What is it like for a rabbit to suddenly talk to you?

This question later became a particularly classic topic on Zhihu, and the most popular and well-known answer was answered by an earth-level chef named Hu Weifang. Pen % fun % Pavilion www.biquge.info

But at this time, Hu Weifang was obviously shocked by this very normal-looking and cute long-haired rabbit, because, if he didn't hallucinate just now, the rabbit's three-petaled mouth squirmed twice, and then said the Chinese characters that were especially commonly used by two men when greeting each other.

"Dude!"

If strictly speaking, it should be three words "buddy", because its pronunciation has a pure childish sound.

It seems that seeing our protagonist's bewildered face, the long-haired rabbit is a little impatient:

"Hey, buddy! Talking to you, why is this expression? ”

"You...... Are you talking to me? Hu Weifang pointed at himself, his mouth wide open enough to stuff a whole apple.

"Yes, although it is said that it is not yet a night when the moon is dark and the wind is high, but now this ...... What's it called? By the way, in this alley," the rabbit looked around, "do you think there are others?" ”

"No, no......" Hu Weifang felt large droplets of sweat drip down his forehead. I was just...... It's shocking that you can actually speak? ”

"Ahem, in fact, strictly speaking, I can't speak. After all, which rabbit have you ever seen make a bark? ”

Hu Weifang rummaged through his memory bank and found that there seemed to be only the proverb "rabbits bite when they are in a hurry", and it seemed that he had never heard of any breed of earth rabbit that would bark.

The gray-and-white long-haired rabbit in front of him showed an expression that was right, and continued: "So, I'm not actually talking to you, but directly communicating with you spiritually. It's like there is a kind of magic skill called his heart in your martial arts novels, which you can also understand as the communication and sound transmission of brain waves. ”

"Wait, don't tease me, isn't that a trick by a qigong master to bluff people, all the extras are looking for, you are in broad daylight...... The sun has also set, you are blatantly lying to me, you are too arrogant! Say, a rabbit with a little horn tied around its neck? Did you get a Bluetooth connection or wifi? As for the rabbit master, get out of here, don't pretend to be garlic for me! ”

"Hey, hey, don't shout so loudly. What I just said is true, but fortunately there are no passers-by now, otherwise you would have been considered insane. ”

"Guilty of a nervous disorder? How can it be? You mean...... Could it be that to outsiders, I'm yelling at a muted rabbit? You really didn't make a sound? ”

The rabbit's expression was very human, and suddenly changed to that kind of sincere look: "Really, although I moved my mouth, I didn't make a sound, just so that you didn't feel too disobedient, so I cooperated with my voice and moved my mouth." Oh, I don't believe you hugged me and talked to the beautiful woman on the car, and you can see if she can hear what I say. ”

Hu Weifang looked up, it turned out to be the cold face Xi Shi Lin Xina riding a small car passing by, too, he had just walked less than a hundred meters before he was stopped by this strange rabbit, I didn't expect Xina to pack up the stall so soon and embark on the way home.

"Sheena, your house is also in this direction?"

"Yes, from the west exit of this alley to the north, inside the Qianliang alley." At this time, Lin Xina, who had always been accustomed to a cold expression, suddenly noticed the rabbit that was caught in Hu Weifang's right hand as if she had discovered a new continent.

"This is your bunny? It's so cute, why is the hair so long, it's covering your eyes, it's so cute! ”

Coldly, the rabbit suddenly spoke: "Hello beauty, my name is Mianmian, Mianmian's cotton, it's nice to meet you, you are really a big beauty." Besides, I'm not this man's rabbit, and besides, he really wants to you! ”

If the front was a very normal greeting, then the last sentence almost made Hu Weifang squirt out a mouthful of old blood. Not to mention that he just met Lin Xina, just wanting to do something like her, it is obviously a naked rumor! Disinformation! Disinformation!

Hu Weifang hated to throw the rabbit directly into the garbage basket ten meters away, but in front of the beauty, it didn't seem to be easy to execute, so he could only swallow his anger and think about how to explain to Lin Xina, but he didn't expect the latter to act as if he hadn't heard anything.

