_id="u1749455";

It's three o'clock in the morning, and it's been three hours since I and Xiang Xiang were separated.

Actually, I didn't go very far, just like she used to, sit by the river when she was upset, and throw everything I could throw into the river. Stones, cell phones, wine bottle fragments.

When there was nothing left, I pulled out the key ring she gave me.

I wondered, is she sad? Maybe she was desperate to lose all the most important things about us. But I can't bear it, just like I can't bear that girl.

Standing up from the ground, I walked aimlessly, Zhang Lei came over to pull me, and I shook off her arm hard. I said, I said are you satisfied now?

There is no liking for no reason, and no dislike for no reason.

When I met Xiangxi, I hated her. Because I think she's a heartless girl who dares to run out when she dresses so indecently.

She was different from the girls I had come into contact with before, those girls were either innocent or enchanting, and there had never been a person like her, who was smug on the surface, and when she was stubborn, she looked like a cow.

So I don't think it's possible for me to identify with her, let alone like her.

But this girl was with Si Chen, and she kept saying that she was a fan of SLAM, and she didn't have any ability to be smashed by a ladder in order to help us out.

When I thought I shouldn't hate her, I saw the autograph smile holding Xu Yi again.

At the time, I thought, what is there to be happy about, to laugh like a fool.

But I didn't think about why I had to keep staring at her. Because every time I stared at her, she froze, with that look that was obviously scared, but refused to admit defeat.

I thought it was kind of cute.

Later, I learned Si Chen's secret, and that kid actually hooked up with someone else outside. I could recognize that the back wasn't westward because she never wore that long dress.

She likes to wear jeans with her legs rolled up to expose her ankles and a red rope on them.

I hesitated to tell her about it, but I still forgot it, in the police station, I think she seems to like Si Chen.

But later, I still tried it, and on Valentine's Day, I asked her if she wanted to dump Si Chen and be with me. She was nervous, and I told her it was a joke.

Because I don't know myself, why I just want to know if she really likes Si Chen so much, but in the end she said the kind of thing that asked her to be with me.

Xiangxi really ignored me, since I made that joke.

I never thought that she would turn a blind eye to me one day. I was annoyed, but I didn't want to lose my temper with her, as she said, we didn't know each other. Why should I care about her? So when she really broke up with Si Chen, I was actually a little happy, as if I could really manage her in the future.

But she ran, this time, crying like a fool.

I called her and knew she was by the river and saw Langlang find her before I did.

She got herself drunk and fell to the ground unconscious. Lang Lang didn't know what was going on and fell into the river. I jumped down and fished him out and took two more people to the hospital.

She nestled in my arms, looked very small, frowned when she smelled the disinfectant water, and cried and kept going to the hospital, not getting injections.

This girl turned out to be afraid of injections.

After I explained Lang Lang, I carried her home again.

At that time, I shared a room with Sichen Langlang and had three rooms. They all said I was clean, and I would never allow anything to be dirty in my room.

I looked at Xiang Xi, but I didn't plan to throw her on Si Chen or Lang Lang's bed, if it was dirty, it would be dirty, I would still pick her up and put her on my bed.

I just said anything about the next-door neighbor helping her change clothes.

When I saw that she was dirty, I just stripped her naked. There is a kind of girl who looks better when she is stripped naked than when she is dressed, and when I change her clothes, I take a few looks at it by the way, and accidentally touch it a few times.

I thought, actually, she's okay.

The next day I said to help her rent a house, which actually took her to my own house. I didn't tell her it was my house because I didn't think I needed to.

What if she misunderstands that I like her? Forget it, I'm not interested in this kind of trouble.

But I was interested in her, and after drinking too much, I asked her to take a shower, and she came out wrapped in a bath towel. I remembered the way I changed her clothes, so I pretended to be drunk and watched it again.

I asked her if she liked me, and if she did, forget it.

She said the moon was so beautiful.

I didn't understand what it meant at the time, but it was the first time for her, I didn't control myself, I drank too much, and I was a little impatient. Then the girl fell asleep.

I stared at her face and thought to myself, I could still fall asleep this way.

Then, after receiving a call from Tang Si, I threw the used condom in the trash can in the bathroom and went out.

