At that time, Xiaoxi was only full moon, and that night, she suddenly had a high fever, I was very nervous, and I hurriedly picked her up and went to the city children's hospital and hung up the emergency department.

It was in Director Bai's consultation room that I appeared in front of him embarrassed. Coincidentally, he happened to be on vacation that day, returned to his parents' house in City C from City T, and came to the hospital to pick up his mother, Director Bai, from work.

At that time, I was so focused on Xiao Xi that I didn't recognize him, but he directly called out my name. He was still mild-mannered, and I had tousled hair and a pale face.

Director Bai showed Xiaoxi that she had acute pneumonia and needed to be hospitalized for observation. I was about to go to the hospital with my baby in my arms, and he came over and said to sit down and rest, and he went to help me with it. I took the slip and walked to the cash register.

When I relaxed, I felt black in front of my eyes and my legs were weak. After giving birth, I didn't rest well, and I often felt black in front of my eyes and weak legs.

By the time the nurse finished giving Xiaoxi an intravenous drip, it was almost early in the morning, and I had been staying in front of her bed, watching those transparent liquids enter her little body, only feeling distressed, and wishing I could bear it for her.

Yu Chen went out, I thought he was gone, but I didn't expect him to come in again after a while, carrying a lunch box in his hand. He opened it, and there was a faint aroma of porridge.

He handed it to me and said, "Eat some porridge, you should be hungry after a busy night." ”

I thanked him and took it. The white porridge is sticky and soft, and the entrance is soft and glutinous.

He has always been such a meticulous and considerate person, past, and present. It's really a great blessing in life to have such a friend, but it's just ......

Alas, I sighed softly. Turn off the lamp, and the room goes dark all at once.

It was also from that time that he gradually came into the life of me and Xiaoxi.

He never asked Xiao Xi who his father was, just greeted and helped like a good friend. I didn't think much of it at first, but as time went on, it felt like his thoughtfulness and thoughtfulness seemed to be more than a friend. I tactfully told him what I meant, but each time he just fell silent and smiled gently.

Later, Director Bai seemed to notice something, she came to me, just asked me about the relationship between me and Yu Chen, and her attitude was gentle and kind, but I still understood her intention.

I was embarrassed and made it clear to her that Yu Chen and I were just friends.

Since then, I have deliberately alienated Yu Chen, but Xiaoxi has always liked him very much. Every time I see him, I stick to him, and I'm helpless.

He sensed my deliberate distancing, but he confessed his heart directly to me. At that time, his words made my heart surge, unable to speak, not admiration, but shocking and moving.

At that time, his eyes were clear and gentle, and he looked at me and said, "Xia Qing, I don't know who Xiaoxi's father is, it doesn't matter to me." I only know that I like you and want to be with you, and I can take care of Xiaoxi with you. If you can't accept me now, please don't push me away, okay. Treat me like a friend and keep me by your side. I can wait until the day when you can accept it. ”

I only felt that my nose was sore and my throat was hard, how could I be treated like this by him. He was very good, but my heart was lost in that city......

Since that day, he and I have always gotten along as friends, and he occasionally takes Xiaoxi to his parents' house to play, and Director Bai likes Xiaoxi very much.

Later, Xiaoxi reached the age of going to kindergarten, and he suggested a fake marriage for the sake of household registration. And then, today, that's what happened......

The room was fragrant, so quiet that I could hear Xiaoxi's shallow breathing, but I had insomnia and remembered the events of the past few years.

Xiaoxi settled in Yu Chen's household registration book, and after the problem of going to school was solved, I told Yu Chen to go over to get a divorce, but he just smiled and said that it was not good to be too fast, and the traces of fake marriage were too obvious.

Director Bai also talked to me later, but the meaning of the words at that time was completely different from the beginning. She looked at me meaningfully and said, "Xia Qing, Xiaoxi is a very cute child, I have always treated her as my own granddaughter." Yu Chen is a stupid boy with a dead heart, and he has always liked what he likes to the end. You are a sensible and kind child, with you by his side, Auntie can rest assured. After saying that, he gently patted my hand.

I understood what she meant, but I was in a lot of confusion and didn't know what to say......

I don't know what time it was, and then I fell asleep in a daze.

The next day, I received a phone call, and it was a happy event. Xiaowan and Ling Yusen are getting married.

