It's a terrible feeling, and I don't even know when my life will end. Ruan Dazhi's appearance was very accidental and seemed to be fateful.

On that day, the 1,000 yuan I had just received was stolen, which was my salary for a whole month. For the 1,000 yuan, I stood on the street and exposed to the sun for a month. However, as soon as I got it, I went to a fast food restaurant and ate a 10 yuan fast food extravagantly, and in a blink of an eye, the money in my trouser pocket was gone.

At that moment, I couldn't contain my emotions anymore, and I squatted on the overpass and cried. Pedestrians kept looking sideways, and finally, Ruan Dazhi was the first to stand beside me.

Ruan Dazhi said: Little sister, what's wrong with you? Come, stand up, don't cry here, there are a lot of homeless people here, it's not safe.

Maybe it was his last words that worked, and I really stood up with him. He wiped away my tears for me, Ruan Dazhi was wearing a security guard uniform at that time, his hair was not bald, and he was not blessed, and he looked quite human.

It was the first time I was wiped from tears by the opposite sex, and he took me to a noodle restaurant and ordered me a bowl of sausage noodles.

That's how we met, and after he found out that I was a college student, I became more interested in me. At that time, I was already in my third year of college, and I began to think about staying after graduation, Ruan Dazhi said: You are a major, it has nothing to do with it, it is not easy to find a job at all, it is better to follow me, I will marry you, and you will give me a child.

Maybe it was that dark time that made me desperately need the warmth of a person, maybe it was Ruan Dazhi's local identity that made me feel closer to my dream, or maybe I didn't want to go back to that perennial mountain village, or maybe I felt that I couldn't bear my parents' expectations and had to find someone to tie up. In short, I promised Ruan Dazhi.

The night I promised him, he gave me a plastic rose, and then he put me to sleep. The first night, it hurt so badly that he rudely charged through my body, and I almost fainted from the pain. At that time, I simply thought that the affairs of men and women were a kind of torture, and this concept continued until Yan Yan was born, and it was not until I met Li Jinnian that I felt the beauty of that relationship.

I was married to a city man, and I lied to my mom that he was my classmate, but he was just a security guard who didn't graduate from high school, but I told my mom that he was a police officer. We didn't have a wedding, because Ruan Dazhi had no money, and Ruan Dazhi's mother thought that I was a daughter-in-law from other places and there was no need to hold a banquet, so everything was done in a hurry.

Ruan Dazhi accompanied me back to my second home and moved my hukou from a small mountain village to this city. On the day I went back, my parents and the whole village welcomed me with colorful lights, Ruan Dazhi drank wine and blew the cowhide into the sky, and the whole village thought that I had lived the life of a rich wife, and all the children's eyes lit up, and they all sighed, it turned out that reading was so good, so good......

Who would have known that my life was so horribly silent. Ruan Dazhi bought a bottle of fake Wuliangye for his father, and bought a string of fake Buddhist beads for his mother, and his father was still reluctant to drink it, and put it high on the case in the main hall of the family, and said that it was "bought by the son-in-law in the city" when he met people, and his mother only dared to take out the Buddha beads and wear them during the New Year, and wrapped them in silk cloth layer after layer like a baby......

When Ruan Dazhi came back, he said on the train: "Shu Hua, your house is really shabby, I will never come again in the future." Your parents really haven't seen the world, just buy something fake and fool it, haha......"

I squatted alone in the toilet on the train, crying for a long, long time, helpless and desperate, guilty and cold.

But I have nothing to do with this kind of life. I was powerless to overthrow and reorganize, so I could only be forced to move forward, at the mercy of Ruan Dazhi, and gave birth to Yan Yan for him.

After giving birth to Yan Yan, she tasted the warmth and coldness of family life, and when she walked back and forth alone in the middle of the night with her sick Yan Yan in her arms, her heart died little by little, and she slept less than three hours a day, which lasted for a year...... It was such a difficult life, I forcibly avoided it, and had a limited amount of time every day to toss a little poetry, write some sour words, and put it on the so-called blog......