I was with Jin Yebai in August and began to live together, and he left me in early December, and he left for more than a month, and then came back because of the wedding of Song Qingya and Ling Xi.

He said he would tell me the truth after the wedding, but that night, after asking for me, he sent me away with a glass of water with sleeping pills, and then disappeared again.

I looked for him for more than a month, gave up my job, and had no intention of taking care of the children, so I put Shu Jing'an in the nursery every day, but I still didn't get any news from him after all.

Is he really dead? Why doesn't this scoundrel even let me see him to the last time, why doesn't he want me to accompany him to the end, why is he so cruel to me?

No, I don't believe he's dead!

I don't believe it!

I continued to insist on going to the hospital every few days to find Song Qingya to ask for Jin Yebai's whereabouts, because she never said that he was dead, and everything was too much for me to think about.

In the past, Song Qingya hated me the most, she always thought that I dragged Jin Yebai down and brought him so much trouble and distress, she just didn't want me to be with him, as if I would kill him.

But in the more than a month since Jin Yebai left, although I went to the hospital to find her again and again, and every time I begged her to tell me his whereabouts, her attitude towards me became better and better.

When I went to see her not long ago, she looked at me sadly and said, "I didn't expect you to love him so much and look for him desperately, but unfortunately I have promised him that I can't tell you his whereabouts." ”

He's not dead yet!

I burst into tears with excitement, and as soon as I grabbed Song Qingya's hand, I knelt down, "Qingya, please tell me, where did he go, I want to see him, I really want to see him." ”

Qingya broke away from my hand and took a few steps back, "I've already said it, I won't say it, you will die of this heart, unless you think about where he will go!"

After that, she was afraid that I would be entangled again, so she left the office quickly, and when I went to look for her again, she left as soon as she saw me, and she didn't even give me a chance to speak, let alone ask about her whereabouts.

Since that day, I've been wondering, where will Jin Yebai go? The world is so big, where is the place he wants to go the most? I don't know, I really don't know, because I really don't know much about him.

I've always been a very incompetent lover compared to him, and he knows me so well that I know almost nothing about him, otherwise I wouldn't even be able to remember where he went.

This afternoon, I went to pick up Shu Jing'an in advance, and I was going to take her to the mall to buy a few clothes, because children grow up too fast, and the clothes are easy to wear.

I remember when I was young, my mother often brought clothes that I couldn't wear to Meng Shuwei to wear, which was also a kind of frugality, after all, those clothes were in good condition, but they couldn't be worn.

When I passed by a shop with Shu Jing'an in my arms, I suddenly stopped.

california-dreaming

on-such-a-winters-day

stopped-into-a-church

i-passed-along-the-way……

A familiar song, California-Dream, was playing on the stereo in the store, and one of my memories was instantly touched.

I've been reminiscing a lot lately, and when I hear this song, I suddenly remember that just over a year ago, he told me in person that he liked California.

He must have gone to California!

Thinking of this, I immediately took out my mobile phone and pressed Song Qingya's number, I want to ask her for verification, if he really went to California, he would definitely have a stable place to live after so long, and she would not know it.

Unfortunately, as expected, she didn't answer my phone at all, so I had to take Shu Jing'an to the hospital and block her in the office.

"Qingya, he's in California now, isn't he?" I put Shu Jing on the chair, eagerly.

She opened her mouth wide in surprise, "How do you know?

"Where is he in California? I'm going to find him right away. I cried out directly with excitement, and grabbed Song Qingya's clothes, as if I had finally grabbed a life-saving straw.

Shu Jing'an saw me crying, and also cried with a wow, I hurriedly picked her up and coaxed her with red eyes, and finally coaxed her to continue to beg Song Qingya.

"Please, just tell me?" I almost knelt down to her again as soon as my legs went limp, and if she would say anything, even if I wanted me to kowtow to her a hundred times.

I don't care about anything now, I just want to see Jin Yebai soon!

"What if you find him, he doesn't want to have anything to do with you anymore!" Song Qingya raised her voice, "Aren't you miserable enough to hurt him?, why is it so cruel that even his last wish can't satisfy him, let him live the rest of his life quietly?"

"I'm going to bring him back!" I looked at Song Qingya firmly, "If you don't want to say it, then I have to beg his parents, no matter what you think, I don't care if I think of me!"

Jin Yebai, I'm going to pester you in this life!

I'm going to find you out at the ends of the earth, and that's what you owe me!"

"It's useless for you to look for them, my brother's address is only for one person. Song Qingya was fearless, "Don't be delusional anymore, I won't betray him." ”

She wasn't as violent as she used to be, and she asked security to come in and drag me out if she didn't want to see me, and now she just left the office quietly, out of sight of me.

