Some people may say that the union of husband and wife is not based on love? With love, won't husband and wife understand each other and give each other way? Is it still necessary to divide expenses and housework so clearly? Is it still necessary for a family to have two surnames? Is this too raw? Will it hurt feelings? Yes, no matter how close a person is, no matter how sincere his feelings are, he may also be hurt, so marriage and love experts have long reminded people: "Feelings need to be maintained, and marriage needs to be managed." Pen ~ fun ~ Pavilion www.biquge.info when men and women enter marriage hand in hand, when the passion of love gradually cools in the hearts of the two, and then the husband and wife have to face together in the long years of flies and dogs, and day after day firewood, rice, oil and salt. How to deal with the complicated and trivial things in ordinary days is an important foundation for maintaining the relationship between husband and wife and managing a good marriage.

I once read a short article written by a female author discussing love. In the text, the author believes: "Love is accumulated, and so is not love." And teach women how to tell if a man is really in love with you through details, such as

"If a person says he likes you, wait until he takes care of you in every way before believing you";

"If he promises to take you somewhere, wait until he books a ticket and be happy";

"If he says he wants to marry you, wait until he buys the ring and kneels in front of you."

The author then gives two specific examples. Case 1: A friend told me that they had just lived together. One night her aunt came, and when she went to the bathroom and came back to lie down in the evening, he rolled over and took her in his arms and snored softly while rubbing her belly, but they had just finished arguing during the day. That's when she thought, "Well, it's him from now on!"

Case 2: My boyfriend and I were high school classmates, and at a class reunion, he drank too much and walked me home. When I was so drunk that I was staggering to walk, he suddenly pulled me aside when I crossed the street. I asked him, "What are you doing?" and he said, "Don't move, there's a car over there, it's not safe." "I looked like I was invulnerable, and I was so moved.

But from these descriptions, we find that the author only teaches women how to discern whether a man really loves a woman by observing the details of men's behavior, but never teaches women how to care for men in details. Doesn't a man's love for a woman need to be accumulated, but a woman's love for a man doesn't need it? Why is this so? After calming down and thinking about it, it suddenly dawned on me, because we are still following the traditional custom, that when a woman gets married, she is called a daughter-in-law, and when a man gets married, she is called marrying a daughter-in-law. After marriage, the woman is considered to be a member of the man's family. Psychologically, there is a feeling that a woman has given herself to a man. Since women have to give for themselves, men have to get women. Naturally, men are required to chase women, because if there is anyone who catches up with himself to others, wouldn't it be too cheap. So the author seems to convey to us the message that as long as a man wins a woman's heart with true love, he can be happy for a lifetime. Is that really the case? We can only say that the idea is beautiful, but the reality is not possible.

Since everyone agrees that men should chase women in love, love in reality naturally starts with men taking the initiative to approach women. However, due to the imperfection of the individual's personality and moral cultivation, the behavior of a man and a woman in love cannot be said to be completely out of love or reasonable. In order to successfully approach women, men need to deliberately please and please each other. In order to embody the principle of being chased in love, women will always behave very reservedly at first, and some women will even deliberately set up some obstacles for men to get over the addiction of being chased. And in order to catch up with the woman, the man did not dare to complain even if he crossed the mountains and mountains. But human nature cannot withstand temptation. The performance of men who are not afraid of difficulties makes women's desires greatly inflated. As a result, women demand more from men to fulfill their desires, regardless of whether their wishes are justified or not. I once saw a woman warn other women in the tone of a passer-by, even if they meet the man they like, if the other party doesn't chase them, they would rather miss it than take the initiative to show their love. When I first saw this precept, people felt a little incomprehensible, as long as they really love each other, wouldn't it be the same whoever took the initiative first? As long as the two of them can live happily together, wouldn't it? Later, I realized that women are waiting for men to chase after them, so that they can ask men to satisfy their desires as they like. It can be seen that love is not only about love from the beginning, but also about all kinds of calculations.

The joke "Men's New Three Virtues and Four Virtues" circulating on the Internet reflects the embarrassing situation encountered by men in love when pursuing women.

Girlfriend goes out to follow "from"

Girlfriend ordered to obey "from"

Girlfriend should blindly "follow" when she makes a mistake

Girlfriend make-up has to wait for "got"

Girlfriend spends money to give up "getting"

Girlfriend is angry and has to endure "got"

Girlfriend's birthday to remember "got"

A female figure who is flying in front of her boyfriend is presented in front of people, and some women are addicted to being chased by others, so to speak, they are trying to embarrass their boyfriends, as if this is not enough to prove that they have obtained "true love". And once a man achieves a positive result in this kind of love, and two people enter marriage, this treatment of women will continue from before marriage to after marriage, but the protagonist has changed from "girlfriend" to "wife".

The wife has to follow the "follow" when she goes out

Wife ordered to obey "subordinate"

My wife should blindly "follow" when she makes a mistake

Wife's makeup has to wait for "got"

Wife spends money to give up "getting"

The wife is angry and has to endure "got"

Wife's birthday should be remembered "de"

Moreover, because of the security of marriage, it can be said that women are more unscrupulous in making demands. See what people are complaining about online:

Teacher: Please use one sentence to describe the married life of contemporary men.

