I haven't been able to contact Li Hua, his phone has never been able to get through, Yan Xiaochang doesn't know the situation, she wasn't there at dinner that day, and Li Hua couldn't be contacted after that.

Sometimes I wonder if Li Hua will die suddenly. I even think that if Li Hua really dies, it will be a relief for me, I am so tired of being tossed by him, so tired that I don't want to like him anymore.

No matter how deep the love is, it basically can't stand the toss, and my liking for Li Hua is probably not enough to fall in love.

Li Baitian's activities, basically didn't ask me to participate, he asked me to prepare for filming, this time he really helped me a lot, that time I called him and told him that there was another girl who went to try on makeup, Li Baitian gritted his teeth, "Hey grandson, what's the matter with my face not being big enough?"

So I successfully entered the group this time, completely relying on Li Baitian's face.

After the long vacation, she didn't find Lan Tian when she went back to school, and she didn't come back to class. I wondered what happened to the people around me, and what would happen if I went missing?

In the evening, I called Lan Tian, and I said, "Tian Tian, why didn't you go back to school?"

Lan Tian said, "Well, I'm in X City. ”

Of course, we have watched news broadcasts for so many years, provinces and cities across the country, as long as they are not particularly remote, they will be more or less familiar, and my familiarity this time is the kind of familiarity that seems to have been heard somewhere recently.

It seems that Li Hua is going out to perform with the troupe this time, and he has to go to several places, one of which includes this X city.

But I didn't think that way.

Lan Tian told me that it was because of something at home, I didn't think much about it, and asked if I wanted to help her ask for leave at school, she said no, she had already called the class teacher.

Lan Tian and I, it's easy to ask for leave from the class guide now, and after the class guide found me trouble, the two of us went to the class guide every once in a while. And it's not a good thing, a dozen pieces of lipstick, twenty pieces of perfume, which is enough to coax her old man.

"How are you?" Lan Tian asked.

"When I join the group next week, it's time for me to ask for leave. ”

Without saying a word, we hung up the phone. I inexplicably began to feel that there seems to be a distance between me and Lan Tian now, I don't know when it started, obviously, it didn't start when we went to audition together, I tried it and she didn't.

Perhaps, it was from Li Baitian's appearance, or from the fact that I got close to Li Hua?

I've been so confused lately that I can't think clearly.

There is distance, and it is not necessarily a great thing. Sometimes friends are one stage at a time, and many of the friends in junior high school and high school who have hooked up with themselves end up not contacting?

I don't know where our future is, and where Lan Tian's future will be. But I'm better than she is.

I gradually began to get used to the life of not being able to find Li Hua, and I also knew that he was never the whole of my life, without him, even when he never appeared. Although this kind of thought, every time I think about it, it hurts a little.

Later, I temporarily moved out of school and lived with the crew in a temporary residence in a county-level city below the city, and I was very busy with filming, even if I wasn't busy, I had to pretend that I was busy. Being busy often pushes people to put their best foot forward.

I watched the actors I'd watched on TV before, playing big names or being just plain people, and looking at their sophisticated experience, I thought that one day I'd become like them.

I just don't know what kind of state of mind I will be in at that time.

On this day, Li Baitian came to visit the crew, of course, not specifically to see me, he knew the male number one, he also knew the producer, and he also knew the cameraman. I guess I came to wander around with some spare time.

The sea breeze in May has a fishy smell, and Li Baitian has been in the market for so long, and he is still not used to this smell. I sat on the side and rested with a cup of fat sea, my face expressionless and melancholy.

I was filming a crying scene early this morning, filming the memories of the little Kraken, watching my father being beaten to death with a stick.

I need to cry and shout at the same time, and I'm almost hoarse at this point.

Li Baitian touched my head, scraped my tear-soaked face with his fingers, and asked, "How is it?"

I took a sip of my tea, but didn't say anything.

He felt a little strange, and smiled as if amused, "You can't still get out of the play? Wake up the girl." ”

I can't get out of the play, I'm too tired to shoot the kind of bitter crying scene, and I'm physically and mentally exhausted from crying, and then I think about Li Hua's file.

I said, "Brother Tian, you said that if you suddenly can't find a person, is it like him suddenly dying?"

"Can that be the same?"

"What's the difference?" I really don't understand, at this time I haven't experienced the real parting of life and death, although my family is unhappy, but my parents are still alive.

