December is almost over, my son's one-hour study plan every day is okay, there has been a situation where there is no need to supervise, at the same time his wildness is getting stronger and stronger, often comparing with me while talking about martial arts movements, while talking about who to play with, who to make crying. For this reason, I went to Mr. Liu to learn about the child's situation. As soon as I entered the primary school gate that day, I saw Wang Xile and a few classmates fighting on the playground from a distance, only to see him running and running and turning back to knock down the children closest to him, and then turned around and ran, others chased after him, but the son did not run far, just changed his way to circle around those table tennis tables, enjoying the fun of dodging, and shouting something in his mouth. When I got to the main entrance of the school building, my son found me, and he ran over and said, "Dad, why are you here?"

"I'll go to Mr. Liu's and ask about you. ”

"No problem. Everything is OK. With that, he went back to juggling.

"Teacher Wang is here. I went into Teacher Liu's office and said.

"I would like to know about Wang Xile's situation. I said.

"Wang Xile is a smart kid and is perfectly capable of being the best student, but he is too good at causing trouble, and his classmates are often made to cry by him.

Wang Xile was able to sit still in class this semester, and his exam results were very good, but the homework error rate was very high, I really don't know why?"

"I don't know. I said with a nonchalant smile.

"Wang Xile's biggest headache is fighting, but it can't be considered a fight, often classmates come to sue him, once I hit his hand for this, and sternly warned him that if he made his classmates cry again, he wouldn't want to go into the classroom, but he was not afraid. I also wondered why my classmates kept suing him!? These days, I've been watching from the window. Twice, Wang Xile was playing with a few classmates alone, and everyone was happy when they were playing, and once anyone was touched, they would come to sue. I also saw Wang Xile being pressed and beaten by several classmates, but he never came to sue, and I really don't know what to say in the face of this situation. Class discipline clearly stipulates that no fights are allowed, and this is always the most important thing! In short, Wang Xile has caused a lot of trouble due to fighting, and I hope that parents will go back and take care of it and talk about it. ”

After the conversation with Ms. Liu, I felt that my son's fight had affected the class management. Since his academic performance this semester was okay, the teacher tolerated his problems. Why does the son want to fight, is it a moral problem?

When I went home in the afternoon, I told my son about the conversation with Mr. Liu, and asked what was going on with the fight.

"They can't afford to play. ”

I glanced intently at my son, who was imposing. "Why can't you afford to play?" I asked.

"Every time I play, if I say it well, it hurts, and no one is allowed to cry, let alone tell the teacher. But as soon as they fell, they said that I was bullying them, and they cried and ran to sue the teacher, and I don't know how many times I asked the teacher to criticize because of this, anyway, I don't care, as long as I say it, who hurts - in vain, crying - crying in vain. Sue it, just sue it, it's still a male classmate!" The son finished his words in one breath in a tone that didn't mean enough for his classmates, and he hid a fire in his heart, and his round face turned red.

"Why are you playing around?"

"No, it's up to whom, who can bring others down. ”

"I see you're playing today, why are you only one person, don't you have a lot of friends?"

"Having more friends is not the same thing as playing. If it's one-on-one, they'll be knocked down all of a sudden, it's not interesting, and usually multiple people chase me, so it's fun. ”

"Joy, it's not right to beat and bully people, but when you suffer a loss in the fight, you cry and go to the teacher to sue you, and you will definitely be useless when you grow up. I ask you, why do people go to school?"

"In order to learn knowledge, in order to gain self-motivation. ”

"You answered very well. Life is full of competition, and the purpose of learning is to enhance survival, that is, self-motivation. In the book of Genesis in the Bible, it says, 'All living things will fear you, and the birds of the sky, the beasts of the earth, and the fish of the sea, will fear you, and I have handed them over to you.' It tells people that all living things on earth are in competition to survive. People don't dare to compete, and there is no point in learning. ”

"Why?"

"Because human courage is forged in the competition of childhood play. As long as you don't have bad intentions towards others, you can deal with your own affairs as you like, so Dad can tell you clearly: I am willing to let the teacher call to criticize a hundred times, and I don't want to hear someone say that Wang Xile can't afford to play and can't solve the conflict with the children, crying to go to the teacher to complain, because that kind of behavior is the most unproductive and unwise performance. ”

The doubt in his son's eyes vanished. Although he could not grasp the abstract concepts of "competition, talent, and wisdom", he understood that "affordability" was good.

