Chinese In the days in the hospital, I tried my best to be obedient to Chen Xiang, but she was always like that, although she didn't say anything to blame me, but the face that lost her smile was her biggest punishment for me, like a sharp sword piercing my heart.

At that time, Chen Xiang asked me for the first time: "Why did we get divorced?"

I didn't speak, I just knew that the word divorce would never appear in my life.

In the days that followed, although Chen Xiang never mentioned divorce, she was depressed all day long. My mother came to see Chen Xiang, and I don't know what they said, but what is certain is that Chen Xiang's attitude towards me has become more cautious.

I understood that she was afraid that I would blame myself.

But she didn't understand, obviously I owed her, but she still had to force herself to tolerate everything, which made me feel even more that I was not human.

Chen Xiang's pain is the loss of her child, she can blame me, I can blame Chen Xi, and she can blame Xu Qianqian.

I can only blame myself for my pain.

Chen Xiang became more and more gentle, not making trouble or crying, but she couldn't laugh anymore, and she smiled once in a while and looked out the window in a stupid daze.

As soon as I appeared, she would become cautious, carefully observing my every gesture. She doesn't understand, the more she accommodates me at this time, it can only make me more distressed and guilty.

Many times I wanted to talk to Chen Xiang frankly, but I didn't know how to speak, I lost a lot since I was a child, and what I got later was almost what I wanted, even if it was Chen Xiang, I didn't put in any effort to get her. The relationship between me has always been that I am active, and she passively bears what I give.

So I didn't know what to say, I was afraid that if I said it, even if she didn't want to accept it, she would force herself to accept it for my sake.

I had a problem at work, I approved the wrong project, I lost a lot of money, and I was scolded by my father.

When I saw Chen Xiang, she told me that if I was so busy with work, I shouldn't take time to come and see her. Is she annoying me so soon?

She doesn't want to see me anymore? I grabbed Chen Xiang's hand and asked her if she wanted to be separated from me.

Chen Xiang said she didn't.

I was sick, so I took twice as much medicine in order to take care of her as soon as possible. Chen Xiang was unhappy when she saw it, she thought I was ruining myself too much.

But am I not for her?

Later, she told my mother about these things, and I felt that she was suing behind her back, and I couldn't control myself and quarreled with her again.

After this argument, she began to sleep with her back to me. Even in the days when Chen Xiang was pregnant, I carefully hugged her to sleep, but she won't let me hold it now.

Just out of Xiaoyuezi, Chen Xiang said that he wanted to go home.

I won't let her go back.

When Chen Xiang said that she was leaving, the first thought in my mind was that she was going to divorce me, but she didn't admit it. In the end, I had to compromise, but I had to go back with her.

I thought, it's good that I went back, otherwise Chen Xiang would definitely have to run again, so that I would never find her again.

When I was at Chen Xiang's house, we did it once, I don't know if it was because I was too nervous, Chen Xiang didn't react at all, she just said it hurt and asked me to finish it quickly.

I'm actually not so uncontrollable myself, I want to do it with her, just to prove that Chen Xiang is still in love with me, but the result I got made me even more uneasy.

This time it was only a cursory end.

In order to accompany Chen Xiang, I didn't go to the company for a long time, but she didn't seem to need me much, so after returning to Beijing from her home this time, I began to resume my previous life, in order to take care of Chen Xiang, I specially hired two nannies, one to accompany her, and the other to wash clothes and cook.

I also often take time to accompany her to the psychiatrist, and I always feel that it will be fine after a while.

However, the doctor said that Chen Xiang had serious psychological problems and that she might have depression. If it is not well controlled, her emotions will become more and more broken.

In the most severe cases, suicide may occur.

When I heard those two words, I felt like my heart was torn open.

How could that be? I can't imagine that happening.

In order to take care of Chen Xiang, I think the psychiatrist consulted a lot of things, and every time I accompanied her to see a doctor, she always said that she was not sick.

The psychiatrist told me, "Every patient doesn't feel sick. ”

Yes, but it doesn't matter, I'm not disgusted with Chen Xiang, I just feel sorry for her.

In addition to Chen Xiang's need to see the doctor regularly, I also wanted to, I told Chen Xiang that I had some psychological problems like her, but in fact, every time I just studied with the doctor how to help Chen Xiang.

