Step by step, people, will eventually return to themselves.

One step at a time, one step at a time, is the devil's pace......

Well, let the memories slowly get closer to the present I am in.

It's January 8, 2019, well, it's finally 2019......

It's just that that day was not a good day.

The contradictions have happened a lot, and the inner depression has become too strong, and naturally there will be times when I can't help it, and once all the unhappiness gathers and explodes, the "world" will be changed.

That morning, I came back from shopping for vegetables as usual, cutting the meat first and then the melon.

I usually eat greens, but that day at her request, I bought cucumbers. And my level of cutting melons is not very high. It just so happened that when I was cutting the melon, she came over to pour water, saw that the melon I cut was not oblique enough, and then began to "educate" me.

"Didn't I teach you how to cut melons? Why did you forget it?!Really! I taught you and didn't have to learn! Why are you so lazy?!" her tone was exactly like a boss reprimanding a subordinate.

I didn't speak, holding back the unhappiness in my heart, and cut as obliquely as I could, albeit a little clumsy......

She couldn't stand it anymore, and snatched my knife directly: "Forget it, I'll cut it! I don't need you to come! I'll do it all?!"

I stood there at a loss, silently counting how much my dignity had shattered.

However, the more she said, the more excessively she said: "You and your aunt are the same! I don't learn to teach you! It's not delicious to cook by myself! I'll do it all! If a guest comes one day and I'm not at home, I don't know if you can get a table of delicious food for the guests......

Every time her temper exploded, it was easy to get involved with her aunt, even though her aunt had already gone back to her hometown to drink happy wine.

Her dominance has become inertia, she only sees her dissatisfaction with her surroundings, but she never knows how to think about how much every word she says hurts me and my aunt from a different perspective.

She always felt that if she didn't like to eat, others wouldn't like it. What you like will be what others like, and it is the so-called "right". Like, she thinks that the food she cooks is delicious and more in line with the tastes of the guests. And the food cooked by the aunt is not the taste she likes, so she feels that the food made by the aunt cannot greet the guests. However, before she married into the Liu family, could it be that my aunt hadn't cooked a meal to greet guests for decades?

Her aggressiveness made me want to scold her to my face, but for that reason, I had low self-esteem. It's she's raising her family, she's feeding her children, and I, like a piece of waste, can only silently endure all this unhappiness.

I turned and walked to the balcony and quietly looked at the sky outside......

She was angry, and when she finished cooking, she started eating......

When I was eating, I ate quietly with a blank face......

It's just that sometimes if you are too careful, there will be small accidents. When my bowl landed on the glass table, it was accidentally placed a little hard, so it made a somewhat discordant sound.

The voice, combined with my expressionless face, made it easy for her to think I was angry.

So, she immediately put down her chopsticks and went into the room......

I quietly watched this unpleasant lunch, gently put down my chopsticks, stupidly walked to the door of the balcony, sat down, and thought helplessly, what the hell would happen to us......

Why is there so little happiness? Why is there so little happiness? Am I on the wrong track?

In fact, I have had the idea of divorce many times. But, in the end, it's all just a matter of thinking. Because there are no conditions that are met, I will not bring it up.

Every time I was depressed and miserable, I would think that if I was already working and raising a family, and she still treated me with such a domineering attitude, I would not hesitate to file for divorce. Because, barely there is no happiness.

However, I haven't started working yet, and my conscience doesn't allow me to file for "divorce", two words that shouldn't be in my marriage. Also, she wasn't domineering all the time, and only did she do it when she saw that I didn't meet her requirements.

Another point is that I put myself in my shoes.

I will think about her position, raising a family, raising children, worrying about my health, hating me, etc., and will have a little temper, which is normal.

So, I endured it as much as I could, ignoring the so-called dignity.

After all, I'm a good man. Well, a good man is, it's unbearable. It's so unbearable, but I can endure it.

But at that time, my mind was so messy......

Before, the second sister had someone to calculate the eight characters between me and Xiaoshi, well, the result was that Xiaoshi should not get married so early, she would start to have great luck at the age of 27, and she would have 60 years of great luck. It's just that if she gets married before the age of 27, then the relationship between her mother-in-law and daughter-in-law will definitely be troublesome. Indeed, it is. Auntie likes it, but Xiaoshi doesn't like it. For example, Auntie often rubs wind oil when she is dizzy and uncomfortable, and Xiao Shi hates the smell of wind oil very much, every time Aunt rubs wind oil, Xiao Shi will be very repulsive and disgusted. It feels like fate is really destined for a bad relationship between their mother-in-law and daughter-in-law.

And I, I have to be thirty or forty years old to have great luck, and I feel that there is still a lot of life to endure.

All of this mixed up will make me think of divorce again, since everyone is not happy, why do you want to be together so reluctantly?

Hot-headed, I picked up my mobile phone and sent a WeChat message to my father, asking him if the eight characters of the poem and I matched.

At the time, I didn't think much about it.

I didn't expect that WeChat to cause so much trouble later.