These two enemies are really not enemies who don't get together, they have been noisy for a few years, but their relationship has always been very good.

She said that she came to City C on the weekend to deliver invitations.

Xiaowan would come over every few months, and every time we came, we would have endless topics to talk about, but we would never talk about that person.

Xiaowan knew whose daughter Xiao Xi was, and every time she saw Xiao Xi, she seemed to be very sad, I always pinched her face with a smile and said, "Miss Li, you really don't fit this expression, we are laymen, don't learn from Daiyu Funeral Flowers." ”

Xiao Xi laughed heartlessly on the side, squinting her eyes and calling her Aunt Daiyu mischievously.

Aunt Daiyu instantly changed to Wang Xifeng when she heard this.

Soon it was Xiaoxi's birthday, and the day she was born happened to be the lunar calendar.

"In the middle of April, the small is full, and the things are so small and full. ”

There is nothing too complete in life, a small full is very good, and it is easy to lose when the moon is full. I wish her a safe and smooth life, and she will be self-sufficient.

On her birthday, the little girl wore a fluffy princess dress, and said with a stinky face that she was a little princess who raised frogs, and she didn't know where it seemed to be a messy story.

The little princess who raised frogs got up early in the morning to brush her teeth and wash her face, and honestly sat down at the dining table and ate breakfast by herself with a small spoon.

Every year on Xiaoxi's birthday, Yu Chen will help her together, and after the incident that night, I haven't met him again. When I thought of meeting for a while, I suddenly felt a little nervous.

Yu Chen called, saying that he was almost there, and his tone was as gentle as usual.

Xiao Xi heard Yu Chen's call, and immediately jumped off the table and picked up her small pink bag and prepared to go out.

When we got downstairs, Yu Chen happened to arrive, he opened the car door and stepped out of the car, still with a gentle smile on his face.

He wears a white T-shirt, light blue jeans, and white sneakers, very casually, but he looks gentle and elegant when he wears it, and his gentle temperament is easy to make people feel like they want to be close.

Xiao Xi ran over, the pink gauze skirt fluttering gently, like a ...... swaying in the wind Dog tail grass.

Yu Chen squatted down with a smile and hugged the human missile that was rushing towards him, and the human missile giggled.

Xiao Xi said that this year's birthday wish is to see the sea, saying that the sea is a romantic place. As for how she knew the word romance and how the sea is a romantic place, I found out later, and I couldn't cry or laugh when I knew the truth.

City C is close to the sea, but I've never seen the sea here because seeing the sea reminds me a lot of the past. Xiaoxi kept clamoring to see it, but she had no choice but to follow her wishes.

Yu Chen drove very steadily, and teased Xiaoxi from time to time along the way.

He didn't mention the events of that night, and I didn't know what to say to him, so I couldn't help but become restrained, and he was probably aware of it.

Two hours seems like a long time......

It's finally here.

The faint smell of the sea came to the face, the sea in the sun was blue and clear, and the ripples of the sea water seemed to be plated with a layer of golden light under the sunlight, slowly rising and falling.

As soon as Xiaoxi's feet hit the ground, she immediately ran to the beach. There are children's playground equipment on the beach, and there are some children squatting on the beach to pile up sand.

Xiao Xi curiously watched the children pile up various shapes with sand, and she looked eager and hesitant. Looking up at me, I gave her an encouraging look and handed her the plastic shovel that had been prepared in advance, and she took it and slowly walked over to the children, learning their movements to pile up the sand.

Slowly, the children next to her noticed her, and when they saw her piles of things, they probably felt curious, so they walked over to look, and a little boy asked, "What are you piling up?"

Xiao Xi said with a smug face: "Frog!"

Children, you look at me and I look at you, you may be thinking, do you see that this is a frog?

I looked at it and couldn't help but laugh, this is probably an abstract frog.

I sat down on a chair in the beach lounge area, looking at Xiaoxi's side from time to time.

"Here you go. Yu Chen handed me a bottle of green tea drink.

"Thank you. "I took the drink and looked at it habitually, it was the brand I liked. He remembers all my preferences clearly.

I silently took a sip of green tea, feeling a little complicated.

The two of them sat quietly, their eyes looking at Xiao Xi. The shallow golden sunlight shone on the faces of Xiao Xi and the children, and the immature faces were filled with innocent smiles, which made people feel soft in their hearts.