There is actually nothing to say about Tang Si, I have liked her, and I have long since disliked her. Tang Si came to me this time and told me that she was pregnant, and she was sick, and I took care of her for a week, and she said that she couldn't stand it and didn't have me around when she opened her eyes.

So I remembered Xiangxi, coaxed her on the phone, and sang to her.

I thought I felt guilty about Xiangxi.

At that time, I also felt that if Tang Si was really pregnant and was my child, then we would probably reconcile logically, and I couldn't have my child. That pair to the west, I can only make up for it in other ways.

Even before I knew that Tang Si was pregnant, I never thought about where to put Xiang Xi.

I don't know how I feel about her, whether I like it or not. At the time, I thought I was a bit of a jerk, so I avoided her when I went back to school, but I happened to be bumped into by her.

I thought about it, she cried at me and made trouble with me.

But I didn't think about her as if nothing had happened. For Si Chen, she also has that attitude, and she is still in the mood to match her and Chen Xiang. And Langlang likes her, and I have long seen it.

At first I thought I just couldn't accept her being with Lang Lang, but then it took me a long time to make sure of my heart. I probably kind of like going west.

We're in this together.

She gave me a guitar pick on my birthday, but on her birthday, I couldn't go back to accompany her.

Then, SLAM stumbled and released a single, but met **. A few of us stayed in Beijing to develop, and Xiangxi came to me whenever we had time, and wronged myself and I huddled in the small bed between the partitions.

At that time, I didn't really think about whether we were together for the rest of our lives.

She is still in touch with Xu Yi, and I will get angry and ignore her.

She went alone, and I chased after her, but I couldn't, so I regretted it.

I think I fell in love with her at that time, there is no way not to love, I feel very uncomfortable when I see her sad and see her crying, I told myself, don't let her cry in the future.

I said I would marry her before I was thirty years old.

She is also very sensible, she is reluctant to buy a skirt for a few hundred yuan, but she gave me tens of thousands of yuan to let me record a demo, but I don't need to be so sensible, my girlfriend, my future wife, I don't want her to toss herself because of me.

Even I felt at the time that her sensibility was a burden to me.

When I stayed in Beijing and couldn't see any hope for the future, she started an internship to fulfill her dream, and told me about her work every day.

I don't want to hear it. In other words, I am afraid that one day I will lose the bet, and when I lose, I will not be able to compare with her. I even selfishly thought that I wanted her to get into a lot of trouble at work, and finally hide in my arms and let me take care of her.

I know it's naïve.

But she's doing a great job, and she's more realistic than I am when it comes to future planning. At the beginning, the little girl who brought tea and water to others was able to face those old men with ease during the interview.

She went to Japan with Xu Yi for work.

I went to see her off, but I didn't want her to go. I love her, but I love her very selfishly, and I love very contradictory. I didn't want to talk to her, I hoped it would make her unhappy, and it was better to give up the idea of leaving, on the other hand, I was afraid that she would encounter all kinds of problems when she was alone outside, so I thought about everything for her.

She and Xu Yi were alone, and I still couldn't accept it, so on the day I sent her away, I took the money I earned for a whole month to go to the travel agency, and I said that I was going to Japan, the sooner the better.

Then I met her on Valentine's Day.

She followed Xu Yi, and indeed her whole person changed, she no longer wore jeans, she began to wear skirts, her hair was dyed, and she learned to put on makeup.

My little girl is getting prettier and prettier, but I can't be happier.

The more this happens, the more worried I am that in the end I will not be able to catch her.

I bought her clothes with all the money I had brought with me, I sang to her on the streets of Japan, I gave her flowers, and I did things that I used to think were pompous, just because I was afraid that one day she would not like me.

After I returned to Beijing, I couldn't even afford instant noodles for a month.

I know that this is the price of my stubbornness, but I also feel that Xiangxi actually deserves the best, so I can only work harder, and I must succeed. I don't know when it began, but my dream is no longer just a dream.

My dream is because this is the only thing I can prove myself in front of Xiangxi.

I hated Xiangxi, and when I watched the photos of her and Xu Yi make gossip news headlines, I felt like I really hated her. But I love her too, and when I see her so helpless, I think maybe it's okay, maybe after this time she won't be trying to prove herself, I just want her to stay by my side.

