Later, I thought about it, fortunately, Li Baitian didn't propose to me that day, otherwise the relationship between the two of us would probably be embarrassing.

Later, I asked Li Baitian why he suddenly gave up the idea of proposing, and he said that as soon as he thought of getting married, he was heartbroken, and then he kept trying to find the root of his heartache.

In fact, I was the same, I was in a bad mood at the time, I thought I might accept Li Baitian, but the thought of marrying Li Baitian, I also felt heartache, even if I agreed at the time, I guess the two of us would not be able to get married. Li Baitian and I are both the kind of people who are scared when they get serious.

I sat on the windowsill and stayed all night until it was slightly darker before going to bed. This night was quite rewarding, and I figured out a little bit of things.

I'm actually a very impulsive person, I like to do things like a tendon suddenly, and then this tendon is not straightened and torn, and I can't do it. At that time, when I was yelling to break up with Li Hua, the tendon was stretched to the tightest position, and it hurt to let go and play to myself, so it was better to tear it off directly.

And now that the tendons have been torn off, I can finally jump out and look at the problem.

In fact, what I told Lan Tian not to let me do was nothing more than a word of comfort to her, Li Hua is his own Li Hua after all, even if the really forces him to do something, he may not be able to do it, let alone me. I was going to break up at the time, the main reason was that I felt tired, and from my conscience, I couldn't watch Lan Tian just leave no one to take care of her, break the jar and fall to her death, but then I managed her like this, and Li Hua and I didn't have a good life.

At that time, my mind was straight, and what I thought of was to break up, but Li Hua actually said something clear, "I'll give you time." ”

Probably between us, between the whole thing, it still takes some time to digest it. Time will give a clear answer, good or bad.

Thinking about this question, I feel much more at ease.

The one-year period between me and Li Baitian is also at the end, and it doesn't matter if it doesn't end or not. I didn't go home for the Chinese New Year last year, and I thought it was time for me to go home too.

So in line with the principle of relaxation, I took a long leave in the company and went back to my hometown. I don't plan to hide anything, the phone should be turned on, but no one is looking for me.

The mood of just going home is still good. Because it has been more than a year since I ran away from home, more than a year has also eliminated a lot of my stepmother's resentment towards me. And she has a big business to do now, she wants to get her son, who is my brother, to go abroad to study.

My brother is a little scum, his academic performance is a mess, and he takes the normal way to get out of the exam, there is no hope, anyway, he just spends money. Before this, my stepmother had already sent out more than 100,000 yuan, and my family was not very wealthy, but now she is worried about money and is not in the mood to mess with me.

A few years ago, I made an appointment with Shen Song, because I asked my brother to tell him that I would return the remaining 120,000 yuan to him. This year, I worked in Beijing, and it was a little bit of a gain, and my performance was good, no more, no less, just 120,000 yuan in a year.

I invited Shen Song to a meal, and he was still very excited to see me, and the young man was very enthusiastic and said that I had lost a lot of weight this year.

Thin, I was in a bad mood some time ago, but the thinness was obvious, mainly because I was still relatively plump when I left last year. I'm definitely the kind of person who can tell if I'm in a good mood or is directly from being fat or thin.

I don't have any deep hatred with Shen Song, I ate this meal peacefully, and the money was returned, so I didn't have any psychological burden.

He hasn't gotten married yet, and he has been dating a few times this year, but he hasn't seen anyone satisfied.

Shen Song said to me embarrassedly, "Our old house was demolished, and my mother really hopes that I will get married soon, I just still miss you a little." ”

I smiled politely at him.

His house was demolished, and the saying was that if it was demolished like this, he could divide one house, and if he could get married before the demolition, he would be able to get two sets. On our side, a house costs six or seven hundred thousand, to say the least, who doesn't want money.

It's a pity that I can't really help him.

But Shen Song really helped our family a lot. On the thirtieth day of the Chinese New Year's Eve, my father's intestinal infarction was blocked and entered the hospital, and Shen Song drove my father into the hospital and took care of him for two days. His family hasn't had a good year.

My dad is crooked in the hospital every day, and his wife still doesn't care about it as before, and he still thinks that my dad is hospitalized at this time to spend money, and the family originally had that little money, which was planned to be used in the matter of letting my brother go abroad. And this woman thinks that when I came back from Beijing, I had money on me, and this time I really didn't even pay for the medical expenses.

If they hadn't saddled me with a lot of debt out of thin air a year ago, I would have a lot of money in my hands now.

So this money was advanced by Shen Song first, but my dad has medical insurance, and when the medical insurance is reported, he can repay part of it first, this debt is not huge, but it is a little more owed.

