God is the director, so the plot of my life is inevitably dramatized......

Like, the more you want something, the more you can't get it. And you didn't want to live like this, but you lived like this, and you haven't had the confidence to bargain. Because, you will find that everything seems to be taken for granted, and you are not worth it at all, and you can't even talk about value......

I actually lived like I never imagined when I was a child......

In my marriage, the most common feeling at the moment is low self-esteem and helplessness. Because, gradually, I saw what my own nest looked like. It turns out that I am such a waste-like being......

It is normal to have conflicts in marriage, and if you face too many small turmoil, you will have to endure it. Sometimes when you make a bigger wave, you find yourself so fragile and powerless.

At that time, there was a big conflict with Xiaoshi, and I can't remember how it was caused, but it was very profound.

Because, Xiaoshi starred in front of me once ran away from home.

The picture was of me sitting silently on the edge of the bed, motionless, angrily packing a few clothes into her backpack and slamming the door out.

At that moment, my mind kept repeating the phrase: "It's over...... Finished...... And so our marriage ended......"

Just as I was about to break down, she suddenly came back and opened the door to the "heart world", and I thought she was going to forgive me. I didn't expect ......

She just came back to get an umbrella, her face was full of anger, she didn't say a word, and then she threw the door out again.

This time, it should really be gone......

The piercing sound she made when she slammed the door shut was like a knife into my heart. I didn't get a knife in my heart, but it was painful!

I couldn't remain indifferent to my tears anymore, and I felt like I was really a failure......

When she left, my first instinct told me that she was going back to her parents' house, and that our marriage would soon break down completely.

I...... I...... What the hell happened to me? Why didn't I keep it? Did I not dare, or did I not want to?

I remembered a song "You Love Her So Much", you love her so much, why don't you leave her behind, why don't you say what is in your heart, you love her deeply......

While I was in tears, I looked at the blessing card she gave me for the first time, with a large number of blessings written by her one by one, and the more I looked at it, the more painful my heart became...... and the thought of her running away alone and sadly...... The feeling of reluctance in my heart is getting stronger and stronger!

I immediately picked up my phone and wanted to send a message asking where she had gone......

However, looking at the information basket, my fingers stopped on the surface of the phone screen, and I didn't know what words to click on, I ...... It's inexplicably poor in words...... That's it, is it over?

I fell limply on the bed, staring at the blurred ceiling, gradually closing my warm eyes and letting the pain slowly consume me......

I don't know how long I've been dreaming, and I don't know if I've really dreamed. It felt like a long time, but it hurt very clearly and closely......

In a daze, I picked up my phone, feeling that I was still very worried that she was out alone, even if she was going back to her parents' house, I wanted to know if she had arrived safely.

So, I messaged her anyway: "Honey, where are you now?"

It didn't take long for her to reply to me: "What's the matter with you? I didn't see you keeping me when I went out, why are you asking these now?"

After reading this information, my heart hurt again......

I struggled to click on the reply: "Are you going back to your parents?"

She replied, "No." ”

If you don't go back to your parents, where will you go? Do you wander around? The more I think about it, the more worried I become......

I immediately replied, "Where are you, my dear, will you tell me?"

She replied, "Do you really want to know where I am?"

I replied: "Of course." ”

She replied, "Well, unless you promise me a few things, I won't tell you where I am." ”

I immediately replied in the affirmative, "Okay, no problem." ”

After waiting for a few minutes, the mobile phone message rang, and she sent a long message: "

1. When there is a conflict, you can't silence me, snub me, and make me lonely and lonely;

2. If you have something happy or unpleasant, don't hide it from me and keep me in the dark;

3. Arrange the work and rest time reasonably, go to bed before 12 o'clock, and get up at 8:30 in the morning at the latest;

Fourth, grasp the weight of my and your spiritual world satisfaction;

5. Don't say sad things like giving me back my freedom and leaving me to find your uncle;

Sixth, adjust your mentality as soon as possible, get rid of the abandoned youth, and be a good male companion who is self-motivated, I believe you can.

Can these six points be more than four points?"

After reading this information that was typed out so carefully, and then thinking about myself, it turned out that I didn't do a good job in so many aspects, and it was my fault.

I hope she can come back to me and never run away from home again.

So, I was sure I could do it and replied, "I can do it! Where are you?"

She replied, "Don't lie to me." ”

I replied earnestly: "I don't lie to you. ”

After that, she replied: "I'm in Honghuashan Park." ”

After that, it's the long life of my wife.

