Sitting in Da Niu's "caravan", on the way back to the Sanjiang Town Cultural Station, Da Niu first asked me in a weird way:

"Another old lover? Haha, you're amazing. The bull's laughter almost shattered the canvas canopy on the caravan. I gave him an angry look and said:

"What are you talking about? A dog can never grow ivory in its mouth, no wonder Xiao Yan ...... Dandan is Xue'er's cousin, I'll come to see her, Xue'er's father introduced me to work in Shenzhen, and it was Xue'er's uncle's company that went to Dandan's uncle, who was a colleague 20 years ago. ”

Da Niu said: "Oh, it turns out that relatives are here." It's no wonder that those who are familiar with the way found this place directly at once, there are really two times, it seems that you guy, there are still many secrets that you haven't told us. ”

"What's the secret? Isn't it Xue'er's secret? This is no longer a secret, isn't it very clear in Xiaoyan's house? Alas, don't talk about me, talk about you and Xiaoyan, what is the situation now?"

"It's a long story, let's go back and talk about it, it's night driving, be careful. ”

"That's it, you stupid, spirit. Da Niu concentrated on driving his car, and the tractor-like car went west along Chengjiang Road to Sanjiang Town Cultural Station.

In the evening, there were relatively few cars, and Da Niu and I soon arrived at the Sanjiang Town Cultural Station, which is the base of Da Niu.

When I arrived at the Sanjiang Town Cultural Station, after putting down my shoes, I proposed to Da Niu to go and sit under the kapok tree at the wharf by the Hanjiang River. Da Niu also said that it is good, people have reached this age, or they have begun to be nostalgic, but they are two old men, of course, there is a lot less interest, and there is no old romance, but it is also very good to enjoy the river view, and Da Niu just wants to talk to me about Xiaoyan.

So Da Niu and I came to the Kapok tree at the Hanjiang Wharf together, Da Niu also took a few cans of beer and a bag of peanuts, we sat down on the small stone bench, one opened a can of beer, and enjoyed the river view while drinking, Da Niu seemed to have some worries? The small bamboo forest by the river made the evening breeze blow noisily, as if the bamboos were whispering to each other. There are still some lights in the bamboo forest in the distance, that is someone building a wooden house near the river in the bamboo forest, forming a piece of land, doing the business of food stalls for supper. The lights scattered reflections in the river at intervals, like stars in the sky, occasionally causing the ripples on the surface of the river to be cut into pieces, forming a flexible Wanyan. On the stone steps of the pier, there are still women washing clothes, and a few fishing boats are parked on the edge of the pier. One or two of the ships were still dimly lit, and a few people were chatting over tea. Because of the distance, I couldn't hear what they were talking about? I just heard that the Teochew opera "Back to the Red Kiln" was playing on the tape recorder, and the actor Zhang Changcheng, who played Xue Rengui, was singing "Push the horse and whip up the ...... to get back." The singing skills of Mr. Zhang Changcheng, a famous Teochew opera actor, were indeed first-class! The sound was sonorous and powerful! This timbre drifted far away with the wind on this tranquil river, far away, and there was a surrounding echo.

Da Niu lit a cigarette, habitually put a string of round and beautiful smoke rings on his back, touched his beer belly, and habitually touched his bald head again and said:

"Hanzhe, you can be regarded as Yijin's return, right?

"No, I don't. What about you? How are Xiaoyan's transfer procedures?"

"Then where did you come back this time?" Da Niu still had the meaning of breaking the casserole and asking to the end.

I said, "Didn't you say you had something to talk about? Let's talk about you and Xiaoyan first." ”

"All the formalities are finished, and people will come back in a few days, but they won't go back to our Sanjiang Town to live, because it's dirty. ”

As soon as I heard Da Niu say that Xiao Yan would not go back to live in Sanyuan Village, Sanjiang Town, I understood Da Niu's mood at the moment, which was equivalent to saying that Xiao Yan had never planned to be with Da Niu at all. I patted the bull on the shoulder and said:

"Maybe it's for the convenience of going to work?" I said casually. But in fact, I had expected this ending a long time ago, otherwise Xiaoyan would have married Da Niu a long time ago, the first time I saw Xiaoyan in Guangzhou, Yanzi's tone didn't mean this at all, it was just Da Niu's wishful thinking. And Xiaoyan has always been good to Da Niu, and more treats Da Niu as a relative, and Da Niu is an elder brother, just like I treat Ah Zhen as a sister.

People also said the same, they were going to take their mother to live in the city, and they also hired a nanny, so in the future, there would be no need to run to Sanyuan Village, and there would be no one she was worried about here. ”

After Da Niu spoke, he drank a can of beer, drank it in one go, and then pinched the beer can so loudly that it threw it into the river. After a few puffs of cigarette, he suddenly laughed out loud. This sudden laughter was very unnatural, it seemed to be laughing rather than laughing, more like it was mixed with crying, but it was not crying, this laughter made me feel stunned when I heard it, and I, who had seen the world, were a little flustered in my heart. As the saying goes, mourning is better than dying! I looked at the single man in front of me, who was nearly half a hundred years old, and waited for twenty or thirty years for a woman who didn't necessarily love him, but in the end, he was alone, and all my thoughts disappeared!

I looked at Da Niu's face, and suddenly realized that he seemed to have aged a lot all of a sudden, every time I saw him before, his face was always so smooth that oil was about to flow out, but tonight there was no layer of oil, let's do it lose its luster.

