"Can't we come and see you? Don't you come to my house often. The naïve Masako didn't seem to appreciate the danger of this kind of "concern" in me, and I only looked at the compound again and again, ignoring the rage in his eyes.

"Alas!" An Shaoyang sighed deeply, trying to calm himself down: "At least you should inform me in advance. His voice raised a few degrees.

"Did you inform me when you came to my house?" I disagreed, tiptoeing to fight him.

What I stated was the truth, An Shaoyang was speechless to refute, and only asked in a heavy tone: "Is there something wrong?"

"No, I just wanted to see your house. "I don't even open any pot.

Oh my God! I didn't dare to imagine what was going to happen next, but I felt my heart beat wildly, and I scanned back and forth at the two people in front of me with an anxious gaze.

What are they doing? One is a blockbuster ** that is about to explode, and the other is a strange rock that doesn't know whether it is alive or dead, desperately hitting up, how will it end if it hits fire?

"Now that you see it, it's time to go. An Shaoyang took Masako's hand and walked out, this was the first time he had touched me, but the disappointment and anger in his heart had made him lose his mind. He just wanted me to get out of this place I wasn't supposed to be.

I hurried along, fearing something might happen. Although I know Masako's kindness and An Shaoyang's meekness, the person who is trapped in love makes it impossible for you to speculate with common sense, and Masako is so "ignorant of current affairs".

Sometimes I really don't understand whether I really don't feel anything or deliberately pretend to be stupid, but this time, I can't even tell what kind of mood a person's eyes represent?

An Shaoyang didn't stop until he rushed out of the street, he let go of Masako's hand, but he didn't turn to look at me, maybe he really felt so sleepy that he couldn't face me! Of course, he also forgot to observe Masako's strangeness. My hand was tightly grasped by him and pulled all the way, I didn't struggle at all, I didn't cry out in pain, let him pull and walk, until he took the initiative to let go I rubbed my own scratched hand.

I watched them from afar but didn't dare to come closer, and I didn't know how to interfere in their private affairs.

An Shaoyang lowered his head, all I saw was his back, and Masako also turned his back to me, and I couldn't see my expression.

"I'm sorry!" An Shaoyang whispered.

"There's no need!" Masako regained my usual calm, "You don't have to be angry, it's just that my mother hasn't seen you for two days and I'm a little worried, I'm leaving." I shrugged and walked past him, but An Shaoyang never looked up.

I'm even more overwhelmed, I don't know if Masako needs comfort too, but I know An Shaoyang needs it, and it's urgent, but can I do the job?

I walked over with courage, for fear of accidentally touching his anger, and after a long hesitation, my hand finally pressed on his thickness. I could even feel the heat in his body at that moment. He was wearing only a white shirt, slightly drenched with sweat, and I seemed to hear my own heartbeat beating faster and faster, but I couldn't speak.

This has always been a place of fear for me, not only because of the unstable social environment here, but more importantly, because of the influence of my deceased father, I have a great fear of the cannibalistic river.

But An Shaoyang is the reason for me to overcome my fear, we sit on the stone steps by the river, this is a port, but tonight's ships are very scarce, I can hear the sound of the surging waves, but also feel the wind with the smell of rice and grain gently blowing, my heart is never more comfortable and warm.

We were relatively silent, just silently guarding our respective hearts. I have him in my heart, and Masako in his heart.

It was a kind of confusion, but at that moment I was not bound, and all I felt was peace and contentment.

As the night deepened, I moved my gaze from the edge of the sky to his face, and by the faint moonlight I could discern his outline and taste his distress. Although it was far from me, I still opened my mouth, who told me to care so much about him: "I'm sorry, we we-"

The words came out of my mouth and stopped in the wind, and I really didn't know how to continue. Even if I saw all this but couldn't show it directly, what could I say? criticize my friend's recklessness? affirm his impulsiveness? then I am not a friend worthy of deep friendship, nor a trustworthy girl. Besides, who wants people to talk about the rights and wrongs of his sweetheart? In the end, he is only two-sided and not human.

Or did you tell him about Masako's "good intentions"? But I didn't know Masako's intentions at all, and I knew almost nothing about it.

