Why am I still alive?

It's a ridiculous question, but can I answer it? Maybe, I just didn't die. However, this does not explain the "why".

Why can I perceive everything through the character of Yuan Changwen? Why can I only perceive what the character of Yuan Changwen experiences? Or why can the character of Yuan Changwen only feel this part of "I exist"?

I don't know, I don't know at all. The mind began to mess up, and even the questions seemed a little jerky. I could certainly rephrase the problem to make it appear clear. But why would I want to do this?

"That awareness" is the only reality, so that behind everyone there is actually the same awareness. Because reality does not allow the existence of characters, there can be no "my awareness" and "yours".

Since they are all the same awareness, and the character of Yuan Changwen is only allowed to obtain a part of the awareness content, in order to appear the linear flow of time and memory. So, in fact, behind everyone is me, or is it all "I exist"?

Of course, this is just an assumption, after all, how do I know that everyone else is a real person. However, since that awareness has the ability to produce the role of Yuan Changwen, there is no reason to let me be a real person alone. Wouldn't it be more convenient to be aware of everyone's love and hatred at the same time?

What am I doing? Want to explain how this all happened?

Pull it down, it's just a guess.

"That awareness is everything", "'I exist' is the only truth", "the truth never ends", "you are the other", "non-two", this Nyima is talking about one thing entirely.

Others, many more explanations, are speculation.

It's still a fantasy scene, and the characters don't want to die, so they have to plump themselves up in this way. But I'm not a character, and I have nothing to do with the character, so if you want to continue to fantasize about it, feel free.

Yuan Changwen felt so uncomfortable, and the whole person looked extremely chaotic. It's not like before, thinking carefully and analyzing in an organized manner, and then step by step to kill self-definition. Now, it seems to be in a state of extreme confusion, and I'm just that aware, and what else is I talking about?

Everything becomes empty, but it is not empty, much less existent.

Neither empty nor existent.

That awareness is everything, and I become very concerned with that awareness, not the content of it. The whole person has become like a mentally retarded person, what is the fuss about what he is aware of? The universe explodes, the earth is destroyed, the economy takes off, supernatural events, and technological climbing......

What's unacceptable? Just because according to the cognition in your head, you feel that these things are beyond imagination, so you deny their existence?

The feeling is very subtle, and it is difficult to describe it in words. It was obvious that I still had something to say, but I couldn't put it into words. In fact, I don't have a very clear sense of that subtlety.

What a state of confusion!

These thoughts belong to the character, but the awareness does not belong to the character, but no matter how the character simulates that awareness, it is a false simulation after all. "The existence of no character", what kind of existence is this Nima?

So, when I say it's my business, it's actually the character who is talking, and it's also the character's thinking that's working. And "I exist" is just aware that the character is talking about my.

The role is false, but the thinking that the role is false is also a role is false. So, the character is thinking, and "I exist" is just aware that the character is thinking.

In other words, the thinking I used to kill is itself part of the killing, and the thinking is also false.

So, what exactly am I doing?

Is there a possibility that I won't be able to kill it in my life?

Even if I know that I am only that awareness, in fact, it is "I being" who is aware that "the character is saying that he is that awareness". So, what exactly is all this doing?

If I can't finish the kill, I'll be sad, confused, and regretful. In other words, I still use slashing as a means to flesh out the character. It's just that this method is different from conventional methods, and it doesn't pay attention to success and failure, and it doesn't pay attention to acquisition and killing.

Even if it's a custom character, even if it's not afraid of life, it's still out of the shadow of the character after all. The goal is the top of the mountain, the destination is real, and I just gave up? Or was the original intention to become a custom character, break the template character, and live a better life.

It's just that, because of some unknown emotion, I deceived myself and said that I wanted to reach the top of the mountain? Is that so? Have I been in the midst of self-deception? Even after so many chapters of killing, I still don't dare to be honest about my thoughts?

Perhaps, when the teacher said that I needed to be angry, I pretended to be angry. The teacher said I needed to hate, so I pretended to hate. But in fact, I was neither angry nor hateful at all. It is even possible that the anger and hatred I feel are the emotions that arise from me trying to show off that I am killing.

However, even this cannot escape the only truth, nor can it escape the sentence "I am aware".

Damn it!

I'm thinking about how the real makes the unreal, how that false character exists, and so on. It's not about killing, it's not about hurting yourself, it's not about moving forward.

It's hilarious, I don't know what to do here, and then lament that I can't move forward. If this continues, of course, it will not be possible to move forward.

I'm not done yet, so I'm bound to be holding on to something. Find what you're grabbing and slash it. As for how the characters are born from reality, what does it have to do with the moment?

Characters are always like this, wanting to know more. Even if you do something, you must know the cause and effect, even if it is your own relatives, even if you know that there will be no harm in doing these things, but you must also know the cause or more news.

When the character hears words like "did this" and "no reason, you will do it", it will be very uncomfortable. However, after the other party explained, it seemed that it was not bad to do this, and there would even be a little active emotion in it.

So, why should I understand what kind of awareness, what characters can never reach the "real" and so on. That's enough to have that, and I want to go deeper, sorry, but that's not something that one character can do at all.

And, why do I have to do it? Am I done? Am I done with the killing?

Trying to analyze what that awareness is all about, trying to explore how all the characters belong to the end of the killing, etc., are just a deception of fear.

Mom is still in my head, money is still in my head, my future dreams are still waiting to be realized, and these bullshit things are still in my head.

If I don't kill, what am I doing?