At that time, it was already a lunar month, and I returned to my hometown. I bought a long string of beads to wrap around my left wrist, which can be wrapped five times, just enough to cover the wounds on my wrist.

The moment I saw my parents, tears welled up in my eyes, looking at their old faces, gray hair, and cooking a large table full of dishes, I was ashamed of my unfilial piety.

The day after I got home, I started to have a high fever and was groggy and sick. It seems that all kinds of tense emotions in the whole body suddenly relaxed. Just want to sleep, sleep...... I went to the hospital, but I couldn't find anything, I did a bunch of routine laboratory tests and said that it was anemia, and I went to see the old Chinese medicine doctor again. Dad was in a hurry, so he asked around for home remedies. I heard that eating red dates with dew can nourish the blood, and my father put the dates in the yard every night before going to bed, and took them back in the morning before the sun came out and boiled them for me to drink. Looking at the hard work and love of my parents, I feel very uncomfortable, how can I repay this strong affection for licking calves in this life?

Under the careful care of my parents, I finally got better before the end of the year. After the New Year, the movement of friends and classmates gradually increased.

Every year, a few of my former classmates come to see me at home, and when I was in college, they listened to me talk about the anecdotes of the university campus in Beijing, and later I listened to them talk about their work and personal development. I feel that they are also living a very nourishing life in a small county. There is a chubby girl Xiaoqi, who has a relationship with her family and arranged an idle job in an agency, and opened a small shop by herself, except for the occasional thing, she basically doesn't go to work, and now she has children, and she takes care of her children full-time at home, and her salary is still a lot. In Beijing, this is something we dare not think about.

Silo is my best friend in my hometown, I told her the idea of staying here to work, she was surprised for a long time and couldn't close her mouth, and asked me blankly, "We can't go to Beijing if we all want to, what are you doing here?" I shook my head and smiled bitterly, "I'm very tired over there." She thought about it and said, "Yes." You see, there are a few people in our place who are serious about going to work. Silo's parents also have no background, and after graduating from high school, Silo helped his parents look after the store at home. Now I have a boyfriend who is getting married and is getting married. Silo sighed, "There is really no comparison between people and people, I won't talk about it, poor learning, you studied so well before, and now you have to come back." The job you are looking for is not necessarily better than that of Fat Qi. I was silent.

In the following days, I began to pay attention to local job postings, and my heart gradually cooled. There is no need to think about positions in government agencies, and there are no opportunities for open recruitment or selection. I didn't graduate from a normal school, and the school easily rejected me. To put it bluntly, the rest of the small businesses are basically small workshops, which are not much different from my small shop. The end of my parents' hard work for me to study can't be to look at the store at home. I started to hesitate. It is said that I escaped from Beijing, Shanghai and Guangzhou, but I really escaped, my hometown is no longer a swaddling clothes that can accommodate me, covered with red dust, and I can't go back to the original paradise!

Seeing that my spirit began to be anxious again, my parents comforted me that I didn't want to go out and stay at home, would there be no food for you at home? I have mixed feelings in my heart, my parents are old and still get up early and work hard to make a living, but my hard work is the end of this. It's not that I can't read well, and my work ability is still in the past, but why did I end up in this step?