Xiao Ming: I married an ancestor and gave birth to a father!

Teacher: Don't say anything, just applaud!

Under this model, people even think that men have the responsibility to make women's lives well! From a long time ago, "marrying a man, dressing and eating," to now "men are responsible for earning money, and women are responsible for spending money." All reflect this concept in people's minds.

Let's not talk about whether men should be responsible for all of a woman's life after marriage, let's first explore whether men are already responsible for women's lives, and whether women should express their gratitude to men? But people are often used to getting it, and they forget to be grateful. And as intimacy increases, so do the demands. When a woman hears this, she may feel very aggrieved: "I have followed him, why should I be grateful to him?" But let's think about it from the perspective of men, what is the purpose of men working so hard for women? Is it just to invite an ancestor to come back and provide for him? Definitely not, men are also for their own happiness. If a man works hard but finds that he just finds a burden and a burden, how can he still love it.

So we can also see that many marriage and love experts have repeatedly warned women that even if they are married, they cannot think that they have obtained a long-term meal ticket and can lie down and enjoy the fruits of victory. You also need to know how to understand and support your husband, care for your husband's parents, and take care of and enrich yourself.

Speaking of which, there will be many women who will pour out their bitter water, and what men earn money and women spend? Not only do we earn money to support our families, but we also depend on us for family affairs, and men can't even do it. Someone else wrote an article to complain about women who have taken on too many family responsibilities:

Someone asks the wife: Are you a working woman or a housewife?

She replied:

I am a stay-at-home wife.

I work 24 hours a day......

I'm a "mom"...

I'm a wife...

I'm a daughter...

I'm a daughter-in-law...

I'm an alarm clock...

I'm a chef...

I'm a maid...

I'm a teacher...

I'm a waiter...

I'm a babysitter...

I'm a nurse...

I'm a handyman...

I'm a guard...

I'm a consultant...

I don't have a week off...

I don't have sick days...

I don't have annual leave......

I work day and night.....

I have to be "always available",

But the remuneration received is:

"What are you doing all day?"

Commentingly, this phenomenon also exists. Due to personality defects or the fact that some men still retain the old concept of "male dominance, female dominance", the wives of such men are overwhelmed by the excessive responsibilities of the family. Marriage experts have also repeatedly reminded such men to care about their wives and be grateful to their wives, and their wives and families are the most important people in life.

It is generally believed that men and women must find "true love", because the person who truly loves you will care about you and be considerate of you, will not let you work alone, and will consciously assume their due responsibilities. However, in this era of marital autonomy, arranged marriages can be said to be an isolated phenomenon, and the vast majority of male and female spouses are chosen by themselves, and they have a certain emotional foundation before entering marriage. However, the vast majority of men and women are hardly satisfied with the performance of their spouses after marriage. This is because we all expect our spouses to be self-conscious and self-disciplined in taking on family responsibilities. However, self-consciousness and self-discipline require a high level of personal cultivation to do well, and neither men nor women will do well when their personal cultivation is insufficient. As a result, whoever is more self-disciplined in marriage will take on more family responsibilities and obligations. After a long time, it is difficult for people who bear more to feel psychologically unbalanced. This is mainly because when the other half is used to taking on more responsibilities alone, they take it for granted, so they don't have a little gratitude in their hearts. One day you don't want to take it, you think that you have changed, and you will be dissatisfied. And sometimes it's not that you don't want to take it, but that your partner is asking for more. However, no one wants to take on too many responsibilities and obligations for a long time without reward, and this is where the contradiction arises.

In addition, it should be noted that as long as the relationship between the husband and wife has not broken down and both parties still have hope for the marriage, neither party will not completely avoid family responsibilities, but will bear some of them to a greater or lesser extent. So the party who bears less just bears less, not that it does not bear family responsibilities. However, due to the lack of personality quality, people are often always strict with others and lenient with themselves. I obviously don't bear much, but I think I have borne a lot. Because of their selfishness and inertia, they evade responsibility, but they will find a lot of reasons to justify themselves. In addition, because there is no clear concept and standard for judging, men and women in marriage often cannot distinguish between what is their own business and what is common. Anyway, I feel that I am very busy, and I am doing my duty to my family. The party who bears less responsibility in this way often does not realize the seriousness of his own problem, and does not know that he has caused infringement and harm to the other party, and as a result, he unknowingly hurts the feelings of the husband and wife and lays hidden dangers for his marriage.

It can be seen that clearly delineating the responsibilities and obligations of husband and wife in the family through the AA system is really a good way to maintain marriage and the relationship between husband and wife. Because the most important thing is that the family is separated from morality, and what really hurts feelings is disrespect for others and infringement of the rights and interests of others. The parent with less family responsibilities can express respect and gratitude to the spouse with more responsibilities through the AA system. The party with more responsibilities can remind and motivate the party with less responsibilities through the AA system to take their own responsibilities. Because the essence of marriage is double flying, the AA system is also to motivate the other half to be motivated and not to be pulled down.