Fast forward to the end of March, and the warm areas of the campus and the edges of the trails are growing with new greenery. At about five o'clock in the afternoon, the earth-gray clouds gathered in a battle formation on the edge of the western sky, which indicated that the sand storm was coming. The wife urged:

"Go and get my son. ”

When I came to the primary school, Mr. Liu was handing out the exam papers on the podium. "Teacher Wang, Wang Xile's exam is too bad this time. "Teacher Liu's look told me that she was extremely dissatisfied with the test results.

I stared for a moment and walked over to my son. At this time, Wang Xile stood in the seat like a lonely little flower, trembling. When I walked to the north of the seat, he moved to the south in fear, and the desk became the only "moat" to protect himself. He shook his mouth and said:

"Dad, I didn't do well in the exam. ”

I picked up the roll from the table and looked at it, 73 points. My brain was "hot" for a moment, but I immediately calmed down, "Wang Xile, your careless weakness has not only not changed, but has become more serious. We have to work harder in the future. I said calmly.

When my son saw the scores on the paper, it had nothing to do with my emotions, so he boldly walked over from the "moat" and said, "Dad, sign." I signed with my right hand, touched his head with my left, and said, "Failure is not terrible, the important thing is to dare to start again." ”

"Teacher Wang, you go to the office and wait. Teacher Liu said.

My son and I came to Mr. Liu's office. I sat there and saw that there was something in Wang Xile's eyes that something was coming and I couldn't hide. "Joy, have you made a mistake?" I asked.

"Nope. The son only answered and stopped squeaking.

After about five minutes, Mr. Liu came. She sat at her desk surrounded by homework books, her hands crossed, her eyes looking straight at me, as if she wanted to see through something. I think it's funny, but I understand that a parent like me who "doesn't pay attention" to grades may not understand it in her life.

"Teacher Wang, Wang Xile's stubbornness is something I have never seen before. Teacher Liu said.

"Wang Xile made a mistake again?"

"There are no big mistakes, but small mistakes keep coming. This semester, I found that Wang Xile has a special idea, no matter how you talk about him or blame him, it will not affect him much. Wang Xile is a very smart child, and his academic performance should not be like this at all. Some time ago, he was fresh in his studies, and he scored above 97 points in both exams, and only scored 73 points this time. At this time, there was a "boom", and the sand storm came, and the office suddenly darkened. Teacher Liu turned on the light and continued: "Wang Xile's winter vacation homework is good, which shows that he has a strong learning ability, and the school year is also good, but I don't know how to do it again these days, mainly because I play too much." If you can put the energy of play into learning a little bit, learning will definitely go up. Wang Xile memorized ancient poems very well, and I want to have a memorization of ancient poems exchange meeting on Friday, I hope you can introduce Wang Xile's experience in memorizing ancient poems. Many students memorized the poems last semester, but they have forgotten this semester, but Wang Xile is very familiar, you must have a skillful door. ”

The sand storm brought my conversation with Mr. Liu to a hasty end. When we walked to the entrance of the primary school, I saw several brightly colored announcements glued to the billboard, and when I looked at it, it announced the test results, rankings and names of teachers in the three main subjects of Chinese, mathematics and English in each grade and class of the previous semester. In his son's grade, if his average test score is less than 96, he will be reduced to a poor student. Looking at the red list, I broke out in a cold sweat. At this time, the sky is full of sand and sand blowing, making people feel that the whole school is a chaotic battlefield, but empty, and the students' learning life is like a grain of sand in a sand storm, and success or failure is only a few points. But the sand storm in nature only occurs in spring, but the sand storm that children learn has been with them for many years. My son was standing behind me, his head down in front of the bulletin board. My son's body language suddenly made my heart gush with a strong sense of sadness, and then the wind blew to all corners of the campus, and I clearly saw rows of childhood breath swept by the sand and could not land.

In the evening, my son began to study, wrote for a while, and said, "Dad, what's the difference between doing homework now and doing homework during the winter vacation?"

"What's different? ”

"Writing winter vacation homework is so refreshing. Now that energy is gone, and my hands are picking at this and that again. ”

"Winter vacation homework is written about what you have learned, and you can go out and play when you finish writing, and you have a sense of purpose. Now I am writing all the new content, and I am going to sleep on the spot to prepare for tomorrow's class after I finish writing, so I feel that it is not as smooth as writing winter vacation homework. I said, "When people are educated, there are happy sides and there are times when they are miserable. A lot of learning is mandatory and can be very uncomfortable. Like when you first memorized ancient poems, you also felt very uncomfortable, but now you are uncomfortable reciting ancient poems?"

