I don't know how long it took, the pain in my stomach suddenly disappeared, and I was finally able to sleep peacefully, but in a daze, it seemed as if something important had been lost, what was it?

I felt something cold on my cheeks, and I woke up suddenly, and tears flowed from my cheeks into my ears, and it was very uncomfortable.

I tried to reach for it, but my hand couldn't move, and I turned my head to see that it was being held in my hand.

And that person turned out to be Qin Jianghao.

And I, in the hospital.

Something suddenly came to mind, and I broke free of his hand with all my might, then reached into the bed and touched my belly, but I couldn't figure out why.

I haven't shown my pregnancy yet, and I can't feel it at all...... So I turned my head to look at Qin Jianghao.

I wanted to get some information from him, but I found that his eyes were terribly red and bloodshot, "What are you?" I reached out to touch his face, but looking at the emotion in his eyes, my hand suddenly drooped.

Slowly, gently covering my stomach again, I suddenly turned my back to him, tears rolling down, wet buns, and rolled into my ears again.

I tried to control my emotions, but my shoulders trembled and sobs overflowed.

Qin Jianghao was behind me, and he didn't speak all the time, and then we cried and were silent one by one, and spent a long, long time like this.

It seemed that someone pushed the door and walked in, it was the nurse who came to change my drip, she walked around to me, and when she saw my tear-stained face, her face was slightly surprised, and then said: "Don't be too sad, you are still too weak after the operation, don't cry, the child will have it in the future." ”

It turned out that there was really no one, and I knew it couldn't be so lucky. On the way to the hospital, I felt that it was no longer in my stomach.

Although it has not been long since I found it, although it has not yet taken shape, although I have never seen it, and although I have been with it for a short time, I still can't help but be sad.

People are often like this, when something is placed in front of you every day, you don't cherish it much, but when you suddenly lose it one day, you see its importance.

But by then it was too late.

If I hadn't lied and deceived Fangfang, if I didn't doubt that Qin Jianghao would have wanted that child, would it have been able to survive?

In the end, I killed it.

The nurse had already changed it for me, I cried for a while, my eyes were sore, so I closed my eyes and pretended to sleep, and suddenly heard Qin Jianghao call me, "Luoluo, get up and eat." ”

The voice was gentle, I think I was delusional, I opened my eyes and looked at him, only to find that the expression on his face was so gentle that I thought the person in front of me might be fake.

But his face was very haggard, as if he hadn't closed his eyes for a long time.

I tried to sit up on my own, but he got up first and went to shake the bed for me. He took the porridge and scooped it with a spoon to feed me, but I stretched out my hand and said to him, "I can eat it myself." ”

But he refused to give it to me, insisting on feeding me.

What's wrong with him, does he feel guilty or does he owe me? But it has nothing to do with him.

I stretched out my hand, still insisting on drinking it myself, but he insisted on feeding me as if he was deliberately trying to get along with me.

I didn't want to engage in these meaningless fights with him, so I had to go with him, and let him feed me with a slight opening of my mouth. If his sudden thoughtfulness and gentleness had been changed in the past, I must have been happy in my heart, but now, I am not moved at all, and I don't know what is wrong with me, but something seems to sink into my heart and cannot make ripples for a while.

Qin Jianghao finished feeding me porridge, and pulled a tissue to wipe my mouth, his movements were slow and light, as if he was afraid that it would hurt me. I was still numb and at his mercy, like a soulless puppet, not knowing how to resist and refute.

Finally he finished wiping my lips, then opened the drawer again, took out two boxes of medicine, broke off a few pills, and when he had prepared warm water, and then let me take the medicine.

I took it, threw it in my mouth, and swallowed it with a few gulps.

He pulled a tissue again and wiped the water from the corner of his mouth. After wiping, I thought to myself, did he have any other tricks, but there was a long silence, I didn't speak, and he didn't move.

I blinked, watching him stare at the tissue he had just wiped my mouth on, not knowing what he was thinking, I simply spoke first, "When can I be discharged?"

His stunned expression finally reacted a little, and he moved his lips and said, "Raise it for a while." ”

"What is there to raise?" I asked him lightly and without any emotion, "It's just a miscarriage, and it's not a big deal, so there's no need to be so precious." ”

He didn't speak for a long time, and after a while, he asked with a wry smile: "Luoluo, do you hate me very much now?"