The psychiatrist also advised me not to spend too much time with Chen Xiang every day, which would bring her psychological pressure, try to avoid her, and if I am not at ease, I can install a camera at home.

I didn't do that, I knew that if Chen Xiang found out, she would definitely collapse. But I know that there is a camera in the baby room that we installed a long time ago, and Chen Xiang sometimes goes in to sit during the day, and I watch her through the camera in the company.

I'm not spying, I'm just thinking about her. The doctor said that he wouldn't let me get along with Chen Xiang too much, so even if I missed her, I could only look at her like this.

In addition, I also get to know Chen Xiang's situation with two nannies every day, and they all say that Chen Xiang is very good, and he doesn't look like a patient.

Really? I began to wonder.

But when I got home, I saw her throwing our wedding photos in the locker. I couldn't help but mess with her, why did I throw wedding photos?

Chen Xiang insisted that she was not throwing, but she didn't want to hang up for the time being.

Is that different from throwing?

If the wedding photos can be thrown casually, then I am also dispensable in her heart. I feel more and more that Chen Xiang's love for me has been lost with that child, and sooner or later, she will definitely leave me.

Chen Xiang didn't want to quarrel with me, so she hid in the baby room.

I wanted to chase after her, but I was afraid that I would not be able to resist arguing with her again. Later, I remembered the camera, and because I was worried about Chen Xiang, I used my mobile phone to watch the monitoring for a while.

Sure enough, she hid inside and cried.

I went in to coax her, and our relationship eased again, after this day, I became more and more afraid to stay with Chen Xiang for too long, but every time the nanny told me that as long as I was not at home, Chen Xiang was in a good mood, my heart would hurt even more.

Does this mean that her greatest pain is mine?

I still think Chen Xiang definitely wants to divorce me.

Turning on the surveillance video, I found that Chen Xiang was stepping on a ladder and hanging curtains, which was too dangerous, I called her, although I didn't say it explicitly, but Chen Xiang directly told her what she was doing, I asked her not to stand too high, and she listened.

But this time, Chen Xiang found out that I was spying on her with a camera.

When I got home, she had a showdown with me about it, and I didn't want to admit my fault, not only accusing her of not standing so high, but also saying that she was sick.

After saying these two words, I didn't know how to face her.

I went back to the room alone, and after a while, I heard the sound of water outside, I pushed open the door and went out, and I saw Chen Xiang washing his underwear by himself.

She doesn't need to wash this kind of thing at all, even if she is not used to letting the nanny touch it, she can come to me.

But when I reached out to touch the water in the basin, Chen Xiang asked me if I was disgusting.

I saw the blood on my underwear and understood why she wouldn't let me touch it.

But this water is cold, she has only had a miscarriage for more than a month, how can she touch cold water?

Chen Xiang was the first to give me a soft face, but she resolutely hung it up to dry after washing it with warm water, and never let me touch it from beginning to end.

I want to tell Chen Xiang that I don't feel dirty, because that's hers, she is a woman who has conceived a child for me, how can I think she's dirty?

She did even what she couldn't accept for me, so who could I think she was dirty?

But what happened next made me believe what the psychiatrist said, Chen Xiang's really has psychological problems, she will put the wrong sugar when cooking, and she wears very few clothes when she goes out with me.

I may not have cared before, but now, I can't accept her as a wife to walk down the street wearing so few clothes.

I still have to endure these grievances.

Until one day, I came back drunk from entertainment and saw Chen Xiang, I hugged her and told her I wanted it.

Last time, she cooperated with me although she was unwilling, but this time, I didn't expect her to refuse directly, and found an excuse that I would debunk at once.

I touched her dry underwear and asked, "You lied to me?"

I insisted on sending myself into her body despite Chen Xiang's refusal, and she shivered a little, and her hand grabbed me tightly.

Maybe I'm really in a hurry, she's been so nervous all the time, I regret hurting her like this, and I hugged her and said I'm sorry.

I stopped and asked her, "Wife, don't you love me anymore?"

Chen Xiang denied it.

But I just had a hard time believing her, because she lied to me, she betrayed me, she left when I loved her the most, she ended my love with a lie when I was determined to marry her and live with her for the rest of my life.

I didn't believe her, sneered and pulled away from her body, not wanting to stay here for a minute.