"It's not uncomfortable. I like it. ”

"It's because you have the confidence to carry things. Now you have the same difficulties in writing your homework as you do when you first memorize ancient poems. It's just that this situation will be a little longer, and we need to persevere. Come, let's read over 'Unexpected Brutality'. ”

"Dad, did I make a mistake?"

"Yes. ”

"What's wrong?"

"It's an invisible mistake. Picking things by hand is us bowing our heads to persistence. "After that, I read 'Unexpected Cruelty' with my son.

When I finished studying and was about to go to bed, I said, "Joy, the tone of your voice with your father has changed a lot today." ”

"What's changed?" asked the son.

"I was bold enough to speak my heart directly. I asked, "Why is that?"

"I had just taken my papers back to my seat in the afternoon, and you suddenly came to our class, and it scared me to death. When you signed as usual, I was not afraid. I really believe that Daddy's words really count. You didn't even say anything about me with a 73 points, and I don't think I will have a second 73 in the future. The son's tone was full of joy that he had never felt before.

A wave of happiness swelled in my heart. This is the first time my son has talked to his family about his feelings about learning. He began to trust his father. This kind of trust does not come from theory, not from praise, not from doting, but from using a positive and effective realistic attitude to please the child and keep his self-esteem unharmed in the face of things.

This kind of trust is something that education dreams of. Because of this trust, the child will not go to great lengths to protect what he has hidden faults, but will be happy to explore the possibilities of success. This trust will make the child trust himself and like himself. When the child feels that he is fully immersed in a warm and reliable trust, he will learn to make decisions for himself and strive for progress. Unfortunately, China's education evaluation system, which is a constant competition from childhood to adulthood, is drastically reducing the ability of millions of families to create trust and build family affection. There is clearly a serious underlying problem here, but I can't figure out why.

"Joy, Daddy thinks you'll be the best person you can be when you grow up. "As I spoke, I lifted my son's clothes, and wanted to get them in order, ready to wear them tomorrow morning. "Papapapa" A few glass slips out of the pocket and fell to the ground, and the son scurried down from the bed like a cat, squatting on the ground and looking around.

It's a lot of work. It took a while for Wang Xile to find the yo-yo from the corner of the wardrobe and the heating box, and carefully pressed it under Chen's head, before he was relieved to get into the quilt again. And I took out his pockets one by one, all kinds of animation cards, rubber bands, recreational chess, pebbles, and some little wooden sticks that I didn't know what to do, I put these things in front of the bed, and there was not the slightest displeasure in my eyes, but I just stared and said, "There are so many things, do you go to school or play." ”

"What's the point of going to school if you don't play? The son said.

I put my hand under the covers and patted him on the chest, my eyes shining with trust, staring into my son's eyes, trying to make him realize that I would always trust him. "Learning through school is to make you more witty and better in the activities you play, and you will be the best." ”

"Dad, are you telling the truth?"

"It's true. ”

"Dad, you know the little doll too well!" said the son excitedly.

Wang Xile went to sleep, and I went back to the study. Suddenly, there was a rumbling thunder outside, and I went out to see the black clouds in the west, with lightning, thunder, and intimidation, demonstrating to this side. "The storm is coming," but I stood there and watched the dark clouds for a long time, the lightning became more and more dull, the thunder became less and less loud, and stars flashed from time to time in the black clouds, "It turned out to be a paper tiger." "I suddenly felt that I also had a suspicion of "loud thunder and small rain" in my son's education, and many behaviors were exaggerated, some things had not been thought through, and some things still did not dare to be fully faced.

Back home. I understand what I don't dare to face, or my child's test scores. Although I don't care much about the score on the surface, the confidence in my heart still floats with it.

After finding the answer to the question, I walked into Wang Xile's bedroom, one of his small arms exposed, red lips, and smiling face, which could be seen clearly through the light of the study. Listening to my son's gentle and rhythmic breathing, I think he must be having a wonderful dream. I couldn't help but lean down and kiss him, how much I loved him!

The son moved, and turned away. From the side, his face rippled with happiness. With the imagination of happiness, in order to prevent my son from losing the score competition and the occurrence of human degradation, a long-term and bold parenting plan was planned in my mind.

Two days later, the son said that in the afternoon, the class would hold a parent exchange meeting on memorizing ancient poems, and parents must attend. In the afternoon, I had something to do and couldn't get out, so my wife went. She came back at about five o'clock. His wife's face was light and pleasant, and a smile of joy hung on her lips. Her body language tells me that parent-teacher conferences are a good time for her. I asked, "How's my son?"

