I don't know how long I cried over the envelope, but it was resting on the windowsill, and the early winter sun reflected a tiny light on the wet envelope.

Zhang Xingchen's clothes were washed by me and hung on the balcony, the breeze blew gently, they swayed gently with the wind, they didn't look abrupt at all, as if their owners lived in the house in the balcony, and when their owners came home from work, they could see them swaying in the wind when they looked up.

I stood on the balcony and opened the letter.

The letter was written by eighteen-year-old Zhang Xingchen to Lu Xiaochao when he was seventeen years old.

The handwriting is neat, and the neatness is distressing.

"Lu Xiaochao, even if it's really good, even if you and Wang Yifan really have a greasy past, even if you really kiss him passionately in the bar, even if you really step on two boats, even if you really don't like me.

Even if it's really good, so what, I'm still like I'm crazy, and my mind is all about you.

Lu Xiaochao, I've been thinking about it for the past few days, I said, you are my first love, or you may be wrong.

Chu Mingmin, a person, clearly has something to do with me.

But I forgot, doesn't that sound like a scoundrel? Lu Xiaochao, I'm wondering if I have some kind of disease, like what I played on TV, I will lose my memory at every turn. The thought made me break out in a cold sweat, and I wondered, what if I forgot about you?

Thinking like this, I compromised, Lu Xiaochao, no matter what your heart is, what I think is that as long as I remember you, I will always love you.

Therefore, before I forgot you, you Lu Xiaochao was my first love.

……

If you read this letter and decide to come back to me and give me a hint, Zhang Xingchen will definitely let go of it. Embrace you with open hands. ”

He said that as long as he remembered me, he would always love me, he said that he would let go of a qiē and embrace me with open hands, and he silently kept these promises that I didn't even know. He did it, but I pushed him away.

The kid who raced against time for me, I left him far behind.

Like a child who has done something wrong, I clutched helplessly on the balcony and cried with my heart clutched.

"What are you crying about?" A familiar voice sounded, and I was stunned for a few seconds before I realized that Zhang Xingchen was standing downstairs.

I don't think he could see the letters in my hand, but I subconsciously hid them behind me, sniffed and said, "What are you doing here?" ”

"I'll pick up my clothes." He gestured to the suit and shirt hanging on the balcony.

"It's not ironed yet." I say.

Zhang Xingchen didn't say anything, then pointed to the door downstairs and said, "I'll go up and wait." ”

I nodded sluggishly. Then he took the key card from the back room and threw it down for him from the balcony.

Not long after, I heard him knock on the door and immediately went to open it.

Zhang Xingchen entered the room, looked around, and finally looked at my face, and when I saw him staring at me, I immediately lowered my head. Then turn around and go pour water.

Zhang Xingchen sat down on the sofa and asked me, "What's wrong with your face?" ”

"What's wrong?" I asked, puzzled. Then he handed him the water.

He took the water, took a sip and put it back on the coffee table, then stared at my face and said, "It wasn't like this when I saw you yesterday......" He compared his eyes and said, "The eyes are swollen, so big dark circles, and the face is like white paper, let you wash two clothes and toss yourself like this?" ”

"Hmm. So don't call me in the future, it's very hard. I said awkwardly.

Zhang Xingchen didn't speak again, his eyes fell on the clothes on the balcony, and after a long time he stood up and walked to the balcony. I hesitated. But he got up and followed.

"Why did you cry just now?" Zhang Xingchen didn't look at me, he turned his back to me, his back was long and lonely.

"Where the hell did you go the day you took me to church?" I didn't answer, but asked him.

Zhang Xingchen sighed softly, then turned to look at me, leaning on the guardrail with his back, his eyes flashed with a beautiful light, and he chuckled and said, "Why are you suddenly curious?" I didn't ask it at the time, why do I ask now? ”

"Well, you didn't explain it at the time, and you can't sue me now?"

Zhang Xingchen stared at me for a while, and when he thought of something, he raised his head and glanced at his suit, and then asked me, "Did you see anything?" ”

I lowered my eyelids, and without further questioning, I walked to the guardrail and stood still, and then pretended to be nothing, and said, "If you don't want to answer me, forget it, and I don't want to answer you, so don't ask." ”

"Can I put my clothes away?" After a moment he asked.

I nodded, took the pole and went to collect the clothes, but he snatched the pole from my hand, and without saying a word, he took the clothes away, and when he had put the clothes away, he handed me the pole, pouted and said, "Short like this!" Hurry up and get married, and find a man who collects your clothes. ”

"Don't bother." I took my clothes and went inside.

Having the iron and ironboard, I spread out his suit and carefully ironed out the tiny folds.

I ironed my clothes, Zhang Xingchen leaned to the side and crossed his hands around his chest and looked at me for a long time, my nose was pantothenic acid for a while, and my eyes were so sour that I almost burst into tears, so I could only desperately concentrate on the electric iron.

"Lu Xiaochao, you can really get married, the posture of ironing clothes is good." He said jokingly.

I grabbed the spray bottle and sprayed the suit with a wet mist, and two tears fell on the suit in the cold.

I don't know if Zhang Xingchen saw it, he just quietly walked to the sofa and sat down, and didn't say anything more.

