You are the scenery of my lifeZhang Baotong 2018.2.11

I will never forget that night, it was like a poem, a song, more like a mystery, which has been hidden in my heart for many years, and I am haunted and puzzled. It was the fall of the second year after we started working. Wang Yuxia asked me to accompany her home to visit relatives. At that time, we were only 17 years old, and 17-year-old Wang Yuxia had never been out alone, so she asked me to accompany her from the construction site in Zhanyi, Yunnan Province back to Miluo, Hunan. We came to Qujing by car from Zhanyi, and we had to transfer to a train here. Since there was a train early the next morning, we had to stay here overnight. There is one of our Agency's guest houses. That night, however, there was only one empty room in the guest house. Originally, I wanted Wang Yuxia to live and I went to find a hotel somewhere else, but she said that she was very scared to live here alone, and she insisted that I accompany her. At that time, non-husband and wife could not live in the same room, and if they let others know, they would definitely be arrested by the police. Since she wanted me to accompany her, of course I couldn't ask for it. So, the two of us stayed in the same room. At that time, it was almost dark, and it was difficult for the two of us to go out together, so we went to bed early. Because there was only one bed in the room, Wang Yuxia could only sleep on the bed, so I spread the mat on the ground, hugged a quilt and slept on the mat.

How could I sleep in the same room as the girl I loved? I wanted to talk to her, but I didn't know what to say to her, and she lay motionless on the bed as if she was asleep, so I didn't dare to disturb her. In fact, on several occasions, I mustered up the courage to wake her up and talk to her, and even wanted to sleep next to her. However, I have a thief's heart, but I don't have the courage to be a thief. Because I was afraid that she would scold me, dislike me, and see me as an unruly person. So, I didn't dare to move, or even snort too loudly. The next morning, we got up, had breakfast, and got on the train.

That was the closest I've ever been to her in my life. But nothing happened between us. Later, she was transferred to a hospital as a nurse, and I was transferred to a repair shop to drive a car. Soon I heard that she had a partner, and it made me feel very depressed and hopeless. Because I don't want the girl I love to be someone else's lover, but I can't do anything about it. It wasn't until she got married that I started looking for a partner. At that time, all the good girls were robbed by others, and I could only find one for others to pick the rest. Because our Agency is a mobile unit, the subject can only be found in the unit.

I am actually very disappointed in my marriage, because I only have Wang Yuxia in my heart, and I don't have any feelings for other women. But the person I was looking for was neither smart nor beautiful, and compared with Wang Yuxia, it was a big difference. Therefore, I regret very much that I did not express and act on Wang Yuxia that night. Although I regretted and blamed myself very much, I also knew that I could not have done anything out of place with her, because her image and position in my heart were too high, like a goddess standing high, so that I looked up to her and did not dare to get close to her.

After repairing that section of the railway, we moved to Wuhu, Anhui. After two or three years, our repair factory was transferred to the Xinyun Department and moved to Xiangfan, Hubei. Moreover, her parents have moved from their family area in Miluo, Hunan Province, to Hefei, Anhui Province. And my parents also moved to Wuhan. So, we haven't seen each other for more than twenty years since then, but I often think of her in my dreams and memories. When I was forty years old, I somehow had a flash of inspiration and suddenly remembered the question: why did she ask me to accompany her home to visit relatives, why did she insist that I sleep in the same room with her, and how she was always gentle and kind to me, I couldn't help but think that she must be hinting at me. If my mind could have rolled at the time, maybe she would be in my arms right now. When I thought about it, I began to hate myself for being so stupid, so stupid.

Was she really in love with me? Was she really sending me a message of love? I'm not actually sure. But since then, this question has been hidden in my mind. I think as long as I can see her, I'll have to ask this question clearly.

But now, before I could ask her, she was blaming me. I told her all these years of remorse and how much I missed her. She listened to my narration for a long time, and then said, "It's just that we were too simple and honest at that time." Because we were educated like that, some men and women did not know how to interact and interact with each other. I say sadly that when we love each other, we don't know how to confess, and when we know how to confess, we can't love each other anymore. Wang Yuxia said that if we could dare to love and hate like young people now, Xie Dongfeng and Lin Feng would not have hugged each other and cried bitterly when they met this time.

When it was close to noon, the waiter came over to inform Wang Yuxia to check out. Because she had to take a car to Nanchang in the evening, and then return to Wuhu from Nanchang. And I plan to take the bus back to Xiangfan tomorrow morning. So, we took her suitcase and backpack to my room. Then, on foot, he walked down the street towards the six family quarters and the six Tiezhong.

Six iron centers no longer exist, and many years ago they were sold to land developers to build residential complexes. Entering the residential complex, there are high-rise buildings on the first floor, and there are no traces of the past classrooms and playgrounds. We wanted to relive and relive that golden period of our student days by touching the scene, but the scene in front of us made us feel embarrassed and sad. The six iron places are completely gone, and the school buildings and conditions of the past can only be searched in vague memory.

Out of the school, there are six family areas. The family area has not changed much, some of which have been built with four-story buildings, but most of them have not changed, but the red bricks and red tiles have become more dilapidated in the weathering and erosion of the years. Because people have either moved out of town or into buildings, few of the remaining bungalows are inhabited, and many of the houses are empty, as if they had been abandoned. Occasionally, I can still see some uncles and aunts from the past, but they are already dying of old age. I remember that when we went to school, they were still middle-aged people in their thirties and forties. But in the blink of an eye, they have grown old like this, and many more old people have long since passed away. No, if you pinch your fingers, my father has been gone for more than ten years. I really don't dare to think about life, Shaohua is far away and nowhere to be found, and the lonely shadow is formed into tears and wet clothes. The thought of this makes people feel sad and sad, and tears come to their eyes.

In the past, both of our families belonged to cadre families, her father was the section chief, and my father was the section chief. Our two families are neighbors in the front and back rows. The house where her family lived has been rented and a mahjong parlor has been set up. And my family's original house lived a non-local farmer who worked in the county seat. As we walked past the house, people looked at us with very unfamiliar eyes. It seems that we are also out-of-towners who have come to rent a house.