The doctor gave me a simple diagnosis, saying that my blood pressure, heartbeat, and pulse were normal, and I couldn't see anything wrong.

"You can't take medicine indiscriminately, many people want to take a nap, and you are not suitable. Nowadays, people in the city live a fast-paced and stressful life, so don't hold it in your stomach if you have anything, and learn to reduce stress. Seeing that you don't look like a person who does physical work, you should exercise more, and you can walk around the neighborhood for a while after dinner, and then lie in bed and don't think about it. ”

"All I can say is that I don't have a lot of time to move. I never take a nap, and I don't usually communicate much at work, so do you think that dreaming is considered a brain rest?"

"Dreaming is also sleep, don't worry too much, for example, you can recall a lot of things when you were a child, but you can't recall a lot of dreams, unless you take a note and write it down, scientists don't have a clear statement, dreaming can also relieve brain fatigue and release some stress. Dreaming means that you have too many things in your head, so you don't have to think about how to dream less, otherwise it is equivalent to filling this item in your mind. You can try to read a book, listen to some music, everyone has their own rules, to relax, if you doze off, go to sleep naturally, if you can't sleep, just don't sleep. ”

The doctor's words are only on the surface, I may think too much, do less, and the energy is not fully released, You said that a normal young person can take care of his family after work, or accompany his friends, but I don't, I also want to change the status quo recently, and my life is a little better. It just so happened that at this time Weili called again, so that my dull life flashed a little light, he asked me again if I was busy, I can go back to Guizhou to play, his last two calls were half a year ago, one was that he went on a blind date to a mutual satisfaction, the second time was when he got married, I asked some specific information, only sent a verbal blessing, before saying that the wedding was going to participate, so it became empty talk. It was not easy to go to Guizhou, and my state was not what he imagined. I talked about my situation in the south, I was like that at work, and I was still single, and he said that he couldn't rush it. My voice was low on the phone, he said that I was still as worried as before, I asked his hand, his mother, and remembered the names of two colleagues, as proof that I was like him, and had not forgotten my old friend.

The next day at work, I remembered that I still had a few days of annual leave to take, so I applied for leave to my boss. I've been to the train station several times, just hanging out, and now I'm really a passenger. I spent the day, buying tickets, stuffing a few pieces of clothing and a few bags of retail into a medium-sized bag, a rare impulse, as if the ideal life beckoned. This time there was a little bit of nostalgia, and the rest was driven by a force within me, or to create my own history, or to set history back a little bit. Likewise, few people knew about my trip, and my parents didn't know either, it wasn't a long conversation, they couldn't experience the joy of their son at that time, the word travel was quite unfamiliar to them, and I had this kind of leisure.

Weiley got fat, and he said I had a bit of a vicissitudes of life. The aunt has not changed much, and it is estimated that the joy of having a daughter-in-law has offset the old age of the past few years. The sister-in-law looked older and uninhibited, I thought to myself, maybe there was something wrong with my vision, maybe she was divorced, but it didn't matter before, they formed a new family after all, as long as Weili didn't say it, I would never know, life is so wonderful, judging from Weiley's several times when he called me, he wanted to share this happiness with me.

Auntie Zhang Luo wanted to cook, and Weili said no, we went out to talk and ate outside.

He talked about the news in the factory, who had a quarrel with the factory when he left, and the company moved to a nearby place, and a female inspector had an affair with the factory leader .......

"That's not what I want to hear, tell me about you, how do you feel when you're married?"

"I can't say anything, that is, from one person to two people. "At this time, when I passed by a square, there was an event in the jewelry store, and the host was a young girl, she was preaching love and beautiful sentences, numb and simple, and Weili and I estimated that each had our own feelings.

"I guess the host, she's definitely not married yet. The wedding may seem grand, but in fact it is empty. ”

"Not necessarily, that's someone else's profession, how can you say that, you're still married, you shouldn't have this kind of thinking. ”

"Normal people should get married, but I was forced to feel helpless, and I felt that my mother was too lonely. ”

"It has nothing to do with love, love is a gift from God, this gift is especially special, the secret of happiness is contentment, and some people are very content if they don't get love. I'm also a human being, but I rarely feel like I'm wasting my life. ”

Wey led me to a small restaurant nearby, vaguely remembering that this store had not changed much, we had been here before, and it didn't seem that I was alone in being more nostalgic. He took two beers and put them all in front of me. As I poured it for him, he removed the cup.