Looking at the back of her leaving, I secretly gritted my teeth, this time I must take the knife Jin Yebai's address no matter what, no one knows what kind of changes will happen if it is late.

I stayed in her office and didn't leave, I didn't believe that she didn't come back, she didn't tell me for a day, I just sat in her office for a day, and I didn't say anything for two days, I just sat for two days, anyway, I don't have anything but time now.

When Song Qingya saw me in her office for three days in a row, she finally couldn't stand it anymore and scolded me viciously, "Shu Menglu, you are really a scoundrel!"

I turned my chair and smiled facelessly, "That's right, I'm a scoundrel, I'm already relying on you, because I still have to rely on your brother." ”

More than a month ago, I would never have imagined that one day I would become such a scoundrel in the market, stalking Song Qingya, challenging her patience and bottom line again and again.

"You're so shameless!" Song Qingya glared at me fiercely, "You don't look in the mirror, what the hell have you become." ”

I continued to laugh, "No need to take a picture, I know I'm a complete madman now!" My eyes were hot, I wanted to cry again, and sniffed, "I've been crazy since the moment I fell in love with your brother, and this separation has forced me to have no way to escape, if I'm not crazy, then I'll only die." ”

"What did you say?" Song Qingya's eyes flashed with a hint of horror.

"I said, don't be crazy, don't live, I'm crazy enough, since he doesn't want me anymore, then it's not interesting for me to live, you help me tell him, I'm waiting for him on Huangquan Road!" After saying that, I laughed and walked out of her office, walked into the elevator quickly, and sat all the way to the top floor.

Song Qingya quickly followed, but after all, she was still a step too slow, and when she appeared in front of me, I was already standing next to the window of a ward on the top floor.

I have been in the hospital every day for the past few days, but I have not been in her office, I have already planned everything, and yesterday I saw that there was no one in this ward, even if I threatened Song Qingya with death, it would not cause trouble to others.

Song Qingya, I'm really sorry, in order to get to his address, I can only make this decision, I know that you are a good person who is compassionate and compassionate, so you will definitely not watch me die.

I stood at the window opening, opened the window, and the cold wind poured in, and I couldn't help but shiver.

"What do you want to do?" Song Qingya asked knowingly.

"How about we make a deal? I'll trade two lives for his address, will you promise?" I looked at her with a smile.

It's all cowards who commit suicide, and I don't really want to die now, if I hadn't been sure of one thing yesterday, I wouldn't have done such a shameful thing today.

Of course, Song Qingya also knew my intentions, so she looked indifferent, "If you want to die, die quickly, but don't come to me if you are a ghost, all of this is your own fault, and it has nothing to do with me." ”

"Qingya, you are so good to him, you are obedient, I can't exchange two lives for one of his addresses!" I smiled wryly, and opened the window wider, the cold wind ruffled my long hair, and tears blurred my vision.

"What two lives?" Song Qingya glanced at me, "Shu Jing'an wouldn't die without you, isn't there still a government here? ”

I looked at her and didn't say anything with tears in my eyes, and the cold wind blew me colder and colder.

She sneered, "You've been pestering me for more than a month, and it's not over?" If you want to use this trick, you have to use it as soon as possible, it's useless now, you play slowly by yourself, I still have to go to work, so I won't play with you!"

"I'm pregnant!" I looked down at my belly, then looked up at Song Qingya, "I know that my life is nothing to others, so I didn't dare to do such a shameful thing to you before." ”

"What are you talking about?" Song Qingya exclaimed, "No, you lied to me, he has been away from you for so long, how can you conceive a child, even if you really have it, it will definitely not be his." ”

"He's been away from me for a long time, but don't forget, he's been to your wedding before, and that night was the longest he's been holding out, and I've already dealt with it the way you said it, despite the safety measures in place. ”

God still took pity on me after all, and let me conceive a child for the last time, I am a cheap person, and it was the same when I was with Zhou Mingchuan, and it was the last time.

Is it not normal to conceive me? Then I am really strange, I have to be someone else in an abnormal way, and I should be like this!

Song Qingya was silent, and I looked at her and didn't speak.

It's still February, the weather is cold, and time is passing by minute by minute, and I am almost frozen by the cold wind.

Song Qingya thought for a long time, and finally stomped her foot, "Okay, since that's the case, then I'll tell you, you go to him yourself, I don't care what the result is!"

"Thank you. I struggled to pull a grateful smile and reached out to close the window.