Or was she really, really, heard nothing?

"Brother Hu, what's its name?"

Mianmian said to Hu Weifang Nunu's mouth, that meaning, help me convey it.

"Cotton cotton, cotton of cotton." Hu Weifang felt like he had become a puppet manipulated by rabbits.

"The hair is so soft and comfortable, it really looks like a lump of cotton, and the name is so good! Is it male and female? The girl's heart, which has been suppressed by the pressure of survival for a long time, burst into flames, and she can't stop it, Lin Xina's eyes are about to turn into two hearts.

Hu Weifang handed the long-haired rabbit who claimed to be Mianmian an an inquiring look, what does that mean, your male and female?

"You stupid, I call you buddy, can you be a mother? Male! ”

"Male!"

"Ah, you see it's licking me with its little tongue deep, it's so itchy, how old is Mianmian? How long have you been keeping it? ”

Seeing this scene, Hu Weifang felt more and more powerless, this rabbit is not only cute, but also can transmit sound with his own brain waves, and seems to be a womanizer who likes beautiful women...... It's not going to go on like this, we have to find a way to fight back.

"Mianmian is more than a year old, but she is very disobedient, and I am planning to throw it away recently."

"You man, why are you so unloving! If you don't raise it, give it to me and my sister...... But...... We are really struggling to make ends meet, and we may not even be able to buy rabbit food......"

Mianmian, who hadn't spoken for a while, suddenly turned on the spit mode: "Rabbit food? What's that? A super unpalatable food that destroys my low-ranking compatriots? O you humans! It's disgusting to fool our distant relatives of the Lotus Rabbit clan with such an unpalatable thing! I'm a rabbit, the assistant of the kitchen god, so naturally I want to eat the delicious food made by the kitchen god! How could you eat that disgusting thing! ”

"Alright, alright, I just teased you, and I'm not going to throw it away!" Originally, Hu Weifang still wanted to get rid of this suspicious rabbit, but listening to its broken thoughts, he was a little drummed. In other words, what normal person doesn't play a drum in his heart?

What do you do with lotus rabbits?

Is it the assistant of the kitchen god?

And what about the distant relatives of the Earth Rabbits?

It can be said that from this moment on, the lotus rabbit cotton completely aroused Hu Weifang's curiosity, aside from anything else, it at least has no ill will towards itself, and can also use brain waves to communicate with itself, which shows that it is indeed miraculous!

Lin Xina held the cotton cotton and ravaged it for another five minutes, before she reluctantly returned it to Hu Weifang: "Brother Hu, can I take my sister to your house to see the cotton next time?" ”

This time, it was Hu Weifang's turn to make a difficulty, after all, the initiative is now in the hands of the rabbit, and whether the other party is willing to help him fulfill this lie is both said.

"Master, I'll reluctantly live with your house for a while. In other words, when I licked this chick's hand just now, I could feel your adrenaline secretion accelerating, obviously envy, jealousy and hatred! Pickle girl, you are still too tender, learn more from me in the future. But don't worry, I'm not interested in human girls, if you can find the Jade Rabbit on the earth that my grandmother said, I can consider breeding the next generation. ”

"Okay, okay, let's come to my house next time to see the rabbits," Hu Weifang didn't care about breaking with Mianmian, Hu Weifang hurriedly replied to Lin Xina like a junior brother, for fear that the other party would be left out because he had paused for too long, "Wait until tomorrow I can help you get a delicious baked cold noodle sauce, and then make an appointment to go to my house!" Let's get down to business first! ”

"Okay, that's it! I'm afraid my sister will be in a hurry at home, so I'll leave first! Bye! After speaking, the slender Qianying stepped onto the little three wheels and swayed away, bringing up the compound taste mixed with the girl's body fragrance and the aroma of roasted cold noodles, and also took away the young man's heart.

"Everyone is gone, hey, big brother, haven't you been in love? You're too nook too, aren't you? Mianmian wagged her tail like a small cotton ball a few times and said impatiently.