Shen Song was going back to work on the fifth day of junior high school, and before that, he was running to the hospital almost every day, and I was also guarding in the hospital.

I still tried the same way as before, telling him not to be busy, but he didn't listen.

I also know that Shen Song is indeed a good young man. I'm still lucky that there are always people around to help me at all times.

Because of my father's toss, I originally planned to call Li Hua during the Chinese New Year to greet and talk about my heart, but it was delayed. Because I am upset, I may not be able to talk about my heart and mind, so I think it is better to wait for my dad to be discharged from the hospital.

The person who took the initiative to contact me was Yan Xiaochang.

Yan Xiaochang came to the hospital here from the city, carried fruits decently, and sat next to the hospital bed with me.

I peeled the oranges and ate them one by one, and I said, "It's useless for you to carry all this, my dad can't eat anything now." ”

Yan Xiaochang: "It's not for your dad at all." ”

I looked at her and smiled. After Yan Xiaochang became a wife, the spirit of gossip became more and more sufficient, and she asked me in a suppressed voice: "Why did you and Huazi split up again, is it because of Lan Tian?"

I thought about it for a moment and said, "Yes and no, I just think it's too noisy and I want to stop and live a good life." ”

Yan Xiaochang said that I was naïve.

She told me as a young woman who had already married a married woman that life lies in tossing, and what kind of day there is what kind of tossing. I see that her life is peaceful, really unstable, only she knows.

"It's the same as when you watch people shoot AV, it's cool to watch, but it's not necessarily cool for people to shoot. ”

Oh, the wise saying, Sister Xiao Chang deserves to be Sister Xiao Chang.

But at the same time, Yan Xiaochang brought me not very good news, she said: "During the Chinese New Year, I had a phone call with Huazi, and he seemed to be preparing to go abroad. ”

"Huh?" I couldn't help but care.

Yan Xiaochang hesitated slightly, "Oh, I'll tell you, their whole family plans to immigrate, and with Lan Tian, they may get married abroad." ”

My heart trembled a little, and I pretended to be casual, "It's so far, that's missing a piece of money." ”

Yan Xiaochang sneered, "You just pretend, if I were you, I would take the seven aunts and eight aunts to rob the marriage, not to mention whether it was too much to rob, at least I was happy." ”

I continued as if nothing had happened, and I said, "You are just too poisoned by the life of a resentful woman." ”

Speaking of the resentful life of chickens and dogs, Yan Xiaochang was probably deeply touched, so she was slightly depressed, but asked, "Then do you still love him?"

I said firmly and calmly: "Love, you haven't heard a word, it's better to forget each other than to be in the rivers and lakes? Who said that love must be together?"

Yan Xiaochang pursed her mouth, "Forget it, you can consider becoming a monk." ”

A thousand people read a thousand Hamlets, and a thousand people have a thousand views of love in their hearts. My view of love may be a little pessimistic and extreme, but for love, I pursue more or less perfectionism, and I know that Li Hua is also like this.

There are always people who think that I am too selfish in this matter and do not think about Li Hua. I've thought about it, I feel tired, will he not be tired? I'm just hit by one thing after another, I think we may not have fate, fate can't be inseparable, I think the two of us are in conflict, maybe everyone will live better if we are separated, what's wrong?

My love, my way of love, that's my own business, if you point the fingers, are you happier than me?

After Yan Xiaochang left that day, I was still a little depressed for a while, Li Hua was going abroad, she was going to get married, was it too fast? In fact, there are many things that we have not experienced from other people's perspectives, and we cannot guess the twists and turns.

We live, we live very one-sidedly, because we are not God, we don't have such a huge perspective.

I can't see Li Hua's life, nor can I see his heart when he makes a decision, what I can see is that he is going abroad, and we will be farther and farther apart.

Unlike back then, when I was afraid of Li Hua immigrating, emigrating abroad now is not a distant thing for me. After making up her mind to get my brother out of the country, my stepmother was not untouched by the desire to emigrate, but maybe she didn't have a lot of money.

However, my brother went abroad to study in Canada, and Yan Xiaochang told me that Li Hua and his family seemed to be planning to go to Europe, Paris or London, and she didn't figure it out.

I usually only listen to half of Yan Xiaochang's news, she has too many self-YY components, and the news that often comes from her is not accurate enough.

Actually, I should have called Li Hua to ask, but many times, we are habitually procrastinating, just like Li Baitian said, "As long as you live, there is still hope", we always waited with that unwarranted hope, waited and waited, and suddenly found that we had reached the point where there was no turnaround.