Chapter 052 diary: Jiangnan was still pitiful when tears were sprinkled with rain

June 26, 1987, Jiangnan Township

When I went to exercise alone in the morning, I ran into the old appearance of the stone bridge on the passenger car, [he used the gap between getting on and off the passengers to get off the bus to breathe, we didn't have time to communicate more, I don't know if he would be surprised that I would appear in this unexpected small market.] 】

I came out of my house for twenty days to suppress my illness and injuries, and my efforts to do so made me thinner and uglier day by day. There is hope that my wounds will heal myself again, but that must be done day by day, and for two or three years I will be free from this labor, [but for me, who was born to work], this is absolutely impossible. So [until I find a new workable solution], I am determined to send yesterday's letter.

There is still something untrue in this letter, that is, I have long liked 'strange women'. [In fact, I have been reminded many times by the same old age], and I only found out a few months ago, because I felt ashamed of her.

Let her feel that she is too far behind, out of reach, too little common language, she can't have love but must love herself, this is the self-image I created in front of 'He Ying'. Reunion and breakup with her was the expected goal, and a series of unmarked manipulations and self-sacrifices were carried out quite ideally.

Back at the gentleman's house, when she came to us, she said, "I'm very good at acting!" and I told her, "You can't just act." ”

Since then, our performances have begun, and I know the kind of people who are 'What Ying' all too well.

Repeatedly emphasizing the test and being tested, the emphasis on design, the emphasis on my hunch, the emphasis on being a strange book, the emphasis on one's ability to never lie, or does it make them not believe the truth...... No one could have predicted the depth of my scheming, and I was so fickle as if I hadn't changed. The gentleman said, "That's exactly what makes you very clever." ”

It's just that my own fate is too difficult to change, in order to perform this play well, I was injured like a real person, and I was finished with a 'strange woman' like a real thing.

Spring moths, spring moths, spring moths that break through their own bindings!

What kind of person is called Superman? Beyond his own beauty and ugliness, beyond the inferiority and pride of ordinary people, beyond common sense and common sense, to discover the truth of nature, and to believe that man is not a stone [sinking in the last circle], not a ship [to be carried by the tide of the theory], not the sun [scattering the net of longing every day to salvage love], not a river [always narrowed by the mountains and torn apart by stubborn rocks], not a train [always howling for the parting like a mountain].

"Parting is not a mountain!" so that he can transcend his own misfortune and happiness, beyond failure and success, beyond novels and poems, and become a truly independent person.

- This is the sculpture of a person who has walked into his own world!

- From this, you can see how precious the subject matter I treasured, although I ruined nearly a million words of notes.

- Although there are not many people who can understand Einstein's theory of relativity in his twenties, there are not many people who can understand Chen Yueping, who is twenty years old.

I have reason to put my friends behind me, including the 'Odd Girl,' who, though she doesn't need money, status, power, career, scholarship, or beauty, is not yet above the bounds of common sense. Believe that man is man, man is not a stone, a star is a star, not a fake of the sun of hope, not a luminous cup, not a teardrop of the sky, but a star!

- People are people, they want to eat when they are hungry, and they want to love when they are mature.

"Can a man who always likes to cover himself in a mist not be misunderstood...... Do you want to change, do you want to change, can you do it?"

- Chen Yueping became even more unreasonable. I lost my trust and couldn't see her again!

&&&&& I try to see myself very openly, and I often smile happily, and I still have to cry when I wake up. It's sad to be sad, and no one can really cover it up. But my brother is dead, and I have to live, and I want to live for my benefactors. "Since the heart is dead, why should people die again!" "Love is dead, I'm still alive, life is so tenacious!" In order to try to keep myself from dying, I have been holding my breath and entering a state of paralysis, which has made my thighs smaller and smaller in the past two years, and my flesh and bones have become more and more relaxed.

- Heart, when will we be reunited! Mourning is greater than heart death, faith!

- It's better that the letter to the 'strange girl' doesn't appear, and it's better not to share the pain!