"Ahem, I'm sorry, I didn't expect you to be a magical rabbit. By the way, I just listened to you, you are not a rabbit of the earth? Is it from an alien planet? ”

“Bingo！ You guessed it! I'm an alien rabbit from a gluttonous galaxy far away! Moreover, I am also the star breed of the gluttonous galaxy, one of the four big rabbits preferred by the god of cooking...... Oh no, yes two, because I'm half-blood! ”

"Although I don't understand a lot of what you say, I feel that you seem to be really powerful, anyway, what does it mean to fight a lotus rabbit?"

"You don't even know 'Playing lotus', isn't that the word on your earth? After I came to Earth, it took me ten minutes to basically learn all the languages, and then because I saw that you were a Chinese, I found the most corresponding description from Chinese, isn't a similar job as a chef assistant called playing lotus? ”

"Oh, but that's not a common statement......"

Hu Weifang wanted to ask again, but Mian Mianjie took the lead and stopped the conversation: "Your question time is over for the time being, what I am particularly curious about now is the situation of your grandmother, can you tell me about her?" Aren't you curious why I found you? It's because I've been searching for food information around me that I heard you say that your grandma's cooking is particularly delicious. Mianmian hesitated for a moment, and swallowed back the second half of the sentence "It seems that he has reached the realm of remembering and thinking about people", after all, when he saw each other on the first day today, it is easy to indigestion when he passes too much information.

"Oh, that's right, my grandma's cooking is really delicious, I don't know how to describe it, anyway, her level of cooking is better, I haven't eaten better than her. But my grandmother passed away before the high school entrance examination in my third year of junior high school, and my parents hid it from me, and I didn't see her for the last time......"

"It's a sad story...... By the way, do you know how to cook? ”

"Cooking? I can't cook, and once I wanted to surprise my parents by cooking for them, but I tinkered for an hour and made a dish of scrambled eggs with tomatoes, which was very unpalatable. If my grandmother makes 10 points, and my mother makes 8 points, then I fry it for 1 point, or depending on the ingredients, it's too pitiful not to give points. ”

"Aren't you, so untalented at cooking? It shouldn't be...... The descendants of prefecture-level chefs, whose blood is diluted to a quarter, should be at least human-level top-notch. Mianmian seemed to fall into deep thought, frowning slightly, and then slowly unfolded again. However, it doesn't matter if you can't do it, a human-level chef should grow up by eating food, you should love food, right? ”

"Love to eat, love to eat! Look at my body shape, although I am not fat, but I am definitely strong enough, because I usually have a good appetite, eat a lot, and practice a little sanda to increase my muscles. ”

"Hmph, just what sanda you learned, the absolute three-legged cat kung fu, in the future, when the average strength of your body reaches more than 100, I will teach you authentic fighting skills, and then any of your sanda champions can be kicked down by you." After speaking, Mianmian also put on a posture of Bruce Lee, and almost slipped from Hu Weifang's hand to the ground.

"Mianmian, I can see it, are you from the bragging galaxy? If you don't brag, your eggs hurt? ”

"Hmph, you don't believe it, anyway, my physical strength is not enough now, and interstellar travel makes me too weak, otherwise I will show you the chest broken boulder on the spot. Not to mention anything else, just the bet you made with that Sister Wen is to make a delicious sauce for the little beauty just now, and I can help you solve it. ”

"Really?" Hu Weifang was overjoyed.

"How can this be fake? As long as you've eaten a delicious sauce, I'll help you recreate it! Speaking of which, the rabbit didn't seem to be satisfied with lying in the crook of Hu Weifang's arm, and jumped to the top of Hu Weifang's head with three times and five divided by two, pressing his two front paws on his temples and his hind legs between his ears.

"Hey, what are you doing, come down."

"Don't talk, kiss me, phew, just stand still and I'll scan your food memories. Hey, you're lucky, you've eaten a lot of delicious food on this backward planet. Grandma's scrambled eggs with tomatoes, eight grades of ground, sauce elbows made by grandma, nine grades of ground, and grandma's ...... Forget it, let's not look at what grandma made, after all, her old man is no longer there, even if it is screened out, you can't get the finished product immediately. ”

"Scrambled eggs with tomatoes, produced by the mother, second-class products, your mother is also good at making fried chicken wings and fried garlic sprouts...... But it's not a sauce, so you can't eat scrambled eggs with tomatoes as a sauce and grilled cold noodles......"

