On a sunny Sunday afternoon, I sat bored again at the bar counter of the bar, opening WeChat and picking up drifting bottles.

The teddy in the doorway was lying lazily on the ground basking in the sun, and in front of him lay a large bone that had been gnawed into shape.

It's been almost a week since that teddy came to our store, I don't know if it misses the original hostess, or can't tolerate Xiao Wai's strange requests all day, in short, he has never laughed after so many days, just drooping his eyes all day, lying at the door of the bar with a half-asleep appearance, completely lacking the aura that a monster should have.

I looked at this dead dog, who had been forcibly exchanged for a 300,000 honorarium, plus two sets of commemorative charms and a year of unconditional door-to-door service, and my heart ached.

No way, who can't let the arms can't reach the thighs.

When I fought with the foreign Taoist priest on the distribution of the 300,000 honorarium, and did everything we could, I was brushed aside by Xiao Wai's lightly written "don't want it".

Of course, saying this doesn't mean that Xiao Mourn doesn't love money. It's just that this cute teddy is more attractive than money.

In desperation, we had to obey Xiao Ai's advice and bring back this most expensive teddy in history.

And now, he's lying motionless in front of our store, looking no different from the ordinary teddy he bought for two thousand dollars on the next street.

No, Teddy on the next street would shake hands and make a fuss, and he would have nowhere else to do but gnaw bones, bite the couch in tatters, and pee and on my bed.

So, after keeping him hot for three minutes, Xiao Ai finally drove him downstairs without any taste, and from then on he was dependent on Leon, the poor bachelor.

However, although this teddy disappointed Xiao Wai, it made the foreign Taoist very pleased.

After all, since he squatted in front of the store, he has attracted a lot of cute girls to come to the store for refreshments, so although he is a failure as a dog demon who has high hopes for Xiao Wai, as a mascot of a bar, he still has a good ability to attract customers.

I, on the other hand, felt that there was something wrong with the foreign priest's brain, and I wondered why he was so happy because there were so many more people in the store every day. Because I really can't figure it out when I think about it, when will the customers who are brought in by this broken dog be able to pay off his sky-high transfer fee of 300,000 yuan.

At this time, the foreign Taoist priest would always look at me with disgust and scold me for being worldly. It was not his work to pretend to be crazy and stupid that day, and to defraud the full remuneration with a mass-produced peach wood sword for twenty yuan.

After all this nonsense, in fact, I just want to say - my car purchase plan has come to naught.

Not to mention cars, I can't even afford a bicycle now.

This time, regardless of the danger, the final result of going deep into the tiger's den to subdue demons and eliminate demons - I lost a lot. Not to mention that I didn't get a penny of honorarium, I wasted forty-seven yuan in taxi fare.

So, after secretly vowing that I would never do such a stupid thing again, I sat quietly at the front desk of the bar again, opened WeChat, and played with the drifting bottle.

And in the window seat of the bar, Lao Li was spitting and chatting with a girl.

Lao Li pointed to one of the women with a good figure and said, "This girl, I see that your lips are purple and your face is blue, you must be deeply poisoned!"

The woman frowned, snorted at him, and said, "You dead liar, can you say something good?

Lao Li licked his face and said: "Girl, the poor monk is also a hard worker, you and I have a relationship, I can't bear the girl's last poisonous gas, so I came to the rescue." As the saying goes, saving a person's life is better than building a seven-layer hamburger!" After that, looking at the girl's expression of disbelief, he explained: "Don't worry, girl, the poor monk only wants to do good deeds, and will never ask the girl for a penny! Dare to ask the girl if she feels cold in her hands and feet when she sleeps recently, and her throat will always be dry and unbearable when she sleeps every day?"

When the girl heard this, she was surprised, "How do you know?"

Lao Li smiled, put on an expression that knew everything, and said: "Of course, my ancestor is a poor monk from a family of traditional Chinese medicine, just looking at the girl's face, you know that the girl is a sign of poisonous gas!"

Brother Amnesia, who was standing next to me, laughed out loud, shook his head and said, "This Lao Li can really fool, Brother Meng, this is a lie in our store, don't you care?"

I waved my hand: "Don't you see that other little girls say that what Lao Li said makes sense, what are you still fooling into." ”

Brother Amnesia: "What makes sense, now in the summer, everyone turns on the air conditioner when they sleep, and it's not normal to get cold hands and feet when they wake up!"

I nodded, and that makes sense!

"But what about a sore throat when you sleep?"

Brother Amnesia smiled: "You're going to hurt too, right?"

I thought about it for a moment, and it was true. It seems that every day when I wake up in the morning, I feel like something is stuck in my throat, not only the pain is unbearable, but I also often have nausea and retching symptoms. So, am I also poisoned?

Brother Amnesia: "Smokers have chronic pharyngitis! Look at that girl, she has smoked five cigarettes in half an hour, and her throat doesn't hurt until hell!"

Me: "Er, your domineering analytical ability can completely compete with Lao Li for a job!"