I thought I should have been silent, but I couldn't help but speak. Even if he misunderstood him as a long-tongued woman, I couldn't let myself stand by and watch him alone in frustration. He needed someone to enlighten him, and I selfishly thought that that person could be me.

I opened my mouth to know that I was useless, I couldn't keep the sober mind of the bystander at all, I was already in turmoil and how to relieve the bell for others, I had to be silent again.

Seeing that I wanted to speak and stopped, An Shaoyang raised his head from the darkness, turned to me and said, "There's no need to say I'm sorry, it's not your fault at all, it's me who was too impulsive." He let out a long sigh at the river.

I glanced at him, and saw his eyes as he stared into the distance with a brilliance that I couldn't explain, tenacity, loneliness, and maybe sporadic pain.

"Masako won't care about anything, you don't have to worry about that. I mustered up the courage to give him a word of comfort.

"Maybe I don't care at all. ”

I turned my head suddenly, and my heart couldn't help but tingle, I thought I could boldly let everything happen, but I didn't expect his almost confessional words to make my heart so heavy in an instant.

The human soul is really hypocritical, they blindly deceive themselves and others for liberation, but in the end they still can't deceive their true heart.

What can I do? I should be dead, but why am I still grieving for him? I am completely dead to myself, only to know that my heart is so completely sunk, I really can't comfort him against my heart anymore.

He was still staring into the distance, and I squeezed four words out of my throat: "I don't know!"

Actually, I really don't know, but I have a strong sense of guilt, and as a friend, shouldn't I try to defend my friend?

I was completely confused, letting my thoughts mingle with the confused droplets in the air. Finally, when the cold wind blew, I couldn't help but shiver, and my body and mind were cold.

An Shaoyang stood up and stretched out his hand to me, "Go back!"

I hesitated in the face of this wide palm that I had been looking forward to for a long time, I had been waiting, I had been waiting, I had been waiting, but when it was within reach, I lost the ardent desire that had always remained in the bottom of my heart.

In the end, I still held his hand, and instantly felt his strength surging all over my body, I stood up effortlessly, and a sour liquid poured into my eyes, it was really astringent, and my eyes couldn't help but blink hard twice to suppress it.

Speechless all the way, we each lowered our heads, and then looked up and stood at the mouth of my house's alley, the lights in the neighborhood were all extinguished, leaving only a deep night.

"Thank you!" An Shaoyang slowly raised his head.

Thank you? Why? Because I didn't say a bad word about Masako, or because I didn't know how to fight for it at all?

"There's no need!" I quoted Masako's words, because An Shaoyang had also quoted this sentence, but he looked at me in surprise.

"Masako is my best friend. "That's all I can say.

An Shaoyang smiled lightly, "Go back!"

I watched him quietly for three seconds, hoping that he would turn away immediately, and now only his indifference could make me die.

The moment my eyes touched his eyes I knew it was impossible, he was such a kind person.

I have nothing to say about this but to turn around and walk away.

His kindness is my affection, how can I bear to hope it to flow away? Without that kind protection, how can I dare to approach a person who has gone astray? No matter how good-looking he is, reason will make me abandon him without hesitation.

After all, I am a girl, and the desire for gentleness is a girl's nature, I can't make an exception, but An Shaoyang has this gentle characteristic.

So I have made up my mind again and again, but I have never been able to let go of this bond, even though I know that the endless tenderness has been given to others.

I walked step by step into the darkness, knowing that there was a pair of gentle eyes covering the darkness, but I didn't dare to look back, I was afraid that my passion could not help but explode.

I opened the door softly, and my mother's tired voice came from inside: "Qianqian, are you back?"

"Well, it's me. "I calmed down, for fear that my mother would hear anything unusual, I was too tired to bear to let me work hard.

"There was food in the stove. ”

"Oh, I've eaten it. I calmly panicked.

"Then go to bed early, it's not early. ”

"Got it. ”

I walked into my room step by step, locked the door, and leaned on it, oh my God! What am I doing? How stupid it is to lie to others and myself!

I gradually softened, until I finally sat down behind the door, I didn't dare to turn on the light, for fear of inadvertently glimpsing my embarrassment, but I really had no way out, falling step by step, little by little, all this was completely out of my control.

This night is really empty, just like my empty heart.

