Learn to Flag Emotions When emotions arise, don't just say "I'm in a good mood" or "I'm in a bad mood", try to describe exactly what emotions you feel, the more specific the better, and name them. If you find it difficult to recognize emotions, try to calm down, breathe deeply, and be aware of your physiological responses. For example, a fast heartbeat may be anxious, an extraordinarily heavy heart may be sadness, and an involuntarily tight jaw may be anger. Listen to the "shoulds" in our heartsWe often have some voices in our hearts that tell us what we "should" do, and it is important to listen to them at the right time. For example, at a class reunion, an old classmate who hasn't seen you for a long time excitedly shares her happy event with you - she has recently been promoted at work, is in love, and is going on vacation with her boyfriend in a few days. The more you listen, the more upset you become, and suddenly you don't even like this person very much. Well, you may be jealous. And your inner voice is saying: you should work harder, you should be more social to have a chance to get off the list, and you should be kind to yourself...... At this point, this inner voice may be guiding you on what to do next, and this instruction is often valuable. Making a list of pros and consAlthough negative emotions remind us that there are things that need to be changed or avoided, we also need to ask ourselves before we do it: Is it possible for me to feel better by changing this? Will the benefits outweigh the disadvantages in the long run? Sometimes, we rush to make some changes that are not good for us because we are in a hurry to alleviate a certain negative emotion, because a certain amount of negative emotions is inevitable when doing a lot of things that must be done.

It's normal to lose control.

Xuanyuan Mingyue suddenly felt that she couldn't bear it anymore.

This guy himself has been so good to him, even ...... Even the door at night is actually hidden, for fear that someone will not be able to open the door when he is shouxing, and he will run all the way in vain, and he is even afraid that when he wakes up at night, he will suddenly abolish this guy, and even throw away his personal weapon.

There is no other reason, during this time, Xuanyuan Mingyue's heart has also begun to soften, and her heart has also opened up a little, and she also confirmed that if she doesn't want to take risks, then I'm afraid that she will stay here for the rest of her life and be with Wang Jian for the rest of her life.

So, this guy, although he is a stinky civilian, an ordinary person, but his ability and strength are barely okay, if not, then ......

Will it be done?

This is typical, you are still struggling with the day of the week to ask this girl out for dinner, and she has already acquiesced to your visit to her house at 12 o'clock in the evening.

Well, after being betrayed, this annoyance is enough to make people lose their physical strength.

The footsteps did not stop, as if every foot was stepping on the body of the negative person.

"Boom!"

The door was kicked open.

Wang Jian seemed to jump, looked at Xuanyuan Mingyue who suddenly appeared, but said, "What are you doing here?" ”

"I'll see what you're doing!"

However, Xuanyuan Mingyue has already seen it.

She walked slowly and with some dumbfounded eyes, she didn't speak, just stared at the cauldron.

I saw Wang Jian holding a big spoon in his hand, stirring the cauldron, I don't know what was being stewed inside, and it emitted a taste that made Xuanyuan Mingyue hungry.

Wang Jian suddenly stretched out his hand, scratched Xuanyuan Mingyue's nose, and said: "Little gluttonous cat, it's caused by the fragrance, wait, this pot of stewed chicken will take twelve hours to be finished, so we have to wait for tomorrow." ”

If it was usual, Xuanyuan Mingyue would have been fighting hard with Wang Jian a long time ago, but at this time, he was already in a big mess and looked at him shyly.

In life, you may always complain that the other person has not been able to get exactly what you mean. Sometimes you think you're making it clear, but in reality, after a while, you realize that your understanding can be very different, which affects your productivity and relationship satisfaction. For example, in intimate relationships, it is often when the contradictions are stacked and there is a quarrel with the partner, and when we go back to the source, we say, "I thought you got it."

Most people have the assumption that they are transparent about communicating with each other. In communication, the person giving the information thinks that their feelings and needs can be clearly perceived by the other party, even though they are not really expressing their thoughts properly. Sometimes, even times, this expression is not verbal, but is given with actions, gestures, and even expressions.

And because they think they are saying it clearly, they don't spend time and energy explaining or confirming that the other person understands. However, in reality, as the receiving party, it is forced to make judgments in a very limited amount of information, so it often makes mistakes.

When you complain that other people don't really understand what you mean, you may also not understand what the other person is thinking.

But in real life, we are often cognitive misers. In the vast majority of cases, when faced with these two modes of cognition – one that is quick but error-prone, and the other that is prudent and time-consuming, we only use method one to perceive others, because it often takes a relatively strong motivation to mobilize the second mode of cognition. We are prone to be in a relationship, because of a contradiction, at that moment we strongly feel that "the other party does not love us" (at this time, the first way is automatically mobilized), and only when we want to control ourselves and calm down will we mobilize the second way to think and realize the actual cause of this conflict.

Explain, explain desperately, you will slowly find that some questions are harmless, ambiguous and do not care; some people are in a hurry, and you explain that it is a blatant challenge to other people's IQ, life is not easy, and leave a way for fools to live; some people have super high emotional intelligence, he deliberately makes you feel this way, and specially digs a pit for you to jump, how to distinguish this kind of person is an empirical talk; sometimes it is their own methods and methods that are not flexible, resulting in simple problems on the line; some people misunderstand you, they will take the initiative to seek answers from you, and will take the initiative to ask you if I have misunderstood you, this kind of person should be cherished。 Explanation is a positive way of communication, and not explaining is the so-called cold treatment, different problems, with different methods. Sometimes people are more important than things, and sometimes things are more important than people. Be casual, do it slowly, and don't rush it.

