I cried out in pain and depression "No, don't, don't leave me!"

I opened my eyes suddenly, and when I saw that it was all white, and then I looked around and realized that I was dreaming, fortunately it was a dream, I let out a long sigh, comforting myself that it was a dream, everything was fake. I habitually looked down at my lower abdomen, and touched my belly again, there was no bulge there, it was flat, and there was a faint pain underneath, I just remembered that I had been in a car accident, and I panicked and asked, "Child, where is my child?"

A hand gently patted my back, and I turned my head to see my mother, and she was lying on the side of her bed, and she looked at me worriedly and said, "You woke up, how are you feeling, are you hungry, what do you want to eat?"

Looking at the face full of wrinkles at the corners of the eyes and obvious nasolabial folds, for a while, I didn't have the confidence to ask her about the child. I never told her about my pregnancy, yes, I didn't have the confidence to tell her that I was pregnant, and I gave birth to a child, and the other party wouldn't marry me, so I deceived myself, and I could hide it for a while.

I shook my head and touched my lower abdomen with my hand again, I could clearly feel that there was no more life there, the child was really gone, I turned around, I didn't want my mother to see me cry.

Mom sighed faintly, and said to herself, "Shuangshuang, Mom is not good, Mom can't take good care of you, so you have to suffer with me, Mom knows the bitterness in your heart." Before I gave birth to you, I was pregnant with a boy, and if I could give birth, you would have to call him brother. ”

Boy, I took Mom's hand, looked at Mom and asked, "Is that a boy?"

Since I got pregnant, I have never asked the doctor about the gender of the child, and Li Yi is too, although he likes boys very much, he also said that if it is a girl, he also likes it, so we are all waiting for the arrival of the child with anticipation.

"Hmm!" Mom nodded sadly, "I saw that it was a boy! Shuangshuang, don't be too upset, just endure this kind of thing." ”

Boy, really boy, I can't stand the howling and crying anymore, he really hates me, tears are pouring out wildly, I blame myself in pain "He said I don't want him anymore, he wants to take revenge on me, he doesn't want me anymore, I say all the angry words, I really want to give birth to him, raise him personally, I want to give him a happy childhood, I can't get everything I couldn't get before, I give him everything, but he said, he hates me......."

Mom hugged my head and patted me on the back again and again and persuaded me, "Shuangshuang, don't talk nonsense, this is a car accident, so what's your business? You don't have to take any responsibility on yourself, you will have children in the future, don't think nonsense, it's okay, everything will be fine." ”

I buried myself in my mother's arms and became miserable, and that kind of pain can only be understood by a mother who has experienced the loss of a child! My heart is like a knife, I feel that I am so incompetent, as a mother, I can't protect my child well, it is almost four months old, why do you do this to me? Why did God do this to me? If I really sinned, then I should be punished, why should I be so cruel to an unborn child?

My chest was tight, and all kinds of emotions held in my heart surged instantly, and I vomited, and a mouthful of blood spit on the white sheets, so red.

The door of the ward was pushed in, and I saw Li Yi coming in, if the child could be born, it would definitely be as cute as in the dream, the child must look very similar to him, very similar, looking at Li Yi, I couldn't help thinking about the child in the dream.

Li Yi saw this, his cynical face showed panic, and he flew up and shouted "Shuangshuang!" to support my soft body.

I was so tired, weakly held in his arms, I was so desperate that I even gave up on myself, why is my life so bad? I have experienced so many hardships, after all, I am tired, crushing me, I suddenly want to just throw my hands away selfishly, how good it would be, I can no longer endure more pain, and soon I will not have to face the grief of losing Brother Ming and my child.

My mother also shouted in my ear, I refused to think that my mother would be sad, she might be sad for a while, after all, I was conceived and born in October, but she also has a daughter, and a son, and someone to send her to the end, in the future, she will slowly forget me, even if I think about it, that is, I feel sad, just a long sigh.

I'm tired, so tired that my bones are crispy into slag, I can't support it, I'm so tired, I want to close my eyes and fall asleep, maybe in that world, I can still see the child, I will tell him, Mommy doesn't really want to discard you, we are together forever......

"Double...... What's wrong with you...... Are you uncomfortable?" Li Yi's breathing sounded in his ears, he whispered in her ear, as if talking to himself, his voice was irrepressibly panicked, I guess he was frightened, really frightened, he shook my body vigorously, as if he could shake me over like that.