An Shaoyang must have walked a long way! He was going to rush to protect Masako, instead of wasting time thinking about whether I was helpless.

I have long seen through his infatuation, but why should I learn from his infatuation? I think his heart for Masako will not change for the rest of his life, so what about me? How long will my heart struggle with him? Will it continue to be white?

What a terrible future! What a desperate expectation! I can only let the night bury me.

Inadvertently, fragile tears crawled all over my cheeks, and I had no intention of paying attention to it anymore, such a lonely night had no time to pay attention to the heartbreak of an infatuated girl.

There is no tomorrow, so let me shed all the tears of my life in this dark night.

I remembered Masako's words: As long as you are happy, I will be happy with you. I'm really not a good friend, and I broke the promise I made to my friend.

Who is to blame for this? This situation is not out of my control.

Forgive me, Masako, give me another night to grieve for myself, and I promise that I will start again to be the best and most competent friend after dawn.

It may have been my thousandth promise, but I hope it will come true, and at most I hope that I have completely lost faith in myself in the previous nine hundred and ninety-nine betrayals.

Anyway, with this night with me, I felt so tired that I couldn't even control my thoughts.

When I woke up to the dawn of dawn in my small room, I sat up from the floor, changed into my wrinkled clothes, and sat in front of the mirror to find myself in a mess: messy hair, tear-stained face, swollen eyelids.

Last night's thinking had exhausted my brain, and I couldn't think about it anymore, or I didn't want to think about the pointless questions at all.

Now all I have to do is clean myself up and face my mother.

I opened the door gently, it was not yet dawn, the kitchen was a little dark, I felt a hot water bottle on the table, poured half a basin of water mixed with cold water and brought it back to the house.

This water temperature makes me feel a lot more relaxed, so I simply cover my face with a wet towel to stretch all my pores.

I fell on my back on the bed and fell asleep.

The streets were deserted after midnight, and the scattered dim streetlights had dilapidated a lone figure.

He walked alone on the cold street, as if he was full of sorrow but had nowhere to confide, how could such a lonely expression appear on the face of such an outstanding young man?

He had a well-defined face, full of heroism and gentleness, and he was homeless, or why did he wander the streets alone? At least he lacked a spiritual home.

But perhaps he had a clear line in mind, for his steady steps did not hesitate, and although it was difficult to take a step, he still walked all the way towards a villa.

The road did not seem to be very far, but he did walk for a long time, and after turning four corners, he finally looked up, and saw a luxurious house in front of him, the wide iron fence was locked, and inside the door was a delicate little garden, and all the lights in the house were extinguished, and he looked up at the flower window diagonally facing the door and stood thoughtfully for a long time.

On a May day, when the night wind was still blowing, he took out a pack of cigarettes from his pocket—he usually did not smoke, which he had bought from the poor boy when he had just passed through the alley, and he gave the boy a banknote that was astronomical to him, and walked here despite his shouts. It seems that this smoke is useful, at least it is getting colder.

He walked to the door, wearing only a thin shirt on his upper body, but he was still leaning against the wall, although the cold of the stone wall was to the bone, he was still unmoved, he felt for a match and lit a cigarette, with the help of the flickering fire, the lines of his face looked bright and handsome, but the unfathomable eyes flashed sporadically with a dull light.

He took a deep breath of his cigarette and then looked up to the sky and exhaled the white filthy gas, closing his eyes as if in deep thought, before taking another breath.

The rest of the night passed in the smoke he exhaled. There is no rooster crowing in such a city, but dawn is still coming, and as the sky opens, An Shaoyang's figure is more and more clearly leaning against the wall, his feet are sprinkled with cigarette butts, and the crumpled paper bag.

He took only one puff of the last cigarette, and then closed his eyes in vain. The long-term worker of the Liu family, who got up early to buy vegetables, finally yawned and stretched out to open the door, he was suddenly startled, opened his eyes, and they were covered with bloodshots, but he still didn't move, and the ashes of the cigarette in his hand fell down.

Changgong Ah Lai rubbed his eyes and walked out, and the original ninety percent of his sleepiness was driven away by An Shaoyang outside the door. He was startled, but when he recognized the comer, he could never go back to sleep.

"Mr. An, it's so early!" He looked An Shaoyang up and down, and was startled when he saw the cigarette butts on the ground.