I started to come home later and later, sometimes going to drink, sometimes playing games at the company, giving gear and fashion to people I didn't know, and I thought it was funny to see them stammering me.

Sometimes I go to the psychiatrist's clinic to talk to her and ask her what exactly I should do.

I told the psychiatrist about Chen Xiang's actions these days.

The psychiatrist gave me an analysis, and the result of the analysis was nothing more than that Chen Xiang didn't love me anymore. Hehe, she really doesn't love me anymore, if she doesn't love, she will get divorced, divorced, and she will run again.

I've always believed in the psychiatrist's words.

I don't think anyone will suspect the doctor, after all, I paid her a lot of money and hoped that she would help me adjust Chen Xiang's emotions, so I don't think she has any reason to lie to me.

What's more, she once swore to me that she was only a few years older than Chen Xiang, and she was also a woman, and women already understood women's minds better, and she was still professional.

I listened to these words and nodded, not realizing at all that since I took Chen Xiang to see this doctor, the relationship between the two of us has been getting worse and worse.

The nanny at home called me and said that Chen Xiang went out early in the morning and had not come back yet.

I hurried home again, and when I learned that Chen Xiang was going to see Blu-ray, I almost immediately went out to catch her back.

I even thought about whether Chen Xiang was going to leave with Blu-ray? Is Blu-ray going to pester Chen Xiang again after he is no longer bound by Xu Qianqian?

At this time, Chen Xiang came back.

She was very happy, and she had a faint smile on her face.

I haven't seen this kind of smile for a long time, she not only smiled, but also dressed up today.

Chen Xiang is so beautiful. To be honest, I liked her at the beginning and wanted her, not because she was strong**, but because of her face, her body.

After she became pregnant, Chen Xiang has been paying attention to not using cosmetics, and she is in no mood to dress herself up after a miscarriage, only today, she is the most beautiful.

I put away all the doubts in my heart, raised my eyelids to look at her carefully, and said, "You look so good today." ”

Then Chen Xiang went to the kitchen to cook, and the mobile phone she put on the coffee table rang, and it turned out to be a text message from Blu-ray.

I couldn't stand the contact between Chen Xiang and Blu-ray, so I deleted it without thinking about it, Chen Xiang hurriedly ran out and asked me if I thought about my mobile phone.

Hehe, the expression on her face wasn't a weak heart or something?

Therefore, Chen Xiang dressed himself up today for blue light. She could please another man, but she would betray me and divorce me.

The more I thought about it, the more angry I became, I was afraid that if I stayed, I would not be able to help but quarrel with her, so I could only leave alone before she came out.

Originally, I wanted to find someone to go out for a drink, but when I thought of Chen Xiang, I still drove to the psychiatrist's clinic, she was already off work and was about to go home, and asked me if I would mind sending her.

I said it didn't matter.

The first time I went to the psychiatrist's house, the single woman's own room, decorated in a different way from her office, and she said she could talk to me.

Originally, I refused to be alone like this, but thinking that I was for Chen Xiang, I felt that this was not too much, not to mention that it was impossible for me to betray Chen Xiang.

Psychiatrist, it is no one else, even if Chen Xiang knows, he will definitely understand.

Then I talked to the psychiatrist for a long time, a lot. Almost all of the way she asked and answered, from before I met Chen Xiang, to when we got married, to the current state that makes me miserable.

She advised me, "You should talk to your wife." ”

I frowned, "I don't know what to say. ”

"Why?"

I took a deep breath and said the sensitivity and panic in my heart, "I don't have confidence, I don't think she needs me anymore, I'm afraid she will leave." But I'm even more afraid, when he knows that I want to trap her for the rest of my life, she will resist my feelings even more. ”

The psychiatrist nodded, she seemed to agree with my idea, she said: "You are right to be worried, but the main thing with psychological problems is your wife, in fact, you can relax a little more, otherwise you can treat me as her, if you want to say anything to her, you can say it first." ”

She walked to the wine cabinet to pour me wine, hesitated, and said, "I'm afraid you misunderstand, let's drink water." ”

"No, give me red wine. ”

A glass is nothing, the psychiatrist nodded, opened a bottle of red wine, and the two of us clinked glasses, each drinking only a little.

