Am I wasting my time, wasting my life?

If it was me in the past, I would have despised me very much. Doing nothing, just being there not knowing what to do, not trying to get rid of fear, but letting fear erode you. Is there something wrong with your brain?

Since the birth of human civilization, it has been instinctive to seek good fortune and avoid evil. Human beings have developed countless things, whether it is science or Taoism, all in order to seek good fortune and avoid evil.

Now, I'm doing the opposite.

How can life be wasted?

First of all, who is going to stipulate that doing so is a waste of life, and that is cherishing life? Who is qualified to do so? Isn't it true that everyone says this when they do this, so it is to cherish time to stipulate such behavior?

And secondly, how can I waste a thing that doesn't have a life? How can I waste something that doesn't exist?

On the other hand, life is infinite, and that awareness is the only reality, something that is eternal and unchanging. How can something be wasted about something that will never go away?

Cherishing this statement is itself based on the premise that things will be exhausted. Who thinks they're wasting the sun?

Of course, this analogy is not accurate, because the sun is an individual, not infinite and not eternal.

Since you can't waste it, you can do whatever you want. Identifying waste, and identifying the source of cherishing, is a distortion in the mind. Right, it's all in my own head. Although this judgment may have been instilled by others, it is ultimately your own judgment.

There is never a way to trust others, this is something that cannot be done at all, and all I can believe in is myself.

There is no such thing as wasting life and time, and it doesn't matter what the character does for that awareness. So, why do I have to kill instead of expanding and playing? What kind of evil did I fall into, and what truth have I been thinking about here?

The most ridiculous thing is, that awareness is everything, what else is there to say? Even this thinking is false, am I unwilling to discard it, or unwilling to believe in the falsity of this thinking? That is, I still think that I am this thinking?

That's right, this is it. I hate to admit it, but I just think of myself as the one who thinks, not the one who perceives the thoughts. The thinking that I was proud of, the thinking that I always thought was a shining point, was not mine?!

This kind of thinking is overwhelming for me.

The point is, that awareness is everything, so how can there be something that isn't that awareness? This thinking must be false, it's as simple as that.

How do I know who's thinking, how do I know how to think, and everything about the characters is too complex and redundant to be fake.

The paradox is that in any case I can only perceive the false thinking, and can never perceive the "awareness" itself. No matter how much you simulate it, it's just that the character of Yuan Changwen is constantly simulating "that awareness".

When chatting with others, I always talk about the story of the character of Yuan Changwen, and I always want to plump up the character of Yuan Changwen in the eyes of others. Funnily enough, I have no way of knowing whether these chats will enrich the character of Yuan Changwen in the eyes of others.

I only know that according to the public process, according to the other party who "I think", should be interested in the content of my speech, and will think that the role of Yuan Changwen is good. If the other party does not give feedback according to the content of "I think", then the other party is just ignorant or has low emotional intelligence.

What!

That's how I used to live?

Why should we respond according to what I think? That's a good question, but it's a pity that it's limited to a few small details. On some innocuous issues, you can discuss, you can shirk it, you can ignore the so-called "I think", this is the difference between personality and life.

However, on big issues, such as filial piety, such as morality, such as law-abiding, etc., when the vast majority of people are on the same front, if someone dares to ask questions then it is evil. If you dare to act on it, then you are heretical.

There's nothing to talk about, it's just to strengthen the role. Now, it's not a question of whether I want to chat or not, but every time I chat, it becomes a torture. Sometimes, when chatting without feeling, it will feel very weird when you are alone.

What were you doing?

Sometimes, when it comes to certain topics, you suddenly don't know what to say. I was repeating in my head, "These are all false, and the opinions are all distorted", and then I was disgusted, so I had to reluctantly smile and not answer.

Yuan Changwen gradually felt tightness in his chest, thinking that the qi in his lungs was no longer enough, and he was probably dying. It's dark all around, and in the depths of the lake at night, you must be a spectator. It's a pity that I can't publicize the scenery here, and I won't live to that time.

How many times have I said that I am not that kind of thinking, I just perceive that the character of Yuan Changwen is thinking, I just feel that the character of Yuan Changwen is using thinking to carry out suicide missions. However, I will always identify myself with that thinking.

Why can't it be corrected?

That awareness was hidden so deep that it could only be understood by the intellect and could not be touched. In addition, the characters are fake, and the thinking is fake, so how can the false touch the real?

Sometimes, I can feel that I am thinking, as if I have become a theatergoer and appreciate everything about the character of Yuan Changwen. But even then, it's just a simulation of the mind, not a touch of awareness.

Every thought, that awareness is aware and reacts back in real time, so that the character can have a continuous series of thoughts. Whether the character is caught up in thinking and unaware of it, or is aware that they are thinking, these will be fed back and entered into the memory.

Of course, again, these are just speculations. It's just that it's easy to explain the whole thing, as if objective things really exist, so that you can avoid a lot of troubles and questions, and you can also explain the world in front of you that is not too far away. But after all, it's just speculation, so why take it seriously?

No more using the distortions in my head to weigh in, I am the whole universe, oh no, the whole universe is mine. So, what is there to be afraid of? What else is there to choose? What happens, it can only happen this way, and it is the best thing to happen.

I don't need to look for the best, what happens is the best. There is no need to look for all kinds of information, carry out various cognitive upgrades to grasp and fight, no need!

The distortion in the mind of the loss of the ground, along with the flow of life, good things will naturally happen. Of course, this kind of good thing is not necessarily the kind of good thing that I think is good, after all, how do I know what is good?