Brother Amnesia shook his head: "I'm not the kind of person who does bad things!"

I pointed to the tattoo on his body: "Did you do less bad things when you were alive?"

Amnesiac brother: "Doom ......"

I glared at him, ignored him, put my phone close to my ear, and listened to the voice of a cute little sister in the drifting bottle.

Amnesiac brother: "You really don't care?"

I pursed my lips and turned my back to him: "I have to take care of you, I can't beat him anyway." ”

Amnesiac brother: "......"

The girl at the door has been deceived by Lao Li's three-inch incorruptible tongue at this moment, and she seems to have believed that she is suffering from poison, and if it is not treated, she will not be able to see the sun tomorrow.

The girl completely lost the disdain she had before, and at this moment she was anxiously holding Lao Li's hand and asking, "Master, please save me quickly, tell me what to do?" After speaking, she took out her wallet and stuffed it into Lao Li's hand.

Lao Li's face was cold, and he returned the wallet to the woman and said: "The poor monk is only to save people, and money is something outside the body, so the donor should keep it for himself." After speaking, he stretched out his hand and said to the woman: "Girl, don't worry, wait for the poor monk to touch your bones first and understand the condition!"

After putting his hands on the girl for a few minutes, Lao Li wiped the saliva from his mouth, recovered the appearance of the fairy wind bones, shook his head and said: "Girl, it seems that she has fallen ill into her internal organs, if you don't rescue her in time, your life will be in danger!"

When the girl heard this, she jumped to her feet in a hurry, and her tears were about to fall from her eyes, so she hurriedly pulled Lao Li and said, "Master, you must save me!"

Lao Li smiled and said: "Girl, don't worry, fortunately, you have met a poor monk, this disease can be solved by a poor monk, as long as a pair of medicine goes down, you will be cured by medicine!"

Girl: "Really?"

Lao Li drew a cross on his chest: "Amitabha, monks don't speak." You and I have a fate today, the poor monk will lend you the treasured thousand-year-old bamboo shoots, the girl only needs to take * in the mouth, rub it repeatedly, wait for it to swell, swallow the plaster after spraying it, and the medicine can be cured!"

Girl: "Where are the thousand-year-old bamboo shoots?"

Lao Li pointed to his crotch and said, "It's hiding here, why don't we find a secluded place and let the poor monk feed the girl?"

After hearing this, the girl got up and left with Lao Li.

At this time, the thirteenth princess walked over from the back kitchen, smiled and handed over a bottle of wind oil essence and said: "This thousand-year-old bamboo shoot, you must smear this before eating, and then roast it over low heat for ten minutes, the medicinal effect is better!"

Girl: "Really, thank you!" After speaking, she took the wind oil essence and wanted to pull Lao Li out of the door.

Lao Li looked at the thirteenth princess, then at the wind oil essence in the girl's hand, and shook his head like a rattle: "Forget it, the poor monk suddenly remembered that the bamboo shoots had been squeezed by my five girls yesterday, and they needed to rest well today!"

The girl held the wind oil essence high behind her back, and asked as she chased after it, "Master, what should I do about my illness?"

Lao Li ran wildly, and replied without looking back: "Cold salad!"

At this time, the foreign Taoist priest pulled Yuanyuan and walked in, and just collided with the girl who was about to chase out.

The foreign priest grabbed the anxious girl and asked, "Why is it so urgent? What did that old liar fool you again?"

The girl shook her head again and again, calling Lao Li not a liar, but a master who wanted to save him.

The foreign Taoist priest rolled his eyes at Lao Li's back: "Master, the big wet is almost the same!"

The thirteenth princess on the side smiled, took the girl's hand and said, "Little sister, you are still too young to be deceived by this kind of obscene uncle." After that, he took out a box of fat sea from the bar and handed it to the girl: "Take one before going to bed at night, and if you don't have pharyngitis in the morning, you won't have a sore throat." ”

Girl: "However, not only did my throat hurt, but my hands and feet were cold, and the master said that this was a sign of poisoning. ”

Thirteenth Princess: "What kind of poisoning, it's not like that, you should pay attention in the future, don't kick the quilt when you sleep at night, and don't turn on the air conditioner to 16 degrees." ”

The girl nodded in disbelief, took the medicine of the thirteenth princess, thanked her, and walked out of the store.

I looked at the foreign Taoist priest with a large bag in his hand and asked, "Where have you been?"

The foreign Taoist priest smiled: "Sweep the tomb, today is the Qingming Festival!"

Me: "You're just like me, an orphan, which tomb do you sweep?"

Foreign Taoist priest: "Who said that orphans can't sweep graves? I went to the elementary school in the morning to pay respects to my childhood, and just now I went to the middle school to visit my buried youth! I will go to the grove of their school with Yuanyuan to sweep it again!"

Me: "You didn't go to college, what are you going to do in college?"

The foreign Taoist priest smiled mysteriously: "Because, in the grove of the university, there are countless children and grandchildren buried in me!"

Me: "......"