242. If He Were Her (1)
After listening to Gao Ran say all the words, Gao Xi still didn't say anything, and he never raised his eyes to look at her.
Gao Ran also understands this. After all, she had said so many cruel things to him in one breath that he could have said unprepared...... She believed that at this moment, it would not be easy for him to control his emotions and avoid being injured and collapsed by such a sudden blow! Not to mention that he had fully accepted everything she said in such a short period of time - this was indeed too difficult for a strong man!
It's just that even if she understands, Gao Ran is still a little impatient to wait! So, she finally couldn't help but take the initiative to give him a day to think it through, and he will come back to her early tomorrow morning to give her an answer. As for where the two will go after that, we will talk about it then!
Gao Xi listened to it, but also knew that although he did not know what specific arrangements Gao Ran had next, he was sure that she had obviously made huge changes to her future arrangements, otherwise, she would not have told him all this so frankly at such an extremely inopportune time—— she was Gao Ran, she couldn't do it just to minimize the damage that might be done to him! She would do this, which means that she was actually fully prepared for the worst-case scenario—— Even if she loses him completely, it won't really prevent her from finally achieving her goal.
——This is in line with Gao Ran's nature in Gao Xi's eyes. And in view of this, Gao Xi can roughly surmise that the "one day" Gao Ran gave him may indeed be too hasty for him, but for her, it is likely to be the longest period she can give him!
Knowing this, Gao Xi agreed with Gao Ran's proposal. - Rather, he has no choice but to "disagree" now.
So he didn't delay any longer, got up first, and made a gesture to leave first.
But before he left, he still couldn't help but settle down, and after a little hesitation, he finally took out from his arms what he had planned to hand over to Gao Ran when he came back this time: it was the general distribution map of the Dong family and Tiange's respective forces in the Jiao Kingdom that he had drawn by himself.
While Gao Xi handed this picture to Gao Ran, he did not forget to explain his reason for doing so: "Everything is one thing, this is the ...... I plan to give to you when I see you."
And after he handed the picture to Gao Ran, he didn't wait for her to thank her or respond to something else, he left the room by himself, and then went straight to the innermost room in the backyard of the mansion - the guest room reserved for him by Gao Ran.
When Gao Xi first entered the backyard, he habitually looked around the surrounding environment while walking. He found that his room was facing a corridor that led to the other end of the backyard, and when he reached the end of the corridor, he found that it was a fork in the road: on one side, it led to another garden. Although he could not see the garden at a glance because of the low wall, he could already smell the medicinal fragrance wafting from the garden from a distance—it was not the smell of dried herbs, but the mixed medicinal fragrance with a slight heat that only occurs when refining medicine...... He guessed that there must be an "alchemy room" in the garden dedicated to alchemy! On the other side of the fork was the back door that led directly to the mansion - because there was no covering, he could see the back door at a glance.
And when Gao Xi looked at the back door, he was inexplicably attracted by the hill not far behind the door. - The height of the mountain, even if he was just standing in the courtyard, he could still clearly see that it was not far from the gate without being blocked by the courtyard wall.
"Okay, I'm just going to take a walk!"
For Gao Xi at this time, it is definitely better to walk in the open field than to lock himself in a relatively narrow and restrictive room! So, he went straight out the back door and climbed directly to the top of the hill in one go.
But after he climbed to the top of the mountain, Xu also consumed some physical strength, and at this time he was not as bored as before, so he didn't want to continue to walk, but wanted to find a more comfortable place nearby, where he could calm down and rest for a while, and by the way, he also took the opportunity to think about those things that should have been thought clearly...... mainly because he felt that he was in a state at the moment and could calmly think about those things.
So, he looked around, found a tree that was quite stout, jumped directly to the tree, and found a comfortable position very casually, and lay down on the tree, leaning on the trunk of the tree.
He just lay there, letting his thoughts wander at will, sometimes scattered, sometimes gathered, and erratic......
I don't know how long I lay down, but the thoughts of "a certain part" that had become blank because he deliberately blocked his thinking gradually showed signs of being opened......
Then, more and more thoughts began to rush towards him like a tide! Before he could react, he was already involuntarily drawn into it: he only felt that he was forced to drift in it now...... unless he could find the answer in his heart and no longer be confused, otherwise, it would be difficult for him to really wake up according to his own wishes......
