145. A secret

Duan Shurong replied: "I'm not free today, Miss Ben has an appointment with her girlfriends, but I remember that your unit seems to be quite close to the TV station, I get off work at half past five on weekdays, and if you want to ask me for dinner, remember to say Oh a day in advance!" ”

He Jin smiled bitterly, even if Duan Shurong was free today, he would not be able to go to the appointment with his physical condition, and maybe he would have to ask for leave tomorrow.

"Okay, then I'll contact you again." As soon as the text messages came and went, the taxi had already arrived downstairs at He Jin's house.

He Jin checked out and got out of the car, staggered upstairs, and before entering the house, he adjusted his breathing, trying to face his family in a normal posture as much as possible, so as not to let them see the clues. But his face was pale and bloodless, his eyes were red and swollen, and his lips were bitten through the skin.

"He Jin! You're back! Seeing He Jin's dejected appearance, He Mu eagerly greeted him.

He Jin did not run away, but observed her with guilty and worried eyes, then stretched out his hand, held the impatient old man in his arms, and whispered: "Mom, don't be excited, I'm back, I'm fine." ”

Mother He's eyes turned red all of a sudden, at this time, her son was still nervous, but she only hoped that he would be well: "Are you worried about your mother's illness again?" You see my parents are doing well now...... Fool, if you tell your mother the truth, how can you think that? You are working so steadily now, and we have bought you the house for your marriage, those women are not in love with you, they are not blessed, I don't know your good! ”

"How am I......" He Jin was a little dazed, he felt that he was not good at all.

Mother He patted He Jin's back with her backhand, as if he had become a five or six-year-old child, the one who had not grown up yet, needed someone to protect and comfort, and could only rely on his own child: "Of course it's good, you didn't see that your aunt, your aunt and the neighbors next door all envy us, envy Lao He for having such a filial son!" ”

He Jin didn't know whether he should cry or laugh, he wanted to deny himself as much as he could, but he was the best in the eyes of others.

"Okay, okay, how old are you, why can't you stand this blow, Mom has to criticize you again."

Seeing that the other party's stomach was full of preaching words about to blurt out, He Jin said weakly: "Mom, I'm tired, I want to go back to the room and sleep for a while, okay?" ”

He Mu counted a few words about He Jin's drinking, let go of him, and let him rest first, but what she was about to ask was interrupted by He Jin's warm hug.

In fact, in the half hour of waiting for He Jin to go home, He Mu thought a lot.

After more than half a year of formal psychological treatment, she is also somewhat aware of the psychological damage she has caused to her family and son, and now her condition has improved a lot. I knew that I was sick, and I didn't dare to get too excited, because the feeling of being oppressed by the "boulder" in my mind at the time of the onset of the disease and the feeling of being sober under normal circumstances are completely different states.

Mother He remembered the words He Jin said on the phone, her tone was so low, so discouraged, she suddenly had an unprecedented sense of panic in her heart, this feeling was completely different from the panic she felt when she was sick, she was afraid that He Jin would get out of her control and leave herself like He Lin, but this time it was different, she felt that He Jin was asking for help from herself, like a child who was cornered and could only ask her mother for help.

He Jin has been very strong since he was a child, although he is docile on the surface, but he has a high wall in his heart, and only under those few beatings and strong pressure did he bow his head to others.

Therefore, since He Jin became sensible, He Jin's mother has never encountered the situation where He Jin asked her for help, which made her feel at ease, and her status as a mother and her sense of existence have been excellently reflected, but she is also extremely panicked, because she has no idea what her son's problem is and how she wants to help......

When He Jin entered the room, He Mu thought about it for a while, and then pulled He Father uneasily and asked: "Eh, Lao He, don't you feel that our son is not quite right, this life is so good, why did he suddenly do this, he said that something happened to him?" ”

Father He was observing from beginning to end on the side just now, and he couldn't hold back anymore, so he sat down and asked, "Did you just find out?" ”

He Mu: "What do you mean by that?" ”

Father He: "I have long noticed that He Jin is actually not happy, but he usually doesn't come out, probably because he is worried that he will stimulate you." ”

He Mu said angrily: "Are you complaining about me now? Are you willing to have this disease? Then if I die, your father and son will be free?

Father He said helplessly: "Look at it, you are here again, you are dead and alive at every turn, we will feel good when we hear this kind of words?" Have you taken the medicine? ”

He Mu: "......"

