Wrong.

I didn't let go, I was still worried and anxious, no different from me before so many chapters. And those people and things, constantly arguing in my head. I said I was going to kill, but I was just playing a game with the characters.

Push death away, afraid to let the slightest change in your current life because of fear. What do I have to lose? If I don't have anything, what are I worried about?

Why do I always pretend that I have a lot of things? And that pretend has reached the extreme, because I never doubt that I really have these things. Car, house, starship, status, money...... Do I really have it?

How do I prove that my memory is reliable? I remember how I was when I was a child, I remember how I was brilliant, I remember how my mother was, I remember how happy and sweet I was with my wife...... How can I be sure that the contents of these memories are true?

The only thing I can confirm is that at the moment I am looking through my memories, but I can't be sure if the memories are real or not. Even, I just realized that "I was flipping through my memories", and this flipping action belonged to the character.

Using memory to weigh and memory to choose, becomes absurd in itself. Even if the world is real, even if I really grew up to the present, how much can I remember?

Since I can't remember all the details, I can think that all I can remember is what I want to remember, what I want to remember. So how reliable is this kind of thing? Isn't acting on memory a kind of nonsense?

As time passes, memories become more and more blurry, and all that can be remembered is what the character needs. And what the characters need is all fake things. Why do I just hold on to these and not let go?

Let things unfold on their own, don't let my little head get involved, is this so hard to do?

Can't I feel it? That self-expansion, that sense of ease of going with the flow, that effortless life, can't I feel it?

I can feel it, but I still don't dare to let go. And once I don't let go, those feelings fade away, which seems to be misleading evidence of the character. "Look, fortunately I didn't let go, otherwise I don't know how to lose!"

What am I doing?

Can't you hear the bell of death? tick-tock, every second passes, and you can't come back. How much time do I have?

I don't know, I always pretend that I won't die today, I won't die tomorrow, and I always pretend that death is far away from me. Not far at all, even closer to me than my breath.

Just let the characters control my life until I die?

Sadly, I am the poor reptile, driven by fear. Noise, it's all noise. I used to not dislike the noise of my brain, and the worry, like the smell of being shrouded in shit.

This is my life, a life where I don't understand what I'm doing at all, a life that is manipulated by characters and driven away by fear. I don't understand why I'm still alive, but I just don't happen to be dead.

Suicide is not bravery, not suicide is true bravery. So many false self-definitions, so many distorted opinions, and even the heart to laugh, this is the real warrior.

Unfortunately, I'm not.

I'm going to smash my life to pieces with my own hands, and make it a mess, either I die or the character dies, there's no third possibility.

Yes, a good life, a good career, even if it is interspersed with all kinds of unpleasantness, but on the whole, life is beautiful. I'm sorry, but I don't want this goodness.

How wrong my brain is to choose to discard this blessing. Chatting and bragging with friends, teasing children, taking care of children in a hurry, losing temper with his wife or holding hands sweetly, having dinner with his mother, arguing or flirting with colleagues.

These things are about to leave me.

The fear was still there, gripping me tightly and keeping my whole body in tension. There are still all kinds of voices in my head, and those people and things are constantly arguing.

Can I finish it? Can I kill it all? How many chapters have passed, I can't see any hope, it seems that it is pitch black in the distance, and there is not even a trace of light from the hole.

Keep shifting your attention, keep going around in circles, and then think you're striding towards reality. How can the character's ability to control be so easy to break?

After so many years of brainwashing, I can't even get into contact with the brainwashing program. Always like to take sides and then blame the other. Always emphasize that you are right and always show off to be recognized by others.

This pattern is applied to me, and I can't even see the slightest possibility of shattering. Even though I have left the Empire now, even if I have not had further contact and communication with my kind, the fantasies in my head have never stopped.

Constantly fantasizing about scenes, constantly persuading the other party, either using force, or showing that you know the real side.

Shit!

I'm the puppet being manipulated by the character, do I see the thread on my arm, who is lifting this arm, and who is recognizing the importance of things?

The phrase "scarcity is expensive" not only explains why things are expensive, but also explains how humans recognize the value of things. That's how the human value system works, and there's simply no room for turnover in my body.

I want to jump out and want to kill, but I can't see the road ahead.

It's useless, trying to understand the front is a kind of control in itself. Only the characters will want to be in control, and they will want to make different plans. I'm going to let go and let the ship of life find its way on its own.

Those people and things can't control me, in fact, I'm trying to control them, that's why I let them quarrel in my head. I want to defeat them, I want to control them, so I keep simulating them in my head.

Let them go on their own, there is nothing to remember in this world.

A sadness welled up in Yuan Changwen's heart, and involuntary tears slipped out of the corners of his eyes and fell down his cheeks.

Am I doomed to destruction? Am I self-destructive?

If this continues, I'm going to go crazy sooner or later.

If you want to break through the emotional shell and penetrate the character to go deep into the "selfless", what other way is there but madness!

I'm not crazy yet, and reason still prevails. In fact, it's not the reason, but those false self-definitions that make me afraid to let go of madness.

"Ahem!"

Looking at the person in front of me, who is this? Why is this in front of me?

Yuan Changwen didn't remember, just shook his head and didn't speak.

Lao Zhang is quite well-raised, even so, he didn't get angry, but greeted him like a big brother:

"Are you okay? Look at the way you don't give up, laughing and sad, is there something going on inside?"

Yes, it's inside, and I feel like I'm rotten inside.