However, even though intellectually knows very well that he must find the answer as soon as possible, Gao Xi's sincerity does not seem to think like this—— almost all of his thoughts at the moment have nothing to do with the problem that Gao Ran threw at him! And among those thoughts, the most repeated is that although he has always known that Gao Ran's heart has always had a very cruel side, and she has never deliberately concealed this, he did not know until today that her cruelty actually stemmed from her fundamental attitude towards "living".
"It turned out that 'living' for her was never what she wanted! she just accepted that she was 'alive', and then reluctantly did her best in order not to spoil it. At least, Gao Ran's previous explanation was to Gao Xi's ears, and that's how he understood it.
But such an idea, in Gao Xi's opinion, is very strange. But at the same time, he inexplicably felt as if he had unexpectedly obtained a "key" that might help him better understand the other side of Gao Ran, which he had always been puzzled about: he only felt that if he didn't study the rationality of Gao Ran's strange ideas, if he just completely accepted Gao Ran's ideas without principle, and then followed her ideas. If she looked at everything in the world through her eyes, then he might really be able to get a glimpse of the real cause of Gao Ran's indifference and impermanence that he was very puzzling to him!
"Since she can even be indifferent to 'living' itself, or even unwilling to accept it, then she is naturally even more indifferent to other things in this world that will only have meaning and value when she is alive, and she will not be overly obsessed!"
Thinking of this, Gao Xi was unexpectedly inspired: he began to understand a little, why Gao Ran's persistence always made him vaguely feel that it was different from his persistence?
It turns out that the difference is only that Gao Ran's attachment is only "doing his best", but he does not have to get it, while he is different, if he is obsessed with a thing, it must be due to the strong desire in his heart that this thing must be obtained!
Realizing this, Gao Xi clearly knew for the first time: it turned out that he and Gao Ran were really not the same kind of people!
Whether he was willing to accept this fact or not, he actually knew the answer in his heart: even if he wanted to, he would not become the kind of person who was very similar to her that Gao Ran described to him. He was destined not to be like that—— although he actually wanted to......
But fortunately, there are always two sides to the world...... Now, when he was almost desperate, there was still a little more to him than before to be thankful: she said that unless she could become her, no one could be the irreplaceable person in her heart. - That being the case, then there is no difference between him and the others—— but if this understanding is reversed, it also means that the other people are actually the same as him?!—— so that, at least emotionally, he no longer needs to worry about the person who will suddenly appear one day and may actually replace him!
"Just, is this really worth my rejoicing? Since she never had me in her heart, what is the point of me continuing to care like this? In her eyes, whoever fights with whom, even if it is because of her, she will not feel that it is related to her! She does not care at all who will stay in the end, and who will leave?—— it makes no difference to her......
"Oh! If I'm not mistaken, I'm afraid she has begun to cultivate her own power in the past half a month! And the deliberately paved ground in the front yard is probably also deliberately done by her in order to attract the attention of the 'caring person'!
"Come to think of it, there must not be many people within this radius of a hundred miles who can see the real doorway of the layout of the front yard! And among these few people, there are even fewer who can know the true identity of the original owner of this place and her Gao Ran! And she will choose this place, I am afraid that the influence of the original owner of this place has also been taken into account!
"It seems that she deliberately wants to bind herself to the original owner of this place!"
Thinking of this, Gao Xi couldn't help but think of the fact that Gao Ran had mentioned to him earlier that she was going to be healed by her little uncle...... Thinking of it again, all the flamboyant measures she has taken in the past half month: not only did she move here, but she also specially transformed this place, making her presence more conspicuous! So that even ordinary people who were unaware of it, when they saw her renovation of this house, most of them could not help but say some praise or deprecation behind her back, and it was only a matter of time before rumors that deviated more and more from the facts arose—— she was like this, as if she was afraid that others would not know that she was here! I wish there were more people to spread the word about her here, even if it was spread by outrageous rumors!
Thinking of these, although there is no conclusive evidence to prove the connection between the two, Gao Xi also has some thoughts of his own about Gao Ran's possible intentions......