I think most people believe that the strongest confidence comes from discovering one's own strengths. Pen? Interesting? Pavilion wWw. ｂiquge。 ｉｎfo

Just as a teacher said to you, "You work hard and you are smart, there is no reason why you can't get into college!" ”

Or a friend says to you, "You're tall and handsome, you have a good personality and a high degree of education, there's no reason why you can't find a girlfriend." ”

For mental disorders, if you understand that the cause of the illness is: the discord between the parents, which leads to the deviation of one's personality, and the excessive protection of the mother and the resistance of the father.

Then, he only needs to prove that his parents' relationship is stable, and he will definitely be able to believe that his illness can be cured.

In this way, he may intervene with his parents through himself or through outsiders, get to know them, and discover the good side of their relationship. Naturally, you can gain confidence and overcome disease.

I would say that this way of gaining confidence is very reasonable and correct.

However, unfortunately it only exists in an ideal state.

Patients don't really play out their positive side, but deliberately.

Why?

Because the patient always has to constantly prove through himself and outsiders that his parents have a good relationship, he can gain confidence.

Once there is a crisis in the relationship, it can still make him regain his illness, which is very painful.

This shows that he is deliberately avoiding a possible bad situation (parental emotional crisis), and through himself and outsiders to constantly prove that his parents' feelings are good, in order to gain confidence and happiness.

It is a deliberate avoidance of negativity, a confidence gained through repeated positive cues.

This confidence is conditional. The condition is to be good at focusing on the positive, ignoring or even avoiding the negative.

Not the "unconditional confidence" I'm looking for.

What is unconditional confidence?

Unconditionally, even if his parents are not in harmony, he can still get his own happiness.

Therefore, many patients always emphasize the breakdown of their parents' relationship, which affects their own life.

What if the cause is analyzed?

Their relationship has broken down, unless their parents' affection can always be reconciled and make up for all the lack of fatherly and maternal love.

Even so, patients still believe that the love that has been hurt can never be repaired, and it is difficult to be confident in the recovery of the disease.

I would say that he thought he knew a lot about the cause.

But the truth is still unknown.

Health and self-confidence cannot depend on the subjective will of parents, just as one cannot influence the will of others.

True self-confidence: It is to believe that even if the parents' discord has occurred, they can still believe that they will always be harmonious and will always love themselves. -- This is the real unconditionality.

Unconditional self-confidence is the only way to achieve unconditional happiness. Once happiness is fully satisfied, it is forgotten. (This was explained at the beginning - the repressed and forgotten are often satisfied.)

As mentioned earlier: the symptom is a roundabout desire fulfillment. It is only because of the inversion and loss of the patient's memory that the symptoms are strongly prevented.

Understand the symptoms as they are, remove the resistance, and let the wish be fully satisfied, and the symptoms will be forgotten.

But do people really have this kind of unconditional self-confidence?

The answer is yes.

Through the following example, I hope you can find this kind of unconditional confidence:

A boy who, while his parents were arguing, was still playing with toys on his own. I didn't feel the unpleasantness of my parents at all. Suddenly, a strong pull pulled him away from the toy. The boy instinctively burst into a wave of anger, instinctively thinking that it was his cousin next to him who pulled him, and angrily turned at his cousin, about to get angry.

However, he saw his cousin laughing. He vaguely felt that something was wrong, and when he looked back, he found that his father was so angry that he had kicked off his toy; Mother was also sullen on the side.

Later, after my analysis of the layers, he finally recalled: at that moment, he clearly had a feeling similar to waking up from a dream. (The process of turning the unconscious into consciousness)

I finally felt that it was the quarrel of my parents that caused my father to be angry with him and prevent his happiness.

For the first time, I felt the unpleasantness of my parents and felt the bad effects of this unpleasantness on myself.

And when the happiness is stopped, the anger instinct that follows is also suppressed by the laughter of the cousin.

From then on, he became deliberately concerned about his parents' emotions.

The mother was a sentimental person, and the father was an introverted and silent man, but occasionally broke out in hysterical anger. They will even make some scary hurtful gestures.

After that incident, he became scared and hated his father's temper; I'm afraid to be unhappy to see my mother.

Especially when he was happy, suddenly seeing his dad lose his temper hysterically because of something, made him particularly sensitive and hateful.

So, he carefully and consciously beware of his mother's sadness; Beware of Daddy's tantrums. For this he prefers to sacrifice his own happiness.

……

It eventually led to his obsession and depression.

From the above example, it should not be difficult for everyone to find out where the boy's unconditional self-confidence is.

Even before his cousin laughed, he was unaware of his parents' quarrels and unhappiness, and even if his parents' discord was in front of him, he could still keep himself happy playing with toys. -- This is the "unconditional self-confidence" that is important and necessary for a healthy personality.

I won't ruin my happiness because of my parents' quarrels and gloomy atmosphere.

subconsciously and unconditionally believe that parents will always be loving; will always be together, will always love him; It won't change his happy life because of a few quarrels.

This is the real "unconditional", and there is no need to deliberately find the good side by yourself and the outside world to prove the feelings of your parents.