When Da Niu said, "There is no one else here that she is thinking about", the sound of laughter and crying is more self-deprecation, maybe relief, but more despair. I thought to myself: Love, no one can say clearly, maybe in Xiaoyan's heart, there is no such person as Da Niu at all, there is no such concept, if Xiao Yan has to accept Da Niu, it will make her crazy. Perhaps, because it is true that in daily life, the living habits and ideological realms of two people are completely different. Da Niu is a dirt squid, he is a fool, he and Xiao Yan are completely people from two worlds. I thought of this and said to the big bull:

"It's no wonder that Xiaoyan has a habit of cleanliness, and the environment in the countryside is indeed not as good as in the market, and the dirty mess can't be solved for a while, especially if there are many mosquitoes, Xiaoyan may want her mother to live a life with a better environment for a few years, which is understandable. ”

Da Niu's face was very ugly in the night, and he said unnaturally:

"I understand, Hanzhe, life still has to go on, I'm used to it. In addition, Minister Wen, who had dinner with us last time in Suicheng, came a few days ago and said that he had compiled the contents of his conversation with you into a set of feasibility reports and sent them to the relevant leaders of the city, and also said that if you come back, let me inform him that he wants to meet you. ”

"Oh, Minister Wen is really a competent leader, but don't meet for the time being, and don't inform him, wait for the next time, there is a chance. That's the case, I'm going to trouble you to take me to a place tomorrow,"

"Looks mysterious, huh?

"Shangang Town, Shangang Town, where the new airport has been built, go to the market and take a look to see if you will meet acquaintances. ”

"Hanzhe, what do you mean? There is no goal? Are you sick? Two big men, just drive a car to the Shangang Town Market for no reason? Am I right?"

Da Niu kept touching his bald head and looked at me in surprise, his eyes full of doubts.

"That's right, when I came back this time, I went to find someone for this matter, who was also a colleague back then, Xue'er's other cousin, and the daughter of Xue'er's second aunt. ”

"Old Zhong, it seems that your whole body is hiding secrets! You didn't walk with Cher because you had anything to do with Cher's cousin, did you? Oh, by the way, you stepped on two boats, and in the end you ended up emptying both boats and falling into the river!"

"Not exactly, but it's a little bit related, I haven't seen her in more than 20 years, and she's not in very good health, I should go see her. However, I was not sure that I would be able to meet her, and I now got information from her that her husband had a fruit stall in the hill market, and that the couple might be selling fruit. I went to Chengcheng Dandan just to ask for more detailed information and phone numbers. It's a pity that Dandan didn't give, I once asked someone in Guangzhou to check her information, but it showed that the household registration was still in her hometown, and she didn't move to Shangang Town, so she didn't know which village she lived in, and now the information is only these, in addition, Dandan mentioned that Xue'er's cousin has three children, the younger two are only ten years old, they are twins, and they are still studying, her family was demolished because of the construction of a new airport, and now she lives upstairs, and her life can be basically solved. ”

"Why didn't Dandan give you her number? Did you do something sorry for others before?" Da Niu's eyes were even more full of doubts at this time, and his eyes were also round, looking at me smoking vigorously, it seemed that his psychology was much heavier, as if it was his business. I went on to say:

"It's a long story, Dandan said, after so many years, maybe people don't have me in their memories, don't disrupt other people's lives, not to mention that people are still sick. ”

"What's the disease?" asked Da Niu nervously.

"Schizophrenia!"

When the big bull heard this, he cried out with a "wow". Staring at me, I said:

"What did you do, my mother!" Da Niu said and sighed with a very heavy heart.

"I don't know, but maybe part of it?"

"Old Zhong, you are a serious sin, does she still need to take medicine?"

"Listening to Dandan, it seems that I still have to take medicine? Yes! This hurdle in my heart has not been able to get over, for more than 20 years, I have never been able to forgive myself in my heart, and my guilt for her is worse than for Xue'er! She and Xue'er, what I want to see most is her. Xue'er has Hanxin, and for Hanxin's sake, Xue'er will let me see her sooner or later. However, her cousin was different, and if she didn't let me see her, I would never see her. "I said to Da Niu

With these words, my eyes looked at the quiet Han River in a dull manner, can that river and Han River bury my melancholy mood at the moment?

Da Niu also looked at the calm river with suspicion, and he only took a big sip of cigarettes and did not speak. I went on to say:

"Okay, I'll go tomorrow. ”

"Hanzhe, I was thinking to myself, is it necessary for you to meet her again?"

In my heart, I owe her, I must see her, and I will do my best to help her, if she needs it. ”

"What if she doesn't want to see you? I think: she doesn't necessarily like you to see her in this situation? I guess she doesn't want you to see her now, and she doesn't necessarily accept your help?"

"Da Niu, you think the same as me, but the problem is my heart, I can't get along with myself all the time! Even if I look at her, it can make me feel more comfortable. ”

"This is your inner demon!Hanzhe, let it go, otherwise Xue'er will have waited in vain for more than 20 years, don't do anything sorry for Xue'er again. Besides, she's still sick, and you shouldn't go to her. Even if you find her, you can't recognize her right away, at most you can stand at a distance, or in the car, and look at it from a distance, is it meaningful? If you suddenly appear in front of her, she may not immediately recognize you. In addition, what would her family think, especially her husband, if they saw her suddenly popping up such a friend? Have you thought about it? Can she accept it without any information, without any preparation? This is also disrespectful to her, and even provokes irritation or harm again! ”

"Da Niu, Xue'er should be happy if she knew! It's because she still has to take medicine, I want to go and see it, I just hope to help her, or for her sincere love! Xue'er should understand me, not to mention that this is also a relative, this is her cousin." ”

Seeing that I was so persistent, Da Niu no longer objected, so he had to reluctantly agree.