I went to her classmate's wedding, and when I got home, I proposed to her.

The music teacher who introduced me to middle school may be my life, and I will never mention any dreams in the future. I took her to see the wedding ring, and we went to take the wedding photos because of the way the house was decorated.

In those days, I was actually very happy.

Then listen to her, she wants whatever she likes, and I want to spoil her, because I really haven't spoiled her before.

I also thought that we could really get married.

But I'm always upset. I said to Xiangxi, let's have a baby, I think we will definitely get married when we have a child.

In the end, the wedding was cancelled.

I was approached by a producer I worked with when I was in Guangzhou, and wanted me to consider helping him, which may have been a behind-the-scenes job at first, but there were more opportunities than in Beijing.

I barely hesitated, and I knew I would definitely go back.

When I told Xiangxi, I was actually just telling her, not discussing with her. I feel like a jerk, but there are some things I can't let go of, and I need to prove myself.

For the sake of that dream from the past, and for her.

The matter of going to Guangzhou did not go well. Lao Bi had an accident, we were all sad, and the saddest thing was Langlang. He told me that he would not go to Guangzhou with me, that he would not accompany me to fulfill my dreams, and that he had his own things to do.

For the first time, I understood that I shouldn't sway my friends. I know there's nothing wrong with Lang Lang, but I still feel like I've been abandoned.

The next one to leave was Si Chen, and after going to Shanghai, he disappeared.

That time, I went back to Guangzhou by myself, facing the work day and night, and the equipment that the three of us used to fiddle with together. I smashed everything, including the guitar that Si Chen and Lang Lang secretly went to work for a month when I was twenty years old.

Little Lei appeared at that time.

I didn't like her, not from the beginning.

But then, I did waver.

Lei seemed to be a different person, she told me that she liked me because she liked to listen to my songs, she took out the demo we recorded a year ago and told me that she had worked so hard to buy it.

She was always offstage when I was singing, and even though I never looked at her, she showed up on time the next day.

I hesitated.

Because of this hesitation, I worked for someone else and went to Beijing to meet Xiangxi. I was relieved to see her. I know the only thing I've always liked is this girl.

Even if I was angry with her, I hated her.

It's only when I'm with her that I feel naïve, and it's only when I see her happy that I feel that whatever I do is meaningful.

I began to reflect on myself.

But I don't know how to apologize or confess.

After returning to Guangzhou, I talked to Xiaolei once and told her not to come to me again for any reason. There's no way I like her, and it's impossible for her presence to make Xiangxi sad.

I helped her rent a house near the school, paid the rent for a year, gave her the keys and told her to move out as soon as possible.

That day, Xiangxi came to me. She hugged me and cried, telling me that Si Chen and Chen Xiang had broken up.

also told me that Si Chen went to the United States.

I find it ironic that two of my most important friends have left me, and this time, even without saying goodbye.

I was in a bad mood for the past few days, but I didn't forget Xiangxi's birthday. I didn't dare to go back, because I didn't even have the money to buy a bouquet of flowers for Xiaolei to rent a house.

I also don't want to look down and ask someone to borrow money.

Of course, the last thing I want is to let Xiangxi know that I haven't had a good time here. I could leave the recording work to someone else, but I said I could, and I stayed up all night in the studio for a few days.

I looked at the dishes she made alone, at the melted and deformed cake, and suddenly I didn't know how to face it, so I could only continue to escape.

Xiaolei sent another CD to the company, which happened to be what I had been looking for, and she asked someone else to give it to me.

I didn't want it, so I had to send it back myself, but I saw Xiangxi there.

I confessed to her, and I said I wavered.

Xiangxi asked me and her to go back to Beijing.

Seriously, I don't want to go back. I also wanted to be with her, but now that I am really nothing, I can't even afford to buy her a bouquet of flowers.

Not long ago, I got the news that there was a song in the demo I recorded for the diva last time that was a chorus, and I couldn't find a suitable male voice.

Stay, maybe this opportunity is mine.

But I couldn't refuse to go west, so I promised her to go with me.