Then, continue to be in a daze.

Is there true love between us, and if so, why is it so hard for us to feel happy?

I pulled out a one-dollar coin I was carrying and muttered, "If it's a flower, I'll continue to endure it." If it was a word, I would choose to divorce her. Throw three times, the most is the one. ”

Then, with my thumb, I flick the coin into the air, spinning in a beautiful but not beautiful arc, and watch it fall to the ground, crashing into a beautiful but uncomfortable sound, and tell me the answer in my heart.

Well, the first time was the word.

Pick it up and throw it again.

Well, the second time is flowers.

Pick it up and throw it again.

At the last throw, my eyes were soulless......

As a result, flowers.

So, I'm going to keep putting up with it.

Shortly after she finished tossing the coin, she suddenly took her computer and went out without saying a word.

I didn't mean to go out and chase her back, because I was disheartened. I don't know where she's going with her computer, maybe it's to go to the Gongcha shop......

I went into the room to take a look, Ziyu was sleeping, and her key was still on the table.

If she doesn't have a key with her, how can she get in if she goes out and wants to come back?

Alas, I don't know, it's annoying.

I just want to quietly calm my mind.

After sitting for maybe ten minutes, she sent me a message: I know that I am a regret to you, maybe your heart is constantly hesitating whether you should let me divorce me freely, if you really regret marrying me so much, then you can say it, as for me, you can think that I have disappeared from this world, but you have to take the words, sorry! I delayed you, it was I who delayed your beautiful marriage......

As soon as I read this message, I immediately became very nervous!

I immediately ran out to find her, but I didn't know where she was. The first thing that came to my mind, though, was that she might be on the rooftop.

I immediately ran to the top, and when I got to the top, thankfully, she sat on the stairs at the top door.

As soon as she saw me, she immediately looked away and continued to look at the computer with a blank face.

I walked slowly into her and whispered, "Go back." ”

She replied lightly: "Why are you going back? I won't go back." ”

Me: "Then what are you doing here working?"

She: "Don't pay attention to me, you can go back by yourself!How can you let Ziyu rent a house by herself?"

Me: "Then you're not going back." ”

She ignored me and continued to stare blankly at the computer.

I walked to the top of the building, close to the fence, looking downstairs, why is it so hard to be a human being?

The wind ruffled my hair and brought out my tears by the way......

What are you living for?

I'm so tired, I'm so tired......

When the tears were enough, he walked behind her again and looked at her quietly......

She told me to hurry back to the rental room, what if Ziyu woke up?

I ignored her and replied lightly: "You don't go back." ”

After a few minutes of stalemate, she picked up her computer and went back to the rent.

As long as she's not near the roof, that's fine.

When she returned to the rented room, she went straight to the toilet and closed the door. And I, looking at the meals that had lost the warmth of the family, sighed softly, quietly walked into the room, sat on the edge of the bed, well, quietly looked at the phone......

After about ten minutes, I heard the door open and closed, as if she was out again......

This time, I still didn't chase it out. Really, my heart is so cold......

I don't know how many minutes later, I heard a few cold knocks on the door, she was supposed to be back, but there was no key.

I opened the door for her, but as soon as she entered, she went straight to the toilet and closed the door.

I still quietly returned to the bed and sat down, looking at Ziyu who was sleeping, and whispered with moist eyes: "I'm sorry, Ziyu, Daddy may not be able to let you grow up in a warm family atmosphere, it's Daddy is not ......"

Soon she sent me a message: What is the situation now? What is the result of the coin toss?

I replied: What do you hope for?

She replied: Now you're making such a fuss, okay?

I replied: You know what? I'm uncomfortable not because you want me to change, but because of the attitudes you show in the process of asking me to change, like a boss reprimanding an employee, a teacher reprimanding a student...... I feel like I don't even have the dignity of a man......

Slowly, I replied: I was already a little inferior, and now in the trough period, the whole person is even more inferior. I wish I could hear some loving encouragement every day, but I feel more like criticism, accusations...... How uncomfortable is that...... I don't know how to express it...... I've just put up with it...... No matter how painful it is, I lick my wounds myself......

She replied: It's you who feel wronged, I do this, I say this to make you feel wronged, in your eyes I have always been a stumbling block to your family, all the mistakes are caused by me alone, I am competitive, I am unreasonable, I am the one who is rude, it is me who has caused you to lose your uncle, I have caused you to lose your health, and I have tied you up so that you have no freedom, so you can directly say what kind of life you want! I won't let my family know, you decided, I'm going to leave on my own tonight, and I won't let anyone know.

She still thinks so, it's still "you".

I replied: I never said that you were a stumbling block, but every time you encounter a conflict, you have to think in those directions, and no matter what others say, you have to distort that meaning...... I don't know how to say it......

She replied: For Ziyu, I know that she is the hope of your family, so I won't let her follow me away from you and Aunt Ah, I just hope that you can treat her a little patiently, don't let her feel that you don't care about her, don't love her, take her over to see her parents when you have time......