"You-you're smoking so much! you can't stand here all night, right?" Ah Lai and everyone in the Liu family knew that An Shaoyang was the kind of person who smoked and drank excessively, so his surprise was completely understandable.

An Shaoyang got up and extinguished the cigarette butt on the wall, he stood for a long time. But he didn't answer Ah Lai's words, "Take me to wash my face!" He patted Ah Lai on the shoulder and walked straight into the door, and Ah Lai hurriedly followed.

An Shaoyang rinsed his mouth and splashed a few handfuls of cold water on his face, ignoring the towel handed over by Ah Lai and entering the living room.

"Strange!" Ah Lai touched his head inexplicably, but remembered that he hadn't bought groceries yet, so he rushed out of the house desperately.

It was Chang's mother who opened the door, and when she entered the living room, she saw the water droplets on An Shaoyang's face, and the few locks of hair on her forehead were wet and hung down, covering half of her eyes, and she couldn't see her expression clearly. As soon as I entered the door and smelled the pungent smell of smoke on his body, I felt that something was wrong, and then looked at his depressed expression, Chang's mother was even more surprised.

"What's the matter, what are you?" I asked out of concern and curiosity, I have always regarded this excellent young man as if he were my own child, seeing him like this, how can I, as a "mother", not worry?

An Shaoyang looked at my anxious expression and then moved his gaze to the staircase and asked, "Is Masako awake?"

Chang's mother seemed to hear the clue, but she was more puzzled, could it be that the two of them quarreled? It seems that the Liu family is not only the master, but even the subordinates also believe that An Shaoyang is the master.

Chang's mother settled down and said, "It's only six o'clock, and Miss Masako usually doesn't get up until eight o'clock." I pointed to the French clock at the foot of the wall.

"Can you call me for me?" An Shaoyang asked.

"You-quarreled?" Chang's mother tried to ask.

"Don't guess, there's nothing. I'll go first, and I'll come back at eight o'clock. So saying, he hurried to the gate.

"Hey!" Chang's mother ran over to pull him, "Look at you kid, what's wrong today, you lost your temper after just saying two words, can't I call you!" Chang's mother smiled, and wrinkles appeared on her chubby face.

"No, I'll come back later. An Shaoyang rushed out without looking back, and stopped all the way to the street.

Chang Ma, who left a puzzled face behind her: This child will change his face no matter what he says, and he is a young man now.

I sighed and was about to go down to the kitchen, upstairs, the door of Masako's room suddenly opened: "Is An Shaoyang here?" I asked.

Chang's mother raised her head and was confused, Miss Masako got up so early is unprecedented, today's young people are really incomprehensible: "Oh, I just came here and said I was looking for you, but I left again in a blink of an eye, and I couldn't stop it." This kid is weird today. ”

The last sentence I meant was for myself, but when I looked up again, Masako was already in the room again, and I shook my head and entered the kitchen with a head full of doubts.

Masako went back to the room and changed her pajamas as quickly as she could, and sorted out her clothes, shoes and socks as quickly as she could, and rushed downstairs.

I stopped at the gate, looked at both sides, felt as if I had stepped on something, looked down, and saw a pile of cigarette butts at my feet, I couldn't help frowning, and turned to chase in the direction of the main block.

An Shaoyang stood in the middle of the road blankly, he could imagine Chang Ma's confusion, but he didn't know what he was doing.

He didn't understand why he came to Liu's house in the middle of the night, but his footsteps were out of control and he only recognized this direction. He said that he was looking for Masako, and he didn't know what he was looking for me for, and he didn't even think of a word to say to me. And then he rushed out again, where are he going? The feet are now disoriented.

Anyway, he didn't know what to say to me, so he took a step away.

"Hey—" It's Masako, and I chased after him, holding my hands out in front of him.

An Shaoyang raised his head slightly, and saw that my eyes were full of pain, which made me at a loss, but my heart was shocked, and my hand hung down unconsciously.

"You—" I don't know where to begin.

Suddenly, I was hugged tightly by him, and he buried his face in my long hair, while my eyes widened in astonishment, and then my trachea was pricked by the strong smell of tobacco on his body.

But helplessly, his hands sealed my retreat so forcefully that I couldn't resist.