Li Baitian told me: "Look, if you can't find a person, you can still think about it if you have nothing to do, think about where the others are, why do you remember me as a person...... But if you die, it's like thinking about it, hitting a wall, and you can't think about anything anymore. There are many possibilities for the person to be there, each of which is enough for you to stay up all night, but if the person dies, there is no possibility of anything. ”

He may feel that he can't speak clearly, or that he wants to confess something, but he can't express it in words, smacking his lips and saying, "It's dead, do you understand?"

I was confused, as if I understood something. It's rare to see Li Baitian say something so seriously, I suddenly asked: "Brother Tian, have you ever died a relative?"

Li Baitian glanced at me and said exaggeratedly: "Well! ”

I laughed and said, "Don't talk nonsense, your son is still waiting for you in kindergarten." ”

Li Baitian also laughed, remembered something, and asked, "Who is gone?"

I retracted my smile, continued to be melancholy, and whispered: "I can't find Li Hua, he said to wait for me that day, but I didn't go." Then he was nowhere to be found. ”

I can't find Li Hua anymore, just like Li Hua suddenly couldn't find his father back then, it's really a father and son!

Li Baitian didn't specifically inquire about the gossip between me and Li Hua today, he listened to other people's affairs, usually Tu Yile, and he didn't take it to heart when he listened, and he didn't listen to his mood.

Of course, I don't really want to say anything to Li Baitian, he already knows too much!

Li Baitian is gone, and I continue to be melancholy.

I know that Li Hua is definitely not dead, but I can't find him, it's probably because he doesn't want me to find him, and he doesn't want to pay attention to me. Then I thought, how did I offend him, because I had dinner with the assistant director that day, and released his pigeons?

It's a bit heavy, I don't think I should take out his salary of 1,500 yuan a month to talk about things, and besides, it's just a basic salary, and there are still performance fees for other people's performances. Li Hua's stubborn temper, will I think I'm looking down on him?

Also, what I said to him, I wouldn't mess around with him with my future. But even though I think about it now, I don't think I should have said it so bluntly, but it was a fact.

Even if I can get along with Li Hua today, who dares to guarantee how long it will last? Why should I let him support me, how long does he plan to raise me, and when he stops supporting me one day, I won't be dumbfounded? I have always believed that if a woman wants to live a secure life, she must have the ability to live in peace.

Where is he, what is he doing, does he miss me, what will happen to us in the future, is there a chance to apologize to him again?

Forget it, think too much, don't think about it.

The filming of the crew went smoothly, now is not what it was back then, a Dream of Red Mansions was filmed for three years, and a Journey to the West was filmed for four years, and now the emphasis is on being fast.

The filming in the city was almost ten days, and the beginning of the whole drama was basically over, and there was no time to rest at all, so I followed the crew to Hengdian, and then made up a few indoor shots, and the part about the little kraken was completed.

I didn't even get a chance to go back to school in the meantime. I think Li Hua should have come back from out of town, and only called Lan Tian, she always talked to me a little absent-mindedly and hesitantly, I didn't have time to talk on the phone endlessly like before, and that's it.

I didn't look for Li Hua right away, because I felt that since it had been delayed for so long, I was not afraid of delaying it for a few more days, anyway, he didn't take the initiative to find me, who knows what he was thinking.

After returning from Hengdian, I tried to dial Li Hua's phone, but it was still turned off. I've also texted him when I've missed him before, but I haven't received a message reminder from the message. There's no way he's turned off for so long, and I suspect he's changed numbers.

Li Hua, do you plan not to contact me from now on? Just don't know me as a person, can you really do it? After so many days, how can you be so ruthless......

When I went back to school, the girl in the dormitory was very excited when she saw me, but she made me a big man and asked me to talk about my filming experience. If I hadn't actually filmed, I would have to make such a fuss as they did, and after I did, I would have a feeling that I could sleep well.

Lan Tian came back, carrying the food he had brought from the cafeteria, and when he opened the door and saw me, he was stunned.

I walked over to her with a smile, and she woke up and said with a smile, "You're back." ”

It always felt that something was weird, Lan Tian was weird, and she seemed to be thinking about something else all the time. Of course, Lan Tian also asked me about the situation, tried his best to pretend to be enthusiastic, congratulated me, and blessed me.

Then she sat down in front of her place, eating with her back to me, very slowly, without any movement. I was rummaging around my things in the dormitory, and when there was no one else in the dormitory, Lan Tian cleaned up the food he had eaten a few bites, turned his back to me and said, "Youyou, I went to X City some time ago." ”

"I know. ”