The son stood there smiling, and the laughter was full of unstoppable vitality. "Joy, what are you laughing at?" I reached out to touch his shoulder, trembling, as if a passion was burning. He said, "Dad, I thought it was a bad thing to play around, otherwise the teacher would always criticize me." Now I know that it's good to play around, as long as you don't play bad and don't bully people. The son waved his hand, and his face was indescribably bright.

My son's words made me feel a kind of sourness in my heart. Elementary school students are not allowed to make trouble, and middle school students are afraid to participate in physical competition; is this kind of education normal for the sake of safety and for safety? If the people do not have the courage, then what is the meaning of this kind of education? If we put it another way -- is there a traffic accident on the road, do we make the traffic police responsible, and do we also tear down the highway for the sake of safety? At present, there are really too many things in education that are not even basic logic.

New Year's Day 2003. In the third class that afternoon, my son ran into the office with a newspaper and said, "Dad, my diary has been published again." The news was like a warm current surging through my body, and I hurriedly said, "Quick, show it to me." ”

"The teacher said that my article was published too quickly, and asked me if I knew someone from the editorial department?" my son asked me.

"How did Dad know someone from the newsroom. It's mostly the success that comes from you writing about real life. "I couldn't think about anything else and looked at the children's diary with delight – today, we had an activity class to play a wrist wrestling game. As soon as I drew lots, I saw that the opponent was Nie Hao, and I thought to myself: "It's over! This game is lost, because I usually play together and I feel that his strength is greater than mine." ”

Seeing that it was almost my turn to compete, I had a plan in my mind. When the teacher said to start, I first used some strength to maintain the situation, and after exerting my physical strength for a while, I saw the opportunity and suddenly tried my best to defeat Nie Hao. I jumped up from the stool and cheered for myself happily! Seeing Nie Hao's pale face again, tears fell from my eyes. I hurriedly went over to comfort him and said, "Don't cry, in fact, you are better than me, but you believe in strength too much and don't think about tactics." Nie Hao wiped his tears and said sadly: "I will definitely win you next time." ”

The competition has taught me that body plus intelligence equals better results. Therefore, I have to work hard to exercise, cherish my study time, and make full use of my wisdom to understand more truths.

"Joy, you have won another battle and earned us a hot pot. I said, "You should go ahead and write in your journal the joys and pains of your life, and Daddy is sure you will have a lot of good ideas." ”

"Of course," said the son, taking the newspaper, "I told my mother to go." ”

The son is gone. My body and mind were filled with pleasure. I think back to this period when children don't worry about writing diaries, I want to be grateful, but who to thank? I want to thank the kind of thinking that vetoes writing and allows children to find good words and sentences, and it is this kind of thinking that gives children back the freedom to write.

When it was time to leave work, but after a while I didn't see my wife coming down, I went upstairs and walked into my wife's office with doubts. The son said excitedly: "Dad, I don't cook hot pot at night, and my mother said that I can play on the computer." ”

My heart trembled - this is talking about conditions. In the face of success, if a child has the idea of telling adults about conditions, the consequences are extremely terrible. "Playing with the computer. What day of the week is today?" my son lowered his head, and I said, "Learning is your own business, not for telling adults about conditions." ”

I realized that my tone was a bit overbearing.

"Mom, let's go to shabu-shabu!" the son said sadly.

"If the child wants to play, let him play for a while, and other people's families will already be rewarded. The wife stroked her son's head and said.

"What do you mean by that?" I asked, puzzled.

"There are so many children in our middle school teacher's family who are about the same age as Wang Xile who are studying in various intensive classes, and there are almost no results like this without paying the entry fee. The wife said happily, "Just now Wang Xile brought his article for me to read, there were several people in the office at that time, and they asked Wang Xile to know that this was the second article, and they all said that Wang Xile did not participate in any class, and played all day, not only did they study well, but also published their essays, which was incredible to them." ”

The wife's joy is an impulse to compare the heart. However, the road of life is very variable, and it is not subject to human will, and we must grope our way forward in compromise.

"Playing with the computer. If my mother agreed, I agreed. I said, "Let's go to shabu-shabu first, Mom and Dad are happy for you." ”

On the way, I thought I should say something to my child.

to the hot pot restaurant. "Joy, in the past, you never asked adults for success, can you tell me how the idea of 'you don't want to play with the computer' came about?" I asked.

The son was silent.

