It shouldn't be like this, it can't be like this. It can't be like this.

He was struggling, he was struggling as best he could, like a madman, but no matter how he struggled, he couldn't feel any strength in his limbs, and even the tingling of the rope against his wrists and ankles had completely disappeared, as if ...... It was as if he had become a high paraplegic again.

Below the neck, no sensation can be felt. Even the daily excretion of metabolism can only be completed with the help of other people, and that sense of shame, that sense of powerlessness, even if you lie on the hospital bed for ten years, is still deeply imprinted in your mind, and you can never get used to it, and it can never be erased.

No, no, no, he doesn't want it, and he doesn't want to. If this is really the case, he would rather end his life like this, and only after truly experiencing freedom can he understand that "living in secret" is the most terrible and terrifying thing in the world. He, don't.

Suddenly, a smell of blood spread in his mouth, and the rich smell of blood made the voice muffled, "No, no, no, no", all the words had disappeared, leaving only a simple syllable, but it was impossible to tell whether it was denying or rejecting something.

He still refused to give up, refused to compromise, and struggled frantically. However, all efforts seemed to be in vain, and on the other side of the ring was fate, the universe, and the whole world, and it only took one finger to completely defeat him. His insignificance, so insignificant, was even lighter and fainter than a speck of dust.

The natural universe is so big, but his world is so small.

"Katsuki, Katsuki!" a shout rushed from far and near, and then a pair of hands fixed his shaking head, and shouted closely, "Kaki, calm down, cold...... Quiet ......" but as he spoke, his voice choked, and the words quietly disappeared between his lips and teeth, and he stumbled, "At least, at least you are still alive." At least ......"

In those familiar eyes, he saw his own reflection, the former Chu Jiashu, black hair, yellow skin, black eyes, slightly thin, eyebrows sparse, but at this moment, his lips were dyed with a touch of red, and the blood between his lips and teeth stained the lip flap, but it reflected the paleness of his face more and more, like a cuckoo crying blood, sprinkled on the white silk.

No, he is no longer Chu Jiashu. He is now Lan Li-Hall, he is now out of the hospital bed, he has successfully chased his dreams, he has truly become himself, it shouldn't be like this, he is trapped in Chu Jiashu's body again, but...... But he's Lance-Hall. No, it's not right, it's not possible.

"No! No, it can't be, it can't be. No!" He roared frantically, struggling constantly, and the whole world fell apart, even in the face of the universe, the powerful force was enough to shake, but ...... Then he realized that all the mountains and tsunamis were just in his mind, and it was just his soul fighting.

In fact, in real life, it is all peaceful.

In the projection of Ding Yanan's eyes, he saw the pain, he saw the suffering, he saw the struggle, and he also saw the ...... Motionless self. All his struggles, all his confrontations, all his indomitability, all his anger, everything was just thoughts in his mind, and his body didn't respond at all, not at all.

So cruel, slammed into it so hard.

So, is "Lan Li-Hall" just a dream? Everything is just a beautiful dream of his? Now, when he wakes up from the dream, he is back to reality, back to this immobile body, back to the fate that no matter how hard he tries, he can't fight it.

No matter how beautiful the dream is, how cruel the reality is.

Easily, all the psychological defenses were completely broken, and he was caught off guard, and before he even had time to make a defensive posture, the whole person began to fall apart.

I closed my eyes tightly, and hot tears slid down my face. He gritted his teeth tightly to keep his despair and vulnerability from leaking out, but the endless stream of tears had already burned his cheeks, and the helplessness and confusion firmly bound his body, and then it fell slowly, endlessly.

"Katsuki, you don't want this. Everything will be fine, Katsuki, and you don't give up easily. Ding Yanan's voice was full of pain, standing next to her, but helpless, she wiped away the tears on her son's cheeks, but instantly got wet again, the hot temperature made Ding Yanan can't help but withdraw his right hand, firmly covered his mouth, and didn't let himself cry.

Why is this happening?

What exactly is a dream? Is Lan Li a dream, or is "gravity" a dream? Is the last 23 years of life a dream, or is the 32 years spent lying on the hospital bed a dream? Is he Lan Li or Chu Jiashu? Is he still an actor?