&&& Mourning is greater than heart death, standing on the bridge pier outside the Jiangnan shop, as long as I jump, someone will definitely find out who I am from my relics, someone will definitely talk about my story, and there will be a few extraordinary friends of mine who will treat me as a social problem. Wei Youchang will definitely sigh - where does the way of heaven exist.

Like many others, in this case, I thought of the arrangement in the underworld, and the true destiny in the underworld.

At that time, I worshipped the sun as my teacher, and the sun always appeared when I was thinking about it earnestly; maybe I shouldn't have had a deep friendship with 'He Ying' at all, why did the rain brush the world after those few meetings?

&&&> The days are reincarnated between the smile of the sun and the tears of the stars. When tears rain, you can't see the sun of laughter.

- The sky without the sun and the moon is always gloomy, and there has been no sun and moon for seven or eight days, God!

- God can't be happy when he wants to be happy, he can do whatever he wants, woohoo lament!

——Forget about this qiē and leave Jiangnan quickly!

On June 27, 1987, Jiangnan → Samsung

The words of 'Strange Woman' are all true, and her words remind me from time to time that if I can seek the understanding of my friends through my own efforts, I can make the old people feel: "Chen Yueping is still Chen Yueping, Chen Yueping has finally returned to us." ”

- Ask me how I can do this, and I will sue him that he is a 'strange woman'.

- The one who knows myself best is not me, but the 'strange woman'.

- The letter to her the day before yesterday has been burned.

Today, I originally thought of going to Samsung, but my heart went to Shiqiao, because I want to tell my first friend [the old way], I want to come back to you, I don't want to lie to others anymore, including myself - [Unfortunately, this can only be a conjecture on the emotional level, reason tells me to go back at this time, I will also become them, and become a member of all living beings. I, Chen Yueping, am different, I am not a person of common sense and common sense, so I actually went to Sanxing Town].

Self-treatment again is not hopeless, some time ago when I was bored, I practiced women's family internal skills - fetal surgery, [of course I am not practiced, I witnessed a female patient struggling for her daughter's pain in a three-star hotel, and suddenly realized] As long as it is carefully changed, self-treatment still has eight layers of grasp - the road to heaven is endless, believe it?

&&&&& I guessed again: When we met, it was a pity that she spoke too little about me, and it was a pity that Chen Yueping was not very obedient.

"I'm always happier when I see you......"

"This, because I wrote you a letter the other day, and then I found out that the river in Jiangnanpu is quite suitable for me to jump into. ”

"Sue him, I forgave him. ”

"You're getting me carried away. ”

- This kind of sporadic fantasy of 'when we meet' will never become a reality.

&&&&&'s eyes were uncertain, and I was sick after a night of wind and rain, but I still arrived at Samsung.

Jiangnan Chun, Tang Du Mu: 'Thousands of miles of warblers cry green and red, and the water village mountain Guo wine flag wind. There are 480 temples in the Southern Dynasties, and how many buildings are in the smoke and rain. When I wrote these last two sentences to 'Strange Woman', I was saying: There may be a person on every balcony who is lonely and nostalgic for a sad dream, and you are not alone.

"In the past, I planted willows, and I relied on Hannan. Look at the shaking and falling today, sad Jiangtan. If the tree is like this, how can a person be worthy!" The state of mind will stay in Jiangnan.

A few months ago, I was still writing a poem in praise of the rain needle and the light enjoyed a great cosmic verb -- make up for the seven or eight days of the rain, what did it make up?

When passing by Qinglong Township, I watched Tie Ning's "Leap July", and saw that "the days finally showed their true colors in front of Xishan", and I can also think of 'What Ying' in our story, Xianglin's sister-in-law, Xiangnu Xiao Xiao, and even Tao Chun and Xingzhi in "Xiangyin".

I understand that stars are stars, and stars are ruthless. Days are days, days are unintentional.

I don't know if rivers are really like people, each has its own mission, their 'infiltration' is in harmony with the direction, and no one can be indiscriminately sympathetic.

As soon as we got to the third star, the sun came out! the sun I had been looking forward to last night.