"It's okay, what do you think. "The wife cheers up the children.

"The parents of our classmates who have passed the exam will give me money, and I will be the only one in the class who publishes articles!" The words that the son held in his stomach suddenly said at a very fast speed, just like an adult asking for other conditions with the help of certain conditions at work, and felt reasonable.

"Joy, this kind of thing is everywhere, and it is not unusual for Dad to see a lot. But is that right?"

"Everyone else is like that. ”

"Joy, you can read a storybook now, whose credit is it?"

"It's a credit to learning. You've told me about this. ”

"Joy, you have published an article now, whose credit is it?"

"It's a credit to learning. ”

"Joy, you are learning and improving now, whose credit is it?"

"It's still a credit to learning. ”

"Are you happy in the face of progress?"

"Happy. ”

"Who should we be thankful for in the face of happiness?"

"Thanks for learning. ”

"Yes. Successful learning brings you joy, it makes you feel very motivated to do something, and this is the best reward for you. After a while, the newspaper will also send you a manuscript fee. But you have to remember: people work hard and rewards will automatically chase you, if you want to use successful things to put forward conditions, then your life will be very happy. ”

"Why?"

"Do you know that 'the extremes of things must be opposed'?"

"Yes. It's an idiom. ”

"Do you understand what it means?"

"Understood. ”

"Actually, you can only memorize it, and you don't understand. I said, "What is this bowl for?"

"It's used to hold things. ”

"Putting meat in a bowl is a reward for the bowl, right?"

"Yes. ”

"I'll award it a chopstick, and then I will award it a chopstick......"

"Dad, don't win. ”

"Why?"

"The bowl was full, and everything fell outside. ”

"If you reward too much for the bowl, the delicious lamb will overflow and become inedible, and the reward will become a disaster. If you play games tonight, it means that you will play the computer for four days this week, and it will have an impact on your normal rhythm of life. It turns out that I told you the truth that 'the moon is full and the moon is lost, and the obscure is clear', do you remember?"

"I forgot. ”

It also illustrates the truth today. Studying is what people have to do in their lives, because asking parents for money for good results in exams is a kind of evil that is not tolerated. Rejoice, do people go to school for money?"

"Not true. ”

"Why do people go to school?"

"Man is an animal that needs to learn to survive better. "My son is quick to talk.

"Joy, I'm glad you can answer questions with what Dad said, it's up to you to decide whether to play the game tonight or not. ”

"Dad, I have a question I don't understand. ”

"What's the problem?"

"You can't reward too much for a successful thing, too much will make a good thing a bad thing. Right?"

"Yes. ”

"Then why do we want shabu-shabu? Isn't that a reward?"

"Joy, you asked a good question, and Daddy is proud of you. Think about it, Daddy, when they win a game, or for other happy things, do they often go to the hotel to have fun?"

"Yes. ”

"That kind of gathering is not a reward, it is called expressing feelings, it is the same as the current shabu-shabu, it is not a reward, but because of happiness, I changed the way I had dinner. ”

"It's not a reward!" the child was still puzzled.

"Joy, do we go to the hot pot and the restaurant only when we have success?"

"It's not. Go often. ”

"Now do you understand? Shabu-shabu and restaurants are just your family happy for you, and there is no meaning of reward. ”

"I seem to get it. ”

"A little bit is enough, the truth is a little bit clear. Joy, do you have the confidence to create something that will make your family happy for you again?"

"Yes. ”

As soon as I got home after the hot pot, my son immediately did his homework, it seems that I am happy in the air, and my son still wants to play on the computer!

I turned on the TV and watched an NBA basketball game. At nine o'clock, my son finished his homework. He came to the living room and played with the animation cards in front of the coffee table, and while playing, he retold the ancient poems he had memorized at noon, and said, "Dad, I'm sleeping, do you remember what you should do?"

When I heard this, my head grew big. The NBA game is in a hurry, and the children are sleeping and listening to stories. But when I think about it, it's a big improvement for my son not to play games. I got up from the couch and said with great interest and energy:

"Tell a story to go. ”

My son fell asleep to the sound of the story, and the NBA was over, but I was happy in my heart. Tonight I saw with my own eyes that the child was reasonable. Looking at my son's sleeping face, I think that it is not advisable for adults to consume too much time and energy to limit the things in the growth of children, and the result of adults doing this is that children may lose their self-correction and understanding in the future, and this kind of wisdom is a kind of high-level emotional intelligence!