She continued: "Tell me what you want to say, and first, I can check for you to see if it's really serious enough to irritate her." Second, even if these words are not appropriate for her, at least you will be relaxed after you talk to me. ”

I said okay.

At first, I didn't know how to say it, so she guided me to close my eyes, imagine what Chen Xiang looked like, and then took my hand and told me that it was Chen Xiang's hand.

So for the first time, I completely said what I wanted to say to Chen Xiang.

From my childhood, to the other Chen Xiang I knew. From the fact that I almost died in a fight with someone when I was in school, to why I should treat Chang Cheng as my best brother. From the time I met her, to the time I fell in love with her. From the unscrupulous way to get her, to the terrified beginning to fear losing her. From I don't want to get married, to I don't want to get divorced. From my lack of courage to save the child, to my pain and self-blame after losing it.

From I can't love, to I don't dare to love.

From I loved, to I didn't want to love.

It turns out that these days, it has always been that knot in my heart that has been entangled with me, or because of Chen Xiang's departure, because of that year, I can no longer believe her.

I didn't trust her, so how could she be completely dependent on me?

When our relationship is not strong enough to enter the marriage stage, we advance the later things because of the unexpected arrival of a little life.

This marriage that I was not confident in and even resisted from the beginning, how could I believe that I could grasp it well and grasp it?

When I made these words clear, I finally understood that it was me who was wrong, not Chen Xiang.

It's also me who is sick, not Chen Xiang.

It's me who keeps pushing her, it's me who has lived up to her trust and dependence on me, I'm really not human.

"It's okay, I won't blame you. ”

Chen Xiang's voice suddenly sounded in my ears.

She stood up and hugged me, gently pressing her around my neck, and she was no longer as cautious as she used to be.

I asked her, "You're really not angry, don't you blame me?"

She didn't say anything, she just wanted to continue to kiss me, continue to tease the most sensitive nerves in me, and I could hardly believe it. But before I doubted, we had hugged and fallen on the bed together.

She eagerly ripped off my clothes, and I couldn't control myself from taking the lead, so I pressed her down on the bed, took the small square bag she handed me, opened it, put it on, and entered.

At that moment, I felt so strange and even a little disgusting.

I suddenly bumped into the bedside lamp.

When I turned on the light and saw the woman lying on the bed, I realized that I had made a big mistake.

I actually betrayed Chen Xiang again, although I have done a lot of sorry things for her a long time ago, but from the day I decided to love her well, I swore to myself.

I don't want to lose, I don't want to break up, I don't want to get divorced.

So I not only want to ask Chen Xiang for his loyalty to me, I also have the same responsibility and obligation to her. And now, I'm the one who broke it all first.

I pushed away the psychiatrist who was about to hold me.

At this moment, I realized that she was approaching my purpose, it turned out that it was really me who was sick, and I thought of handing it over to the psychiatrist as a thank you check again and again in order to help Chen Xiang.

Why did she do this? Did she think that if she destroyed me and Chen Xiang, she might be able to take the position?

What my mother said is right, a man of my father's status, even if he wants to control himself, there will still be an endless stream of women who take the initiative to post it, and I am the same now.

And these dangers are really terrible and painful for Chen Xiang.

I wasn't in the mood to deal with it for the time being, so I had to get dressed and leave. I didn't dare to go home, I didn't know how to face Chen Xi, and finally I drove to drink, and when I had enough, I drove home again.

Almost had a car accident and almost died.

almost lost Chen Xiang.

As a result, when I went home, Chen Xiang didn't sleep. Even though I left her so sad, she waited for me, and the newbie made me porridge and dried my hair after I took a shower.

She even kissed me.

I even let her kiss as if I hadn't done anything wrong. It's just that Chen Xiang actually proposed to ...... with me She went to take a shower, and I closed my eyes but couldn't accept it.

I don't know how to confess, but if I touch Chen Xiang like this, then we won't have a chance in our lives, and in the end I can only pretend to sleep.

I think maybe in a while this thing will be single.

Maybe I'll hide it from her for the rest of my life.

However, my thoughts were still too naïve, and when I woke up, Chen Xiang pointed to the red mark on his neck and asked me, "What is this?"

(Babies who want to read the conclusion can search for "My Deep Love", "Deep Love", "To the Beloved You")

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