Yuan Changwen was wrapped in the icy lake water, and the originally hot anger seemed to gradually extinguish, leaving only a faint breath to persevere.

yes, I've become out of step with the world. What I want to know, what I want to get to, is a meaningless piece of shit in the eyes of most people. And when I look at my former self, it's like looking at stinking shit.

Thinking about those distortions makes me feel very, even if it's a simple cut with a knife that will bleed and hurt, I'm still not sure. I just know that it hurt me to cut myself with a knife once, but how can I be sure that it will hurt me with a knife this time?

I never knew what would happen until I hadn't cut myself with a knife.

You see, how can I go back in time and communicate with people as if nothing happened?

I don't want to cut myself with a knife because of the pain, it's just that the flow of life happens to happen, and the terrain doesn't cut myself. If the terrain requires the flow of life to require me to cut myself, will I cut?

Probably not, at least now I will choose to refuse, just like I used to be. It's just that I used to seem to want to control a lot, career, practice, family, and so on. Right now, I just want to control a few things.

And it was this desire that stopped me from moving forward.

There is a contradiction.

Suppose, I am able to fully perceive the flow of life. Then I don't think, I go with the flow of life, maybe a good person, maybe a bad person, maybe I will throw away my family property, maybe I will do something inexplicable.

So, can I go against the current? For example, I don't like something happening, so I adjust the flow to some extent, so I don't follow the flow of life. It can be done because I've always been in that state.

The problem is that my behavior of this adjustment is predestined. Based on my personal preferences and the accumulation of all that happened, this choice through the brain was predestined. In other words, I was destined to do it.

Doomed to kill, doomed to adjust, doomed to kill? Or, doomed to unsuccessful?

Even after the slaughter is over, after touching the truth, is the character's behavior predestined? Not only behavior, but also thinking? Am I destined to think about these questions, am I destined to hammer these words?

I don't want to admit it because it would make the character look humble and belittle the free-thinking ability that I've always prided myself on. There is no such thing as free thinking, all thinking is predestined.

And "I exist" is only aware of these thoughts.

In this way, we will return to the saying that "time exists at the same time". However, after removing time, I can't be sure that things are going to go linearly in time. The only thing I can say is that I am aware of what is happening at this moment, of my own memories, and of how I am choosing in my memories.

So, I can't give any valid explanation at all, any explanation and knowledge beyond "I exist" is just a guess.

Besides, the whole dualistic world is false, so why should I explain this falsehood?

What happens when I completely think that a character is fake? Do I still have the urge to go against the current, and do I still make a certain choice for the sake of the character?

Damn it!

What am I doing? Why should I think about the future? Am I done with the slaughter now? Am I done?

It's a contradiction, I can't be sure of the existence of time, but if I want to continue to kill, I must acknowledge the linear passage of time. Otherwise, how do I move forward?

The word "forward" itself determines the linear passage of time, from point A to point B, and as time passes, I am moving forward or backward and so on.

Once the time is removed, I just sense that the character of Yuan Changwen is in a certain position at this moment, and he has not yet reached the top of the mountain. Everything else cannot be proven, it's just a guess based on memory.

In other words, at a certain moment, I noticed that the role of Yuan Changwen was over. Then in my memory, the character of Yuan Changwen has experienced a lot of hardships, and the uncomfortable emotions are still vivid. But how can I be sure that the character of Yuan Changwen has really experienced this?

Just like at this moment, how can I be sure that my former self is really as I remember, that I am really moving forward step by step during this time, and that I am really killing one self-definition after another? I am very relaxed at the moment, but how can I confirm that my former self is really as I remember, wrapped in discomfort and sadness?

So, the character of Yuan Changwen is just an inexplicable existence?

It's funny that the characters always want to grab something. Let's not say that the whole dualistic world is false, like a bubble of illusion, what can you grasp? Dream that you own a house, is this really owned?

Even if it's the only truth, that awareness. The character is also unable to grasp it, and every time he tries to grasp "that awareness", it just becomes the content of "that awareness".

So, what can the character grasp?

Nothing belongs to the character, nothing can be caught by the character. If everything doesn't belong to the character, then why does the character have to work so hard to prove that he really exists in the middle of a bubble?

Nothing belongs to me, so who does it belong to? It has to belong to something, right?

So, "I exist" is the only truth, and who else can these things belong to?

Going around, the entire dualistic world belongs to "I exist", that is, the awareness that stands behind Yuan Changwen's character.

The character is always afraid that something will not belong to him, such as his wife, his job, his income, his financial status, etc. Well, now that everything can't belong to the characters, because these things are just as false bubbles as the characters.

If you have to say that it belongs, it can only belong to "that awareness". In a way, it seems like everything belongs to me. Just as everything in a dream belongs to the dreamer.

It's still the same sentence, I'm scared of life.

All this is really nonsense, what else is there to do? Obviously the character is fake, how can you kill it? Do you want to drag the character out and beat him violently, and then spit on a mouthful of phlegm?

Alas, did I have a problem with my brain that would have ruined my life with my own hands like this? However, if I really want to go back to my previous life, I will not want to.

Man, it's Nima psychotic!

This feeling of idleness is very wrong, not uncomfortable, in fact I have rarely panicked and anxious, more of a suicide feeling. The contradiction that I was taught to hurry up and let time slip away is very wrong.

Of course, it is difficult to refute the nonsense of cherishing time. I don't want to refute it, because I know that this is all shit and distortions, and listing reasons to refute it is just an explanation for others to see.