Sometimes I really hate myself, and now I don't even have the courage and courage I had when I was a child, and the whole state of the person has become cowardly, sensitive, and stingy!

Although fate did not give me perfection, it has at least given me true love, happiness, an excellent and perfect lover, and a seamless love that many people can't desire. Pen ~ fun ~ pavilion www.biquge.info but I am still not satisfied, first like an ostrich to bury myself, unwilling to raise my head from sorrow, then I raised my head to look at the clouds, never put my eyes on the days.

I understand everyone's words and truths better than anyone else, but I often exclude myself from the truths I understand, and I have always lived on the periphery of all living beings, and I have never lived in the world.

Think about it for so many years, I have been accommodating and tolerating everyone, I have always been full of love and enthusiasm for life and life, full of hope for the world, and full of love and affection for all things. What's wrong with it now? It's become so critical, so narrow-minded, so petty. This shouldn't be me!

I don't want to accommodate, I don't want to bother, even if I feel that my fate has arrived, I don't want to work hard, and I'm looking for such and such an excuse to put down the raised foot again. Always use one sentence to excuse yourself: everything has already been arranged by God, don't bother.

I know that all the people who love me don't want me to be unhappy or unhappy, I know that everyone wants me to be good and want me to be happy. I remember you said that as long as someone is better than you are to me, you will let go and give me more happiness and happiness as a way to confess your love. I also know that you don't want me to stay alone, if I am not alive, I also hope that you can have another person to love each other to spend your life, although you may be jealous and sad, but if you are good I can accept everything, with your heart of love for me, with your heart that you are willing to let go of my happiness even if you live in the world, I know that you will also want me to go through life happily.

However, I have always been wandering alone in a square inch, enduring alone, resenting alone, and grieving alone, although I also seem to be actively trying to go out, I don't want life to be decadent like this, I don't want to show you sadness, I don't want to give you unease, but I have actually been stopping, I am self-pitying, I am resenting God, and even resenting you.

I know that everything is inevitable, it is a process that has been arranged for a long time, and there is nothing I can do, but I still can't forget the past and move towards the future.

Perhaps Arco was right: only the arrival of that person, the one who was destined to be inseparable from each other, would pull me out of this terrible quagmire and start a new life.

Do you hate me when you see me who is decadent, cowardly, stingy, lazy, depressed, doing nothing, and pursuing nothing? I sometimes hate it so much that I want to abandon myself and throw her in the barren mountains and mountains to be eaten by wild dogs and hungry ghosts, so that she can know the preciousness of life and that life is not for waste!

Let me live back to myself, let my soul return to my body, to my shell, let me return to that elegant, atmospheric, passionate, beautiful, simple self.