A more popular example can be given: a man turned out to be very inferior, and in the face of his beloved girl, he was afraid of saying the wrong thing, doing the wrong thing, afraid of being rejected, and afraid to face the difficulties. Pen × fun × Pavilion www. ｂｉｑｕｇｅ。 ｉｎｆｏ

But he said the wrong thing and did the wrong thing; Naturally, it was rejected and even belittled.

Through psychoanalysis, his confidence was restored, but the girl had long since left him.

Now there is another girl who loves him.

However, his heart was not satisfied.

I was especially eager to chase that girl again with the confidence I have now.

And he was confident that he would be able to catch him.

If this wish cannot be fulfilled, he will feel extremely regretful.

I feel that the love now has no weight.

So he could only pursue the girl again in his fantasy.

That's where the problem arises!

If anything, he already has the confidence to pursue that girl.

Then, if there is another similar girl, he must also have this kind of self-confidence.

However, the strange thing is that when a girl he likes reappears in his life, the confidence he believes in is gone.

It seems that this self-confidence can only cope with the inferiority of the past, but cannot face the challenges of the present.

Why?

The self-confidence that has been excavated deeply, why did it disappear inexplicably in an instant?

The self-confidence and happiness he has restored can only make up for the regrets and emptiness of the past.

Perhaps at this time, most people will choose to motivate him: "Let him pass the past!" Now that you've got your confidence, use it in the moment! It's all about the moment! ”

Admittedly, this self-confidence has been restored too rarely. It should be used in the present, not in the past.

The wish is so beautiful, but the truth cannot be ignored.

If he doesn't use his regained self-confidence to make up for his past regrets, he will form a sense of emptiness, and in fact he will still be a part of his self.

This sense of hollowness cannot be ignored and seems to be back to the previous 5% of causative factors.

He would even rather summon that part of the "painful" memory than make up for the void.

If you use preaching to encourage the patient to accept that emptiness and live in the moment.

That's a positive approach.

But it's not psychoanalysis.

The purpose of psychoanalysis is to heal the mind without much encouragement and advice, and basically rely on the patient's own instinctive reactions.

Therefore, we must first acknowledge the reality and necessity of the existence of this emptiness.

Because this cavity is a real physiological response.

Specifically, it is a sense of the suspension of the heart. (Later in the chapter on "Breathing", it can be inferred that this cavity is actually caused by not inhaling deeply, causing the abdomen to not expand normally.)

And then use the patient's instinct to fill this void.

That's what I said earlier -- the symptom, the lost part of yourself.

Therefore, if the patient uses the current self-confidence to make up for the regrets caused by the past symptoms, it is naturally "adding to the snake".

However, the premise of understanding this is that the patient knows that the symptom is that part of the self.

Going back to the example above, the boy's "symptoms" are that he often says the wrong thing and does the wrong thing in front of the girl he loves. It is even a kind of "sin" with compulsion.

Then, his emptiness and regret are - low self-esteem, lack of self-confidence to pursue her, fear of rejection.

At that time, he hated his own low-level mistakes, and that kind of forced "sin".

How do you connect the two?

If only superficial consciousness is used to explain it.

can only come to a paradoxical result - since you care so much about her? Why do you always make some low-level mistakes in front of her?

A logical explanation can only be derived by the conflict between the subconscious and the conscious.

That is—his subconscious didn't care that much about her. So in front of her, you will be more open and not afraid of making mistakes; also reflects his self-confidence in leisurely walking: he will not worry about his own small mistakes and will not be able to catch up with her.

So, his self-confidence is reflected in the symptoms.

It is enough for him to understand the meaning of the symptoms, and he does not need to use his current self-confidence to make up for the emptiness of the past.

If he uses his current self-confidence to make up for his past regrets, it will create a new kind of memory hole.

This new memory void is ...... He neglects the love of the moment.

At the moment, even if someone loves him and has real happiness, he feels unsatisfied, and even feels bored.

Because his self-confident memory is used to fill in the void of the past.

Nature will leave a new void in the present; The next time, even if he rediscovers his old situation, his confident memories will come to make up for the new hole.

Memory is like a stream, if a gap is created in the middle, the water in front of it flows backwards and fills the gap.

After the backflow, a new vacancy is left, and the water in front of it has to be reversed to make up for the new vacancy......

This has resulted in a situation where it is always impossible to cope with the realities of the moment.

This is the psychodynamic mechanism by which symptoms "recur".

It is also the cause of the patient's panic and anxiety that is always "preconceived" about the future.

In fact, this kind of "preconceived" is equivalent to "excessive regret".

It only takes careful reasoning.

According to this principle, it can be concluded that simply understanding the meaning of the symptoms is equivalent to the elimination of the symptoms.

The memory of self-confidence also understands the direction, and it is no longer to retreat, but to use it in the present; There is no basis for "recurrence" of "symptoms".

It is worth noting that this state is also a tipping point between "cure" and "recurrence".

His mental energy is no longer withdrawn and used in the present, but it lacks a kind of inertia to move forward.