"This wine is for you, and my mother mutters to me every day not to drink. ”

"How old are you, still my mother, my mother. "This is a bit of a lesson, after saying it, I feel a little presumptuous, after all, I have been reunited after a long absence, and people respect me very much.

"How do you say that? When you get married, there are a lot of things. ”

"Is that my sister-in-law in charge of you?"

"You know, I usually drink, and there is no reason not to drink today, but these two months are a special period, and I am preparing for pregnancy. ”

He said something private, and I drank at this time, and I felt that I should also say something heart-wrenching, because it would be more difficult to meet in the future.

"Okay, then I understand. You are also an honest person, when I have such an occasion with others, I drink less than them, people are like this, and they will only teach a lesson to those who are weaker than themselves. I won't go back with you later, lest they smell the wine. ”

"That's a bit of an exaggeration, how did you plan to take a few days off?"

"I'll stay in a hotel here tonight, go back to Guiyang tomorrow, go to school, and return to Guangzhou tomorrow night's ticket." ”

"It's still more chic to be alone. Can I feel your feelings, do you have contact with old classmates?"

"I want to feel the kind of flowing years alone, there must be classmates who have come back over the years, there must be good ones, and I am the other extreme, ashamed of myself, and quietly came back. ”

"Don't think like that, it's not easy for anyone to mix well. ”

"One person may be good for that. There are more people in southern cities, and no matter where they live, they are their own small circle. I have a feeling that coming here to lie down may be the last time I travel far, and the next time I will go back to my hometown, I often watch the news of my hometown, whether the road has been built, what is the development, in the big city, it seems to be floating. ”

"If you have this kind of thinking, it means that you are old. ”

"Yes, we're all the oldest, but I'm probably the same kind of person as you, I don't like to pretend to be mature, and I never wear a straight suit. ”

"You're right, I haven't been far away, I live with my mother every day, and it will be like this in the future, and it has something to do with my character, like never growing up, I was still making my mother angry yesterday, and I saw a few potatoes sprouting in the basket at home in the afternoon, I called my mother to come over, and in front of her, I threw it directly in the trash. ”

"You may have done something wrong, if it were me, I would have quietly thrown away those bad ones when my mother couldn't see them. "I felt very sad and had another drink.

"Maybe living with your family is like this, if you don't talk all the time, it's inevitably boring. ”

"That's how the old mother in China is, buying a basket of apples and coming back, picking the worst to eat first, and finally eating a basket of bad apples. ”

"That's right, this is the thinking of our old Chinese. ”

"People should learn foreign thinking, there is an old foreigner who does not understand, saying that you Chinese have a child, and the state has to interfere, I think it is incredible, of course, there is more to this." ”

It wasn't a matter of thinking to talk to Weley, and after dinner we went to the riverside, and I confessed that I had been alone before, and he was surprised by my unique experience.

In the evening in that humble hotel, I turned on the TV and saw a star interview program, which existed a few years ago, and this program has a beginning and an end, and the host has not changed. I used my mobile phone to check the information of this host, I am the same age as me, I have been married very early, but I have no children, what have I experienced over the years, and what about those public figures? Some people are okay in appearance and quite talented, but they have never been popular, and there is a star who committed suicide due to the pressure of life, I really can't figure it out.

I slept for a while, and when I woke up the next day, I once again reminded myself that this was not a dream, but really in Guizhou, like an old man recalling his youth, in addition to his hometown, this is the first place that makes me nostalgic and return. I used to think that the city here is beautiful, but after I went to Guangzhou, I had another attraction, the same sense of loneliness. If I had stayed here, what would my life have been like now? Maybe I would have been stable and happy, then I'd be a little bit of a self-pleading sufferer now, life is like that, and more often than not, I know only one thing. I remembered what kind of ideals I had in the first place, as my parents told me, to learn professional knowledge, find a good job, and settle there if I wanted to, without worrying about my family. It's not that easy. I don't know how to interact, and I am poor and no one appreciates me. I don't know how many lonely people like me are in the world, how many are in history. I have been away alone for a long time, I have been away from home since middle school, and I have been wandering for more than ten years, wanting to settle down but feeling that it is not yet time, and I am happy to live for myself.

On the bus to school, I leaned against the car window, saw the scenery flashing quickly, thinking that when I first came to Guizhou, ten years have passed, and Ziming and Li Qing flashed in my mind, and when I was about to graduate, Ziming was involved in a lawsuit at home, he was not too good and abandoned Li Qing, but these good times together have passed, and it is my only friendship here. I now fantasize that I'll say hello to the school security guards, walk around the campus, and then go to the school building and dormitory.