In the last few days in Guangzhou, I did it with her many times, and there were no safety measures. Just like I thought before I came to Guangzhou, I wanted her to get pregnant and have a child that belonged to the two of us.

That's when I have confidence that we can really stay together.

I figured that if Xiangxi was pregnant, I wouldn't let her go anyway.

At the train station, I received another call from the producer saying that the diva had decided to let me come and sing with her, and I refused. Xiangxi asked me what was wrong, and I said it was fine.

Once in the car, I got another call.

I knew I couldn't go.

I know, I'm a complete jerk.

I tore up my ticket and got off the bus, hanging up the phone to the west.

As the train was leaving, I remembered that song.

When you walk to the parting station / I finally keep calling and calling / Seeing your car go farther and farther away / My heart is messy and messy

It's too late to say a thousand words / My tears have already flooded / Since then I've been hooked on that station / How many times have I watched it there stupidly

The parting scene will always repeat itself / You almost snap your hand / When the train will bring you back / I'm here with a crazy hope

I don't care where you are/Please take care of me

***

I came back to Tianjin from Guangzhou, a few days later than I expected, because there was some post-production of the album that I had to attend.

The whole team is very confident about this album, and it will start hitting the single chart after the year. I wondered if I could let Xiangxi forgive me.

Forgive me for saying goodbye at the train station, and forgive me for knowing that she didn't even dare to make a phone call when she was sick and hospitalized.

It's not that I don't want her, on the contrary, after she left Guangzhou by train, I realized how much I loved her and hurt her, and I finally understood the feeling of heartache. I regretted it, but I also understood that if I had another chance to choose, I would still stay in Guangzhou.

Because I want the best for her, and I want to prove that I am the best.

I think that's the only way we can be together without worry. I don't want the day in the future when my incompetence will put her in more ups and downs than others. I thought that in order to love her, I had to first turn myself into a man she relied on with one finger.

However, I didn't think that when I walked into the rivers and lakes again, I saw a picture of her and Xu Yi talking and laughing.

Xiaolei has been following me since Guangzhou, and I let her go, but I can't really control her stay. Sure enough, when I went out, she was standing at the gate of the rivers and lakes.

I took Xiaolei in, wanting to be angry with Xiangxi.

Then I can see her sad, see her crying, and hear her explain to me that she and Xu Yi are nothing.

I'm trying to force her to back down.

It wasn't until I actually saw her cry that I realized how naïve my thoughts were. It wasn't until I heard what she said that I realized that I had been insisting on going my own way and thinking that I would give her a good future.

But I owe her a good now.

Xiangxi told me she was tired.

She really wants to break up with me, not angry.

I couldn't believe those words, I didn't dare to chase after me and ask, but Xiaolei ran over and hugged me after that. I wanted to push her away. But when Xiangxi suddenly threw the ring and necklace into the river, I really, as if I couldn't move my hands or feet.

I want to jump down and find those things.

But I knew that even if I jumped, there was nothing I could do, and I would never get those things back.

My little girl, she really doesn't want me this time, she actually has more courage and determination than me.

So I chose to leave, when I saw her leaning on Xu Yi's arms, I put my arm around Xiaolei's shoulder, I smiled at her, in fact, it was myself who laughed.

So be it, listen to her, part.

I sat by the river, looking at the place where Xiangxi and I were standing just now, and saw her get into Xu Yi's car and the two of them left together.

I also threw everything I could into the river, my phone, the broken wine bottles by the river, the stones. I even wanted to throw myself in. I chased away Lei, but I actually hated myself more.

When I realized that all I had left was the keyring that had been given to me to the west, I realized that I couldn't afford to throw it away.

It's like I'm reluctant to go west.

I love her.

I felt the engraving on the guitar pick and told myself that I wasn't going to give up. I will wait, and when she forgives me, I will also tell her when I can give her a future that it is enough to love someone for the rest of my life.

Xiangxi, in my life, I only love you alone, and that's enough.

[Weibo: I got procrastination in the second year of secondary school (pay attention to the fastest and most complete update address that automatically receives private message push)]

[Public WeChat ID: Secondary 2 got procrastination (pay attention to receiving mobile version update push every day)]

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