Although I don't want to worry about it, I don't want to hold grudges, but the pain and despair in my heart are unknown and incomprehensible to outsiders. Pen × fun × Pavilion www. ｂｉｑｕｇｅ。 infoThe saddest and most desperate thing about a person is not that something painful happened, or that life is unsatisfactory or unsatisfactory, but that his closest people are indifferent and discriminatory against her.

You can imagine how realistic the society is, of course, it has been the case since ancient times, Su Qin, the most famous lobbyist during the Warring States Period, was not once snubbed by his parents and wife when he was down, and was ridiculed by his brother and sister-in-law, so he had the idiom of the former and the latter? Therefore, when everyone is famous, they hope that they can return to their hometown and return to their hometown with glory! It's not just vanity, it's a sense of liberation.

I feel that no matter what era people are, they are realistic and close to cruel. A powerless, poor and destitute person who even looks down on your own parents, who can expect to have a good face for you? Is money, fame, and status really more important than family affection?

In a short period of time, I have clearly realized that the world is hot and cold. If I had to describe my mood at that time, I could only find the word "my heart is like ashes", which is not enough to describe my disappointed state of mind.

Half a year later, the unit took care of me and gave me this temporary house, which is next to Xueyan's house. When the leader informed me to contact the original owner to handle the handover of the house, I secretly pinched the back of my left hand, I really couldn't believe that this was the truth, and the pie really fell from the sky, so coincidentally it hit me?

Although it is a side room under the cellar, the house is dark and damp and can not see the sun, after all, I have my own home, save rent, it is convenient to go to work, and there is a barren vegetable field behind the house, I grew up in the countryside, of course, I have a special family affection for the land, looking at the vegetable garden sown by myself, although the harvest is not as much as input, it is also a good mood!

My mother's house is in the middle of Shenyang and Xinmin City, and it is less than an hour away to get home and take a bus.

"My unit gave me a bungalow, and this time it's close to work!" When I gave the good news of the house to the house and happily announced it to my family, the reaction I got was: cold or even no reaction, probably, when everyone gets married, they should have their own marriage room, and I always go against normal people, right?

I'm used to the coldness of my family, just like when I announced my marriage, no one was optimistic, everyone was expressionless and cold, and I didn't feel anything right or wrong except for coming out in gray. At most, other people's attitudes are pouring a bowl of cold water on my fiery heart, and I am still as hot as fire.

Another family gathering, I knew my weight and status at home and in front of my parents, and I tried my best to talk less and work more, even then it happened. It's probably what people say: the more you are afraid of things, the more you want to hide, and the more things come to your door, which really makes people have nowhere to hide.

The third sister had a white dress, and after wearing it a few times, she didn't want it, so she took it home and gave it to her mother, who tried it on, and then put the clothes in the big cabinet with satisfaction. My tunic was also placed in a large cupboard, and I took something out of my tunic in the middle. As a result, during the meal, my mother suddenly said: "Dayan, you damaged the clothes that your third sister gave me, such a good and expensive clothes, you can't afford to pay for them!" ”

My mother looked distressed and regretful, holding the dress high in her hand for everyone who was eating with a bowl to see. The armpit on one side of the garment has been torn open as usual. My mind went blank, I really don't know what the damage to this dress has to do with me? I looked at my mom dumbfounded, still thinking about whether I had ever touched that dress.

My mother looked at my expression and explained, "You went to the big cabinet to dig something, and no one else has been there, who else could it be if you didn't break it?" "I felt like I couldn't argue, I did go inside and dig something, but--I didn't say anything, I didn't ask the third sister how much the dress was worth, I just wondered what my mother meant by that? I can't afford to lose even a piece of clothing? Doesn't it mean that I am poor and I have no money?

There were nearly twenty people in a large family, and their eyes were all looking at me, and I wanted to pretend that nothing had happened, and I wanted to pretend that I was deaf and dumb! I shoved the rice bowl into my mouth with all my might, but my tears betrayed me again: my mouth full of rice had choked out because of the sound of sobbing, and in the face of so many pairs of eyes, I felt like ten thousand arrows pierced my heart, I wanted to find a crack in the ground to get into, put down the bowl, and hide in the corner and cry.

The husband on the side looked embarrassed, I know that he can be wronged, but he can't stand the grievances of others, if he is someone else, he will fight to the death regardless of the consequences. In his words, "Are you afraid to wear shoes with bare feet?" I'm not afraid of death, what else is there to be afraid of? But now that he was facing my own mother, he couldn't understand: how could there be such a mother to his daughter?

Of course, my husband can't figure it out, and after so many years, I haven't figured it out myself. He can ignore the calmness of the situation, but the first thing he thinks is: If I tear my face, I will be more painful, embarrassed, and even desperate. Anyway, it was my closest relative in the world, and he didn't want to add fuel to the fire and make our relationship deteriorate further, he was trying his best to restrain himself, he was gritting his teeth to make himself patient.

At this time, the sisters began to count down their mothers: "How can you talk like that? Not to mention that the clothes don't have to be broken by someone, how much can a piece of clothing be worth? ”

"How can Mom talk like that? A piece of clothing is more valuable than his own daughter. "In my mother's psychology, money is more important than anything else, what daughter is not a daughter?"

The third sister said: "The clothes are just open, and there is no delay in sewing them, look at what you are fussing about this day!" ”

Faced with the decline of several daughters, the mother herself felt that she couldn't help it, her stiff face suddenly changed vividly, and she laughed and said, "Aren't I joking with her?" Who knows, she will go to her heart! ”

My mother smiled at me again and said, "Didn't I tell you to play, can I really make you pay?" "The implication is that I broke the clothes, and she is tolerant and generous, how can she let her daughter accompany a piece of clothing?

I think it's probably because I have too much inferiority complex, and I'm always suspicious, and I can't even hear jokes. Or my mother never thought of making me lose, she was just reminding me to be clear about my situation, and I felt that I was in the eyes of my family, and I already knew my place.

I haven't really seen my mother wear that dress since then, probably because it was torn, right? However, I'm sure that apart from the white dress, I have the impression that my mother never wore light clothes, which was not her style.

Have you ever wondered more than once if you were born to your parents? I heard my sisters say that I was indeed born by my mother at home, and I also clearly remember that I ate my mother's milk when I was a child until I can remember.

My mother often said to me: "Dayan has such a violent temper, no matter who she is with, it is because she ate too much milk and ate mixed up when she was a child!" "When I was a teenager, I used to beat and scold anyone who didn't like my eyes, and I didn't care about anyone when I lost my temper. That's why Mom said that.

There is no doubt about the signs that I am indeed my mother's own daughter! But I couldn't understand why my mother did that to me. Growing up, I didn't even feel the slightest bit of family affection.

Of course, there have been two things that I remember vividly for family affection, and it is a memory that has accompanied me for decades, but it has nothing to do with my mother.

That is my father once carried me over in the stagnant water, and the other is the scene of my third sister, who is five years older than me, carrying me out of school in the rain. How many memories always make me teary-eyed and confused, and how many times I think of it, I am still moved. And in the eyes of normal people, it is a very ordinary and ordinary thing.

In my full memory, there is more of a hidden pain that is difficult to express and describe in words, and the feeling of almost sadness and despair at that time always makes me remember it. Over the years, even when I thought I had completely let go, I still played countless times in my dreams, playing over and over again.