I folded the ironed clothes, put them in a bag, and then carried them and handed them to Zhang Xingchen: "It's all right." ”

"Are you coming to the wedding tomorrow?" He took the bag and stood up.

"I promised Xiao Mi that I would go to your wedding, and I did what I said." As I spoke, I walked to the door, opened the door, and whispered, "I apologize to you for Lin Yue, and thank you for sending him home last night." ”

I think that whether it is seventeen-year-old Lu Xiaochao or twenty-four-year-old Lu Xiaochao, she is not worthy of Zhang Xingchen, they are so selfish and ignorant. Shallow. They are willful, insatiable in their relationships, always hoping for the best and most perfect, and they are shameless.

His love, his heart, Lu Xiaochao is not worthy.

All the time. I don't think I'm not unsure of Zhang Xingchen's heart, but I'm not sure about myself.

As Zhang Xingchen said, I don't know love at all, my low self-esteem always occurs from time to time, and then I lose my original rationality and logic, suffer from gains and losses, and even when my self-confidence collapses, I simply leave.

Because I don't love myself at all, I don't take it lightly. Someone really loves me.

This kind of me, for Zhang Xingchen, will be a burden and disaster for a lifetime.

I don't have the courage to love him even if I destroy him, I only know that Lu Xiaochao, who has a broken heart, can't give Zhang Xingchen happiness.

Zhang Xingchen's mobile phone rang, he answered, and I vaguely heard a female voice coming from the phone. It was about Qin Jiami calling, Zhang Xingchen lowered his voice and said, "I'll come over right away." ”

Followed by. The mobile phone I put next to the TV to charge also rang, Zhang Xingchen glanced at me, and saw that I was holding the phone and was about to answer the phone, but he didn't say anything and left in a hurry.

The phone rings and I still think about it, and I stand in the room with my phone in a daze. In the vast space, the incoming call bell stopped and rang, repeating itself.

It wasn't until the bell stopped ringing and the room was dead silent that I came to my senses.

"Hey. Just now this number called me, please ask...... "That is an unfamiliar number, I called back."

"Is it Ms. Long Shuqin's family?" A woman's anxious voice came from the phone, Long Shuqin, isn't that my mother?

"Yes, I'm her daughter, what's the matter? ……”

"That's right, your mother had a car accident and is now in the operating room, and she is in critical condition, so please rush to the hospital immediately."

A high-pitched sound sounded in my ears, and along with this high-pitched sound, a sudden sharp pain in my head almost made me lose my balance, and I felt ringing in my ears again.

The voice on my phone became muffled, and I vaguely heard her telling me the address of my hospital.

I scrambled to grab my bag and rushed out the door.

For the first time, I realized how foolish and selfish it was to leave home and live in this city, and now my mother is in the hospital, and I am still in another city grieving for my feelings, and I can't be with her.

Out of the neighborhood, I flagged down a taxi.

"Go to City A, Wellcome."

"It's far away, it's more cost-effective for you to take a train at the station!" The driver kindly reminded.

"I'm in a hurry, please, I'm in a hurry, please!"

The car was speeding in the direction of City A, but the mobile phone rang again.

It's still that unfamiliar number.

My hands and feet were cold, and before I could make a sound, tears fell first.

"Hello, I'm here at Wellcome Hospital, I'm sorry to inform you......"

Before she could finish her sentence, I hung up the phone in a panic, and for a moment there was a dead silence between heaven and earth, and all I could hear was my own long breathing.

It's a dream, it's a dream. As long as I open my eyes, I'll be fine.

"Are you alright? You okay? The driver's concerned voice in the driver's seat stimulated my numb senses. He looked back at me quickly and asked again, "Are you okay?" You're ugly. ”

"I'm fine, you can concentrate on driving." I said in a trembling voice.

When I saw the face of Dr. Yip again, he clearly told me that this was not a dream.

I don't know who informed Xinghai, he knelt in front of the hospital bed and cried bitterly, cruelly reminding me that under that damn white cloth, my mother was lying.

Why is it not a dream, why is it not a dream, how could my mother leave me, how could she be willing to leave me, she hadn't waited for the man she had loved all her life to bow her head and admit her mistakes, how could she be willing to leave me?

"Xinghai, what are you doing here." I reached out and patted him on the shoulder, Xinghai turned his head and saw me, and cried even more, he was such a man who stood up to the sky, crying like a child, he said: "Xiao Chao, what should I do, my aunt is gone, my aunt is gone." ”

I laughed out loud: "Look at you, the first time you ran into my dream, you said such bad things, and you are not afraid that I will be angry." ”

Xinghai cried even more fiercely, "What should I do with my grandmother, what if my grandmother knows......"

"Cheer up, you look like this, your mother won't be at ease when she leaves!" Dr. Yip patted me on the shoulder and said.

I screamed as if I had lost my mind: "You guys are talking nonsense! You guys are inexplicable, it's not my mother who is lying there at all, my mother is fine at home, you talk nonsense, nonsense! ”

"Nonsense...... That's not my mom. I said, turning and walking out.

"Lu Xiaochao, my aunt hasn't even seen you for the last time, where are you going!" Xinghai got up and dragged me back to the hospital bed, and he reached out and gently lifted the white sheet.

I held my breath and saw my mother's face scarred under the white sheet. (To be continued......)