Many people sincerely feel that they can really say and do what they say at the moment they make a promise, but later a large part of them are slapped in the face. Although this is not much different from not making a promise, at least at the moment of making a promise, there is a motive. It's better than those who never take it seriously, just to deceive their feelings.

As for me, did I do it all after that? Well, it was a long battle with myself. I can't do it all at once, but I've tried to change it, and at least it's still worthy of the promise I made at that time.

It wasn't until later that I realized that it was really hard to change myself, and it would be accompanied by a lot of emotions that had nowhere to put it.

The hesitation and fear in my heart has kept me in a confused stage, always feeling that I don't know anything, I can't do anything, and as a result, I really fell into the trough of self-bondage.

On the day of the National Day, my brother-in-law Ziming accompanied his parents to visit us in the vegetable field, and I felt so embarrassed.

Because, the vegetable field on our side is very remote, and the transportation is not very convenient. That evening, my brother-in-law called Didi, but some Didi drivers canceled the order a few minutes after taking the order, probably because it was too remote, and the Didi drivers were reluctant to come in. Take the bus, and my parents are afraid of motion sickness. It wasn't until it was dark that my second sister found the neighbor's neighbor's neighbor's ...... neighbors, give money to drive them home.

If my financial situation was a little better, it wouldn't be ...... Alas......

At the same time that my parents and brother-in-law Ziming came to visit us, the second sister also planned to introduce the neighbor's daughter to my brother-in-law Ziming, but they couldn't pull the red rope.

So, I feel embarrassed...... And I, I don't like embarrassment.

On the second day of the National Day, I took Xiaoshi to OCT East, because I wanted to give Xiaoshi a happy trip, so I bought a two-day ticket. Because of this, I spent more than 1,000 in a single day.

But it doesn't matter, I think it's worth it! I don't skimp on spending money for the people I love.

I thought that a good little trip would have a good ending, but when it was near the end, there was still a small contradiction that was not good......

Well, I have to keep coaxing my wife.

After the National Day, my original plan was to find a part-time job or a job with a more flexible schedule, and run a training course to learn a skill.

Xiaoshi understands and supports me, and is willing to give me time, which is very valuable to me. The support of a lover is a very strong support.

Blame, blame me for not being angry, constantly wandering in a confused world, and not acting for a long time. I thought twice, but I didn't do anything later. I'm starting to despise myself like this, it's so wasteful......

As I got closer and closer to November, Xiao Shi saw that I hadn't found a job yet, and I felt that I was under a lot of pressure, and my heart began to panic, so my mood became more irritable, and she would contradict me from time to time.

Fortunately, Ah Shen happened to ask me to go to Hong Kong to play at that time, so I went to Hong Kong for the first time in my life, and I also bought the facial cleanser and mask that Xiaoshi wanted, which made her happy for a while. At that time, the feeling was very deep, but now that I think about it, I can't get that feeling back, so I have to write down some of the new feelings. Because once the expiration date has passed, it will not taste at all when you write it down, and it is even a little disgusting.

I always felt like I was moving my way, but now I see that I was just making excuses to escape. Otherwise, I wouldn't be the same person I am.

Every time I have a conflict, I have a sulk and nowhere to vent. I always felt that I couldn't be the only one who was wrong. But when I saw Xiaoshi's sad appearance, I would still comfort her and keep telling her, "It's my fault." ”

Come to think of it, I feel that as long as I can't change the immature self in my heart, I am the source of my mistake. It's all my fault. Who told me to be so uncompetitive, who told me to be so unenterprising, who told me to fall into the trough and not work hard? So, everything was self-inflicted.

All my unhappiness and nowhere to put my emotions can only force myself to endure it, and I can't help it. Because this is the test that God has given me. If I don't break through, I have to constantly accept these emotional torments and force myself to smile.

Although Xiaoshi often has conflicts with me, I can still feel the help and tolerance she gave me when I was at a low point. Someone is willing to accompany me through the trough, although it can be a little grumbling at times, but it is a rare happiness in the end.

Well, now I am like a waste-like existence, with low self-esteem and helplessness.

However, I still believe in tomorrow and the sparkling optimism in Sagittarius's heart.

So, even though I live like a waste now, I still try to change, I believe that I can break through, I believe that I can break out of the cocoon and become a butterfly.

God gave me such a dramatic direction, it wouldn't just want me to be finished, if it was really that easy, I wouldn't have lived today. In this case, I have to fight for the counterattack scene.

I'm such a person, sometimes I am full of negative energy at the beginning, and at the end of writing, it will inexplicably turn into beating chicken blood and drinking chicken soup.

Well, I guess, that's why God likes to make my life so dramatic.

Hehe.