In this extraordinary period, I must not have anything happen, the child must be saved, this is the crystallization of my love with Jin Yebai, and I finally got the flesh of my heart.

Song Qingya quickly gave me Jin Yebai's address and contact information.

I took the post-it note she handed me and begged, "Please don't tell him about me going to him or about the child." ”

She waved her hand impatiently, "I don't have so much to do, if you get your wish, get out of here, lest I regret asking for the address back!"

"Good. "I folded the post-it notes and put them in my wallet.

When I got home, I booked a ticket according to the address, and I used to go abroad several times when I went to work, and now I am familiar with the formalities, and the only thing that is not easy to do is Shu Jing'an.

I am now alone, and it is not suitable for a child to be placed at a friend's house at such a young age, so I ended up leaving her in the nursery, giving her extra money and asking someone to help take care of her for a few days.

A few days later, I stepped on the plane, stumbled, and went around and around, and finally found Jin Yebai's residence in a remote place, but unfortunately he was not there.

I asked the landlady and she said he had taken her grandchildren out to play in the mangrove forest nearby, and I thanked him and went out to find him, my heart racing.

He's here, I've finally found him, and from now on, except for death, no one can separate us, I can not go to work, I don't take care of Shu Jing'an, but I definitely can't help but accompany him through the last days.

The village is small, and I easily found him in the mangrove forest that my landlady said.

He was dressed in very casual clothes, surrounded by a few children, who seemed to be playing some kind of game, and looked very happy.

I avoided his gaze and approached from behind him, and when I was about to reach him, a child spotted me, so I had to quicken my pace and suddenly grabbed him from behind.

He stiffened, turned his head slowly, and the moment he saw me, his pupils of surprise dilated instantly, and he opened his mouth but did not say a word.

"Don't talk yet, let me hold for a while. I wrapped my arms around his waist, pressed my face against his back, and gently closed my eyes, feeling his real presence.

Since he left, I have been holding his clothes every night, trying to distinguish from the smell of soap that only belongs to him, and I have fallen asleep silently with tears in my eyes.

How many times I woke up from a nightmare, scared and cried Shu Jing'an, who slept next to me, and then I hugged her tightly and cried in a low voice, at that moment I felt that we were sympathetic.

We're all kids that no one wants!

He was much thinner than before he left, and as soon as I felt my hand around his waist, my eyes were hot, and my tears flowed silently.

Why is God so unfair, can you give him half of my life, so that we can be together a little longer, a little longer?

I don't know how long later, the back of my hand suddenly warmed, and it was he who put his hand on mine.

"Why are you here?" his voice was a little hoarse, and the words seemed to be stuck in his throat.

I opened my eyes, but I still wouldn't let him go, and I hugged him and said, "Because if I don't come, my child won't be able to see his father." ”

"Is Jing'an missing me?" Jin Yebai said in a low voice.

"She misses you, and I miss you even more. I finally let go of him, walked up to him, and pointed to my lower abdomen, "And he, I want to see you too." ”

His gaze followed my finger and it seemed that his gaze fell on my lower abdomen, his eyes flashed with shock, as if he couldn't believe it, and muttered, "No way, I've been very careful every time, and I've taken safety measures." ”

"But I've never touched any other man except you, do you think I have what it takes to conceive alone?" I laughed with tears in my eyes, "Whether you recognize it or not, this is our child." ”

"How so. "He couldn't believe it.

"This is what God owes you!" I took his hand and put it on my lower abdomen, "Shuying Heng Shui Menglu, Jin Yebai, I Shu Menglu has entangled you in this life, and if you live for a day, you will be responsible for us for a day! If you want to die, you must also arrange our future lives before you die!"

"Meng Lu ......" Jin Yebai's hand shrank, as if he wanted to withdraw it.

I grabbed his hand so hard that I almost broke his bones, and said word by word, "You have the right to remain silent, but if you dare to eat and not pay, I will definitely not let you have a good time, even if it is on the Huangquan Road, I will chase after you!"

"Meng Lu ......" He called me again, revealing a look of embarrassment on his face.

"Do you still want to abandon your wife and children?" The child is already my last bargaining chip, if he still insists, then I really have only one way to die.

I didn't want to wait until the child was born and grew up, and when I asked about his father, I could only tell him that he was a child that I was pregnant with before marriage and was not recognized by my father.

"Meng Lu ......" He called my name for the third time, his face became very strange, and I couldn't see what kind of decision he had made.

"Is this choice difficult?" I was anxious, and the strength in my hand subconsciously increased.

"Can you let me go first?" he tugged at his hand, "You only have one choice for me, do I need to make any other choice?"

