(Cat flutter Chinese) Birth, old age, sickness and death are natural laws, and fear of death is human instinct.

For me, there is nothing that overrides the fear of the end of my life for the time being.

I kept wandering until the girl next door pushed me on the shoulder and told me that my phone had been ringing for a long time.

There were more than a dozen missed calls, and the ringing didn't stop by the time I found out.

One of the numbers on it is my mother's, and the other is the strange one, I guess it's Qi Xiang. Forgive me now I really just want to escape, before shutting down I saw the unread text messages from the night before.

sent to the west, she said: Xiangxiang, the window in your room is broken, it should be broken in the New Year, your mobile phone has not been able to get through, I am afraid that the wind and snow will stain the things inside, so I went in and closed the window.

There is also an emoji sticking out your tongue to apologize at the end of the text message.

I stared at the text message for a long time and remembered to the west. I also remembered that I still had a place to stay for a while. Other than that, it was a mess I had to clean up.

After returning to Tianjin, I still lived in that rental house, and Xiangxi said that she didn't want to move out, after all, this place is very convenient to go to school and rivers and lakes except for the old and dilapidated place.

She said that when she went to the rivers and lakes, I thought of Si Chen, and then secretly summed it up several times and still didn't know how to speak.

I don't have the heart to say anything, since I suspected that I was sick, my spirit really deteriorated day by day, I couldn't sleep all night, went to tutor during the day, and went to the bar to sing at night.

It's not to make money, it's just that when I'm free, I really think about it.

But after a vicious circle, my physical condition got worse and worse in less than a week.

I was drunk alone when Chen Shi found me, and he wanted to talk to me, so I sat next to him and listened with my chin propped up. Actually, I couldn't quite listen to what he said, but I could see that every time he mentioned Xiangxi's name, his eyes would look down to the right.

When I was in college, I watched a Hong Kong drama, and there were several episodes in it that talked about behavioral psychology, and the meaning of Chen Shi's eyes was that he liked to go west.

Of course, maybe even he didn't know about it.

If you don't like it so much, why do you care so much about whether Si Chen will lie to her all day long, let alone come to me with a reproachful tone.

I drank too much and was delirious, thinking of Xiangxi's appearance, she likes to laugh, she is obedient, and she is gentle with everyone, which is completely opposite to me.

But the way she looks is actually the one I envy and envy the most.

I secretly wiped away my tears, I also wanted to be as innocent as her. Chen Zhi is so arrogant and narcissistic that he likes her so much, and Si Chen must like it too.

Even being jealous of a friend who is so good to me, isn't it that I can't compare to the place to the west?

Chen Shi threw down a few photos and told me unabashedly that these were the ones he had flipped through in a sheet of music for Si Chen's special treasure.

The photo is a photo of me and Si Chen, which is a particularly popular head-to-head sticker a few years ago, and we don't have any serious group photos, but at that time, I suddenly saw the head-sticker machine after practicing with him.

Si Chen said let's shoot, and he moved a small bench to touch me and picked out the background of the photo frame for half an hour.

I was reluctant to cut a full page of photos, and I was afraid that my mother would find out when I took them home, so I could only put them at Si Chen's place.

The photos printed out a few years ago are definitely not very clear, but you can really feel that Si Chen's eyes in the photos are full of love.

I was also happy to be held by his shoulders.

Unexpectedly, he still kept it now, Chen Shi also said, "Don't say it's a misunderstanding, he reads that sheet music hundreds of times a day, and the photos are about to change color." ”

I sent Chen Zhi away, and I was stunned for a while, and after sobering up, I finally decided to go and apologize to Xiangxi, and then pack up my things and find a random place to fend for myself.

Maybe it was because I had just drunk a lot, maybe it was because of that damn sickness, I walked out of the bar like I was stepping on cotton, and when I got to the middle of the road, I finally passed out with a blank eye, and when I woke up I was already in the hospital.

I remember that when I was in a coma, I seemed to hear Si Chen and Xiang Xi arguing, to be exact, Si Chen lost his temper with Xiang Xi.

