Not again!

I can't count how many times, but if there's hell, I guess it's hell.

Normal people will avoid falling into this state, but Yuan Changwen has to take the initiative to step in, and even when discomfort comes, he can't resist or transfer.

Can I go back?

Yuan Changwen looked at the sky that was gradually lighting up in the distance, the sun had already revealed its entire smiling face, and the sunshine could no longer be taken back.

Even if there is something that can temporarily attract you and temporarily divert your attention from your mind, such as watching a movie or something.

However, when these distracting things are removed, I will definitely return to this state.

Yuan Changwen felt as if he was cursed, and the pleasures in the world were meaningless. If there was a psychiatrist here, he might be able to determine that he was depressed or depressed.

However, this kind of sadness and fear, these negative emotions are the best health. Once they were treated, it meant that Yuan Changwen had been pushed out of hell by the drug and left the path of continuing to kill self-definition.

Really, when did such negative emotions become a sign of health?

Yuan Changwen was very clear, he knew what he was doing, although he didn't know what the road would end.

(Maybe we're just going around in circles, and there's no way there's going to be any advancement!)

We've talked about this a lot of times, and I don't want to say anything more, because there's nothing to talk about. 】

(It was discussed many times, but nothing came of it each time.) We're still on this path, and we don't know when it's going to end. Otherwise, just find a teacher to teach, there must be more than one person in this world who has these ideas. ）

[I have already said that finding a teacher is a way to escape. I don't need more knowledge, instead, I have to throw away my knowledge of physics and chemistry and stop believing in the brainwashing that I have received for more than twenty years. 】

[There must be many people in this world who think the same way, but what's the use? Intellectually understand the concepts of "everything is that absolute awareness", "the world does not exist", etc., but do not use it in real life, what can be changed? ]

[Or, just kill all the way, slash the self-woven definitions one by one, and finally come to the only real place of "I exist". Or, like us, go so fast that you leave behind a lot of self-definition that is not killed. 】

[At this time, stopping believing that the world is real, and not hindering the feeling of devouring from the inside out, is the only thing we can do. 】

(So, you have to wait?)

After all, we don't know anything, right? 】

Isn't this kind of aimless behavior of just passively waiting cowardly? We should strive for it, work hard, and force it even if we don't have fate!)

[I'm already tired, how many more times do I have to say it?!Don't trick me into controlling my life anymore, and don't bewitch me about the taste of control. I know all this, if someone told me half a year ago that I didn't surrender and don't work hard, I would definitely slap him twice. 】

But now, I don't want to think about it anymore, and I don't want to weigh it. The so-called control is nothing more than not being able to let go, and then trying to use limited knowledge to play in an infinite society. Wouldn't you be tired?]

(For the sake of the family, for the sake of the children, what if you are tired?!Do you want the children to be like yourself, you have to cry for a long time to buy a toy before you can get it.) And more often, I can only envy my classmates' new toys. ）

[These excuses are useless to me, why should I be responsible for my children? I want my children to occupy an important point in my life? I am reluctant to spend money, but I can buy new toys and delicious food for my children, this is a brain problem, right?]

[I used to be like this, but now I clearly say that these behaviors at that time were not for the sake of children at all. It's to let yourself say something among your friends, so that you can show off, and let yourself have a kind of vanity of "giving everything for your children" in your heart. 】

[I know very well that if the child is disobedient in the future, I will definitely say, "If you want toys, I will buy you toys, and I will buy you whatever you want to eat, why are you disobedient? You are still crying?

What is this? Putting children in the most important position in life, but treating them like this? Making one's behavior extremely noble, as if he was willing to sacrifice everything for the sake of his children, but at this time it became a threatening weight. 】

(So we have to work hard to earn money, so that there will be no conflict between the children and us because of money!!)

[Work hard to earn money, that is, money first, children second? Obviously, it's not right, then children first, money second, this doesn't seem to make sense. 】

[I want to make a lot of money, and I want to show that I care about my family and am full of responsibility. And his own background can't do such support, what else can he do besides distress and quarrels?]

[If someone is willing to be ordinary, it's good. The point is that I am not this kind of person myself, and I have never had a love for life for more than 20 years, as if I was born to be the enemy of the world. 】

[But in fact, is it the world that is our enemy? Isn't it because we regard the world as an enemy, so we blow the horn of battle and keep cheering ourselves up to defeat the world?]

[Don Quixote sees the windmill as a monster, so he raises his spear and rushes over.] The only difference is that in Don Quixote's world, everyone knows that windmills are not monsters, and in our world, there is no such "everyone". 】

[Everyone thinks that the world is full of hostility, and we need to fight and control our lives so that we will not be defeated by this world. We all treat windmills as monsters and the whole world as monsters. 】

Isn't it funny that the so-called surrender is just pie in the sky, a person who doesn't work hard and doesn't struggle, only knows how to surrender and let go? Isn't it funny? Surrender all the time, what can the final result be other than picking up garbage?)

[Who knows?]

Yuan Changwen is still very contradictory, the habits of more than 20 years cannot be broken all at once. What's more, the whole world is full of fear, and everyone is fighting for the future.

This kind of surrender and letting go, letting the Tao take control of the ship of life, sounds a bit bizarre and impractical.

But when you surrender, the feeling after you surrender, after removing all kinds of judgments and labels in the brain, the state of "as it should be" is the beauty of life.

Surrender, Yuan Changwen has a feeling that when he truly surrenders, this world will definitely become different.

Now I seem to be grasping on a cliff, looking at the cliff under my feet, and my heart is terrifyingly dark. But reason tells itself that letting go and letting yourself fall into a cliff is the best way to enter submission.

But the emotion of fear still made Yuan Changwen firmly grasp the edge of the cliff and dare not let go.

Let go!

Let's fall!