However, there is no going back, the school is still there, there is another sign hanging at the gate, the original campus has been relocated, and the local authorities have recently converted this place into a middle school in order to integrate educational resources. I thought to myself, why should I go back to my old place? I smiled at myself, this is what I, an unqualified student, deserve. Why did the country take a fancy to this place of memory of mine, and what did I do about it? As if I was the only one who was still there. I couldn't get in, so I had to walk around the school, most of the stores had been renovated, and there was no familiar name, which was a tragedy. And the road up the mountain over there is widened, and the arrow also points to a large parking lot, the local ** developed this attraction and began to charge tickets, and I am now feeling like being pitted by a tourist attraction.

I am like a deflated balloon, this is a person's loneliness, cold and warm self-aware. After standing stupidly at the school gate for a while, I went to a nearby Internet café to find something I liked to check out, which was the entertainment I had dreamed of when I was at school, and I used to always have not enough pocket money.

After returning to Guangzhou, I simply said hello to my colleagues, and it seemed that I had started that kind of cookie-cutter life again. The work is slowly on the right track, the production is ashamed to be busy, busy is good, people are there to make money, they are full, and they look happier. Those who are diligent and diligent, few of them can realize the progress of this society, and they are also a little bit of strength.

Nothing really comforted me, and during my break, I went on a walk to the outskirts of the city, focusing on the world that was about to be lost. Everything is new, hospitals and schools have been built here, the village committee has moved to a new community, the urban framework is getting bigger and bigger, the demolition has spread here, some old buildings will still be preserved, the row of houses is a two-story building, the construction workers are using the crane to assist, replace with a new layer of tiles, shiny at least tens of thousands of yuan, in my opinion is a big project. A forest in the distance always attracts me like a magnet, the road at the edge of the village has been fenced off by iron plates, the construction company is working, and the rumble of the excavator mixer is mixed with a little bit of the abruptness of the tractor tricycle. This is a landscape river under construction, several excavators are digging and filling in pits, a few old people wielding hoes and shovels, opening neat ditches in the fields, planting flowers and grass, draining and irrigating, and not far away on another construction site, there is still a subway building. There are always bigger projects, and from ancient times to the present day, I thought to myself, these construction workers are indispensable, and I am just a witness.

I have experienced all the things that people in the city have gone out of their way to experience country life, whether they are ploughing cattle or a field, and sometimes arguing about the growth of crops and the use of farm tools. In the farmland by the river, I saw a young woman plowing the land there, she was not very old, what kind of mentality was this, I was in awe, in the city girls are not happy to stay in air-conditioned rooms. This place will be demolished, the old people will lose their fields, the next generation will no longer do farm work, even if it is replaced by free gardens, it will not attract impetuous young people, like this department store supermarket, it is no longer new, young people will go to large shopping malls. There are scarecrows in the farmland, and there are also domestic garbage, which is considered to be the pros and cons compared with modernization. This is development, it is the process of urbanization, the urban villages are about to disappear, people are becoming more and more frivolous, occasionally go to the temple to burn incense and worship the Buddha, praying for wealth and peace. In the village, a few old ladies are feeding the chickens, the old men are playing chess around a round grinding stone, and a few children are jumping and playing. There is the sound of chickens meowing, the sound of dogs barking. In the harvest season, exuding the smell of rural soil, I walked a few more steps to a drying field, where people were picking peanuts, pounding sesame seeds, drying soybeans, and peeling corn. I remembered the sesame leaves and sweet potato leaves that I had eaten when I was a child, and I couldn't help humming a song, no one noticed, I felt that I was a walking poet, and everyone else looked at me with curious eyes, who would think about my experience as a young man, if it were my fellow villagers, we would talk.

I suddenly wanted to go home, it was to go back to my hometown, I didn't feel this way when I was going to celebrate the New Year, if this is to be free from the world, then I was thinking that a reason to go home is vanity, and now my sleep quality is slowly recovering, and I will go back when my mental state is better.

Soon after, my mother called, saying that my grandmother had not been alive for a few days, and that she was an elderly person who had been talking nonsense for the past few days, and wanted me to go back and take a look, and I said okay, book the ticket immediately. Then I asked my cousin, who was already at home.