I was too stunned to know how to react, I never thought of throwing myself into his arms, although at this moment I really felt the warmth of this embrace, or I always knew the warmth of this embrace, but it didn't seem to be what I wanted, never thought of.

Oh my God! What's going on?

He didn't let me break free, and whispered softly next to me: "I'm sorry, I'm really sorry, I didn't mean to hurt you, forgive me!"

I woke up from my stunned and then I went back into confusion, oh my God, what was he talking about? Apologize? Because of what? I don't remember him hurting me, and even if he did, it didn't seem to be me, it was him. Oh, by the way, and the look in his eyes a moment ago.

He's hurt, but what does it have to do with me? Why did he confide in me? Could it be that I'm the culprit?

A large wave of doubts filled Masako's chaotic brain, "But, but—I" I wanted to open my mouth but couldn't, he hugged me tighter, and then a stronger smell of tobacco entered my nostrils, but I couldn't escape.

I felt a warm liquid soak into the ends of my hair, and I was even more stunned. What was wrong with him? What made him so sad? He had never been a weak man, but his words were so incomprehensible that I couldn't figure out the root cause of his injury.

"Don't be angry, okay? I didn't mean to do that to you, but I couldn't bear you to see my dilapidated side," his deep voice rang in my ears again: "You know how much I care about you, that's why I have to care about the way you look at me, I'm sorry, I'm sorry......"

He repeated those three words in my ear over and over again, and I finally woke up from a dream. But I wasn't hurt in any way, but he was enraged, and even if someone should apologize, it should be me, or I wouldn't have had to get up so early.

Wait, he said he cares about me, I really know this, but he actually said it himself, I have other plans, what should I do?

He looked really sad, what should I do? He said he cared about my eyes, but I didn't think it would be any different for me to look at him when I went to his house, at least it wouldn't get worse, maybe a little admiration. What was he thinking? I don't understand.

When I understood the reason for his complaint, I remembered that it was on the street, and although there would be no one in the morning, it was not appropriate for them to stand in the street in such a huddle.

How do I ask him to let go?

"Y- smoked a lot last night?" I poked my mouth and nose out of him.

An Shaoyang suddenly let go of his hand, and then remembered that Masako has always been very sensitive to the smell of tobacco, even if it is just a little bit, it will make me frown, in order to avoid being choked, even if my father smokes, I will not hesitate to avoid it.

He's forgotten that, damn it, or I'll understand, and in fact I understand it at the moment.

It was a delicate pool, the pale blue of which rippled slightly in the occasional breeze, and then became as calm as a mirror.

The smooth pebbles on the edge of the pool have not yet shaken off the chill of the night, lying coldly, waiting for the newborn sun to warm their cold bodies and minds.

Masako sat on a pile of pebbles against the pool. My face was as expressionless as I was when I painted.

I'm thinking, I've had too many surprises this morning.

In fact, I don't understand what my parents mean, I can understand An Shaoyang's thoughts from his usual eyes, but, but I never thought of making all this clear in an instant.

To be precise, I didn't plan to fulfill my family's assumption, not because I had an opinion on An Shaoyang, but because I had other plans.

I don't know what kind of feeling I feel about him, but when I pull them together, I seem to have been rejecting this whimsical arrangement in my heart, but this sense of rejection seems to be hesitating, should he be the other end of my heart?

I went to look for him the day before, but suddenly found that there was no way for the two of them to remain at the scale of friends, although I don't know if it was An Shaoyang's reason, or if I myself couldn't find a stable position on this relationship at all.

I couldn't figure out all these questions in an instant, it was too difficult.

Another face flashed through my mind when I thought of my girl's thoughts, but the image seemed to be out of reach, and it was broken at the touch of my hand. An Shaoyang, he does exist, but I have never been eager for it. Is this what people say: if you get it, you don't know how to cherish it?

There's another ending I've been plotting in my mind, and if I regret it now, what will my friend do?

No, I can't do that, I can't shake it, I can't snatch love with a sword, I can't desecrate the sanctity of the love I want with all my heart, that's too despicable.

I've never been a pedantic girl, and if I want to fight rationally, at least until I figure out what I really want, at least then I don't have to apologize to the two of them.