"Xia Qing, let's go get the divorce certificate tomorrow. His tone was still gentle, but there seemed to be a hint of sadness.

I turned my head to look at him, but he didn't look at me, he still looked at Xiaoxi, his eyes were calm, but I felt very uncomfortable.

I hurt him after all......

I hung my head, my fingers unconsciously picking at the plastic bottle cap, there were fine lines around the lid, and my fingertips brushed it, there was a shallow itch.

The fingertips were suddenly grasped, I raised my head unexpectedly, he looked at me and suddenly smiled: "Xia Qing, I used to think that I could do something for you by staying by your side to make you happier." But right now, my presence is making you uncomfortable. As long as you can live happily, I will stay away from you, even if I will never see you again. ”

After speaking, he pretended to shrug his shoulders in a chic manner, the corners of his mouth were crooked, but the smile did not reach the bottom of his eyes.

I only felt sour in my heart and choked in my throat, but I couldn't speak, I just kept shaking my head.

"When we first met, you helped your colleague Yuan panic Lin Ming without changing your face, and at that time I thought how could this girl be so clever and cute. But then I found out that you are not clever at all, stupid and stupid, and you can endure it by yourself no matter how hard it is. The time I saw you in the hospital hallway, you were in a daze, obviously sad, but you still told me that story with a smile. Later, in my mother's office, I met you in a panic holding the sick Xiaoxi, you are thin and pale, but you are stubborn and strong...... You never go back to T City, and you never talk about that person, what you said was past has become the past, but sometimes you look at Xiaoxi in a daze, you should have seen another person through her. You've been lying to yourself, and you may be able to fool others, but you can't fool your own heart. Xia Qing, I can't deceive myself like you, I've waited so long and feel tired. So, please don't lie to yourself anymore and tell that person why you left him back then. What do you think he will look like when he finds out he has a daughter this big? He smiled lightly and rubbed my hair.

I looked at him in a daze, with mixed feelings, and opened my mouth, but I couldn't speak.

"Uncle Yu, come over and help me build the castle!" Xiao Xi suddenly stood up and shouted, raising the plastic shovel in his hand.

"Good. Yu Chen responded with a smile, stood up and walked over.

I sat on the chair and watched in a daze as he helped Xiao Xi pile up sand, a castle quickly took shape in his hands, and the other children were envious, Xiao Xi smiled proudly.

Towards noon, the sun began to pick up violently, and the people on the beach dispersed one after another.

We went to the restaurant of the beach hotel to eat, the seafood was very fresh and sweet, but I felt that the food did not know the taste, Yu Chen did not eat much, only Xiaoxi ate happily.

I ordered the cake the day before, and after eating, the waiter brought the cake up, and Xiaoxi's eyes lit up with excitement.

The children who were piling sand on the beach just now were also eating at the restaurant, and I asked Xiaoxi to invite the children to come over and eat cake together. The little girl didn't say a word, and ran to find the children.

A few children sang birthday songs around the cake, blew out candles together, and their young faces were full of cute smiles.

I cut and divided the cake, and they giggled and laughed, and played with it.

Xiao Xi ran over upside down, raised her head and smiled at me: "Mom, you bend down, I'll talk to you." ”

I thought she was going to say something, but as soon as I bent down, the little girl reached out and quickly touched the tip of my nose, and then ran away with a grin. I touched it with my hand and realized it was cream.

I smiled helplessly and turned my head to find a tissue.

Yu Chen took a clean napkin to help me wipe the cream off the tip of my nose, and after wiping it, he seemed to realize something, and his hand was slightly stiff and took it back.

"Thank you. I whispered.

He looked at me, smiled, and didn't say anything.

After eating the cake, Xiao Xi and the children went to the playground in the hotel to play.

I sat in a chair next to me and looked at her, and Yu Chen was sitting in the lounge area not far away, with a notebook on his desk, probably writing a thesis, and I had heard him mention that he and his professors at their institute were doing a study on lung cancer.

Lung cancer is one of the malignant tumors with the fastest growth in morbidity and mortality and the greatest threat to human health and life.

There was a time when I had a hard time talking about my father, and he also talked about his father, who died of lung cancer, so he chose to specialize in oncology.

