"There are so many beautiful things in life, why put your eyes on the dirty. ”

This is the essay comment left by Yuan Changwen's high school class teacher, although Yuan Changwen was a scholar at that time, he still expressed disdain for the dark side of society.

At the time, it was just an angry roar, but with the increase in studies and the busy work after graduating from college, what is good and not is not as important as money.

Moreover, it seems that students should be sunny and adults can talk about the dark side of society.

Isn't that funny? Is it a mistake for students to see these dark sides? Why do they always use "you're young" as an excuse? Who can fully describe what society is all about?

Anyway, Yuan Changwen didn't meet this kind of person, even if he saw through the so-called see-through. It's just that he has more experience and a richer knowledge reserve.

Is it also a kind of falsehood to see through "being an individual"?

Is seeing through everything just a character?

Is it a character attribute to see through all your thoughts?

Holding on to some of the insights that you have realized and not letting go, it seems that in this way you can be superior to others, and you can show off indefinitely. It may even develop into an effort to update one's own opinions in order to show off.

Shit!

All opinions, all ideas, all summaries of people and things are all false. Where is the need for a view if there is only emptiness? The so-called view is a kind of renewal of ideas, and the ideas themselves are false.

Yuan Changwen sat there, as if he had been deprived of even the strength to smile. My whole body was numb, tears were rolling in my eyes, the urge to cry was very slight, and my heart was like a dead silence in the depths of the sea.

If a baby is here, you may be able to feel this emotion in an instant, and you may be scared to cry.

I don't know what else to write, there's nothing left to write about, nothing to think about. That's it, "I exist" is the only truth, the end!

But the discomfort in my heart can't be shaken off, it was like a wave before, it was uncomfortable for a while and clear for a while, but the discomfort at this time seems to last for a long time.

"Any honest writing is self-destruction. ”

I don't remember who said this, but that's the state at the moment.

Although Yuan Changwen did not write, his honest thinking was equally devastating.

I used to seem to dislike others to say that I was dishonest, and I regarded honesty as a virtue since I was a child, as if someone said that I was dishonest, which was an unbearable sin.

But now, I have never been honest. If it is really honest, then it is long overdue to see these things clearly, rather than pretending to be true.

If you are really honest, you should know that the so-called Yuan Changwen is not himself at all, and he has been working hard for this role for more than 20 years.

Yuan Changwen, go and die, now everything is ready to wait for your suicide!

In this war, the more you resist, the more difficult it is to end, only surrender, only Yuan Changwen committed suicide to win.

I don't know how many people have had the same experience, but at least I haven't seen the same depiction in any of the books. I haven't even heard of this process.

All the books about awakening are about making people a better person. All philosophical books have a certain rejection of extreme skepticism.

Why don't you doubt it? Why is it ridiculed to talk about the meaninglessness of life?

Bah!

Yuan Changwen was not angry with others, but at himself.

Why should we care if others will accept it?

I don't care if you like it or not, what does it matter to me? What else do I need your approval for? What do I need your approval for?

If there is, that's where it needs to be killed!

Who wants life to be beautiful and wonderful? It is Yuan Changwen, and it is also the part that must be killed.

Wanting to be recognized, wanting the whole world to worship you, these things are self-definition to be killed.

I'm going around in circles, all the time. You can't see the next step, you can't see the next one that needs to be killed.

Am I just stopping here? Am I just going in circles? What's holding me back?

Look at that!

Further!

The word was there, with a faint glow all the time.

What bullshit hopes, what bullshit people, Lao Tzu doesn't care. Moving forward is the only thing that needs to be considered. I'm still thinking about what I'm thinking, I'm still trying to explain something, I'm still sorting out my logic for others to read.

Shit!

What are you doing?

Further!

Yuan Changwen closed his eyes and took a deep breath, feeling the flow of air in his body. I am one step closer to death.

What's next?

How should I settle down?

Why do you feel like it's all over?

But in fact, the killing is not over at all, because he has not awakened, and there is no difference at all from before.

I still remember that day in the hospital bed, I had several serial dreams in a row. Every time I wake up in a dream, I think I really woke up. Later, I knew in my dream that I was in a dream, but I still didn't wake up.

Finally, I really woke up, and that feeling can't be wrong.

And now, there is no difference between himself and before, even if he knows that he is a character, it is obvious that he still hasn't woken up.

What is holding me back?

Could it be this thing you're thinking about?

I'm still paying attention to it, I'm still seeing it as part of my "self", is this holding me back? Is it still the influence that still occupies my mind?

Yes, it's still defining my life.

So, should I throw it away? or keep slashing from my head?

Am I still holding on to "I am a person who kills self-definition" as a new self-definition?

So, Yuan Changwen, you have to die!

Everything about you must be killed! You must die!

I can only come out if you die.

Yuan Changwen thought about this word, and seemed to feel that he had never understood this word. Even now, it's about killing everything. In fact, in my heart, the first thing that comes to mind is still those negative things.

Beautiful, liked, proud, these things are subconsciously put aside by oneself, as if these things do not belong to "everything".

How easy it is to say, slash everything. I don't even know what this all means, which is also a great law of human evolution. How convenient and simplified it is to replace the real content with a concept.

And Yuan Changwen has to move from simplification to complexity, let go of the word "everything", find it one by one, and then kill it.

Set it on fire, it doesn't seem to be going well. Alas, I really want to have a teacher at this time.

But this idea itself is a means of survival for the "self", which is either killing or not. Is there anything to teach? Don't you know what is the definition of self-weaving?

Haha, I thought of the original path of slashing again, nailed myself to "I exist", and the rest needed to be killed, all of which needed to be burned.

The theater viewer mode is actually turned on like this, it seems that Yuan Changwen's imagination is no longer needed, nor does it need Yuan Changwen's deliberate opening, it seems that he can enter the theater viewer mode at any time.

Moreover, the theater viewer mode at this time is not as clear as imagined, and it is not that there is a self or a god of death watching the play from another angle. On the contrary, it is a state of vague segmentation, separating himself from the role of Yuan Changwen.

It's very vague, but it always reminds me that Yuan Changwen is a character.

Nima is a fake character!