(116) To change is to change

I didn't go far in the scorching sun, and I fell directly to the ground, and when my body touched the road, I was awakened by the barbecue-like burn that came to me instantly, but it was just a moment.

"Xiao You, Xiao You......" Lan Lan's voice called my name twice, and I couldn't hear what she said later, so I fainted directly.

After I fainted, I never wanted to wake up again, I wanted to have a long, long dream, full of happiness, no pain, no sickness, no mental and emotional torture, everything was happy and beautiful.

I want to be in my dreams forever, but it's impossible, unless I really kill myself, if I lose my life for such a small thing, then even I will laugh at myself countless times.

When I woke up, I was already lying in the hospital, and when I opened my eyes, it was midnight, and the lights in the ward were on, and the white light looked cold and uncomfortable.

There's no one around me guarding me, yes, this time and everyone is busy, so naturally they won't be guarding me in the hospital, am I expecting anything?

Do you expect Sister Haixiu to be like her mother, and she will stay by my side until I get better when I am sick? Or do you expect Ah Feng to be like my father, who will bring tea and water when I feel uncomfortable, and care in a soft voice?

I despise myself like this, and I feel like I'm being ugly if I have such expectations.

There was a slight pain in my arm, it was caused by the infusion, and I don't know how long I had been here, and when I touched my forehead again, it was no longer hot, and it seemed that the high fever had subsided.

I stared boredly at the potion in the infusion bottle falling drop by drop, just like that, I looked at it, and I saw the dawn, this bottle of potion was so strong, as if it never wanted to drip out, it was all dawn, there were actually some in the bottle, I was upset when I looked at it, I was an anxious person.

I was about to remove the needle from the back of my hand when the nurse pushed open the door and walked in, and when she saw me like this, she thought I was going to kill myself.

"What are you doing? Don't mess around, why do you have to make trouble when you're sick. "Even this nurse is saying that I'm making trouble, am I really making trouble?

"I just felt so much pain in my arm that I wanted to pull it out, how long had I been infused. "I don't have much of a good temper, really, now I can explain to a nurse who is a stranger who misunderstands me like this, and I can explain to her why I do things, which is already my greatest patience.

"It's been two days, and you haven't woken up, and the high fever is too bad......! You're in a coma again, you can't eat or drink, and you can only rely on infusions. ”

I listened to the nurse and felt like someone who had come back from a trip through a ghost gate, and I swore that I would never torture myself again with death.

It's really hard to be sick, and the thing I fear the most is getting sick.

"Is my high fever gone now?" I asked the nurse, and although I didn't feel like I was getting hot, it was still up to the doctor to know if I was still having a fever.

"I've taken your temperature, the fever has subsided, but you're still a little weak, do you want something to eat?" the nurse asked me.

I was thinking, what do I want to eat, will you buy it for me?

It's good to be well, it's good to be sick, there's nothing more satisfying than being sick.

"I see, you can help me remove the needle, I hurt. I said to the nurse and reached for it.

Maybe it was because she saw my frowning brow, and the nurse was distressed, or maybe she saw that I hadn't eaten for two days and took pity on me. When I reached out for my hand, she sighed helplessly, and finally, helped me remove the needle.

"Thank you. "I was so moved that tears almost came out of my eyes.

That's how people are, when it's not helpful, once someone treats you a little bit better, you feel like she's saving your whole world.

"Take good care of your body, remember to eat, you have a bad stomach, don't eat spicy and stimulating food. The nurse instructed me, and I nodded my head in agreement. Then I watched her out of my room.

I was wearing a hospital gown, and I looked around the room. My clothes are hanging on the hanger, the same one I wore before. The phone was also on the table, already charged. The smell of the hospital was so bad that I didn't want to stay for a moment.

I got out of bed, locked the door, closed the curtains, quickly changed into my hospital gown, put on my own clothes, and looked much more capable, not like a patient anymore.

Throwing off the drag and putting on my high heels again, I pinched my phone and left the ward with my bag.

Actually, I don't know where I'm going, but I can't just stay in the hospital all the time, and that's what I hate the most.