People are selfish, I must admit that when I felt that Si Chen cared about me, I would ignore Xiangxi's feelings, but when I woke up, I felt ashamed. On the one hand, I was restrained by shame and morality, and on the other hand, when I saw Si Chen walk in and hold my hand tightly, I really wanted to cry.

Others can fall in love, they can be liked, they can be very simple, and they can have a healthy body. Why was it that I was deceived when I first committed myself seriously, and when I wanted to start over, I knew that I had a terminal illness and was dying.

The more I thought about it, the more sad I became, and Si Chen didn't understand why I was crying, so he could only hug me helplessly.

Si Chen pushed away once he approached, I hated him for lying to me, and I didn't want to be sorry for Xiangxi. But in the end, these were all defeated by loneliness and fear in the heart.

I was really afraid of being wronged, and I still hugged him when I didn't know how many times Si Chen grabbed my hand, crying and asking him: "Do you regret it in the end, have you ever liked me?" ”

At the moment of life and death, I had the courage to ask these words, and Si Chen's answer was just a kiss, he was also crying like me, the tears of the two people gradually mixed together, he hugged my shoulder, his right hand was loose and could not use strength, and the whole person was trembling.

Chen Shi pushed the door in at this time, and took it to the west.

Si Chen didn't let go of me, still holding my fingers tightly, I knew that he didn't give up on me, if he got rid of me at this time, it might be even more uncomfortable for me to feel more uncomfortable.

But the self-blame on Xiang Xi's face actually made me feel more embarrassed than when she scolded me or slapped me.

I tried to break free of Si Chen's fingers, but he wouldn't let go at all.

Later, Si Chen and Xiangxi went out to talk, and Chen Shi stayed in the ward to accompany me.

Chen Shi comforted me: "It's not your fault. ”

Even though he said that, I could feel the difference from before, how could I be right when I was just seen to the west.

So Chen Shi changed his words again, "Okay, who hasn't gone astray." ”

In the end, he couldn't help it and reproached me, "I can understand you, but a mistake is a mistake." ”

Who's to say no, I also know that I was wrong, but if I do it all over again, I am not sure that I can control myself, and I don't even want to take care of it, but let my mistake go once.

After all, this is the case, and you can die without regrets.

I have checked on the Internet and found that people with ALS will lose their ability to move their whole body as soon as half a year, and the average life expectancy after diagnosis is only three or five years. I'm afraid that I won't have the opportunity to love again in my life, I can't get married, I can't have my own family, I can't have children, I can't have a future.

As for the regrets of the past, the only thing I want to know about that has bothered me for so many years is Si Chen.

I thought I let go and forgot about him, but in fact, I just deliberately hid him, and once I met again, the switch in my heart was like being activated, and I wanted to know his answer, whether it was loved.

It's a little vulgar and hypocritical, but at the moment of life and death, I admit that I can't let go of that broken relationship.

Even this hug and kiss don't mean anything, I can't love him anymore in this life, and I don't have a chance to go to the end.

Xiangxi and Si Chen came back when it was almost dawn, Xiangxi didn't blame me, but I couldn't help but blame myself and not hate myself.

Si Chen didn't leave, he was the kind of person who carried all the charges on his shoulders, and he didn't care what others thought of him now. He sat next to the hospital bed and smiled at me.

But neither of us could say a word, and the years when time was stolen were not filled with a short hug.

He kept staring at me for a while, and finally opened his mouth with difficulty and called out my name.

And I lowered my head, and I said, "I want to drink porridge, can you go and buy it for me?" ”

Si Chen was stunned.

Yes, the place I said was a bit far away, but after many years, I took the initiative to talk to him for the first time and made such a request, Si Chen's face was not a little embarrassed, and he looked a little happy, he said, "I'll buy it, you can sleep for a while." ”

I nodded.

With his eyes closed, he heard the sound of Si Chen opening the door, and suddenly got up from the bed after making sure that he was gone.

In just one week, I escaped from the hospital for the second time.

The fastest update is error-free reading, please visit Please bookmark this site to read the latest! (83 Chinese Net) Cat flutter Chinese