"What do you think?" asked his wife, flicking her hair.

"It's okay. ”

"Yes and no. The wife said.

"It's too tactful, please be clear," I felt with joy and uneasiness in my heart. Happily, this is the first time since Wang Xile went to school that his wife left primary school with joy, and uneasy that his son may have problems anytime and anywhere.

"Wang Xile was the only student in the class who memorized all the ancient poems, and Mr. Liu asked me to introduce my experience. My heart was beating a drum. The child is in your charge, I don't know how to memorize so many poems in a short period of time, let me talk about my experience, talk about my experience, isn't this 'exposing' me, I can't help it, a room full of parents. I remembered that one day at noon, you made a bet with Wang Xile to memorize poems, and I remember you saying that he memorized six or seven poems. I went up to talk for a while according to the middle school teaching, and when I said that Wang Xile memorized seven poems in one day, many parents expressed their admiration. When they came down to communicate, several parents were very unconvinced, because your son did not do well in exams and felt that he should not carry things so quickly. Teacher Liu also said that Wang Xile's academic performance should be very good. However, I really want to ask now, how did you get your son to memorize all the poems in such a short time? I don't see you dedicating time to it!"

"Reciting poems is only superficial, and the real credit is for those nonsense. In fact, I have been doing purposeful training on children's memory ability, and the effect of this training has been reflected in memorizing ancient poems, and when Wang Xile grows up in the future, if he can understand why people want to learn, its effect can really play a role. When I graduated from high school in '83, I suddenly realized what it meant to take the exam, and my academic performance rose from more than 50 in my class to 25. After being admitted to the technical secondary school, because the top six in the class have the freedom to choose jobs first, their academic performance has rushed from the back all the way to the top six. Therefore, I believe that the motivation to learn does not come from learning itself, but from learning after some factors in the growth process change people's minds, and then they want to realize those ideas through learning.

In fact, pure classroom learning will not generate real motivation to learn, learning is an attitude, and I think the most useful learning after work is reading, which will make people unconsciously improve their working methods. The appeal of the slogan of "learning mathematics, physics and chemistry well and going all over the world is not afraid, and only by going to a famous university can you have a future" will surely become more and more lacking in strength with the development of a pluralistic society. From a neurological point of view, basic education should first focus on the development of things related to the child's personality, and cannot focus on the memory of book knowledge. Generally speaking, people will not really bud until they are sixteen or seventeen years old. This kind of perception would be ridiculous in China, but European and American countries have very mature experience and theories. At the same time, I have the psychological tolerance to be ridiculed, and before the age of 13, I was most concerned about Wang Xile's mental health education. Of course, this mental health ability can only be built through life practice and from filial piety thinking. But one day, in the face of life's challenges, you will see from Wang Xile the artistic conception of 'sharpening knives without cutting firewood'. I said happily.

"Today, I really believe that you are a person who understands education. A humorous smile flashed in his wife's eyes.

"To tell you the truth, school education has now become a winch ground for economic interests between schools and between teachers. In order to satisfy their own desire for comparison, in order to outperform others in scores, those people only let their children receive the education of 'as long as the scores are good, everything will be fine in the future' from an early age. This is a frighteningly flawed misinformation that can lead to a loss of understanding of real life. Everyone said, 'WTO accession is a tough economic competition, but there is hope.' In fact, the most severe competition is the competition in education, and there is really little hope for exam-oriented education in the face of the Internet age, and there are obvious problems in the personality of the cultivated people, but the situation is very relaxed. ”

This is true. Now there are indeed more and more students with problems, and there is no good way other than to forcibly manage them. The wife sighed.

"The world has changed. In the industrial era, products have a single function and need people who can work, which is the era of me, and network products are diverse and need people who can create, which is the era of collaboration. For creativity and collaboration, it is the manifestation of human inspiration and creativity, which will only come from the attitude of life practice, and will not be produced from book learning. ”

"What kind of practical attitude is it?" asked the wife, puzzled.

If Wang Xile can deal with the things around him and constantly create happiness factors for his life, it means that learning is developing his wisdom and generating a spirit of cooperation, and he can accept the challenges of life with this practical attitude of life when he grows up; on the contrary, if learning makes him depressed and lacks friends around him, it is a useless study, no matter how good his score is, there will be problems in his life in the future. In the early years of European examination-oriented education, in the face of industrialization, the answer to this question has long been given. ”

"It sounds reasonable, but I can't find the reason. The wife said.