"Hey, your dad can make old Beijing fried noodles, but there are only four grades of human rank, which can only be said to be generally delicious, and it can't meet the requirements of Miss Police Flower."

"Wait, wait, tell me first, what kind of ground level, human level, and what are the second and third grades, what do you mean? Can I hear it in a fog? Hu Weifang tried to stabilize the cotton cotton and prevent him from falling, and he had to pay attention to whether there were pedestrians around, otherwise his appearance of wearing a cotton hat (rabbit) on his head in the summer would have to be considered performance art.

"Oh, yes, we have a recognized food evaluation system in our gluttonous galaxy. In terms of categories, it is divided into three levels, and each level is from the worst of the nine grades to the nine small levels of the best. The best thing you have ever eaten should be your grandmother's scrambled eggs with tomatoes, the eighth grade of the ground level, although it is only the penultimate score of the ground level, but it is also beyond the human level of food. ”

"I said, can you say goodbye to your grandma's? Why does it sound so swearing? ”

"And what do you call it?" Mianmian's little neck was horizontal, and he looked unhappy.

"I can see it, you, the lotus rabbit, should have taken a fancy to my grandma's cooking talent and want to assist me on the road of a kitchen god, right?"

"Hmph, self-inflicted. If I'm still gluttonous in the galaxy, I won't be looking at you if you are a scumbag of talent and multiplied by 100. ”

Hu Weifang felt as if he had grasped Mianmian's lifeline: "But no matter how powerful you are, don't you also fall to the ground?" Isn't there no other choice? ”

"Who said I had no other choice! I met a female chef two days ago, and now she is only twenty-three or fourteen years old and can already make first-class dishes, and if I go to assist her, I will probably be able to make her a prefecture-level chef......"

"Is it really a human-level product?"

"Okay, you've seen through it, it's a second-grade person, but it's already very good...... But ......"

"But it's the first time you've seen the real earthly food on earth in your culinary memory, aren't you?" For the first time, Hu Weifang felt that he was so bad, and the villain in his heart grew little devil wings.

"Big brother, I was wrong, obviously I am smarter than you and know more than you, why am I controlled by you everywhere?"

"Because I'm human and you're a rabbit!"

"I'm a lotus rabbit!"

"Playing a lotus rabbit is also a rabbit! In the future, you will call the master, and when it comes to grandma, you will call our grandma! I don't understand ......"

Although Mian Mian looked reluctant, missing out on a descendant of a chef who can make earth-level cuisine is likely to cause it to have no one to follow on this barren planet, so he can only nod his head like a gas bag.

"Okay, as long as you assist me well, and you eat and drink spicy food, I can find you a beautiful rabbit to breed if I can get a big beauty!"

Mianmian was originally in a very lost mood, but when she heard him say this, she was also a little excited.

"Don't talk yet, let me search your food memories again!"

"Call the master!"

"Okay...... Master, you don't have any memories of sauces in your head...... Pregnant! Hot and sour pasta sauce, name unknown, chef unknown, taste memory completion 1%. Big brother, when did you eat......

"Don't call me big brother, call me master!"

"Yes, master! When have you ever eaten a sour and spicy pasta, it should be just once, and it's not quite clear who made it? "Mianmian began to follow the pattern of seduction.

"Sour and spicy, pasta...... I remembered, I remembered! Half a year ago, during the winter vacation, one day when my parents were not at home, I found a sauce jar from the refrigerator, cooked my own somen noodles and mixed them to eat, it was really delicious! Later, I asked my mother who made this sauce, and she seemed to say sourly, 'You and your father are so virtuous, they both like to eat things made by that sassy fox, and if you knew that you wouldn't take it home, you should throw it away halfway!' - This ...... Who is Sao Fox? ”