It's like an army, desperately fighting its way through a bloody path and breaking through a siege. Brought to life.

But if his motivation to continue marching is completely lost, there is no guarantee that he will not fall into siege again.

This forward inertia is what will be described later as "creative pleasure" and is also part of man's natural instinct.

Now, let's conclude on the current analysis:

At this point, patients who are unable to look back on their past can find satisfactory answers in their symptoms.

Social phobia: fear of socializing because they are afraid that their words and deeds will be ugly, or because they are afraid of offending others; But the more worried you are, the easier it is to make a fool of yourself.

Through the above analysis, we can know that it is because my subconscious does not care very much about those people, so I am not afraid of offending others and making a fool of myself, so I cannot refrain from making a fool of myself and offending them; Because his subconscious thinks that even if he is ugly and offended, he still has the confidence to socialize normally.

Marriage phobia: always regrets that he stepped into the marriage hall too early, fearing that marriage will affect his freedom, and fearing that his wife will interfere with his circle of friends.

I even want to go back to the past and choose again.

However, Sigmund Freud once said: there are no surprises in behavior.

His choice to get married at the beginning seemed very hasty and wrong.

However, this is necessarily driven by his subconscious.

Because his subconscious mind thinks that even if he is married, his unconditional self-confidence will still think that his wife will never stifle his right to pursue freedom; His freedom will not be constrained by anyone or anything, including his friends.

Forgetful patients: always racking their brains to recall things they have recently forgotten.

In fact, it is also because of the subconscious confidence of leisurely walking, which does not need to deliberately remember certain things and can live well, which will lead to easy forgetting of some things.

The patient's sluggish thinking is actually an expression of subconscious confidence.

Because he is confident, he does not need to rush to cater to others and is able to keep his composure.

People with mental illness sometimes meditate because they used to think too little.

When communicating with people, they rush to cater to the other person and talk to them without even thinking about it.

Therefore, after the failure to resist the disease, patients sometimes have a feeling of chagrin and self-defeating longing: "Let the disease happen again!" I'm going to see what you can do to me?"

But the disease does not appear.

The reason is that the symptom is the part of his self that he is missing, and after it happens, the memory is filled and there is no emptiness. If he goes to "summon" again, the symptoms will not flow and appear in front of him.

It will only cause him to ignore the normal happiness of the moment and leave a new void. Wait until the next time, and new memories will come to fill in this new void and trigger symptoms.

In short: many patients always think that they are normal when they are not sick, and when they do, they become abnormal.

In fact, it's the opposite.

Because what he insists on as "normal" is just a very compromised, withdrawn pleasure.

For example, if a man is afraid of a vicious person, that person always has something to do and wants to kill others.

One day, this man had to face the murderer because of something.

I was always panicking in my heart, afraid of being scolded by that murderer.

And when he faced the murderer, he did not scold him, which made him very happy.

It can be seen that his happiness is so low.

Scolding is obviously someone else's fault, it has nothing to do with himself, and he can't get rid of it.

Otherwise, before facing the murderer, he would not sacrifice the normal happiness of the moment to be afraid.

The same goes for mental illness.

What patients consider "normal" is also this extremely compromised pleasure.

In fact, they themselves understand that this happiness is only temporary and reluctant, and mental illness will never leave him, because it has left an indelible imprint on their hearts.

And being afraid of illness is equivalent to being afraid of being scolded.

In fact, you should not run away from being scolded, because it is someone else's fault.

In order to escape, he will sacrifice many of the current normal happiness, and he has been worried.

The scolding and illness were a constant reminder to him that he lacked the confidence and courage to walk around in the face of blows.

Only with this courage can happiness be everywhere.

Otherwise, happiness is conditional, and the conditions are extremely harsh.

This is also the reason why people with depression lack happiness.

But not the root cause.

The confidence and courage of the leisurely walk are not just words, he must recover this memory himself.

Just like they didn't dare to rush back against those murderers.

For in the distant past, his personality had compromised and merged with those who were stern, and to fight back against them was tantamount to fighting back against himself. (This will be explained in more detail in a later section)

There is also a concern that belongs to people with mental illness, or some ordinary people:

After learning about the method and necessity of changing themselves, they are especially worried that those friends who know him well will not be able to accept it.

At this time, perhaps most people, including psychologists, will teach: "I have already understood the way to change myself, why do I still worry so much?" What does it matter what others think? Leave him alone! Live for yourself!"

This may be a motivating suggestion, but it is not what psychoanalysis insists.

Psychoanalysis will tell him in a more natural, instinctive way: "They have been forced to accept you. You used to make mistakes unconsciously in front of your friends, isn't that what you subconsciously think? Now, aren't your friends your friends yet? The current change is just a unity with the mistakes of the past."

Understanding this mechanism, it can be said that all complex and obscure symptoms are rationalized into smooth logical thinking; And it will no longer cause confusion and disorder of thinking.

Next, the patient is naturally detached from psychoanalysis; Back to reality; Normal life.

In reality, complex and diverse cues can no longer easily induce patients to get sick.

But there may also be a very hidden challenge - and the final and only one.