When Minghui helped me into the hospital, I already felt the "favor" of fate, I always thought about what was about to happen to the worst, I always thought that in this way I would be in the best state, and I would use the best way to deal with what was about to happen, so that I would be easier when I faced it, I deceived myself in a circle, it turned out that most of the time my chaos and so-called response were useless, most things were not as serious as I imagined. Pen & Fun & Pavilion www.biquge.info

And this time my feeling is really different, Shu Zhong, this time I may really have to realize those conjectures, this time the feeling is so strong, and I can't do anything about it, close my eyes and I will see myself lying on the emergency bed, a group of doctors and nurses pushing me in the corridor, I see them screaming with hideous faces, but I can't hear any of the sounds they make, including all the sounds around me, I feel the whole emergency bed is shaking, but I don't notice any unevenness on the ground, I saw that the lamps on the ceiling were like changing lights, frame by frame, repeating and projecting the same images, blinding light, blinding dim.......

I felt the cold numbness from my feet, slowly eating away at my whole body, to my knees I couldn't bend, to my stomach I lost the pain, to my chest I lost the feeling of breathing, my chest cavity was getting bigger and bigger, more and more tired, my **** swelled and my scalp numbly rose together, I couldn't feel the barrier of clothing, I no longer had any strength, I could no longer float on the water, I was slowly sinking into the deep sea, enjoying the darkness and cold, the whole world was wrapping me, I had almost turned into a chrysalis, waiting to be reborn.

Compared to death, I was more afraid of the smell of disinfectant water in the hospital, I always thought that such a smell would take away people's souls, when I was a child, I thought that the hospital is a very strange place, why are people who are sick have to be sent here, and then they are packed and inspected and distributed like goods in the mall, all kinds of strange instruments tick and tick, and then tell you, why do you become an alien, and there are some people who have more serious diseases, and they are also sent here, when the doctors can't cure them, Surrounded by relatives and friends, he slowly died on the miserable white sheets.

When I was a little older, I began to resent this established fact, why do people magnify their grief infinitely like this, why do so many people like to die in such a place, why do so many family members want their loved ones to die in such a cold place, is it for peace of mind, I think the most is unwilling, knowing that fate is like this, but also willing to watch the beloved one toss and turn because of illness, bearing greater pain than the person lying there, unwilling to let go is our nature.

I am afraid of the cold corridors here, I am afraid of the sickly bustle here, I am afraid of the numb faces of the patients, I am afraid of the eyes of the doctors who pronounce the death sentence, there is respect for the highest propriety of life, every day a new life begins to flourish, here is also the most contemptuous trampling of life, every day life ends here. Shuzhong, do you say this is a good place, what if I am really sick, what if I really have to face life and death.

Shu Zhong promised me, if there really is such a day, don't let me be surrounded by a group of people to die, I don't want to perform a curtain call of death, I don't want to bring a warning to the living, and I myself go to heaven alone, I just want to get an answer in the hospital, not the ending, I don't want to die there, if one day please take me away, there are too many wandering reluctant souls here, it's too crowded, and I like it.

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