I replied: What Ziyu needs most is not me, it's you.

She replied: Since you have had this idea since last year, and now you have a future, and I am here will only affect the stable and happy life of your family.

I replied: My home has been dispersed, there will be no more happiness at all, if you want to leave, take Ziyu away, and I will make up for the child support after I work in the future......

Then, her crying could be heard from the other side of the toilet.

The first time, after we were together, I heard her cry like that for the first time.

I...... If I could, I really hope that the family can be happy together......

When I heard her cry, my heart felt so sad......

I don't like her strength, but I cherish her weakness.

She replied: Are you sure you let me go?

I replied: I am reluctant.

She replied: I decided not to regret it, then goodbye. (Served with a withered rose.) ）

I replied: I didn't decide.

She replied: I have seen the gray world......

I replied: That's because you closed your eyes......

She replied: When I opened my eyes, I saw a haze, so cold, so cold! I couldn't see the light......

I replied: Do you believe that I can give you warmth?

She replied: I remember that I am already an outcast, there is no warmth, and there is no future to talk about. (with a broken heart)

I replied: I didn't abandon you, it was you who thought I abandoned you. (with a hug)

She replied: I think I may leave to another world and start from scratch, maybe everyone will be happy, but I am very sorry for the parents who raised me and the son who raised me a few months old......

How can there be another illusion that she wants to look for short-sightedness?

She continued to reply: It's so cold, so sleepy, I really want to sleep......

I replied: (with two hugs) The world needs you, come out to sleep, Ziyu can give you warmth......

She replied: She can't pay it back for the time being. (with a withered rose)

I replied: (with two hugs) When you come out to sleep, I can also give you warmth.

She replied: I don't want to, I don't want to leave yet, I'm sorry!

I replied: Then how are you going to come out?

She replied: I will completely lose this home when I go out, please forgive me for being selfish!

I replied: What do you mean?

She took a screenshot and sent it to me, and the content of the screenshot was the sentence I replied to: My home has been scattered, there will be no more happiness at all, if you want to leave, take Ziyu away, and I will make up for the child support after I work in the future......

It turned out that she had misunderstood.

I replied: This situation means that if you want to leave this home, then my family has already been dispersed, and there is no happiness at all, then take Ziyu away, and don't let her grow up in a home without happiness, which is what it means. Now I don't even want you to leave this house. (with two hugs)

She replied: I don't believe it, you have already had the idea of letting me leave a few times, this time it was you who thought about it carefully before saying it, if I go out, I will lose your love and this home, and I will wander.

She replied: I don't want to be a homeless homeless person yet, please don't drive me away now, when I beg you. (with two bows)

After reading these two of her replies, my heart is so sad. It felt as if I was driving her away.

I replied: (with two hugs) Fool, why should I flip a coin if I really want you to go? I'm just venting my emotions. If I don't love you, why am I crying here? I'm not going to drive you away, this is your home, our home. (with two hugs)

At this time, Ziyu woke up.

I sent another message: Ziyu woke up, she was looking for Mommy.

After that, there was no reply.

I picked up Ziyu, went to the door of the toilet, and knocked softly: "Honey, don't cry, come out, okay?"

Her cry was not as intense as it had been at first, but it could still be heard.

However, she was inside, and she didn't answer me silently, and she didn't want to come out.

Even, I spoke for Ziyu: "Mommy, come out! Mommy, I want your hug......"

However, she still refused to come out.

I really couldn't help it, so I lied and said, "Honey, I'm in such a hurry to pee." Open the door and let me in, okay?"

She replied: "Solve it in the corridor, no one will see it when you squat." ”

I was shocked by this answer, but luckily I wasn't really urgent.

I still have to keep saying "Oh? no, it feels weird." Let's open the door and let me go in, dear. I'm really in a hurry! If I endure it any longer, I'll explode. ”

Finally, the white lie worked!

She unlocked the toilet door, and I gently pushed it open and walked in.

What caught my eye was that she was curled up in the corner of the bathroom, like a lonely and helpless child.

I gently crouched down and touched her head: "Honey, don't cry." ”

She turned her head and replied, "Aren't you urgent?"

I replied, "yes, it's okay to solve it later." Let's go out first, shall we?"

She replied: "You don't even want me anymore, why am I going out?"

This feeling made me feel very familiar, and Gan also said this to me at the beginning, "You don't want me anymore......

While holding Ziyu, I took Xiaoshi's head into my arms and said, "How can I not want you? ”

After a "chemical reaction" between a family of three in the toilet, we finally reconciled.

The warmth that was lost at lunch was regained at dinner.

Daddy replied to me at that time: "What do you mean by that?"

I replied, "It's fine." ”

But, will it really be okay?

That WeChat is like another fuse.

However, at least the risk that the "bomb" in front of you will explode has been eliminated, and the rest, let's talk about it later.

A happy family is the most beautiful, and I really hope that this beauty is not an illusion.

Marriage is not easy, but it is done and cherished.