Teacher, do you believe in horoscopes?" "I believe in myself. After Lin Gu left, she looked for horoscopes, believed in hexagram divination, calculated tarot, read eight characters, throughout the ages, she used all the superstitious methods she could find, and no one knew better than her whether the result was true or false. Never ask someone a question with an answer, you will refute the answer that is not what you want, or a similar answer and you doubt. Don't you really know what the answer to the question is? In the last of the three years, she always had insomnia. She always had the same dream, dreaming of a dark house with a sign that said "Forbidden Zone". Every time she tried to get closer, she was stopped by unknown resistance. Awakened countless times, she turned around and could see Lin Gu's sleeping face. And for nearly half a year, she still had the same dream, and the content of the dream had changed. Walking to the front of the familiar room, she pushed the door open and entered. She saw an arm, and she picked up the colored pen on the ground, and traced the veins on the arm, tracing their borders, pouring hot candle tears into the blank space of the drawing. When I woke up this time, there was no one around.

—"Because you have talent, you can successfully realize your dreams, I just help you, and isn't helping a teacher what a teacher should do?" Du Duo was particularly happy today, and so was Xia Chen. After being admitted to the compound language class, Du Duo officially entered the simultaneous interpretation industry. Du Duo jumped across the teaching building, and Xia Chen walked slowly behind. The air on the road was light, and there was no resistance to moving forward. After sending Du Duo away, Xia Chen returned home with a heavy heart. Oh, plural. Dreams that can't be realized no matter how much you like them. The missed time, lack of experience, and the cost that can't be taken out are all piled up in front of her, and no matter how much she likes it, she can only give up. She used to be proud to say that "translating is my hobby". She is willing to consider the translation, willing to sink into the mountains and seas of material, willing to learn the latest expressions. But after giving up the Shuo, all she had left was unwillingness. When it comes to hobbies, I don't mention translation at all. Whether it's a translator or Lin Gu, it's all in the past. She was jealous of her students, of being able to do something real at the right age. Jealous that she has talent, jealous that she has the conditions, jealous that she can do it. Helping Du Duo can be regarded as helping himself in disguise, and finally getting rid of the wish that has entangled him for so many years.

At the beginning, Xia Chen deified Lin Gu because she really didn't want to admit that an excellent ordinary person could impress her. She doesn't admit that she will worry about a brother-next-door character, for his mood swings, for him to abandon logic. After the separation, she was relieved to see that he was living more freely. After untying and connecting, she was also more relaxed. It wasn't the best time, but it won't be better. Maybe there's never been a better time. What she did was to be obsessed with dreaming and couldn't extricate herself. After that, she deified the wish of the year. Now that she doesn't do it, she starts to look at myths.

Grandma died, when Xia Chen was a little older. On the same day, Xia Chen was selected to read the dialogue aloud in the inter-school open class, and she remembered that the content of the dialogue was that the North Korean grandmother and the volunteers were separated, saying that they could never see each other again, but how could they never see each other again, the concept of separation was obviously too far away from her. As soon as she got out of class, she was taken back to her hometown to go to the funeral. On that low hill, there is a low tomb. Everyone, including Xia Chen, gathered around that tomb. Xia Chen couldn't imagine that his grandmother was lying inside. It seems that he should cry on such an occasion, but Xia Chen didn't have a single tear, and he couldn't cry from beginning to end. She pushed herself, she moved her kneeling knee to a sharp stone, and she finally cried. At the end of the ceremony, she got up and left with everyone, she didn't want to leave a little. After that, my grandmother was alone on the mountain, just like it was written in the text, and Xia Chen and my grandmother could never see each other again. On the way down the mountain, she turned back frequently. Lying on the flat kang at night, Xia Chen raised his head. Tears kept flowing. At first she didn't feel sad, but the tears kept flowing. After a long time, she was a little sad. Her sadness deepened little by little as time passed. Xia Chen could only keep his eyes open all night. That was Xia Chen's first insomnia. Since then, Xia Chen has been sad and has insomnia.

On the day of separation, she was very congested, but she didn't want to cry. But a TV scene appeared in her mind - the heroine cried into the phone with pear blossoms and rain. Her voice suddenly turned out to cry, she was surprised, obviously Lin Gu on the other end of the phone was also surprised. Late at night, she wanted to do a review of the matter. But my chest hurt for a while, and my eyes couldn't close at all. Later, she even wanted to take out a pen and paper to record her feelings. She remembered her previous experience, when Doudou died, she didn't cry. When my grandmother went, she didn't cry. She didn't cry when her friend was gone. Now, she's not crying. She found that she was so cold-blooded, and she loved acting so much. In that scene, she needs to be sad and needs her to grieve, so she plays the sadness they want, the grief they point. Although she couldn't figure out the situation at all, although she only had a little bit of ambition in her heart. But that doesn't hinder. This does not prevent her from acting more realistically than real.

She can't cry in front of everyone, and she can't feel the pain on her skin. But if they want it, she will give it. When the time comes, the process is gone, and the feelings should naturally change. She did this more and more easily. When did it start? She couldn't remember exactly when, but she'd been doing it for a long time. Because she is different from normal people, she has learned the joys, sorrows, and sorrows of normal people, and she has learned the clear distinction between love and hate of normal people. But he never learned how to be a normal person. She lay flat on the bed, and the heartache rushed through her body in waves, and the pain spread from her heart to every corner of her body like a halo, gently frying her. Later, all the efforts she made were to convince herself that she was not as cold-blooded as she imagined. The harder she tried, the colder she became, and the harder she tried, the more tired she became. Cold-bloodedness is engraved in her character. She understood her stiff movements, she understood her irritability, she understood her flawed explanations. She couldn't understand why she had to let herself go when it was obviously a mistake.

Maybe she just wants to prove herself with this mistake and prove that she still has feelings. This mistake is not a mistake at all, it is a plan. Perfectly disguised, she avoids outsiders and discovers her own dead hole inside. She was confused enough to think with complete logic, and she couldn't explain her actions with logic. But she hates chaos the most and admires logic the most.