Because everyone has their own supervisor's judgment, maybe this judgment is not true, but the question is why he is willing to make that kind of judgment, for example, you go shopping with your girlfriend and see a person named Hanako, you give him a hundred yuan, some passers-by think you show off in front of your girlfriend, some people say that you are kind, and maybe the truth is that you have a habit of cleanliness, and you just want to quickly take Hanako away. If you see a phenomenon and immediately make a judgment, without analyzing the possibility of various situations, then it is the person himself who has the problem of not thinking rationally. So the explanation is divided. You should understand that some people are not worthy of your explanation, because they don't care about the truth at all, and repeat, they don't care about the truth, so what does he care? The devil knows, but what is sure is that it is definitely not something that makes people happy, otherwise why would they not dare to say it and see it. You are afraid that he will misunderstand, it is nothing more than that you care about this person's opinion of you, but as mentioned above, this person doesn't care what you really are, he just wants to mess with you, and you are worried about being manipulated, to explain, it is a policy of appeasement. So, I want to understand what level this person is, and whether he is worthy of letting you take a look, in fact, if he is worthy, the explanation is very simple, because he also hopes that you are good. If you don't deserve it, if you don't deserve it, let him go, this kind of B, don't deserve to occupy my time, because Lao Tzu has lived for decades, there are so many girls, so much knowledge, so many interesting things, dreams are so attractive, how can there be leisure and elegance in this to consume feelings and energy, directly erased like a spider's web, if he secretly says bad things about you everywhere, says something false, groundless, it is easy to do, directly find an opportunity, let him not come to the stage, for the heavens, let him suffer himself. If you don't dare, then first make yourself strong, fully armed, and then have the confidence to fight. Do you think you are kind? Where do the weak deserve to talk about kindness, if you can't even take care of yourself, how can others believe that you can help them? Truth is something based on facts, and you say that lemons are sour, what basis is there? But if you take a basket of lemons and let them taste them, and then say that lemons are sour, they can only reply to you with a "yes."

We don't like to be misunderstood, especially by our good friends or relatives, how much grievance we have to endure. When we were children, we could arrogantly dismiss our reasoning, we could be misunderstood, lie to our family or friends, don't talk for a few days, start the cold war mode, and wait for the other party to take the initiative to admit our mistakes, or to take the initiative to explain everything. Therefore, at that time, I especially liked to say sorry or all kinds of favors to myself when the other party was very flattering. At that time, I liked that I didn't tell the truth, I had to let you find out for yourself that you were wrong, and then I could accept the other party's apology as a matter of course, and the other party had to be willing. However, now, we are all adults, so in the set of rules for dealing with adults, will we still apply to the method we used to do after being misunderstood? When we are misunderstood, our first reaction is to argue with reason, to clarify, and to explain. However, later, we all find that rushing to explain will provoke disputes, and even make the atmosphere of the scene more rigid, and make the relationship into crisis, or even rupture. Different emotions, different points of conflict, and even different psychological activities, after being misunderstood, both parties will not be in an extremely calm state. If one side is unreasonable, it will not end easily. Whether it is written in books or told by others, it is said that people's hearts are drifting apart, so what is the root cause of this situation? Is it really because of the advent of the information society? Especially now, the melancholy of growing up and becoming more and more lonely often wanders in my heart, and it always comes up to disturb my own mind. It takes courage to contact a good friend you haven't been in touch with for a long time. We think that the other person has been busy, that the other party has no time to take care of us, that the other party does not care about us as much as before, that we think that the other person is addicted to a new circle of friends and cannot take care of us, and that we have nowhere to put the good memories that we only remember stupidly. So is there a lot of the above part of the melancholy that has increased in my mind? Is it because I misunderstood the friend I used to say that I would always be together? Will it just be a simple thought? Once those thoughts prevail, what I give myself will only be endless loneliness and conscious withdrawal from the world of those friends. From then on, whether there can be an intersection can only be left to fate. So, don't wait until you receive a care from your old friend again, only to suddenly realize how ridiculous your previous guesses were, and those misunderstandings can only represent a distrust of your friendship. The way I speak has always felt a little aggressive, and some friends have told me that I have a bowel that leads to the end, and my voice is very loud, and some people will not be able to stand my way of speaking. Therefore, there are often girls who feel uncomfortable because of my loud voice, but I am like this, once I find something wrong with the other party or a behavior that I am not used to, I will say it directly, and I do not shy away from it. But sometimes, it may be that I think too one-sidedly, and I will get into the horns and misunderstand others, but in the end, I will hurt others and hurt myself. The truth is clearer and clearer the more we debate, but we must not be unforgiving, we must not let go of the stubbornness in our hearts, and we have to fight over who is right and who is wrong, which is a very stupid behavior and a lack of thinking. It is not only necessary to move with affection, but also to know with reason, so that others are happy and convinced, rather than accommodating your stubbornness and admitting that you are right, such a result is also not interesting. Ask yourself, is it really someone else who misunderstands you? Is it really nonsense without any basis? Is it really the other person's problem and not what you did wrong? Misunderstandings are often a normal phenomenon, but it does not mean that all misunderstandings are unprovoked and do not arise out of nothing.

We all have to be the kings of our own world, be firm with ourselves, don't let other people's chatter disturb our mood, and don't let other people's words affect our mood. People who understand you don't need you to explain, and people who don't understand you don't matter at all. There are many disturbances in the world, and people in the world are all kinds of people, who don't understand you, may sour you, suppress, ridicule, ridicule you, may judge you with an alien perspective, and may point fingers at you with vicious language...... But if you don't care, if you don't go out of your way to explain it, then it won't hurt you.