He patted me on the cheek, saw that I didn't react, rushed out of the room again, I heard him call the doctor in a panic, I closed my eyes again, and my brain fell into darkness again.

I thought I was going to die, I wanted to die, but now the advanced medical technology makes me want to die and I can't die, I was rescued again, in fact, my condition doesn't seem to be very bad, vomiting blood is because I already have stomach problems, and I haven't eaten for several days, which induces a stomach attack, I woke up from a coma, and the days are muddy, I fell into grief, I can't extricate myself, I refuse to eat.

In the blink of an eye, I lost Brother Ming and my child, which were all things I thought were the whole world, and they disappeared in the blink of an eye, as if everything had become unimportant and indifferent to me.

Someone shook my body violently, trying to pull me out of my contemplation, and I didn't want to pay attention to that person, no one wanted to pay attention. The soup spoon was forcibly stuffed into my mouth, I closed my mouth and refused to eat, my mouth was bitten tightly, and Li Yi's vicious reprimand came to my ears, he looked at me with a calm face and an expressionless expression, and ordered "Eat porridge!"

I looked away from him and stared out the window, he stiffly straightened my face, pinched my mouth and tried to pour it in, and a nurse reminded me to "don't feed her so forcefully." ”

Li Yi glanced at the nurse and vented his anger at the nurse, "I don't feed her forcefully, do you have to wait for her to open her mouth?" Now she can't get a drop of water for almost a week, so she relies on nutrient solution, and after a while, what will she become, you get out of me, you get out of me immediately!"

The nurse was probably afraid of this ancestor too, and she didn't want to serve it for a long time, so she was stunned, nodded again and again, and ran out in a panic.

Only me and Li Yi were left in the ward, he reached out and hugged me in his arms, put his hand against my forehead and said softly, "Shuangshuang, you are not to blame for the child's affairs, and you are not to blame for Brother Ming's affairs, if you want to blame, blame me, I don't want to spoil myself anymore, don't you hate me?

I turned a deaf ear and didn't want to see Li Yi's face, the child looked too similar to him, and when I looked at Li Yi, I felt uncomfortable, so I simply closed my eyes.

"Shuangshuang......" he endured so much that his voice trembled, "you don't want to be like this, okay? I was wrong, I apologize to you, okay?"

My nose suddenly soured, and tears slipped down the corners of my eyes, Li Yi, such a proud person, he would actually apologize, he would say that he was wrong, if it were in the past, I would definitely forgive him, because I love him, but now I don't understand whether I still love Li Yi, we have been tossing for too long, exhausted, scarred, and now there is only grief left.

I closed my eyes and still ignored him, afraid that seeing his face, then my heart would hurt even more, and I would dislike the child was gone, Li Yi grabbed me by the collar violently, and he roared furiously" Lu Shuangshuang, you fucking give me food, you fucking open my eyes, if you continue to make trouble, believe it or not, I will make fun of your family, I will send your stepfather to prison, your tobacco shop will be closed, your mother will have no job, no income, your younger brothers and sisters can't study, and have to leave society early, Lu Shuangshuang, do you want your sister and younger brother to follow your old path? Can you bear it? You speak, you speak to Lao Tzu?"

Li Yi really hasn't changed, he is still like that, and his heart has become more numb.

There was another familiar voice in his ears: "Li Yi, what kind of nerves do you have? Shuangshuang, are you still sick? Do you want to force her mother to death?"

It was Xu Yuwen's voice, Li Yi slowly let go of me, sat heavily on the chair, the chair made a squeaky sound, he laughed out loud, laughed so sadly, laughed for a long time, he said dejectedly, "Shuangshuang, don't you want to leave me? Don't you want to be with Xu Yuwen? As long as you live, you live well, I will let you leave, you want to leave!"

I don't know what he smashed again, there was a crackling sound in the room, and he shouted at Xu Yuwen, "Xu Yuwen, isn't this what you want? If she follows you, you will hurt her, and if you hurt her, Lao Tzu will be with you." ”

My heart was dug open by something, and I stopped beating suddenly, and I heard his footsteps gradually moving away, his footsteps were no longer vigorous and calm, but moved forward little by little, and I couldn't help but open my eyes, and saw Li Yi's slender and upright back full of loneliness and loneliness, gradually moving away and disappearing around the corner.