"Xiaoyou, where are you going? Are you well?" I had just left the door of the ward, and before I reached the staircase, I saw Lan Lan coming from the opposite side. When she saw my outfit, she obviously knew that I was leaving the hospital, so she asked me that.

"Well, I don't want to stay in the hospital. I replied simply, and didn't tell Lan Lan where I was going, because even I didn't know where I was going.

Lan Lan didn't stop me anymore and walked out of the hospital with me. Today's weather is not too hot, although there is a sun, but the sun is not big, and there is a dark cloud, which can be used to shade the sun at any time. However, there is no intention of raining, even the weather will be so cloudy, let alone people?

"Xiaoyou, what the hell is going on?" Lan Lan asked me while sitting in the taxi.

I'm sick for some reason, and I won't go back to JK for some reason, I'm afraid that even Sister Haixiu doesn't know what's wrong with me.

For such a reason, I think, Ah Feng will never say. Maybe in Ah Feng's opinion, this is not a big deal at all, so I am purely vexatious.

If I stay on this, I will be unhappy again, although I am not happy now. However, isn't it much better than before?

"It's a little thing, Lan Lan, I'm afraid I won't go back to JK in the future. I told Lan Lan about the decision in my heart, I didn't know where I was going, and I didn't know what I could do. However, it's true that I don't want to go back to JK.

I may be nothing without JK, but even so, I don't want to go against my heart and continue to stay in JK. This is me, Yu Xiaoyou.

"Why, what is it for?" Lan Lan would never have thought that the reason why I left JK would be because of my words, a question, no way, for some things, I am just too demanding.

I have no objection to Ah Feng's body betraying me. However, I hate that he betrayed me spiritually, and if I am always a substitute, then everything should go back to the way I was and the life I had before I met Ah Feng.

I'd rather be adrift and have no place to live, rather than live in the place of others. It's not dignity or pride, it's a person's principle, one's choice in life.

"There's no why, I just don't want to go suddenly, by the way......" I originally wanted to talk to Lan Lan about that little bar, but I thought about it for a while, and asked me to tell Lan Lan, I may not be able to explain it clearly, and Lan Lan may not be able to understand, it seems that I still have to find Sister Haixiu. So, I stopped halfway through my sentence.

"Is there a conflict between you and Brother Feng?" Lan Lan finally asked, I guess she has been holding back for a long time, right? Also, I carried so many things that happened before, and now it's okay, nothing happens. I was suddenly like this, and everyone would think that this had something to do with Ah Feng.

I looked at Lan Lan and didn't know how to answer her, I didn't mean to hide her, but I really didn't know how to say it. I don't want others to judge my attitude towards feelings, whether it's right or not, it's all my business, so I choose not to say anything.

"Actually, Xiaoyou, sometimes, why do you need to care about so many unimportant things? Let those things that affect your life really be what you want?" I guess Lan Lan is now like pressing me to pour me a big bowl of chicken soup for the soul.

Everyone can say the truth, and everyone understands the truth, but when some things happen to you, you just can't face them like you say.

If I were a bystander and looked at what happened to me and Ah Feng, I would also think that I was wrong. I will also tell a lot of great truths to myself, but now, I am the person concerned, I will think that I am right, no matter what others say, I will think that I am right.

I didn't answer Lan Lan, and in my opinion, there is no need to answer Lan Lan.

"And where are you going after that?" Lan Lan asked me.

First, I didn't know where I was going, and second, I didn't want to tell her.

If I tell her, I know that as long as Sister Haixiu or Ah Feng asks, she will say it, not betraying me, but she will feel that my life will be better if I am by Sister Haixiu and Ah Feng's side.

"I don't know yet, let's talk about it. "I casually said that the road is to see as you walk. The future is the same, if you don't move forward, who knows what life will be.

I'm in a mess right now, I don't want to think about anything, and my head feels like it's getting into my hair, which is really uncomfortable.

It was so uncomfortable that I grabbed my arm and squeezed it in.

You see, I'm still like this, and when I feel bad, I torture myself.

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