I chuckled and asked him, "Why should I hate you, what's wrong with you, are you sick?" I reached out and tried to put it on his forehead to see if he had a fever, if he was burned, but he grabbed his hand.

His eyes were red, I don't know if it was because he didn't close his eyes last night, or because of something else, he continued to ask, "You hate me, don't you?" He raised his hand and stared at it, as if he was talking to me, as if he was talking to himself, "I strangled our children with my own hands, and I hated myself, how could you not hate me?"

I withdrew my hand and said slowly, "I really don't hate you. ”

He looked up at me with a look of confusion in his eyes.

I avoided his gaze and continued: "Even if I hate, I will only hate myself, I am pregnant with it and I can't protect it, I promised to let it continue to stay in this world, but I can't protect him, in the final analysis, I am too useless, these have nothing to do with you." ”

"That's my child too, if it weren't for my ......"

"You're not wrong," I whispered, "his life was originally given by you, and even if it was because of you, it would only be you taking back one of his lives, so no matter what, you are not wrong." ”

He suddenly increased the strength of his handshake, and said to himself, "I'm sorry, I don't know...... If I had known, I wouldn't have ...... you like that," the strength in his hand gradually lightened again, "you...... Why didn't you tell me?"

After all, the sinking heart still had a little pain, and we argued for a long time. What are you arguing about? What's the point of winning the name of the culprit?

Not really.

Something that can't be changed and can't be saved. No amount of self-blame will help, I was silent again, closed my eyes, and then said to Qin Jianghao: "I'm tired and want to sleep for a while." With that, he shrank into the quilt.

I remember that when I was a child, no matter what unhappy or unpleasant things I had, as long as I slept and woke up the next day, I would forget about it, and I thought that after a while I would be able to forget all the unhappiness.

Qin Jianghao didn't say anything more, helped me shake out of bed, and then went out.

I closed my eyes on the bed and cultivated a sense of sleepiness for a long time, but I couldn't sleep at all, and my heart began to be upset, the indifference that I had just pretended to be in front of Qin Jianghao was long gone, and my heart began to feel pain, and I couldn't breathe a little in pain.

I felt cold all over, and the quilt couldn't be warm, as if the refreshing winter hadn't left yet.

Perhaps because the effect of the anesthetic has passed, I feel a faint pain in my abdomen.

I've been very afraid of pain since I was a child, and sometimes I look at the chivalrous knights on TV who are obviously seriously injured and have the strength to fight the enemy, and I am very envious and admired, if only I could be like them without fear of pain, if only people wouldn't feel pain, especially the heart.

My phone is not in the hospital, and I can't tell the difference between the sky and the sky except for a day and night. So I don't know how long it took, Qin Jianghao went and returned, carrying a thermos box in his hand, it was the one at home, I recognized.

He opened the insulated box, and a fragrance accompanied by a faint smell of medicine immediately filled the whole room, this fragrance was very familiar, as if a long time ago, when he had a whim, he would occasionally make a medicinal meal.

He sat down on the edge of my bed with a bowl, and then took a spoon and scooped it twice, and then brought it to my lips as he had fed me porridge before.

This time I didn't fight with him anymore, I opened my mouth and drank, I think I'm probably the only woman in the world who can eat calmly without her flesh and bones.

Of course, there are still people who feel sorry for me, but they are not here, so there is another person, and he is a very indifferent person who is willing to take care of me, and he should feel very content, so what else can he do?

After drinking the soup, he wiped my mouth again, as if he were a robot, repeating the same things and the same movements.

I also continue to be my puppet, sleeping after eating, very regular.

At night, he didn't leave, he stayed in the hospital to guard my bed, I thought I should be moved to feel sorry for him, but I didn't feel it at all, very wolf-hearted.

When I was half asleep, I heard someone talking, I didn't hear it too clearly, but I vaguely heard a few words like "recuperation", "it's hard to have again", "the chance is very small" and so on.

After a while, there was a sound of footsteps leaving, then the sound of the door gently closing the door, and before long, I felt a pair of large, slightly cold hands grasp my hand, and then hold it up and stick it to the warm skin.

"I'm sorry. A hoarse voice brushed in my ear, and some hot liquid dripped on my hand, so hot that I wanted to retract my hand, but I didn't dare to move.