What does he mean by "you ......?"

"Forget it, one hand can hold you tightly. He wrapped his other hand around my waist and leaned over to kiss me lightly on the cheek, "I want you and the child." ”

"Little white ......" I let go of his hand and snuggled tightly in his arms, and tears flowed down uncontrollably, tears of happiness and tears.

We hugged each other in the mangrove forest, completely oblivious to anyone else, until a child picked up Jin Yebai's camera and took a picture while we weren't paying attention, and we were awakened by the flash.

was photographed, Jin Yebai was not annoyed at all, still hugged me, looked down at my eyes with affection, and said softly as water, "I didn't expect me to realize another wish." ”

"What wish?" The child next to him was still taking pictures, but since Jin Yebai didn't care, why should I bother, now nothing matters except him and the child in my belly.

"Embrace you in the mangrove forests of California and enjoy the California sunshine with you. As soon as Jin Yebai's voice fell, he suddenly came over again, and my lips were sealed by him in the next second.

I don't remember how many times we've kissed, and in those days with him, he would kiss me at least once a day, and almost every time I felt good and happy, except for the two times he forced to kiss me in the car.

But today, when the man who had kissed me countless times poked his tongue into my mouth again, my tears flowed uncontrollably.

I really feel that I am Lin Daiyu, God let me meet Jin Yebai, in order to make me cry for him again and again, heartache again and again, and struggle in desperate love!

It was the longest kiss we've ever had, and I don't know how long it lasted, except that after he left my lips, I felt my mouth red and swollen, and the pain was a little numb.

Jin Yebai took his camera, took my hand and walked back with the children.

I held his hand tightly, looked back at the mangrove forest reluctantly, and was suddenly reluctant to leave.

When I heard about California-Dreag in high school, I fell in love with this place, but I didn't have a strong desire to come, and like many people, when I think of romantic places abroad, I can't help but think of places like Provence with lavender fields.

But now, after seeing this warm mangrove forest, I can't fit anywhere else in my head.

When I returned to his place with Jin Yebai, I saw that he had been fiddling with the camera, so I leaned over curiously to look at it, only to be stunned at a glance, the photos in the camera turned out to be the scene where we kissed just now.

"This was taken by that kid just now?" I looked at Jin Yebai in surprise, I couldn't believe it, that kid looked like he was only in his teens, how could he take the photo so well?

"yes, the shots are good, and when I get back, I'll wash them out and put them in the room. Jin Yebai seemed to be very happy.

"How did he do it? Even I couldn't find such a good angle. "I took my camera and looked at it one by one.

"Maybe it's a talent, he's very interested in photography. Jin Yebai also leaned his head to look.

The photo was really good and I'm very grateful to him, if it wasn't for him, we wouldn't have been able to leave such a good memorial.

Looking at the photo, I suddenly had an idea, so I moved my eyes from the camera to Jin Yebai, and asked softly, "Xiaobai, let's not go back to China first? I like it here." ”

"The village is quiet and peaceful, and I like it so much that I decided to stay here. Jin Yebai took the camera and turned it off, and carefully put it in his travel bag.

"Then we'll stay. "I don't ask him what he's sick or how much time he has left, because it doesn't matter.

If everything is already predestined, he will naturally say it if he wants to tell me, he doesn't want to tell me, even if I ask, he won't say it, it will only embarrass each other, and I don't want to give him any more persecution and pressure.

"We could have stayed for a few more days. "He didn't ask me why I was here, and who told me the address, but since we had already met and made the decision to stay together, these things became insignificant.

He said to stay for a few days, really just a few days, and then bought a plane ticket and went back, taking with him and me the newly bought DV player full of photos and videos.

Those photos and videos were just taken in the past few days, and in order to leave these beautiful memories, he specially paid someone to follow them all the way.

On the plane, he said to me while fiddling with the DV machine: "Meng Lu, I may not be able to see the child born, let alone watch him grow up, and now we are a family." Later, when the child grows up, you tell him that his father used to accompany him. ”

The phrase "Little White ......" did not have any flowery rhetoric, but it made me immediately burst into tears, threw myself into his arms and sobbed in a low voice.

He gently stroked my back and gently comforted, "Don't cry, everyone is looking at you, you don't know and think I'm bullying you, and besides, you shouldn't shed tears now that you have children." ”

It was a strange feeling that we were separated without quarrels, and we got together without questioning each other, and everything went so smoothly as if nothing had happened in between.

I think I know him now, we know a lot of things, there is no need to spread them out and put them on the table, I know why he left me, and he knows why I have to find him.

This is enough and does not need superfluous explanations.