"Do you understand?" An Shaoyang bent down and threw a small pebble to the surface of the water, and the stone jumped to the center of the pool and sank.

Masako nodded thoughtfully, shook her head again, looked up at his back and said, "But Qianqian likes you, you should know." ”

I set my eyes on a stone that An Shaoyang had just thrown out.

"What about you? I like you, you know?" he threw out another piece, and it seemed that he had made a lot of effort to vent the strength he had stored in his heart.

"I know, but—" Masako jerked her head to argue again.

"Shhh You've had enough of today's 'buts'. ”

Masako looked into his eyes, and for the first time felt a hairy feeling in my heart, I turned my gaze to avoid being trapped, and immediately stood up and said, "I should go back, I have to go to school in the morning." ”

Masako turned around and tried to flee as fast as she could, but after only taking two steps, she was tied from behind by a pair of hands.

I was startled, and his slightly tobacco smell was covered all over me, and I couldn't help but feel a heartbeat, and my cheeks turned crimson in an instant.

Oh my God! What's wrong with him today? Has he already taken me like a bag?

"Thank you, I will cherish every moment we are together. "He was intoxicated and rubbed at my hairline.

But I was at a loss for what to do.

It would hurt him, at least that's what Masako thought. But thinking of his gentle and affectionate eyes, I hesitated again.

I can't let myself directly fight his infatuation, and I myself longed for this tenderness from the bottom of my heart.

Their hearts are troubled.

Masako tries to calm her heartbeat, but in the end it is in vain.

"I'm really leaving, I'm going to be late. This is my most insincere reason, when was I afraid of being late? But he believed it, and slowly let go of his hand. Pulling me over, I was wrapped in his warm gaze again, and hurriedly bowed my head to avoid me. I couldn't stand that kind of stare anymore, it would make my craving explode again, but reason told me I couldn't just let it go.

What else is he trying to do? Could it be — no, I can't let this happen.

An Shaoyang seemed to see my uneasiness, so he raised a hearty smile and whispered: "Go back, don't think about others anymore, remember to think about me, huh?"

Masako didn't even understand the content of his words, and the moment he let go, she pulled back, quickly escaping from his powerful gentle net without looking back.

An Shaoyang ran away from sight with a smile on my face, he raised a smile of satisfaction and joy, turned around and shouted at the pool.

Everything is a foregone conclusion, he lowered his head and pulled up his collar to smell his own smell, the smell of tobacco and sweat is indeed not very pleasant, especially Masako will not like it.

It's time for a change, it must be the last time, and he won't let it happen a second time.

In less than 24 hours, everything was like a world away, and after pouring out everything, his body and mind were much more relaxed, and his mood suddenly brightened.

With an unprecedentedly light step, he strode in the direction of his home, which was indeed a warm place.

I had stuck to Masako that afternoon and wanted to go home with me, and I could see that I had been haunted that day, and I thought it was time for us to have a showdown, and I'd better get everything out of the way at once, or Masako wouldn't be at ease no matter what she thought.

Masako sat on the swing in the courtyard but didn't let it swing, and I sat at the stone table diagonally across from me, and I didn't speak thoughtfully.

I took a deep breath, it was time for my friend to take a stand, so I suppressed my heartache: "Masako, Shaoyang has always liked you. ”

Masako looked up keenly and looked at me suspiciously, I knew what I was wondering about, but I didn't intend to let me back down anything, feelings are as non-transferable as happiness, I want me to understand where I stand.

I stood up, walked behind me and held me, I looked up at me, I squeezed out a smile, and then looked straight ahead, I didn't want me to penetrate my eyes: "Don't you think Shaoyang is a good man?"

"I know you like him a lot, so-"

"No!" I resolutely interrupted my words, not letting me say anything like giving An Shaoyang to me, I can't do this, although I don't fully understand my mind, but I know that An Shaoyang will not accept it, and I myself will refuse without hesitation, "Don't say something like that, it's not fair to the three of us." ”

"But that's not fair to you!" I hurriedly argued.

"Feelings are reluctant, don't you know? You once told me that happiness cannot be transferred, and feelings are not, even if you give An Shaoyang to me, I can't get his feelings, and he is far from being an unconscious shuttlecock, whoever it passes into is whoever's is whoever's. He's a living, flesh-and-blood man, and to do that to him, no, it's too cruel to all three of us, and I won't appreciate it. ”

I said everything I had to say in one breath, and although it was painful, every word was sincere.