He and his mother, Director Bai, are both doctors who have saved countless lives, but they can only watch their loved ones be killed by the disease. Their mood, compared to ordinary people, should have deep helplessness in addition to grief.

I turned my head to look at him, his expression serious, intently typing on the keyboard.

I sat right next to the floor-to-ceiling window, and the sun was slowly setting, dyeing the seaside orange and sparkling.

From ancient times to the present, there are countless poems praising rivers and lakes, but there are extremely few poems praising the sea.

Kuangda is like Su Shi, but he also prefers to write about calm and soft lakes.

"The water is shining and sunny, and the mountains are empty and rainy. If you want to compare West Lake to Xizi, light makeup is always appropriate. ”

Beauty is beautiful, but it seems that something is missing.

The sea, calm and vast when quiet, roaring majestic and vast, seems to condense an indescribable mysterious vitality, giving people a kind of profundity beyond nature, and great joy and sorrow are like clouds and smoke in front of her, dissipated in the refreshing and humid sea breeze.

The sunset is vast and deep......

"Mom, I'm hungry. Xiao Xi ran over.

I touched her head and smiled, "Then let's go to dinner." ”

As soon as I finished speaking, Xiao Xi immediately ran in the direction of Yu Chen, shouting as she ran: "Uncle Yu, it's time to eat!"

Yu Chen raised his head and showed a gentle smile, the orange glow stained his side face, and the straight bridge of his nose looked more three-dimensional in the light and shadow. I was stunned, and at that moment, I thought I saw the man.

I shook my head, and when I looked at him again, I still had a gentle brow.

After dinner, Xiao Xi pestered Yu Chen to step on the sand on the beach.

I felt a little tired, so I didn't follow, and sat by the window of the restaurant and watched him lead the little Xiaoxi slowly to the beach.

Xiao Xi turned his head to say something to him as he walked, and he bent down to talk to her, the smile on his face was gentle and doting.

He really likes Xiaoxi.

The little girl went out to step on the sand with great interest, but an hour later she was carried back by Yu Chen - asleep.

I took her, took her to the hotel room, wiped her body and washed her feet, and then put her to bed.

Yu Chen didn't come in, and after handing Xiao Xi over to me, he said that he went back to his room to rest.

After settling Xiaoxi, I went to wash my hair and take a shower, and it was almost twelve o'clock when I finished it, and suddenly found that Xiaoxi's shoes had been left in the restaurant.

After looking at Xiaoxi, she slept darkly and sweetly, thinking that the restaurant was not far downstairs, so she didn't want to disturb Yu Chen to help take care of her, so she opened the door and walked to the restaurant.

The lights in the restaurant were still on, the waiter put away the shoes and put them at the front desk, I quickly found them, thanked the staff and was about to go back to the room, when I suddenly found a familiar figure on the balcony of the restaurant, wearing a white T-shirt and light blue jeans.

I was a little surprised how he was here, and I was about to go over and ask, when I saw a wisp of white smoke slowly rising above his head, and then he was choked and coughed.

He's smoking!

I was shocked that he had said that his father had died of lung cancer and that long-term smoking was one of the causes. This kind of thing was one of the culprits that took his father's life, and he hated it so much that he never stayed away.

How did he get into a cigarette?

I hesitated, but decided to step forward and ask.

"Yu Chen?" I gently patted him on the shoulder.

Hearing the voice, he turned around, and his eyes seemed to flash with a hint of joy, which quickly disappeared again.

"You ......"

"You ......"

We both spoke at the same time.

He motioned for me to speak first.

I coughed lightly, "You...... Why did you get into a cigarette?"

Hearing this, he was stunned, and after a while, he said with a wry smile: "The ancients said that it is more sorrowful to use wine to eliminate sorrow, and you have to drive back tomorrow. Isn't it always said that cigarettes and alcohol are good medicine to dispel sorrows, and since you can't drink alcohol, let's use cigarettes to kill your sorrows. Oh, it doesn't taste good!"

He deliberately spoke lightly, but the smile did not reach the bottom of his eyes.

I felt sad in my heart, hung my head slightly, and bit my lower lip.

"Did I say the wrong thing?" he said, a little flustered.

I still hung my head, my heart was heavy, self-blame, guilt, sadness, and mixed feelings.