Father He lowered his voice and said: "Wife, my son has told me a thousand times, I'm afraid that I will treat you as an abnormal mental illness, you say, I have been with you for more than ten years, we have not experienced any hardships, am I the kind of person who will dislike you because you are sick?" Let's talk calmly, for the sake of our son, okay? ”

He Mu compromised slightly: "What are you talking about?" ”

Father He: "Talk about something that we didn't dare to face before...... He Lin's business. ”

He Mu's face changed, and she said in a low voice: "Everyone is gone, what is there to talk about." ”

Father He held He Mother's hand and said step by step: "Biqin, the atmosphere of our family has changed since the year He Lin left, and the doctor also said that it was that incident that planted a shadow in your heart, since then, you have been very strict with He Jin, and then it intensified, and he is not allowed to have a trace of behavior out of your control at all." ”

He Mu said with a straight face: "This is not very good, there is a filial son under the stick, and it is because of this that He Jin is more obedient and better than his brother." ”

Father He glanced at He Jin's door and said, "Do you really think so?" But now that my son has a problem, don't you see it? ”

He Mu said with a humble heart: "What can it be?" If you are young, it would be good to be enlightened and enlightened. ”

Father He sighed and said, "That's the problem, your temperament changed a lot back then, and I also think it will be fine after a while, I didn't pay attention to the changes in your temperament at all, and I didn't have any common sense related to depression, so your condition will develop like it was later." ”

He Mu wondered: "What does this have to do with He Jin?" ”

Father He hesitated for a moment, looked at Mother He and asked, "Have you ever thought about what kind of environment He Jin would live in if there was no He Lin, and would he have the same ending as his brother?" ”

He Mu was stunned, there is still a difference between He Jin and He Lin's personalities, He Lin was more like her when he was young, his personality was upright, intense, and easy to be impulsive.

Father He said wistfully: "In the past year, I have thought about it a lot, and I always feel that He Lin's tragedy is just an isolated case...... The negative impact that He Lin brought to our family after he left should not be borne by He Jin, his pressure is too great. ”

He Mu: "......"

Father He rubbed His mother's hand and said in a low voice: "I accompanied you to the doctor that day, and Dr. Zhang told me to let me pay more attention to myself and He Jin's psychological changes, it is said that in the family of depressed patients, it is common for each other to influence each other. ”

He Mu was silent, her shoulders trembled uncontrollably, and after a long time, she hurriedly said: "Do you know what He Jin said to me on the phone just now, he said that he was a failure, and what else did he say, is it fate that he is not worthy of happiness...... Now that I hear from you, I realize that maybe you are right, do you think he also has this sign? ”

Father He frowned lightly and muttered: "I'm just worried about this, He Jin usually doesn't come out, and he hides it well, but in the end, he is only a child in his twenties, and he may not be able to hold on, in case one day, he is crushed by this pressure and is also suffering from depression, what should he do?" Can we afford to lose another son? ”

Mother He nervously held Father He's hand: "How is it possible! ”

Father He asked, "Why is it impossible?" You yourself have experienced, the pessimistic mentality of feeling that life is meaningless when you get sick of the disease can't be reversed for a while, do you know how much effort He Jin and I spent in the first two years to pull you out of that abyss? You are much better now, and when you think about your state of mind at that time, do you think you can understand? ”

He Mu: "But I'm much better now, what pressure do we put on him?" Blind date? Tie the knot? There is no need to be in a hurry, He Jin is a boy, and it is okay to get married two years later. ”

"Biqin," Father He interrupted her suddenly, struggling, "I want to tell you something, it's a secret, but you have to be calm first, and don't get angry with the child when you know it, let alone get excited." ”

He Mu panicked: "What's the matter, what are you hiding from me!" ”

Father He patted her hand and said, "My son told me that once I want to tell you something that may irritate you, I must let you know before that we love you, and no matter what happens, we will not abandon you or leave you." ”

Mother He's heart was sour, and the agitated mood calmed down because of this sentence, and she has been listening to her son and husband say this to herself in the past few years to slowly get better.

Father He looked at her gradually calming eyes, and then said solemnly: "He Jin, it is very likely that he is also gay." ”

He Mu's lips opened slightly, and a storm broke off in her heart, and she was speechless in shock: "What...... What did you say? ”

Father He sighed, and told He Jin's mother what he learned when he went to Huada to find He Jin three years ago, and also told her what He Jin had done after that, and finally explained: "I didn't mean to hide it from you, you were so sick at that time, I told you, you definitely can't calm down." ”