"Can you put it down?" I asked carefully, knowing that I didn't want to touch my more mournful heart.

"Maybe not now, but I believe that time will dilute everything, and when the happiness that truly belongs to me comes, I will be reborn. I'll be grateful for your decision today. ”

Although I knew that my "happiness" was out of reach, and that it might not even appear in my lifetime, I could only comfort my friend's struggling heart with an empty fantasy. I can't let me feel sorry for the rest of my life, because I didn't do anything at all.

"Really?" I seemed to be lost in thought again.

"Yes. "I also can't keep my mind in control for too long.

"What if I don't like him?" Suddenly, Masako's words woke me up like a dream, and I stumbled unawares.

Oh my God! What am I talking about, what am I thinking? Could it be that I really want to fulfill me?

No, I must not let me do this, yes, I will never allow it.

I walked up to me, half-crouched down, and looked me straight in the eye, my big eyes seemed to be stuffed with a lot of things, very complicated, but just not happy.

"Masako, take back your words, I don't allow you to do this for me. You're going to make everybody sad, including me. "I tried my best to make my voice as serious as possible and make me believe in my sincerity.

Actually, I am sincere, as long as An Shaoyang is happy, as long as Masako is happy, I am very satisfied, although my heart hurts so much.

"Are you going to be sad?" I still had doubts in my eyes, "yes? But I really don't know how I feel about him. "I was desperately grabbing my hair.

I could see my serious emotions and distressed thoughts, and I was shocked again, Masako didn't like An Shaoyang? Really? Should I be happy or sad? What I wanted so much but couldn't get, I took it as a burden.

How could this be? But Masako's mind is something I can't guess all along, what am I thinking? I have an unprecedented urge to delve deeper into my inner world.

I'm a special girl, so special that I think beyond the imagination of ordinary people, I'm my best friend, but I still don't know anything about me.

I have made up my mind that I can't be easily overwhelmed, otherwise I will sink deeper and die even more miserably. Rather than let yourself fall into the depths step by step and then bear the blow of the shattered dream, it is better to completely accept your fate and give up.

"Don't lie to yourself," I understood to be ironic, and I was not deluding myself: "You're going to make everybody sad." ”

I prefer to believe that I am comforting me, I don't want An Shaoyang, whom I like so much, to be let down, I don't hesitate to put pressure on my friends, I am sure that I must like Shaoyang, whether it is love or not, in short, I have him in my heart.

The sky in June is a little hot, An Shaoyang's eyes chasing Masako are also burning more and more as the weather heats up, after the true confession of May, I have become much calmer, although sometimes there will be a faint pain in my heart. Masako was so strange, in the face of An Shaoyang's omnipresent gaze, I obviously felt that I was escaping, and I was even more blatantly staring out the window in class.

My insecurity is growing, this is not the ending I wanted, am I wrong?

Masako rarely sketches after class, but she is more and more obsessed with my swing, on which I sit, my hands firmly grasping the ropes on both sides, and I always sit still.

I was worried and inevitably began to regret that I shouldn't have put so many people's joys and sorrows on me, and I couldn't bear it.

"Squeak-" The door rang, I turned around, it was An Shaoyang who came out of the house, it seemed that he had left work early again, and he walked straight over. Sit on the stone bench next to me.

"What's wrong with Masako?" he frowned in distress.

"It's been like this for the past few days, have you quarreled?" I asked, knowing it couldn't be.

"How could it be!" An Shaoyang smiled lightly, still that kind of special smile that fascinated me. My heart fluttered, and I immediately turned my attention to Masako.

Perhaps it was our conversation that affected my thoughts, and Masako looked up at us.

My gaze was surprisingly gloomy, as if this haze would be rendered to the bottom of my heart, and at the same time, I could see that An Shaoyang's heart was nervous for me.

"What's wrong with you?" he stepped forward and stared into my eyes, eager to suck all the unhappiness out of it and return my smile.

I shook my head, jumped off the swing, and gently stroked the old rope that had faded with my hand: "In another month and three days it will be the twenty-third day of July, the day of my brother's death. "My voice was low and depressed.