"Xia Qing?" he called my name softly, and seemed to sigh, "I'm sorry, I seem to have embarrassed you again." If you don't want to see me, then I'll go back today, and tomorrow you and Xiaoxi can take a taxi back by yourself?"

With that, he turned around and wanted to leave.

I grabbed his arm in a hurry, and my head jerked up, and a tear suddenly fell.

He suddenly hugged me and grabbed me very hard in his arms.

I was startled, and after coming back to my senses, I hesitated to push him away, but I heard him sigh deeply above my head: "Xia Qing, can I regret what I said this morning? Even if I know that I am lying to myself, I hope I can lie to myself for the rest of my life." Is that okay?"

In the morning he said by the beach: "Xia Qing, I can't lie to myself like you, I have waited so long and feel tired." So, please don't lie to yourself anymore and tell that person why you left him back then. ”

Now he says, "Even though I know I'm lying to myself, I wish I could lie to myself for the rest of my life." Is that okay?"

My eyes were hot, and my hesitant hand finally fell, and I couldn't help but push him away.

"Ahh

"Don't worry, I'll go with you. Yu Chen also followed.

I rushed to the room and was relieved to see that Xiao Xi was still sleeping peacefully on the bed.

Yu Chen looked at Xiao Xi, then at me, and laughed, his eyebrows stretched. I laughed too.

He approached me, looked at me deeply for a long time, dropped a kiss on my forehead, and said in a low voice, "Good night." ”

I was stunned for a moment, hung my head slightly, and said goodnight in a sneering manner.

It was late at night, but when I lay down in bed, I didn't feel sleepy.

Thinking about what happened today, I can't help but wonder if what I did was right......

I didn't sleep well last night, but I woke up early the next morning, tossed and turned in bed for a while, and decided to get up. Open the window, the refreshing morning breeze blows in your face, and the faint smell of the sea.

After a while, Xiaoxi also woke up. The little girl was tired yesterday, but fortunately she slept sweetly last night, and she was alive and kicking up again.

I went to the beach with her for a morning, and at noon I ate at the same restaurant yesterday.

After eating, I left the hotel room and prepared to go back.

Today's weather is a little hot, and when I arrived in C City, it was almost dusk, and I suddenly thought of a place, Aoyama Temple.

When I first came to City C that year, during the most difficult days in the early days, I would go to Qingshan Temple from time to time to sit for a while. I'm not religious, but just go and sit in that place for a while, and my mind will slowly calm down.

Qingshan Temple perennial incense is vigorous, the temple is filled with a faint sandalwood fragrance, green smoke curls, the sound of chanting floats and falls, little by little to soothe the mortal heart of the world suffering and unable to save itself.

The day I knew that I was pregnant with Xiaoxi, my heart was tormented. On the third day, I went to Aoyamaji Temple, and in front of the solemn treasure, I was strangely at peace and made a decision.

Walking to the gate of Qingshan Temple, Xiao Xi pestered Yu Chen to go to see the small hill next to him to see the birds. He said he would take her to the play first and let me go in first.

This little girl, I smiled helplessly, and walked in first.

Today is the weekend, there are a lot of tourists in the temple, maybe it is a Buddhist holy place, and people who enter here can't help but relax their steps, lower their voices to speak, but they don't feel noisy.

When I entered the main hall, I did not bow down, but quietly looked at the solemn treasures, and only felt that those golden statues had merciful eyes, as if they knew all the sufferings in the world.

Kneeling devotees or tourists make low prayers, but in fact, the prayers are nothing more than peace, marriage, wealth, or power. I don't bow down because I don't ask for anything, and I bow down because I ask for something, that's desire. The gods are so busy, how can they satisfy the endless desires of all beings.

No, I still have something to ask for, and I stretch out in my heart to pray for the peace, joy, happiness and tranquility of that person in a place I can't see......

Walking out of the main hall, the large bronze incense burner at the door was still full of incense, and through the curling green smoke, I saw a vague and familiar outline, the outline that appeared in my mind in the dead of night.

I laughed, I really thought about it every night, and the hallucinations of daydreams were so real.

But the next moment, the vague outline gradually approached, and the body blocked by the large incense burner was also revealed, and my heart was shocked.

When he actually stood in front of me, I was stunned, I only felt my heart beating like thunder, and my head was buzzing.