When he opened his eyes again, the universe disappeared, the earth disappeared, and he could only see a white patch in the ward, and the voices of other family members and patients on the beds were heard in his ears, which was familiar Chinese. Everything is so real that there is no way to refute it.

Those movies, those plays, those friends, those lives...... All memories began to blur, farther and farther away, farther and farther away, almost disappearing. About London, about New York, about actors, everything is just his dream, he is still Chu Jiashu, still the patient trapped on the hospital bed.

Those freedoms, those dreams, those memories...... And the sound of the wind on the skateboard, the waves overhead, the wind whistling over the cliffs...... All of that was just an ethereal dream.

In real life, he is still trapped in this square inch of land, and he can't even take care of his basic life.

So, what else can he do?

He could do nothing but wait quietly for death.

From reality to heaven, and from heaven to hell, the huge gap of ups and downs suddenly crushed the tall body of the camel, and all the willpower was shattered. This time, he didn't want to fight. He, gave up.

Open his teeth and bite his tongue, as long as the tongue is cut off, the surging blood will block his throat in an instant, and if he does not bleed too much and die, he will be directly suffocated to death. That's the best ending. Without hesitation, resolutely, he bit down.

"Katsuki! Katsuki, don't scare me, Katsuki!" Ding Yanan's hands trembled constantly, stuck his son's jaw tightly, and then stuffed his fingers in, and at the last moment, he stopped the closing of his teeth, and the pain that surged like a tide almost made Ding Yanan faint, but she still gritted her teeth and refused to let go, "Doctor, doctor." ”

Between the shouts, tears just fell, "Help, who can come and help, save my son, doctor, doctor! Ding Yanan's voice had completely collapsed, and he shouted tremblingly, and that helpless despair, like a black hole, completely involved all the vitality in it, disappeared.

Then the doctors and nurses rushed over, they grabbed him by the chin and freed Ding Yanan, they put braces on him and stopped him from trying, they deprived him of his last rights, and now he had no possibility of suicide and could only continue to lie here like a walking corpse.

No, all is gone.

Now, the only thing he can do is to round his eyes and express his emotions with his eyes, even the movements of shaking his head and opening his mouth have been firmly fixed, and all other parts except his eyes cannot move. This is the real helplessness, like helplessness hanging in mid-air, unable to reach the sky or the ground, and even unable to resist without finding a point of strength.

"I hate you. He looked at Ding Yanan, saw the bloody right hand in the corner of his eyes, and couldn't help but close his eyes, hiding his pain and struggle, as well as his heart couldn't bear it, and he said the words of cruelty and cruelty.

But even these words became vague because of the braces, and saliva kept flowing out, like a patient who had lost his mind. The last shred of dignity, the last shred of his dignity was stripped away, which was even more cruel than being covered in red fruits, and that sense of shame could be felt from the depths of his soul.

"I hate you. He spoke again, his slurred words completely wet with tears, his jaw watered, his despair, his helplessness, his pain, his anger, all torn to shreds.

"Katsuki, don't do this. ”

"I hate you! You're so selfish, you're not for me, you're for yourself. If you're really for my good, let me go, I don't want to be trapped here, I don't want to be tied up here, and then tie you up here too. I don't want to, I don't want to! My life, your life, it's all tied to this hospital bed, nothing.

Don't you know how vast the world is out there? Don't you know that our world is more than just this damn hospital bed? I don't want to stay here, I don't want to tie you up here, let me go, I should have died in a car accident, I should have died there! Why save me, why?"

He was talking, even if he was vague, he was still saying unremittingly, thirty-two years of Chu Jiashu's life, twenty-three years of Lan Li's life, all the ups and downs, all the surging emotions, all burst out in an instant, even if he couldn't say a word clearly, he didn't give up, just said firmly.

However, when those words fell on Ding Yanan's ears, only a babbling syllable remained, as if she could see that Chu Jiashu's soul and personality were dying little by little, she was so helpless, she looked at the doctor, "He ...... He ...... "She tried to give some help, tried to return her dignity to her son, but she was overwhelmed, so she could only helplessly open her mouth and keep shaking her head."

"Katsuki, don't say that, you are my son, how can I give up on you? I can't do it, I really can't do it. ”

Nightmares, hells, disasters, he seems to be back in the dream that he can never wake up from, but what is a dream and what is reality?